WWYD-CANCEL or GO??

[starann]

A good friend of mine lost her husband to a massive heart attack this past Sun. It was VERY unexpected...he was at a family picnic, went home to rest becuase he didn't feel very well. A Few hours later whne no one could get a hold of him his 16 yo DD and his BIL went to the house to chekc on him. His 16yo found him in the chair, dead. He was 52.

I know for a fact his wife and kids (ages 10,12 and 16) would give anything to have more time with him.

This decision is up to you as a family. Also, see what the dr says. As a nurse I had a patient who was in another state watching his son graduate from the Marine's training program. During the graduation he had chest pains, was rushed to the hospital and have to have surgery far away from home. Was discharged from the hospital, put on a plane and sent home to recover. It was horrendous for his family who was with him, and for the fmaily who wasn't as they couldn;t be there for him.

I can see both sides...wanting to go and make memories....wanting to wait sohe can enjoy a trip without worrying about him making it thru a ride.

I guess my vote is wait.....use it as a goal for his 3mo recovery.....hurry thru your rehab and we can go!!!!!


Good luck!

(ps...are you the one who has the son who's gf is expecting....how is that going?)

 

[floydfamily4]

I am so sorry that your family is facing such a difficult time. No matter what you decide it is going to be difficult. I pray that you are comforted and strengthened during this time, that your husband is healed, and that your family has many more years to make wonderful memories together. Hang in there!

 

[disneymama83]

This can't be easy for your familly and I'm sorry you have to make these kinds of decisions. I will add you to my prayer list. Let God be your Comforter and and trust in Him to give you and your family strength to get through the tough times.

Proverbs 3:5-7

 

[ontariomonkey]

Hi, sorry that you are going through this. My worst fear is DH dying and he's somewhat healthy. This is going to sound blunt, but if you go to WDW, I would assume that he would die there, or that the consequences of the trip would kill him. How will your daughter feel as she grows up knowing that the pact with her Dad to ride all the coasters killed him?

Also, I guess it depends on how his life insurance is. If 2 months of heating bills would wipe out your savings, then if your life insurance is not enough to cover at least 6 months of expenses then I would say that you are in real trouble.

Does your health insurance cover emergency care in another state? That is another consideration.

Sorry to be so negative, I have been accused of being a pessimist but I would say that I am a realist. I'm sure that there are tamer activities that you, your DH and DD could enjoy together that build memories and are just as enjoyable.

 

[torinsmom]

I would postpone the trip. Chances are that ever if the doctor says he can go, he will want him in a wheelchair and not to ride the coasters. That wouldn't be fun for him or you. And I cannot imagine how him becoming seriously ill or God forbid dying at WDW would affect your girls.

Ask the doctor what his limitations will be AFTER the surgery, and go from there. Maybe you could change your dates to late winter/early Spring when it will also be less hot and humid. WDW will let you change your dates without losing any money, although you would have to pay the difference if it is a different season. Airlines might even let you do a change if you explain the situation.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Please try to convince your DH that you want him around for a long time, and that a trip right now is not in anyone's best interests right now.

Marsha

 

[Debbie Jean]

To me it doesn't sound like you have enough information to make the best decision which I know is what you are trying to figure out... I second all those folks who have suggested a talk with his doctors... lay out the complete scenario for them, the parks, the rides, the heat, etc.... and see what their thoughts are... maybe it would be possible if your DH was willing to alter his "Disney" style a bit, for example passing on the coasters, using an ECV and generally taking it easy... if the advice is to fore go the trip, see it as postponed and not canceled... a future celebration when DH is well again

Until you have that kind of input, though, you can only make an emotional decision, not a really rational one... and although ANY decision will have emotion in it, you want to make one that is in your DH's and your family's best interest...

I'm so sorry you are having to face this... I just can't possibly imagine how much it all must hurt... you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers

 

[MattMatts-Momma]

I think I would definetly postpone the trip. I think you and I are scheduled to go at the same time in September, I have seen your user id on several of the threads that I have been reading. This makes me so sad for you and your family.

Everything can wait, your husbands health is the most important now, Disney World will still be there... I know that I wouldn't not be able to enjoy myself if I were in your situation, I know that I would be stressed out to the max. I know this will be a hard decision for you to make.

I will pray for you and your family.

