WWYD ... re kid's ice time ...

[KerriMc]

Hello ... I posted this on the community board, but it moves so fast I thought it might get buried pretty fast I figure there has to other hockey parents on the family board ...


I just wanted some opinions on what you would do if you felt your child wasn't getting fair ice time on their hockey team?

The gist is that my daughter plays on a Novice / Atom girls hockey team. She is a novice player. We don't have enough for a novice team, so three novice girls play up on the Atom team. We are a house league C level team. There are enough girls to make up three forward lines.

So everything has always been pretty much status quo up until the past month. A friend of mine, who's daughter is another novice on the team, complained to the coach that her daughter wasn't getting fair ice time. I hadn't noticed this to be honest but they would count. Anyways, after she complained it was blatantly obvious they were putting her out every other shift, sometimes skipping over my daughter or the other novice girl to put her out there, which I don't think is fair at all.

I didn't really agree with my friend complaining to the coach because I don't like to be the parent that complains, but it sure worked for her kid didn't it? Now her daughter isn't any better than mine, and is actually a year younger and more inexperienced. She picks b/w her figure skating and hockey and every other weekend chooses her figure skating, which to me is an indication that she'd rather do the other. To me if you don't always show up to games, etc, then you can expect to miss the occasional shift compared to those that are always there.

Anyways, I don't expect my daughter to get more ice time, I just think it should be fair for the most part. When we are in a close game and we need the more experienced girls I see no issue in having them out more than my daughter or in a tournament situation same thing.

What should I do? Should I complain to the coach too? Obviously it worked for her, but who knows what is being said behind her back about it? I'm feeling kind of perplexed as to what to do. I am not a complaining parent and I don't want that 'name', but I also want fairness for my kid too. kwim??

I know hockey is political ... my brother played it growing up, but he was high level rep, this is house league level hockey ... to me it should be pretty equal don't you think?

Kerri

 

[dahrjo]

We had this problem with a flag football team. The coaches would keep the better kids in the ENTIRE game and constantly switch out about 4 others (one of these being his own son). We had won most of the games. so it wasn't imperative to win more for any reason, it was just supposed to be for the fun of it. I complained to the coach and he put my son in maybe a bit more for a week. Maybe he took a better kid out for 1 1/2 minutes. It was horrible. The kids felt terrible, because they knew they weren't playing because they weren't as good as the others. They weren't bad either. Just didn't get any chance to play. That was their last season. It wasn't even worth going to watch the other kids play.
Anyway, i would definitely say something tot he coach. Good Luck.

 

[KerriMc]

It is funny though because the majority of the girls are all at the same skill level. My daughter plays as well or better than some of the atom girls, yet she gets passed over. I think she is just the extra one and she is the one who is getting passed by ... used to be the other girl, now it is her? I don't know??!! It hasn't happened until the past month and I just dont' get it. I don't like to be the whiny parent, but I feel maybe I do have to finally say something to ask why it is happening ... I just don't like having to do it!

 

[Leajess99]

What should I do? Should I complain to the coach too? Obviously it worked for her, but who knows what is being said behind her back about it? I'm feeling kind of perplexed as to what to do. I am not a complaining parent and I don't want that 'name', but I also want fairness for my kid too. kwim??

Kerri

I am not a hockey parent but I am a soccer mom and coach and will give you my advice from that view point. I would not recommend necessarily complaining about your dd not getting the ice time but I highly recommend talking to teh coach and expressing your concern thet you feel your daughter is being overlooked on shifts. Explain how you are concerned that without fair playing time your daughter is not getting the experience she needs to become a novice player.
I feel that if a child is not attending practices because of playing in another sport than he/she should not get more playing time than those that come to practices and games regularly. It drives me nuts to have kids playing another sport while also playing soccer and then missing my practices for soccer and getting mad that they are not as good as the other players or getting the ball very much.

 

[ranthony]

My husband coaches hockey so I can relate from the other end. Hockey parents have a real sense of entitlement if for no other reason than they pay so much for their kids to play (sometimes thousands of $).

It really is tough to please everyone from the coaches perspective...much more so than other sports (and he's coached other things so he knows).

Having said all that, a coach will know whether or not what you have to say has merit...although they might not admit to it, they'll at least know that you are aware.

You're your daughter's advocate. I'd say something in a positive way...you'll feel better about trying.

