WWYD-CANCEL or GO??

[parkers*momma]

I'm kinda low tonight and hoping that you guys can talk some sense into me. I'm kinda sitting on the fence and need shoved off one side or the other.

A lil background first. Shortly after we married while I was pregnant with our oldest, DH had a heart attack. He was 21 yo's old. Over the years, he has many heart attacks ad currently has 11 stents in his heart. We have learned to live with his condition and learned to "see" tattletail signs when his heart is flairing up.

Recently, he has been displaying signs of distress and went in for a battery of tests the past couple of weeks (Reason I haven't been here much). Well the results are in.

Over the course of the past 24 years, we thought we were lucky because his heart "grew" a new artery. Which I guess its good but we found out today that he needs a quad by-pass. His consultation is 9/3/09 for them to discuss it and set up the surgery. He says he won't even consider the surgery until we get back from WDW. (9/15-24). I completely understand WHY he feels this way because there's no guarantees how the surgery will go and this could be his last trip to WDW.

I on the other hand, want to cancel the trip. I'm the worrier of our family and so many different things keep running through my mind. Our home and vehicles are paid off...really no major bills except monthly bills and my income can pay those BUT the holidays are coming, winter heating bills (8,000+ sq ft house), taxes, insurance, etc.. We will be down to one income on the best of senerios. Just our heating bills for two month could wipe out our savings. Worse case senerio...well...he doesn't pull through. I'm REALLY having a hard time with that. The money we are spending on WDW plus the extras could definitely be used more wisely if we need it.

Plus I am deathly concerned about his health. Two weeks of endless walking, DD and DH have a pact about hitting all the coasters ( I KNOW he shouldn't be riding any of them but he says "you never know what will happen when we get home" or "at least I will Die doing something I love...please don't flame me for this, I am on him big time but he can be bullheaded. I know it is wrong and right now I really don't need flamed), the heat...we all know how horrible tired we are when we get home from WDW. It totally wears a person down.

Part of me wants to postpone the trip and use the money, if we need it, for living expenses. The other part of me wants us to go Disney with our DD and do everything they want to do (horseback riding, pirate and pal cruise, hot air balloon, etc.), create many memories, take tons of pictures, leave all this behind us for two weeks. And another part of me is scared that this trip could cause him major problems while in another state and the last part of me wants to quit being a worry-wart and let him have as much fun as he and DD can have.


I need help coming to terms with this. I realize this, and I'll get it worked out. Sadly, I always thought I was at terms with his heart condition...I always knew it would come to this, I have always known he was going to pass away at a young age (endless Dr.s have always told us he would never see 40...he's 45 this year). If it was after our vacation, I think I could handle it better than I am right now.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do? Cancel our trip, recoup as much as we can (we would be out airfare, MNSSHP, Resort fees for canceling, pirate/pal fireworks, water park tickets, etc) OR go with the plans and face what we have to face when we get home and spend this vacation as he wants, having fun with us.

 

[DVCBELLE]

First off let me tell you how sorry I am that you are dealing with this. I would not even be able to type.

I understand why you are torn. I can see both sides of your issue.

Part of me thinks you should do what your DH wants to do. When my son was little we had a health scare with him and I told my DH that if it turned out to be a worst case scenario, we were getting on a plane and flying to WDW while he was still able to go. Now, it turned out to be nothing major but I had a few days of pure panic about all the things that could be wrong. And I would have wanted one last trip of good fun memories.

I do see your concerns about money though as well. And I don't know what I would do.

I guess you should ask the doctors what they think. Find out if going could hurt him and if not, then I would say the memories would be the most important thing in the world. Then again, you could hold off for a celebration trip when he is better.

Ok - I am no help am I? Sorry. There really is no easy answer.

 

[mybabesuz]

wow...Hugs and Prayers to you.

I would see what the Doctors have to say.
Do they think it would be safe for him to go?
I personally would be terrified something would happen.
It would be on our minds the whole time.

I'm sure you wouldn't lose any money you have put into the Disney part of the trip if you explained it.
They are very understanding about things like this.
They would let you reschedule without penalty I'm sure.
You should be able to get a refund on your MNSSHP tickets too.
What airline are you using? Some will give you a credit some won't.

I think you should reschedule it as a celebration of his recovery trip.
Try to stay positive.
Again... Hugs and Prays to You and Your Family.

 

[maddiesmom0116]

Hi-
I am so sorry your family is facing these challenging times. I know he wants to spend the time with the family but I think you need to help him think long term. It is better to have a better chance of a long term future then a good possible last trip. It looks like your DD is fairly young, she is going to want a better chance for daddy to be around while she grows up then a trip.

It is so exhausting in the parks, especially when it is hot.

I hope everything works out for the best

 

[DVCBELLE]

I am glad to see that other posters are giving more clarity than I did!!

 

[RobinFabulous]

I'm kinda low tonight and hoping that you guys can talk some sense into me. I'm kinda sitting on the fence and need shoved off one side or the other.

