WWYD - Not Enough Loot Bags

[wenrob]

I would make more just in case for invitees who oops didn't RSVP but in the event that an extra who was not invited showed up sharing would be what I would gently nudge. However, if there really was enough for the sibling I would go ahead and give it to them, I wouldn't short-change an invitee one but if extra was available it's not a big deal.

I gotta say though I'm unaware of actually being in attendance to birthday parties my sister was invited to. I wasn't invited and I don't think my mom would have even thought to drop both of us off. Worked in reverse too, my sister wouldn't have been dropped off at my friend's birthday parties. My sister would have been embarrassed at me being there lol (3 year's difference) even when we were younger.

You would be surprised at how common it is. As a Team Mom I had to learn to be very assertive about it. No, I will not be (effectively) babysitting your kid and no, we did not order/plan for siblings.

 

[lisaviolet]

I believe I am both giving and loving, but I would just state to the mother as firmly but gently at the same time (for her children) that I am not prepared for extra guests. I hate manipulation by adults and her not checking this out ahead of time is just that. And I would try to make sure that her invited child got a broad smile and a happy to see you "come on in", as it is not their issue.

I don't know when disappointment for children became a bad thing.

But OP you had no issue with the extra guests, so you have already had some excellent ideas on how to deal with the shortage.

 

[SandyinMonterey]

The first and last time I did loot bags was when my daughter turned 5, I think, may be younger. I didn't give out loot bags, I gave out $5 gift cards to a popular yogurt shop. I knew ahead of time to buy extra. Not only to the kids (and siblings who showed up) wanted them, but the parents too. When handing them out to the kids, they had their hands out too.

 

[unrequited23]

I've made a bag on the fly with the leftover extras from the original loot bags or told my kids that they wouldn't be getting whatever treat that day, but I would pick them up the same thing the next time I was at the store. If RSVPs have been sketchy, I sometimes do a pinata, give out ziplocks and let the kids fight it out themselves.

There was one time my oldest (4 at the time) was going to a party at a local public park, two days before the party I broke my ankle and asked the mom who was hosting if my DH could bring my son's little brother (almost 2) along. She was awesome and said yes. I've never forgotten her kindness.

 

[ronandannette]

There were times I stayed and had my other daughter with me, I never expected the sibling to be part of the party, be involved in any activities, get a goodie bag, etc. it was just that I was a single parent and not really knowing the family hosting the party I didn’t feel comfortable leaving.

How did that work out, exactly? To me it would seem impossibly awkward for everyone to have a child present and just sitting on the sidelines.

I believe I am both giving and loving, but I would just state to the mother as firmly but gently at the same time (for her children) that I am not prepared for extra guests. I hate manipulation by adults and her not checking this out ahead of time is just that. And I would try to make sure that her invited child got a broad smile and a happy to see you "come on in", as it is not their issue.
I don't know when disappointment for children became a bad thing.
But OP you had no issue with the extra guests, so you have already had some excellent ideas on how to deal with the shortage.

Well, it's never been a great thing but definitely a normal thing and sometimes inevitable part of life. Not at all inevitable in these cases though as it's the knothead parent that has set the child up for the outcome; potentially hurting both the child and the host who's been caught off-guard.

 

[prairie_girl]

I can't get past the part where parents are staying and bringing other kids with them? I might be the exception, but I have never heard of this and it wouldn't even cross my mind to stay at the party.

 

[lisaviolet]

Well, it's never been a great thing but definitely a normal thing and sometimes inevitable part of life. Not at all inevitable in these cases though as it's the knothead parent that has set the child up for the outcome; potentially hurting both the child and the host who's been caught off-guard.

Poor choice of words by me. I meant avoiding it at all costs - which of course is not helpful at all for so many reasons.

I can't get past the part where parents are staying and bringing other kids with them? I might be the exception, but I have never heard of this and it wouldn't even cross my mind to stay at the party.

I wanted to put a laughing emoji to your post as I laughed and sighed all the way through - as in it really is astonishing, isn't it? Who knew this was even an issue? Well @wenrob did.

