WWYD-Underage drinking at friend's house

[snarlingcoyote]

OP, from what you told me, I think I would bring it up in the most non-confrontational way possible and let your friends know that in Texas what they're doing is against the law. Texas is pretty strict compared to Louisiana on this one. (In Louisiana, what they're doing would be completely legal.)

http://www.tabc.state.tx.us/laws/underage_drinking_laws.asp

http://drinkingage.procon.org/sourcefiles/TexasUnderAgeAlcConsumpLaw.pdf

It's okay for your friends to allow their kids to drink so long as the kids are in view of the parents, according to the law, but even if the other kids' parents gave consent, it is still a class A misdemeanor, the most serious kind.

Agree or disagree with the law, it's a dangerous position for them and even for you.

 

[believe]

If it is legal for them to give their child a drink at their age, then I would not say anything about that. If I was uncomfortable I would just not go over there anymore. If they ask why I would then have to say that even though I know it is legal I am not comfortable in that situation.

As for giving someone's child a drink, I would definitely have to mention to them that they are breaking the law. Sounds like you are close friends so I don't see where you mentioning that should be an issue. Truly close friends should be able to mention those things without breaking the friendship, if done in the right way.

 

[MrsPete]

Teacher's are under a stricture where they have to report things they see that are illegal or wrong pertaining to children. At least they do here. As in, if a teacher witnessed something illegal dealing with children and did NOT report it, they could lose their license.

It's called being a Mandated Reporter. Doctors are also Mandated Reporters, as are a few other professions, but I can't think of what they are right now.

This means that if you see something (i.e., bruises) or the child tells you something bad (i.e., I'm not supposed to tell that my mom's going away this weekend and leaving me in charge of my brothers), you are required by law to report it to the appropriate authorities. A Mandated Reporter who doesn't do this can not only lose his or her professional license, he or she can go to jail.

 

[Minnesota!]

It would not bother me to see it, and I will probably be allowing my boys to drink reasonably at that age in my home. I will not be serving other minors at my home unless their parents are present.

This.

 

[Diegosmom]

When we were growing up we were always allowed to have a few drinks at any family party (at my parents house), which was a few parties a year. Not sure at what age this started but I do remember drinking at my brothers 21st and I was about 15 or so. Mom always said she would rather us drink in our own house then she could watch us and we werent out getting into trouble. I am not sure if we had to ask for each drink or if there was a limit...can't really remember (I'm 33 now). I do remember my senior year my plans fell thru for new years eve (car accident blocking the road to where we were going) and a friend and I went to my house and hung with my parents and had a few drinks. But my friend had to call her mom and ask if it was ok (and the mom talked to my mom) and her parents actually picked her up on there way home from a party. We were all pretty responsible kids and having a few drinks at home never hurt us. Not sure how things will go with my 4 year old as hubby is an alcoholic so we dont have alcohol in the house.

 

[GinnyEmma]

It's called being a Mandated Reporter. Doctors are also Mandated Reporters, as are a few other professions, but I can't think of what they are right now.

This means that if you see something (i.e., bruises) or the child tells you something bad (i.e., I'm not supposed to tell that my mom's going away this weekend and leaving me in charge of my brothers), you are required by law to report it to the appropriate authorities. A Mandated Reporter who doesn't do this can not only lose his or her professional license, he or she can go to jail.

Being a mandated reporter doesn't mean you go around reporting everything possible. If a child tells me they are being abused I am mandated to report. If a neighbor has a party and there is underage drinking it does not come under my charge.

 

[luvmy3]

Giving their own children a drink wouldn't bother me at all, and I probably would assume that the parents of the friend are aware of them giving him a drink while he was there.
I can understand you being uncomfortable, and I think there is no harm in discussing it with your friend. I wouldn't talk about their own children since they aren't doing anything wrong, I would just bring up the friend drinking there.

 

[golfgal]

In most states it is perfectly legal to allow your children to drink alcohol in their own home--and even out at restaurants, etc. in some states.

I wouldn't give someone else's child alcohol unless their parents were present and said it was ok.

