Wow, DD called her teacher a jerk.

[luvsmickeymouse]

She made a mistake. The punishment should fit the crime. A letter of apology with a discussion of behavior is a logical consequence. Extreme removal of everything else? I don't think I am on board with that. As adults we think "jerk" and certainly worse about bosses, but we have the maturity and ability to hold back (most adults, anyway).

She is still young and needs to learn her lessons. With your guidance she will learn that verbal outbursts won't fix anything. It sounds like she felt that she was unfairly treated and had no power no fix it.

I wouldn't dwell on it as a parent. I would be very upset if my DDs did that, but the situation needs to be put in perspective. Give her a consequence and move on, NOT continued consequences to relive it over and over.

BTW: I am a teacher; I would forgive a sincere kid for that in a heart beat (and I have).

This is well said.

 

[MushyMushy]

I thought someone had probably wondered this. This makes me sad for the little girl. I am thankful for my dd's that know they can come to me with anything, and I will listen. I also never doubt them-and I would never take the word of a teacher over theirs. So sad.

Wait, you never doubt your kids and you think the teachers would just make stuff up about them?



You are in for a long ride.

 

[Ember]

I agree that this is about a lack of respect, but this level of disrespect is very out of character for DD. She has never done anything like this before. We are taking responsibility for it though. That's what parents do.

So, no video games, no t.v., no computer, no friends. She will be made to write an apology letter to the teacher. And I'm thinking she needs to write lines. "I will not talk back to my teacher." And although I know the principal made her apologize to the teacher, I'm thinking she needs to apologize again in the morning, once she's had a night to sleep on it.

I know she's a normal kid and she just had a case of temporary insanity. Hopefully we won't have to do this again with her....ever. I suspect some of this will come up again during the glorious teen years, but one can dream.

Is there a standing ovation smiley somewhere?

THIS is what makes a good parent. I can't count the number of interactions I've had where parents defend their child's bad behavior. They simply can't conceive that their little snowflake is less than perfect. I'm all for listening to your child's side of the story, but I don't think this means discounting the teacher's version.

OP, in lieu of a standing ovation smiley I hope you'll accept this dancing banana. You've earned it.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Wait, you never doubt your kids and you think the teachers would just make stuff up about them?



You are in for a long ride.

Though in defense--some teachers make mistakes.

I got busted in 7th grade doing something completely permissable and my pre-algebra teacher reemed me in front of the whole class for it and accused me of cutting class.

I didn't cut class, I followed the instructions of the administration and she didn't give a flying hoot that I had been excused from class. Oddly, she never "officially" reprimanded me. The tongue lashing was enough to let me know to never trust her again.

 

[patsal]

Ok, first remember that you didn't raise her to act that way. You will re-explain all of that when you get her home, of course. Remember that you are not with her at all times and that she needs to be accountable for her actions, not you. I think many people forget that children do not always reflect the best of the way they are raised. She is acting out because she is angry about the punishment she received from her teacher--at that moment she thought the teacher was a jerk--what she didn't do was remember that she needed to keep that thought in her head, but not actually verbalize it! A lesson I am certain she has now mastered!
You are doing all the right things by giving the teacher backup, giving the principal backup and supporting whatever punishment she gets as well as giving her a consequence at home. All the right things. It is important to remember that your DD is not the first child to do this nor will she be the last, you just want to be sure this is the last time she does this!
However as another pp mentioned giv ethe consequence and let it be over. As a high school teacher I have been called much worse and forgiven and moved on!

I also just wanted to mention that I have not ever made up stories about a student. I alredy have enough work to do and enough drama at the HS level, who would want to add to that?!

 

[ms.yt]

I thought someone had probably wondered this. This makes me sad for the little girl. I am thankful for my dd's that know they can come to me with anything, and I will listen. I also never doubt them-and I would never take the word of a teacher over theirs. So sad.

Listening to your children is one thing, but thinking your kids would never lie to you is absurd.

 

[scottishduffy]

I remember very vividly cursing out a first grade teacher. I was a bit of a behavior problem during early in my school career.

I was sent to the principal, grounded at home for a few days, and had to apologize to the teacher in person the next morning before class. My mom stood behind me while I apologized for my behavior and my language.

I wasn't perfect, but I did get better and was eventually a perfect angel. You are doing the right thin by giving consequences for this behavior. Just remain confident she will eventually outgrow this behavior with your guidance.

 

[ladycollector]

I wouldnt worry too much. I am 20 years old and I had the WORST mouth as a child to teen. I was SO FRESH - most people though I was going to be some awful statistic as an adult, but I'm 20 and a senior in college, volunteer often, applying to grad school, etc.