 

[shoney]

I can't get past the part where parents are staying and bringing other kids with them? I might be the exception, but I have never heard of this and it wouldn't even cross my mind to stay at the party.

min my neighborhood almost all parties are held at an outside venue and parents stay until at least 3rd grade. Sometimes they can’t get someone else to watch other a sibling so they tag along. Depending on where the party is there may be a waiting area.
House parties were very rare and usually were pool parties. Again parents stayed to watch even if they hired a life guard

 

[HadesFan]

We had a plaster painting place near us that did parties. I had done one for my daughter, and my kids had attended them there, too. So, I did one for my son. I had an "all inclusive" policy with parties, in that I would invite all the boys (girls for my daughter) from their class, even the ones they didn't get along with. Well, big surprise, the one kid my son did not get along with, his mother shows up with three siblings. It's okay though, because they will just sit in the car in front of the big picture window and watch. I felt bad, so invited them in. She then tried to take over the party. Fortunately my mother was there and stopped her (I had run out to get extra plates/silverware). Then, she got upset that her kids were not able to leave their handprints on the wall, it was something only the birthday child did. That whole family was something else.

I learned to always have extra of everything at every party I did.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I actually had one mom stay at a party for my then-HS-aged daughter. I thought it was a little weird, but we were new in town, and it was a pool party. I put it down to her not knowing us, and not knowing if an adult was going to be present at the party. She was a pleasant enough person. it wasn't a problem.

I can also see parents staying for very young children, which happened much more frequently.

I never, ever brought siblings, unless they were specifically invited, but it happened to me any number of times--I have 4 kids, and love to throw blow-out parties for them, so I had plenty of parties that were fun and interesting. I figure, it's not the little kids' fault that they have parents who are rude and thoughtless--they probably have to put up with enough crap from having parents like that, why punish them further by not giving them a favor bag and treating them like any other guest?

 

[prairie_girl]

.

 

[disneychrista]

How did that work out, exactly? To me it would seem impossibly awkward for everyone to have a child present and just sitting on the sidelines.

I honestly don't remember it being a big deal. It only occurred a couple times.

 

[wenrob]

I can't get past the part where parents are staying and bringing other kids with them? I might be the exception, but I have never heard of this and it wouldn't even cross my mind to stay at the party.

I only stayed at one my oldest DD was invited to because it was a pool party. I asked the parents in advance and left her (infant) siblings at home. It’s a good thing I did because it was poorly supervised and I came thisclose to having to jump in the pool when she and another child got caught under one of those party rafts. The kids on it were oblivious as were the adults in and out. We didn’t stay for cake.

 

[ronandannette]

I honestly don't remember it being a big deal. It only occurred a couple times.

And your second little girl wasn't invited to join in the party? Or you didn't let her? Inconvenient or not, as a host I would have found that very uncomfortable.

When my kid was really little (probably grades 1 - 4, he invited everybody in his class to his parties and they were fairly simple affairs at home or in the park. Not everybody came; I always had enough loot bags for even those that didn't RSVP though because that was a notorious thing with kids parties - showing up even if you hadn't confirmed you were coming. I think one time a parent asked if a sibling could come along and with the advance warning, of course it was OK.

 

[disneychrista]

And your second little girl wasn't invited to join in the party? Or you didn't let her? Inconvenient or not, as a host I would have found that very uncomfortable.

If they asked her to do something I didn't stop her. The only ones I remember were parties at the child's house.

All I meant was I did not expect that they would give her a goodie bag or pay for pay for her to do any activity that might be involved. If the party was at the skating rink, arcade, etc I would pay for her myself.

 

[Kitty 34]

Sooooo, my DS (41) , father of my just turned 3 year old granddaughter was explaining birthday parties in this "day and age" in a suburb in Detroit to me. (He grew up in Small Town, USA)

They invited Eve's little friends from preschool but totally expected Moms or Dads or both not only to show up but to bring siblings if they needed to for the whole party. They had been to other parties in their area in which that just seemed to be the norm.

 

[prairie_girl]

If they asked her to do something I didn't stop her. The only ones I remember were parties at the child's house.

All I meant was I did not expect that they would give her a goodie bag or pay for pay for her to do any activity that might be involved. If the party was at the skating rink, arcade, etc I would pay for her myself.

So, even if the party was at someone’s house you’d still go and hang out? I can’t imagine how awkward that whole situation was.

 

[unrequited23]

So, even if the party was at someone’s house you’d still go and hang out? I can’t imagine how awkward that whole situation was.

In my area a lot of it depends on the age of the kids. Drop off parties didn't become a thing until 2nd grade...kids turning 8.

 

[MrsPete]

l would have handed a bag to the invitee sibling and said, "You can share with your little brother (or sister)."

I was going to say something similar: I'd be sure to hand out the bags -- not just have them set out on a table to be taken. OR, since you knew the names of the attendees in advanced, put tags on the goodie bags.

 

[disneychrista]

So, even if the party was at someone’s house you’d still go and hang out? I can’t imagine how awkward that whole situation was.

Would you leave your under 5 year old at a house with parents you didn't know?