 

[DisneyCowgirl]

Get his doctor's advice here--but don't wait for September 3rd. Talk to him on the phone or by email or something. Then take his advice into account when making your plans.

If it were me, I would not want to cancel, but might want to plan a little bit differently in order to take it slow and easy on the trip.

I'm so sorry you are having to make this decision.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

I'm kinda low tonight and hoping that you guys can talk some sense into me. I'm kinda sitting on the fence and need shoved off one side or the other.

A lil background first. Shortly after we married while I was pregnant with our oldest, DH had a heart attack. He was 21 yo's old. Over the years, he has many heart attacks ad currently has 11 stents in his heart. We have learned to live with his condition and learned to "see" tattletail signs when his heart is flairing up.

Recently, he has been displaying signs of distress and went in for a battery of tests the past couple of weeks (Reason I haven't been here much). Well the results are in.

Over the course of the past 24 years, we thought we were lucky because his heart "grew" a new artery. Which I guess its good but we found out today that he needs a quad by-pass. His consultation is 9/3/09 for them to discuss it and set up the surgery. He says he won't even consider the surgery until we get back from WDW. (9/15-24). I completely understand WHY he feels this way because there's no guarantees how the surgery will go and this could be his last trip to WDW.

I on the other hand, want to cancel the trip. I'm the worrier of our family and so many different things keep running through my mind. Our home and vehicles are paid off...really no major bills except monthly bills and my income can pay those BUT the holidays are coming, winter heating bills (8,000+ sq ft house), taxes, insurance, etc.. We will be down to one income on the best of senerios. Just our heating bills for two month could wipe out our savings. Worse case senerio...well...he doesn't pull through. I'm REALLY having a hard time with that. The money we are spending on WDW plus the extras could definitely be used more wisely if we need it.

Plus I am deathly concerned about his health. Two weeks of endless walking, DD and DH have a pact about hitting all the coasters ( I KNOW he shouldn't be riding any of them but he says "you never know what will happen when we get home" or "at least I will Die doing something I love...please don't flame me for this, I am on him big time but he can be bullheaded. I know it is wrong and right now I really don't need flamed), the heat...we all know how horrible tired we are when we get home from WDW. It totally wears a person down.

Part of me wants to postpone the trip and use the money, if we need it, for living expenses. The other part of me wants us to go Disney with our DD and do everything they want to do (horseback riding, pirate and pal cruise, hot air balloon, etc.), create many memories, take tons of pictures, leave all this behind us for two weeks. And another part of me is scared that this trip could cause him major problems while in another state and the last part of me wants to quit being a worry-wart and let him have as much fun as he and DD can have.


I need help coming to terms with this. I realize this, and I'll get it worked out. Sadly, I always thought I was at terms with his heart condition...I always knew it would come to this, I have always known he was going to pass away at a young age (endless Dr.s have always told us he would never see 40...he's 45 this year). If it was after our vacation, I think I could handle it better than I am right now.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do? Cancel our trip, recoup as much as we can (we would be out airfare, MNSSHP, Resort fees for canceling, pirate/pal fireworks, water park tickets, etc) OR go with the plans and face what we have to face when we get home and spend this vacation as he wants, having fun with us.

I would postpone the trip.

What will happen if he has a heart attack on the plane? By the time they land and get him to a hospital...

What will happen is he has a heart attack in WDW when he is on a ride? By the time they stop the ride and get him out of the park and to a hospital...

Would you really enjoy yourself while there, or be constantly worried that at any moment something can happen to him?

 

[parkers*momma]

I don't know where to begin. First and foremost...thank you. I do feel a lil calmer today.

I took your advice decided to wait until we could talk to the Dr at the consultation. Only, I am poor at waiting so I called the Dr today. Duh me, He couldn't talk to me personally without Dh but he did offer to see us sooner just to answer our (my) questions and concerns. SO next week, we go just to talk about our questions and this trip.

I've talked to DH over and over...and he has come to understand my (your) opinion on the coaster rides. THANK YOU for giving me ammo to help change his mind. He is a coaster nut and has been waiting for DD to get big enough to finally ride the coasters. But using DIS'ers words/opinions on him...he never thought about the aftermath for her and every other child on the ride if something happened. Nor did he think about the horrible memories this could create if something did happen. Disney is magical to us...and yes, It won't be the same if something happened to him while we were there. He didn't like that idea. THANK YOU!