A lil background first. Shortly after we married while I was pregnant with our oldest, DH had a heart attack. He was 21 yo's old. Over the years, he has many heart attacks ad currently has 11 stents in his heart. We have learned to live with his condition and learned to "see" tattletail signs when his heart is flairing up.

Recently, he has been displaying signs of distress and went in for a battery of tests the past couple of weeks (Reason I haven't been here much). Well the results are in.

Over the course of the past 24 years, we thought we were lucky because his heart "grew" a new artery. Which I guess its good but we found out today that he needs a quad by-pass. His consultation is 9/3/09 for them to discuss it and set up the surgery. He says he won't even consider the surgery until we get back from WDW. (9/15-24). I completely understand WHY he feels this way because there's no guarantees how the surgery will go and this could be his last trip to WDW.

I on the other hand, want to cancel the trip. I'm the worrier of our family and so many different things keep running through my mind. Our home and vehicles are paid off...really no major bills except monthly bills and my income can pay those BUT the holidays are coming, winter heating bills (8,000+ sq ft house), taxes, insurance, etc.. We will be down to one income on the best of senerios. Just our heating bills for two month could wipe out our savings. Worse case senerio...well...he doesn't pull through. I'm REALLY having a hard time with that. The money we are spending on WDW plus the extras could definitely be used more wisely if we need it.

Plus I am deathly concerned about his health. Two weeks of endless walking, DD and DH have a pact about hitting all the coasters ( I KNOW he shouldn't be riding any of them but he says "you never know what will happen when we get home" or "at least I will Die doing something I love...please don't flame me for this, I am on him big time but he can be bullheaded. I know it is wrong and right now I really don't need flamed), the heat...we all know how horrible tired we are when we get home from WDW. It totally wears a person down.

Part of me wants to postpone the trip and use the money, if we need it, for living expenses. The other part of me wants us to go Disney with our DD and do everything they want to do (horseback riding, pirate and pal cruise, hot air balloon, etc.), create many memories, take tons of pictures, leave all this behind us for two weeks. And another part of me is scared that this trip could cause him major problems while in another state and the last part of me wants to quit being a worry-wart and let him have as much fun as he and DD can have.


I need help coming to terms with this. I realize this, and I'll get it worked out. Sadly, I always thought I was at terms with his heart condition...I always knew it would come to this, I have always known he was going to pass away at a young age (endless Dr.s have always told us he would never see 40...he's 45 this year). If it was after our vacation, I think I could handle it better than I am right now.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do? Cancel our trip, recoup as much as we can (we would be out airfare, MNSSHP, Resort fees for canceling, pirate/pal fireworks, water park tickets, etc) OR go with the plans and face what we have to face when we get home and spend this vacation as he wants, having fun with us.

I'm not going to comment on a lot of this stuff except the riding. I'm a 30 year old and I was born with a congenital heart problem. A few years ago I DID ride all the coasters at 6 flags. On the last one I really seriously thought I was goign to die. I had open heart surgery at 12. Two weeks ago I was a UAB having a heart cath, and I asked the doctor WHY I couldn't ride. He explained that it's really hit or miss, but it's like someone slamming you in the chest (with an already damaged heart) You may live, you may not. He said that a lot of people who die on coasters have undiagnosed heart problems. Sooo... that's that. Plus can you imagine how your child would feel if her dad died right next to her on a roller coaster? It's like running in front of a semi and hoping you won't get hit. If he MUST ride, make sure you sit in the middle, the doctor did tell me that the force is worse in the front. I walked around Disney for a week in Decemeber and did fine, I took breaks. My patch is now leaking and they're treating me as if Iwere in heart failure. Seriously try to talk him out of riding. I wouldn't want your child or others damaged to see someone die in front of them

 

[chyam]

Personally I think I would wait to make a decision until after his appt. on the 3rd. perhaps then you will have a better idea of how serious it is and what his Dr. has to say about it.
Although I can see his point and sometimes they say people know themselves that there may not be much time left and they want to spend it doing what they love and with who they love.
But if he does go I would make sure that you make a pact that there are certain things that he won't do. And perhaps getting one of those ECV's for some of the days would help out with the walking.
It is a tough decision either way but I have a feeling that your husband will not let you cancel.

 

[poohfriend77]

First of all... I am so sorry you have to deal with this at all!

As for the trip, I think I'd wait and see what the doctors have to say. I have to admit my first instinct would be to cancel the trip and anything else that could strain your finances or his health. But I also see why he would be so against canceling a chance to make a wonderful week of memories with your daughter. Maybe you and the doctors could work out some kind of compromise, like if he rides in a wheelchair (although it sounds like he's the kind of guy to fight this, huh?) or you only do half days or every other day. Ask specifically about the roller coasters, too. And talk to the doc and insurance companies about whom to see if he does have problems while there.

Sorry I don't have better advice. If he terminal cancer or something, I'd say go for it! But if putting off this trip so he can have surgery will give him another 10+ happy, healthy years, it's hard to justify the potential risk of going.

