WWYD (a couple layers)?

[tlbwriter]

NOPE, again, couldn't be more wrong...
I never, ever, said or even began to imply such a thing. At all.
My son is now 13, and we have always spent most if not all of our vacation time together.

If they want family togetherness, fine!!! That is wonderful!!!! Go rent a beach house somewhere for the week, etc...
Make sure the expectations are there up front.

But, to go to an all inclusive resort, and tell a 14 year old that all the fun things all the other kids her age are doing are totally off-limits... because, she has to sit with grandma and grandma, 24/7, for a full week.

Try to twist my words around and flame me all you want.
But, yes, I do see a very clear problem with that.

Well, to be fair, you're twisting a lot of things around and making some assumptions. The OP's fear was that there would be no "fun things all the kids her age are doing." So it makes no sense for you to assume there WILL be all sorts of things for teens but that she will not be allowed to do them.

 

[Scurvy]

The point is, whether it is hours of bingo, sitting in a restaurant for hours then going to bed at 9:00, or any other of many possible possibilities to make it seem controlling and inappropriate as an expectation for kids.

Good grief! I see why you are so upset on her behalf. I wouldn't want to participate in those activities either, and I am an adult. Are those typical adult vacation activities? Because if so, I'm apparently doing something wrong on vacation. My 14 year old actually enjoys the activites we do on our trips, so I must not be acting enough like an adult.

Seriously, though, do you have some reason to believe that she's going to be restricted to acting like someone in a nursing home? I've never known anyone who behaved that way on vacation, adult or not.

 

[FredinFL]

If the teen activities are included, there is no reason not to let her go to them. Maybe Nana didn't think she'd like to do the teen activities alone and was just making it clear that the adults weren't to be expected to go with her.

 

[mdsoccermom]

It doesn't have to be booze or 'R' rated for the grandmother to consider it an adult activity.

The point is, whether it is hours of bingo, sitting in a restaurant for hours then going to bed at 9:00, or any other of many possibilities to make it seem controlling and inappropriate as an expectation for kids.

Yes, 14 years old IS still a kid.

Not an adult.

For the grandmother to dismiss this teen grandchild and make that statement and have those expectations us just wrong on every level.

The OP said My mom told me on the phone yesterday that they were going to focus on the "little ones" and let the teen enjoy the adult activities because they don't know if she'd enjoy teen clubs (or even attend).

Adult activities (as mentioned MANY times here) could include: parasailing, jet skiing, spa treatments, snorkeling, diving, etc. You know, things not readily available to the little ones.

Most teens would love those activities and would take them over any organized club activity.

There is nothing in the OP that states there was the expectation of the kid being with the adults in the party all day, every day, 24/7.

We realize that you can't stand your in-laws and have your own set of control issues with them. But that's not necessary to twist and project them on every single other family that posts on these boards. Really.

 

[sam_gordon]

But, to go to an all inclusive resort, and tell a 14 year old that all the fun things all the other kids her age are doing are totally off-limits... because, she has to sit with grandma and grandma, 24/7, for a full week.

OP here... I *NEVER* got that impression. I'm sorry if I gave that impression. Not what I meant.

Again, this thread has made me feel better about the "no teen club". Not having been to an AI resort before and seeing some that HAVE teen clubs and some that don't, I thought that was going to be an issue.

 

[msjprincess]

MagicMom,
I am wondering what part of 'being with the adults' and 'no teen club' did you miss?

The OP said they don't even have a resort picked out yet. How do you know there won't be a teen club?

The grandmother said she won't pick a resort based on a teen club, but that doesn't mean there won't be one.

Even if there's not one I'm sure they will be other teens at the pool or beach for her to nag out with.

 

[Wishing on a star]

This has absolutely nothing to do with my inlaws... at all... period.

It has everything to do with an apparent lack of communication and some control issues with the OP and their parents. Why can't they iron these expectations out?

I've said that many times here.

But, again, maybe I should try it in Greek.

 

[Wishing on a star]

The OP said they don't even have a resort picked out yet. How do you know there won't be a teen club?

Ummmm, hello, but I am the first one who reassured the OP that I couldn't imagine an all inclusive without teen options. I am the one who openly stated that as a bogus concern, because the resort had not been picked yet.

Again, I NEVER said that there would not be a teen club. EVER
The OP's mother seems to have decided that the teen will not sign up for the teen club, and will therefore, by virtue of no other option, spend all of their time with the adults doing whatever the adults are doing.

Look, maybe some of you here know that we disagree on a key issue or two. But, really, the words that are being put in my mouth, and derailing this thread with this negativity directed personally at me, is just getting completely ridiculous.

 

[Scurvy]

this has absolutely nothing to do with my inlaws... At all... Period.

It has everything to do with an apparent lack of communication and some control issues with the op and their parents. Why can't they iron these expectations out?

I've said that many times here.

But, again, maybe i should try it in greek.