I wouldn't hesitate for a second to enjoy the company of good friends that served alcohol to their children, which again, is perfectly legal.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

Being a mandated reporter doesn't mean you go around reporting everything possible. If a child tells me they are being abused I am mandated to report. If a neighbor has a party and there is underage drinking it does not come under my charge.

Yes, it does. If they are underage and your state does not allow it, or if they are becoming intoxicated (which is not allowed under any state law I believe). If the child is harmed because they get drunk and you are found to have been there when the child was drinking, you could get penalized for it.

"Child abuse includes physical, sexual, and emotional abuse along with neglect. Physical abuse is defined as a non-accidental injury. Neglect is a circumstance in which a child is not being adequately cared for, posing a potential threat to his or her health and well being. Sexual abuse is sexual activity between children and older children or adults. Emotional abuse includes emotional maltreatment of a child. All of these types of abuse are harmful physically and emotionally, especially if they take place over prolonged periods of time.

Mandated reporters who suspect that any type of abuse is occurring must report it to the state. Suspicious signs include bruises, lacerations, physical or emotional trauma, emotional unpredictability, and evidence of improper care. If a child discloses an abusive situation to mandated reporters, they should report the disclosure. Most states offer immunity for good faith reporting, meaning that individuals cannot be prosecuted if an investigation does not confirm child abuse. Most states also have laws about false reporting, although they are rarely prosecuted.

If an individual is a mandated reporter and has reason to believe that a child he or she has contact with is being abused, an oral report must be filed as quickly as possible. In most instances, a written report with complete information must follow within 48 hours. Using the information in these reports, Child Protective Services in the state will investigate the claim and make a decision in the case which may include taking protective custody of the child involved.

Mandated reporters are part of a larger system designed to protect and take care of children. Laws about mandated reporters vary around the world, with some nations having few laws to protect children from abuse. With efforts from the United Nations, more and more countries are instituting mandated reporter laws. "

So the teacher is put in a tough spot. I'd hate to be the one having to make calls like that..

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

Clarifying, not the teacher OP per se, it doesn't sound like the parents are letting the children over indulge, just have a drink with dinner, which is their prerogative in many states. Just clarifying what a Mandated Reporter is supposed to report.

 

[MrsPete]

Being a mandated reporter doesn't mean you go around reporting everything possible. If a child tells me they are being abused I am mandated to report. If a neighbor has a party and there is underage drinking it does not come under my charge.

Actually, a teacher is liable for things he or she sees outside of school as well. If I see a parent whopping her kid upside the head at Walmart and someone knows I don't report it, I can be held responsible. If a kid at church, someone who is not my student, tells me that she's being molested and it comes out later than I ignored it, I can be held responsible.

Every year kids invite me to their graduation parties. I always make polite excuses because I don't want to be placed in the situation of seeing underaged people drinking.

 

[phorsenuf]

Actually, a teacher is liable for things he or she sees outside of school as well. If I see a parent whopping her kid upside the head at Walmart and someone knows I don't report it, I can be held responsible. If a kid at church, someone who is not my student, tells me that she's being molested and it comes out later than I ignored it, I can be held responsible.

Every year kids invite me to their graduation parties. I always make polite excuses because I don't want to be placed in the situation of seeing underaged people drinking.

So if you are driving down the highway going 55 and a car goes by at 60 and has one of your students in it, are you suppose to call the cops and report them for speeding? I doubt it. I'm sure there is a proverbial line somewhere. If parents want to give their underage kids a drink in their own home, and the kids are staying in for the night, then what are you reporting? There's no abuse, neglect or molestation in that situation.
I sometimes think people take things way out of the context they are meant to be.

 

[Acklander]

Actually, a teacher is liable for things he or she sees outside of school as well. If I see a parent whopping her kid upside the head at Walmart and someone knows I don't report it, I can be held responsible. If a kid at church, someone who is not my student, tells me that she's being molested and it comes out later than I ignored it, I can be held responsible.

Every year kids invite me to their graduation parties. I always make polite excuses because I don't want to be placed in the situation of seeing underaged people drinking.