Good luck.

 

[KerriMc]

Thank you for all of your replies!

We have a game today and I am going to ask to talk to him for a few minutes about this. I am not going to go about it in a negative way though. It is true that I am my daughter's advocate and if I don't say something it will bother me that I didnt' speak up for her. I am not trying to be critical. I just want to find out what is happening and why. He is very approachable so hopefully I'll get a chance to talk to him today.

Thanks for you help

Kerri

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Please don't flame me for this but I have ot ask. Is your dd the type to not pay attention on the ice? Does she not pay attention to what is going on around her? Does she get tired of playing after a few minutes and lose interest?
I am only asking because many times a coach will not put a child in that does those things because in certain sports they will get hurt if they are not able to focus. It is nothing against the child but the coaches know that you need to be able to pay attention in order to not get hurt. Be honest about your child and see if that is the case. Then maybe work on it. If you don't think that is it then I would ask the coach in a polite way why your child doesn't get to play often. Explain that you are asking so that she can work on her skills to improve. Good luck!

 

[K and K's Mommy]

I could be wrong, but I am assuming that house league means the same as recreational league here. My DS plays everything recreational. When my DH was the flag football coach he made all of his rotations before the game so every child had equal time. His basketball coach does this too.

 

[tricia]

Hi, I am a coach, have 3 brothers and 2 sons that play hockey and I also play on both a recreational and a competitive team. Anyway, enough about my experience. I just wanted to make sure you were aware of certain things. Unless there are 6 or 9 forwards on the bench at any given game it becomes difficult to rotate fairly all the time. Some kids push themselves to the front of the line, and some are passive and always end up being the third one in line. My DS2 was one of the passive ones, even if there were only 7 forwards, he was always on every third shift cause he was never assertive enough to be one of the first 2 of his line on the bench. His coaches never realized this. I try to keep an eye on it as I coach DS2's team, but we have some kids that always try to get to the front of the line, and others who I could easily forget about cause they never move up the line. Anyway, just some food for thought.

 

[seashoreCM]

>>> some kids push themselves to the front of the line

You the coach need to nip it in the bud. This behavior translates into rude Disney guest behavior years later.

The less proficient kids should get more than their share of ice time during practice.

Meanwhile in the game itself it is hard to put the "second string" in for much ice time, except when your team is way ahead, otherwise people will think the team is not hustling.

Disney hints: http://www.cockam.com/disney.htm

 

[Stephres]

I am not a hockey mom either, but a soccer mom, but I totally relate not wanting to be the complaining mom! My son was upset that he was placed on defense a lot when he is one of the leading scorers on the team so I told him he should be the one to ask the coach about it. She explained why she did it and he was happier and I was happy I did not have to get involved.

Maybe you can have your daughter ask the coach what she needs to do to have more playing time. She might get some good constructive advice and it might put the idea in the coach's mind to give her more time. Good luck!

 

[michael's mom]

I can understand how it would be difficult to keep track of kids if there are that many on the bench and that some kids are much pushier when it comes to playing time. I was a JV soccer coach at our high school and some girls just made it known that they were waiting to play...

As to the pp who said that kids should get enought time during practice but not during a game...they are kids and the only way that they will get better is by playing in the game. Particularly youth sports. I can never understand why or how parents think it's okay to teach kids that winning is the most important part of these team activities. I suppose those parents whose kids get to play.

Now, I should have prefaced this by saying that my only child is 2 so we haven't gotten here yet. But, who cares if other people think the team isn't hustling...all of the parents should appreciate that the kids are getting to play.

Even on my JV team, I made sure that every girl got to play in every game...not equal time, but enough time. How could I expect them to be ready for Varsity if they didn't play on JV.

But, and this is where my belief in competitiveness comes in, once it's a varsity level program, all bets are off. The best play and when the best need a short break, that's when, and only when they come off the field. There does come a time and place when we teach kids those tough lessons, but not when they are little kids who are just trying to have fun!

To the OP, I suggest you do as you have planned, just ask the coach if there's something DD can work on as you have noticed that she is sitting longer than usual.

Good luck!

 

[pooh17]

At Mite/Squirt level, I would expect equal play time. The goal at that age should be to develop skills, not win every game by playing only the most experienced players.