Έχει πάντα να κάνει με μια προφανής έλλειψη επικοινωνίας και κάποια θέματα ελέγχου με το ΕΠ και τους γονείς τους. Γιατί δεν μπορούν να σίδηρο αυτές τις προσδοκίες έξω;

 

[Wishing on a star]

Thanks!!!!
You beat me to it...

 

[sam_gordon]

But it doesn't change my opinion. Sam, what does your wife think about all this?

DW basically is at the "just show up" point. But that's because she doesn't want to rock the boat. However, I haven't told her about the "focus on the little ones" comment yet.

 

[sam_gordon]

The OP's mother seems to have decided that the teen will not sign up for the teen club, and will therefore, by virtue of no other option, spend all of their time with the adults doing whatever the adults are doing.

Again, not the impression I got and not one I meant to give. I just understood it to mean they (parents) weren't going to worry about whether there were dedicated teen activities (like I have seen listed at some resorts). Again, many on here have said that's nothing to worry about, and that makes me feel better.

 

[mdsoccermom]

Ummmm, hello, but I am the first one who reassured the OP that I couldn't imagine an all inclusive without teen options. I am the one who openly stated that as a bogus concern, because the resort had not been picked yet.

Again, I NEVER said that there would not be a teen club. EVER
The OP's mother seems to have decided that the teen will not sign up for the teen club, and will therefore, by virtue of no other option, spend all of their time with the adults doing whatever the adults are doing.

Look, maybe some of you here know that we disagree on a key issue or two. But, really, the words that are being put in my mouth, and derailing this thread with this negativity directed personally at me, is just getting completely ridiculous.

And at no point did the OPs mother decide the kid will spend all of her time with the adults doing whatever the adults are doing. Even the OP clarified and said that's not the case, but somehow, you've latched onto that idea like rabid dog and won't let go.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP here... I *NEVER* got that impression. I'm sorry if I gave that impression. Not what I meant.

Again, this thread has made me feel better about the "no teen club". Not having been to an AI resort before and seeing some that HAVE teen clubs and some that don't, I thought that was going to be an issue.

Okay, if that is true, and your concern is the 'focus on the little ones' comment... Then I go back to my original comments.... The only thing I ever really was onboard with was this issue with your teen. Which now is a non-issue.
(Sorry, but I really know of no other way to read "14 year old 'teen' will be with the adults enjoying the adult activities." and wouldn't want to sign up for the teen program anyhow...)

I always said it was not the baseball, not the focus-on-the little ones( who DO need some accommodation), not even the air arrangements...
At this point these are non-existent concerns and possible control issues.

If there is, indeed, no serious issue with your oldest child spending the week and enjoying the vacation... then, I am squarely with the go-with-flow camp.

OP, I understand that you have never been to an AI.... I have only been to one.. several years ago now...
But, I CAN tell you that I know that some of the ones you mentioned are known as excellent and very family oriented all inclusives.

 

[luvsJack]

Okay, if that is true, and your concern is the 'focus on the little ones' comment... Then I go back to my original comments.... The only thing I ever really was onboard with was this issue with your teen. Which now is a non-issue.

I always said it was not the baseball, not the focus-on-the little ones(who DO need some accomodation), not even the air arrangements...
At this point these are non-existent concerns and possible control issues.

If there is, indeed, no serious issue with your oldest child spending the week and enjoying the vacation... then, I am squarely with the go-with-flow camp.

OP, I understand that you have never been to an AI.... I have only been to one.. several years ago now...
But, I CAN tell you that I know that some of the ones you mentioned are known as excellent and very family oriented all inclusives.

Ok, I have GOT to ask. How do you know that? (bolded) It may very well be about softball and air arrangments and the fact that all consideration is being given to the younger kids.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ummmmm, because this has all been discussed and clarified for several pages now.....

 

[luvsJack]

Ummmmm, because this has all been discussed and clarified for several pages now.....

ummmmm, I have not seen the OP say one time that it wasn't about those things. He said he felt better to see that most places do have activities for the teens but not sure what else you may be referring to???

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

ummmmm, I have not seen the OP say one time that it wasn't about those things. He said he felt better to see that most places do have activities for the teens but not sure what else you may be referring to???

Don't worry, you aren't alone! I'll join you in a shrug.

 

[Magic Mom]

Don't worry, you aren't alone! I'll join you in a shrug.

She lost me a few pages back.

 

[okeydokey]

This has absolutely nothing to do with my inlaws... at all... period.

It has everything to do with an apparent lack of communication and some control issues with the OP and their parents. Why can't they iron these expectations out?

I've said that many times here.

But, again, maybe I should try it in Greek.

It's amazing that someone is trying to do something nice, like treating their entire family to a free vacation, and someone has to pick it apart and find something nefarious in it. I would hate to live my life in such a paranoid state, always waiting for some slight to pounce on. Must be hard.