There's a difference between beating a child, molesting a child and having a glass of wine at dinner. I wouldn't even blink at the wine, and while I wouldn't be serving someone else's teen, if it was a situation where I had seen the other teen's parent do it and the other teen's parent was aware that I was going to allow one glass with dinner. - no biggie. It's not like they were hosting a Kegger.

 

[golfgal]

Mandated reporting is for suspected child abuse. If you live in a state, like our state, where kids sign an agreement not to drink or do drugs while competing in state high school league activities (sports, theater, etc.) and a teacher sees students that are doing this, it is their responsibility to report this behavior but there are no legal ramifications like there are with mandated reporting and abuse. Now, if a child is not involved in a state high school league activity and they are drinking at home, under the supervision of a parent there is no wrong doing and what is there to report???? Some schools may have a code of ethics that applies too.

 

[NotUrsula]

Under the circumstances, as it is a glass of wine with dinner, not a put-you-keys-in-the-bowl-by-the-door party, I would give your friends the benefit of the doubt and give them a friendly warning.

Presuming that they are not otherwise irresponsible people, they probably do not know that it is not legal to serve someone else's minor child; they probably think that the law is that they can allow minors to drink socially in the home when supervised. (Also, my guess is that they probably are not allowing the younger kids to have it; most US folks who do this will use the "18 or graduated from high school" rule, or perhaps 16 if they are from a culture that routinely allows kids to have watered wine or near beer.)

What I would do is mention that it *is* illegal to let someone else's kid have the wine if his/her parents are not present, and then mention that being a witness to it puts you on the spot as a mandated reporter, and that if you see it again you'll have to follow through or risk losing your license. At very least they will probably make sure that it never again happens in your presence.

As to their own children, not your business, as serving their own is completely legal in your state.

 

[punkin]

There's a difference between beating a child, molesting a child and having a glass of wine at dinner. I wouldn't even blink at the wine, and while I wouldn't be serving someone else's teen, if it was a situation where I had seen the other teen's parent do it and the other teen's parent was aware that I was going to allow one glass with dinner. - no biggie. It's not like they were hosting a Kegger.

I've done this a lot. I see no problem with it at all. OP has no clue what the conversations were between the parents of the teens involved. I would totally MMOB.

 

[mjkacmom]

it would bother me...but I am a rule follower so 21 is the legal drinking age here and I won't be allowing it before then. I will be discouraging it after 21 notice I said discouraging...of course if they decide to drink at 21 then I will have to accept it. BUT not before then.

underage drinking brings on problems....


I would talk to the parents that it puts you in an awkward position as a teacher like you said previously here

I am a rule follower, and allow dd15 a glass of sangria at a bbq, a glass of wine at holiday dinners, a glass of champagne on New Years Eve. It is not against the law here. This is how I was raised, and there are many cultures where children consume alcohol at home on a regular basis.

When I went to college, I was not a big drinker - it was no big deal. I would never serve alcohol to any minors who weren't my children, however, even if a parent said it was okay. That's illegal.

OP, while I think you can comment on them serving alcohol to the child that wasn't theirs, it is their right to allow their own children to consume alcohol in their home, while they are present.

 

[MrsPete]

So if you are driving down the highway going 55 and a car goes by at 60 and has one of your students in it, are you suppose to call the cops and report them for speeding? I doubt it. I'm sure there is a proverbial line somewhere. If parents want to give their underage kids a drink in their own home, and the kids are staying in for the night, then what are you reporting? There's no abuse, neglect or molestation in that situation.
I sometimes think people take things way out of the context they are meant to be.

I explained the concept of Mandated Reporter, and it clearly doesn't involve traffic laws.

While parents aren't breaking the law by giving their own children alcohol in their own home, that proverbial line is somewhat blurry and uncomfortable for me personally. That same behavior -- if it were repeated at, say, a football game -- would require intervention. Thus, it's just uncomfortable.

What I would do is mention that it *is* illegal to let someone else's kid have the wine if his/her parents are not present, and then mention that being a witness to it puts you on the spot as a mandated reporter, and that if you see it again you'll have to follow through or risk losing your license. At very least they will probably make sure that it never again happens in your presence.

Now that sounds reasonable.