Is the coach organized on the bench? Does he have assistant coaches running the forward vs defensive lines? Maybe he is overwhelmed out there and needs help?

Hockey season is just about over. Rather than complain to the coach, can you approach it more positively? For example, ask him for feedback to help you decide next year's placement. Ask him what he thinks your daughter needs to work on before next season.

Maybe its time to move to a different team or a different level of play? Is there a travel league she can play on?

 

[HockeyMomNH]

I wonder if your daughter has expressed any concern about this? If she does not mind and seems to be enjoying herself I would say it's not worth rocking the boat for this season.

On the other hand, is this coach someone that she will be exposed to again next season? In that case, it might be worth mentioning, but I would be really careful about how you say it. You want to be your daughter's advocate, but you don't want to make an enemy of the coach either.

 

[KerriMc]

Well after all that I decided not to say anything when we were at the game yesterday! I talked with dh and we decided that there is just over a month or so left in the season and dd is happy as a clam, so we are going to be mum about it for now. The coach is great with her, he doesn't run the doors for the forward or defense line, so I'm thinking he hasnt noticed this.

When I did mention to my dd about sometimes being missed, she said "well mom, sometimes they need a centre or right winger and I'm not those, I'm a left winger" ... so I kind of took the cue from her. She's happy ... I'm happy. When we played yesterday we had 9 forwards, so it was a perfect three lines. Unfortunately one of our forwards was away, so that means it will be thrown off again, but seeing as the season is almost over I think we'll be ok.

She won't have the same coach as next year, he is moving up with his daughter to PeeWee, along with two other players on our team. Thanks to some new girls joining next year we may even have enough for a girls novice team. If this happens they will be playing two minutes shifts consistently, which would be nice for fair ice time for all involved.

Thanks for all of your suggestions ... I hate being the complaining parent. I know other parents are aware that my friend complained, so I don't want that same thing known about me!! News travels fast when the coach tells the asst coach who runs our doors, who likely mentions it to his wife, who mentions it to another mom and so on and so on .... I don't like the drama!!

Thank you

 

[Leajess99]

I am not a hockey mom either, but a soccer mom, but I totally relate not wanting to be the complaining mom! My son was upset that he was placed on defense a lot when he is one of the leading scorers on the team so I told him he should be the one to ask the coach about it. She explained why she did it and he was happier and I was happy I did not have to get involved.

Maybe you can have your daughter ask the coach what she needs to do to have more playing time. She might get some good constructive advice and it might put the idea in the coach's mind to give her more time. Good luck!

Not sure about your son's coach but I know I try to place all of my kids in all positions to make them stronger all around players. I won't make a child play goalie if they do not want to though. My daughter used to play goalie all the time and loved it. She was pretty good as well (not just my opinion on this one as opposing coaches would comment on how good she was). Anyway, that all changed a year ago when her wrist was broken while she was practicing. It was an accident and to this day I doubt that coach has forgotten it because he kicked the ball causing the break. Even though a child may be a high scorer, if the team does not have a strong defense they are at risk of losing it. Unfortunately my son's last coach refused to accept this thought and ended up losing many games because of the lack of defense. He would place all the good scorers up front and leave a weak defense.

Great way to have your son ask though. It is good to teach them to advocate for themselves as well.

 

[Stephres]

Not sure about your son's coach but I know I try to place all of my kids in all positions to make them stronger all around players. I won't make a child play goalie if they do not want to though. My daughter used to play goalie all the time and loved it. She was pretty good as well (not just my opinion on this one as opposing coaches would comment on how good she was). Anyway, that all changed a year ago when her wrist was broken while she was practicing. It was an accident and to this day I doubt that coach has forgotten it because he kicked the ball causing the break. Even though a child may be a high scorer, if the team does not have a strong defense they are at risk of losing it. Unfortunately my son's last coach refused to accept this thought and ended up losing many games because of the lack of defense. He would place all the good scorers up front and leave a weak defense.

Great way to have your son ask though. It is good to teach them to advocate for themselves as well.

Oh she totally explained it well. She was introducing the position of midfielder to the team and she wanted the "good runners" to work on running back and defending. I am so glad I didn't get involved, she made him feel special that he was chosen to learn a new position.

I used to cringe when she would ask him to play goalie but I have gotten used to it. Fortunately we have an excellent goalie who likes it so that's not often. I think sports are tougher on the moms than the kids!