I still can't convince him to let me postpone/cancel the trip as "I feel fine"is what he continues to say(just like he does each time the ambulance has had to take him in) but he did say he would will ask the DR and he do as the Dr. says. Ok...I'm going to be the bold one so when DH says, "it is ok for us to continue with our WDW trip" and the Dr gives his opinion. If he says yes or yes, as long as he takes it easy, then I am going to pull out this huge sheet of paper (yes, I spent the day writing out EVERYTHING we do at WDW) and give every detail of our trip...all coasters, certain rides that are a never miss, heat index, hours we typically spend at the parks (all of them), humidity, plane ride, and get a definite answer to each thing. Hey, he is the one who said he would listen to the DR....right?

If the Dr. says no, he thinks it is better to wait, I will be calling WDW while we are still in the room (yes, I have WDW in my phone). He can't pitch a fit with the Dr sitting there, now can he?

I talked to my boss today. He's going to lay me 2 weeks prior to the surgery so we will still have an income once he does have surgery (no two week waiting period without a check as we will still have DH's income). This way I can be home taking care of him and not worrying myself sick at work until I am comfortable leaving him home alone. I will still go into to work an hour or two daily to do the orders, deal with the salesman, and whatever needs done that day but I can do this when our 16yo DS is home or the salemen can call me if I'm not there. I have a great boss but I worry big time over our company and not letting him/it down.

I'm going to check with our propane company to see what we can work out. I've already decided we can close part of the house off if we need too. We have a full basement plus three stories so we can definitely shut part of it down and not heat it fully.

I'm more calmer tonight that yesterday. I have a plan and don't feel as panicked. Honestly, I knew someday it would come to this but I guess I wasn't ready for someday to come so quickly. Or for him to be so bull-headed over our trip. I'm definitely going to be holding him to his word on listening to the DR. And if it means being mean and reminding him of his family (all the males have passed away at/near 40yo-father, grandfather, brother, uncles) then I will pull out that trump card, just to keep him a few more years. Yes, he is my BFF more than my DH.

Thank you for the well wishes, the prayers, and giving me the info to butt heads with him. Last night, I couldn't think of anything except I knew going wasn't a good idea. Your words opened his eyes a lil. THANK YOU!

I'll definitely let you know what the Dr says next week!

 

[ckdsnynt]

Hugs and prayers to you. Keep us posted. If the dr. gives the go ahead for your DH healthwise, and money is all you are concerned about but you still want to make the memories, shorten the trip. I totally understand about wanting those memories just in case. My prayers to you and your family. Be strong. Keep us posted.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Darling...first of all .

Second--I would cancel the trip.

Even if it were the last--even Make a Wish trips for children are done when they are well enough to travel and what life saving measures could be taken place HAVE taken place.

Your husband needs quadruple bypass. HE is a ticking time bomb.

My FIL had Triple Bypass a few years ago---and recovery does take a while including a stint in ICU post surgery. But now he is healthy. He lost weight and he does what he can to keep his health in check.

Murphy's Law--you know that stupid law that things happen when you don't want them to--I would fear that something would happen on the trip necessitating and emergency surgery. Then instead of having your comfort of home and the support of friends and family, you will be dealing with emergency quadruple bypass in a strange town WITH NO SUPPORT.

That being said, this is a question he should be asking his doctor. And if he won't do that, I would simply volunteer the information to the doctor.

Lastly--he may be your husband and not your child. But if it was my husband, I would not be going on the trip or allowing my children to go. He can still go if he chooses. But I simply would REFUSE. He's thinking like a man (and if that sounds sexist I apologize) who thinks he "knows" his health. Actually--he's thinking like a child. I will not have my children experience the horrifying trauma of their father becoming deathly ill or worse dying at Disney World when it is known that he has a serious health condition requiring attention.

I apologize for being blunt--but this is what your children and you are facing on what should be a magical vacation.

 

[kacaju]

((HUGS)) I am so glad his Dr. is making the time to see you!!