 

[leamom2princesses]

I can't imagine what you are going through. I am so sorry.

As someone who has experienced sudden loss, go on the trip and have fun. I would honor your DH's wishes. You don't want to live the rest of your life with regret. Best wishes for a speedy recovery and more fun trips with DH in the future.

 

[kacaju]

Cancel the trip.

My dh was found in his late 30's to have a defective aortic valve. At that time we were told within 10 years he would have to have the valve replaced. Fast forward about 5 years later and he came home from the Dr in October telling me he will need the surgery *now*. Now meaning within the next few months. So.. we spent most of Nov researching Hospitals, Dr. (because I will be honest and really thought the *10 years* would be more like 20)
We found the Dr and Hospital we liked, we sill had one more place to go to. He wanted to wait until after the New Year to have the surgery (also after the Superbowl, since his beloved Jets were doing very well at that time) In the mean time the Monday after Thanksgiving I get a phone call from him... I am having chest pains, they are taking me to the hospital... and as he hung up I could hear the siren.

That Friday he had his surgery.... He is doing just fine now, and Disney is still there. I can't imagine what would have happened if we had went away around Thanksgiving of that year.
Disney will still be here after your dh has his surgery. Plan on taking a big trip then.
((hugs)) for what you are dealing with... I know our dh's have different issues, but it is still scary!!
For what it is worth, my dh's Dr told him he was OK with waiting until after the Holidays

 

[momx2]

I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. I think I would probably go, it is your DH's wish, but I would make him promise me no roller coasters. There is no way I would want him on the coasters.

My DH has a heart problem, not near as dire as your DH's problem. The last time we were at WDW he ended up in the ER with his problem. We never know when he is going to have a flair up, it is a constant worry. He has become somewhat depressed and if I told him he couldn't go to WDW I think he would just pack it in. He already can't do so many of things he used to do, I couldn't take that away from him. Maybe your DH needs this trip to keep him going.

I don't have the answers, but I would probably go, with the caveat of no coasters. You are in my prayers.

 

[robsmom]

:grouphug sorry to hear this is happenning. The onevthought I had was that if they will not see him for a month the doctors must not think he is in immediate danger. I agree you should ask. Then I think I would let him choose Do not put the weight of a right decision on your shoulders and you do not want him to resent you. Let him be in charge of his life and he will respect you for it.

 

[snowwhitesmom]

Just wanted to send hugs - wish I had more to send, like advice.....

 

[J3nn78]

I would go. It is what your DH wants.

And, it must not be super pressing if his appt is a month away.

But, why not call his Drs and see what they think?

 

[PinkRhombus]

You know...and this is coming from someone who has had to deal with someone in that situation...cancel the trip.

I know what your husband wants to do, but that heat and humidity in FL in September is a killer itself. If he is showing signs of distress now, then it's going to be worse down there.

I almost want to say it is selfish of him to do this because it's not only going to affect him if something happens when you're down there...you're going to be out of town and you and your daughter are going to have to be there by yourselves dealing with this. I assume she has school, too?

 

[DiznyDi]

Hugs and prayers for you and your family!
I, too, would delay any decision until after speaking with the Dr. on the 3rd. Good luck to you!

 

[Elfstar]

I'm adding your family to my prayer list. So sorry you have to make this choice.

I'm leaning towards your view, given that your DH went to the doctors for distress. I know he'd like to create more good memories, and if you look at my signature, you'll know I understand - we had no choice, the outcome was inevitable - but what memories would he leave if something were to happen during the trip - has he thought of that?

Ask for the doctor's opinion and factor that into whatever decision you two make. Good luck!

 

[TSM1993]

Health is important and always will be. I have been diagnosed with a brain cysts. I am planning on going down 2 times this year because I am unsure about the future. I cant afford it but I am toning down my trip. I am doing the essentials and planning on having just as much fun. (ie visiting the parks, eating and just relaxing.) I would love to do the MNSSHP,MVMCP, and the Candlelight Processional Dinner Package have the money but I want to have a some money left in the bank for emergency purposes. So maybe scale back the trip and maybe rent an electric wheelchair for him.

You never know what tomorrow may bring so livr life to the fullest.

Hopefully you understand what i am tryimg to say. I have a hard time thinking of how to word things sometimes because of my problem.

Good Luck with everything.

 

[C.Ann]

Wow! That's a tough, tough choice! I'm literally sitting here with my mouth hanging open and my head spinning.. I honestly can't give you an opinion..

I'm so sorry you and your family have to go through this.. Whatever you choose, I wish you the best..

 

[secretpantssam]

I am so sorry to hear what you're going through.

I agree with the pps that you should really ask the doctors. If they wanted to wait a month for the appointment, they may think he's okay for a trip to Disney. But I think you should really make your DH understand that he cannot rides the big rides this time around. He shouldn't put his heart under that much stress while he's there.

I really hope everything works out for you and your DH