 

[lisaanddenny]

is this for real, seriously? especially putting in the comment of the (8,000sq foot) home.....what's that got to do with anything? the post is almost ridiculous. if it is true, he's going for him, not DD. "riding coasters even if it can kill him"? thats just ridiculous and who really can feel sorry for anyone with that mind set? and why would he go for 2 weeks when he's already showing signs of stress? come on people, this is silly! What would anyone say to a pregnant woman riding rollercoasters? Yes, we would all think she was nuts! There are warnings posted for each coaster/ride......I don't feel bad at all! Ride away! One would have to wander why someone in their "situation" would live in their situation. Knowing at anytime they could turn into a one income home and knowing two months of heating bills would "wipe" them out....one question, could they try to live in a smaller home? maybe 7,000 square feet? illness can attack anyone but the so called poster's chances are much higher than many...this post is fake, sorry, I have never read something so ridiculous.... It's fiction!

 

[smidgy]

.
But if he does go I would make sure that you make a pact that there are certain things that he won't do. And perhaps getting one of those ECV's for some of the days would help out with the walking.
It is a tough decision either way but I have a feeling that your husband will not let you cancel.

Get his doctor's advice here--but don't wait for September 3rd. Talk to him on the phone or by email or something. Then take his advice into account when making your plans.

If it were me, I would not want to cancel, but might want to plan a little bit differently in order to take it slow and easy on the trip.

I'm so sorry you are having to make this decision.

firstly, prayers and pixie dust to you.
I am happy to hear DH agrees about the coasters. I agree about the "laid back" trip. get an ECV for the whole trip. also, in your circumstance, you should have no trouble getting a GAC card. you should not have to wait in lines in the heat- you should go to the front. call Disney and ask about this.
also ask them to amend their cancellation policy, so you can cancel (if need be ) AFTER the consultation. also at your resort, speak to Disney about the most convenient room. (I don't know where you are staying, but all resorts have soom rooms that are more convenient than others)

on a dif. note, as far as the heating bills, or getting by on one income in the future. obviously this is not a good time in this economy to try and sell a house (not saying you should, only stating a fact).
now this might sound weird, but I saw (was it Oprah? or early edition?), some people are "house sharing". our grown son in living with us and paying rent, and it helps us both out). yes, we are family. but some people are matching up with other families. there are a lot of nice, classy people who have been forclosed on or lost their jobs. with a big house like that, maybe (in the future, IF you need to), you could rent out a portion of your house to another nice decent family. It would probably be temporary.. help you out for a while and help them out for a while. One such case invloved a stewardess who kept an apt. in the city she flew to often (she and hubby have a house in another state) and couldn't afford it anymore, so she house shared with a family. just a weird thought...

good luck to you and esp. to hubby. If you go, take it easy, take breaks, and have FUN!!!!

 

[carmie3377]

is this for real, seriously? especially putting in the comment of the (8,000sq foot) home.....what's that got to do with anything? the post is almost ridiculous. if it is true, he's going for him, not DD. "riding coasters even if it can kill him"? thats just ridiculous and who really can feel sorry for anyone with that mind set? and why would he go for 2 weeks when he's already showing signs of stress? come on people, this is silly! What would anyone say to a pregnant woman riding rollercoasters? Yes, we would all think she was nuts! There are warnings posted for each coaster/ride......I don't feel bad at all! Ride away! One would have to wander why someone in their "situation" would live in their situation. Knowing at anytime they could turn into a one income home and knowing two months of heating bills would "wipe" them out....one question, could they try to live in a smaller home? maybe 7,000 square feet? illness can attack anyone but the so called poster's chances are much higher than many...this post is fake, sorry, I have never read something so ridiculous.... It's fiction!

I don't see someone with over 1700 posts as a troll. Perhaps if they had just a few posts, but not someone with so many posts.

If you don't believe what you are reading, why even read the whole post? And then waste your time commenting on it?

To the OP, I'm sorry for what you are going through. I'm glad that he has taken your advice to listen to the doctor and not go on the coasters. I think that if the doctor gives him the okay, go but just make sure he takes it as easy as he can.

 

[parkers*momma]

I will let you all know. Thanks again.

 

[torinsmom]

Ugh...some people need to take a hint from Thumper--"If you can't say something nice... don't say nothing at all."

OP--
I WISH I could have a house of any size and have it paid off at your age! You are doing a great job, it seems to me. I'm sorry your husband needs the surgery, but I sure am glad they discovered the current problem now and not when you were in WDW! And I do not blame you for living life to the fullest. I hope you get your trip at a time when your DH can really enjoy it with his kids and wife.

Marsha

 

[smidgy]

is this for real, seriously? especially putting in the comment of the (8,000sq foot) home.....what's that got to do with anything? :

what the square footage "has to do with anything" is the cost of heating it.
as you can see in the OP's later post, they had many children (one adopted)
Do I wish I could afford an 8000 sq. ft. house? yes. can I ? no. that doesn't mean other people that CAN, SHOULDN'T. I would if I could.
the OP asked VERY NICELY not to be flamed..... so DON'T.

Yes, I DID bring up the size of their house myself, only to make a constructive suggestion. No one can get a decent price for a house right now. obviously they have planned well .. their house is paid for! (wish I could say that for my townhouse. we are waiting to sell until we can get a better price). they would be foolish to sell now. I suggested house sharing, as a temporary, last choice option.

Sorry, I wish it was a "fake" post. The reason I made reference to the footage of the house was to show WHY it would wipe out our savings. We have 5 children plus 1 more (adopted) who lives with us when he is home (air force). Of our children, we still have two at home. Yes we live in a huge house and it does have it's draw backs (monthly expenses) but we are also a very tight family and when/if someone needs to stay with us-short term/long term-our door is always open for who ever is down on their luck. We have spet our entire lives rebuilding the house, just paid it off, and we have talked about downsizing to a degree--but in this market??? At this time, we choose not to but we do realize in time we will have too.

I'm not trying to be mean here but we have lived this life for the past 24 years. We decided clear back then to live life to it's fullest and create as many memories as we can for the children. We chose not to live our life in a box just waiting for the day for him to die. We know it will happen but in the same token, it could happen to me walking to the mailbox. We CHOSE to live and support each other in good times and bad. Wouldn't you stop living just to wait on death? We won't.

This vacation was booked over a year ago...as was every trip before it. It gives us something to look forward too. Last year, as with every other year, we have booked 2 weeks and thoroughly enjoyed it.

I came seeking wisdom/advice from DISBOARDS as MOST ppl can either relate to situations as these or offer sound unbiase opinions. That is all I am asking for...nothing more and nothing less.

I could only wish this was fiction. It's just the cards we were dealt and I was just seeking support and opinions from friends and soon to be friends on DISBOARDS. Sadly, there are many personal situations in one's life that not everyone knows about and at times, we even need a lil guidance, strength, encouragement and advice before we feel swallowed up. I feel sorry for those who don't have the compassion to know that life isn't always grand for everyone or that everyone on the net is out to scam someone. Thank you again to those who have kindly offered their opinions, insight, and encouragement.

I also understand the "male mentality" my hubby LOVES coasters. he also has had 5 foot surgeries, and should let me push him in a wheelchair... but he won't he hobbles around the parks. gives up his seat on the bus.. ALWAYS!

And anyone with disablities that threaten his life has a right to think of himself from time to time.

Parker's momma.... take the fingers of your right hand...make a "brushing" movement across your left shoulder. that's how you should think of the previous posters words.

oh yeah, seriously think of having your hubby apply for Disability. you can PM me if you want more info. yes, there are a lot of scammers who apply for it. then there are those who really need it. kisses and hugs. smidgy

 

[Nurse_Mommy4]

is this for real, seriously? especially putting in the comment of the (8,000sq foot) home.....what's that got to do with anything? the post is almost ridiculous. if it is true, he's going for him, not DD. "riding coasters even if it can kill him"? thats just ridiculous and who really can feel sorry for anyone with that mind set? and why would he go for 2 weeks when he's already showing signs of stress? come on people, this is silly! What would anyone say to a pregnant woman riding rollercoasters? Yes, we would all think she was nuts! There are warnings posted for each coaster/ride......I don't feel bad at all! Ride away! One would have to wander why someone in their "situation" would live in their situation. Knowing at anytime they could turn into a one income home and knowing two months of heating bills would "wipe" them out....one question, could they try to live in a smaller home? maybe 7,000 square feet? illness can attack anyone but the so called poster's chances are much higher than many...this post is fake, sorry, I have never read something so ridiculous.... It's fiction!

That was just mean.