I guess what I'm trying to say is she's probably a super smart go getter and sometimes those personality types come off a little strong - esp as children. As long as you reprimand the behavior (my parents did every time, I also got sent to the principal a few times as a child) I think she will know it's not acceptable.

Flame me but I'm just trying to give a different perspective.

 

[Disney Doll]

Really OP, you sound like you are doing great. I am quite sure your DD has gotten the message already. I know that as a child, when I did something I knew disappointed my parenst, that was the worst thing.

And there's a part of me that wonders if the teacher didn't snicker a little on the inside with this very indignant 9 year old calling her a jerk. Kids that age are usually pretty funny when thye get frustrated...

 

[Disney Doll]

I also never doubt them-and I would never take the word of a teacher over theirs. So sad.

Good luck with that plan.

 

[MushyMushy]

Good luck with that plan.

I consider it part of my job when I doubt my kids. Kids are the best liars I know!

Somehow they still manage to talk to me and come to me with problems.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Another reason to bring back capital punishment to the schools. This would have already been taken care of before your daughter got home from school. Than she should have had an extra dose from you or the father. The young kids today do not respect adults, and its the parents fault.

Are you aware that "capital punishment" means the death penalty? Sheesh...that's pretty stringent for what amounts to back-talk.

OP, it sounds like you and the principal handled the situation just fine.

 

[gregokdisney]

Good luck with that plan.

I totally agree - the sad truth is that you can't trust every single thing your kid says and anyone who says they can is total denial. Kids are huge liars - they're testing boundaries every day. That's part of a parent's job, is to teach that that is not okay.

I'm teach in a middle school and I am SICK Of parents who never support the teachers and will not take the word of a professional over their little darling. Especially when you've got a teacher with a fantastic track record, years of experience, and no reason to lie. Most teachers are there to help your child do their best - and lying and being disrespectful is not the way to go.

Now I'm not saying that you should NEVER take your kids' word over a teacher's, but you certainly have the right to question your child's version of events. If it doesn't jibe, like the OP seems to have discovered, it's probably that the child has determined they are in big trouble and are going to fry and are trying to get out of it.

There was another thread on the DIS recently about a child who said her music teacher pulled her hair. She questioned her child carefully, spoke to the teacher and compared the two stories and ultimately decided that it was her daughter's version that made most sense, was repeated without being changed, and she sided with her daughter.

It's hard, but as a parent you can't just accept that everything that comes out of your child's mouth is the gospel truth. Of course, you can't accept the word of some adults, but you have to be able to judge. Saying you'd never accept the word of a teacher over your child is just ignorant.

 

[turkeymama]

I consider it part of my job when I doubt my kids. Kids are the best liars I know!

Somehow they still manage to talk to me and come to me with problems.

OP here. Funny story about DD. When she was about 4 years old, I was drying her hair after a bath. She shook her head, looked at me strangely and said "It feels like I have a rock in my ear." I asked her why it would feel that way and she said "Because I HAVE a rock in my ear." So, I get the flashlight and look, sure enough, she has a rock in her ear. Of course, my next question was, "How did you get a rock in your ear?" She said, "Well, I was laying on the ground, on my side, and Faith through a bunch of rocks in the air and one must have landed in my ear."

To this day, she will swear that she did not put that rock in her ear (it actually turned out to be 2 rocks, according to the ENT that removed them). Now I know there is not a snowball's chance that her story is true, but she's sticking to it. She knows I don't believe her though. Of course we laugh about it now.

Oh and the other little girl, Faith? Yep, she swallowed her rocks. You should have seen the look on DD's face when she found out how Faith's rocks were going to come out. Ah, good times with kids.

 

[Lucky4me]

Back in the olden days, the worst kids on the street and in school were the kids whose parents believed them over everyone else, every time.
I remember one kid taunting us that he could do whatever he wanted, his parents wouldn't believe us if we told on him. He was right. Unfortunately, he ended up in jail at 17 because the cops, unlike his parents, did not believe him.

 

[turkeymama]

I wouldnt worry too much. I am 20 years old and I had the WORST mouth as a child to teen. I was SO FRESH - most people though I was going to be some awful statistic as an adult, but I'm 20 and a senior in college, volunteer often, applying to grad school, etc.

I guess what I'm trying to say is she's probably a super smart go getter and sometimes those personality types come off a little strong - esp as children. As long as you reprimand the behavior (my parents did every time, I also got sent to the principal a few times as a child) I think she will know it's not acceptable.

Flame me but I'm just trying to give a different perspective.

DD is smart enough to breeze through most of her lessons, but doesn't test quite high enough to go on to gifted classes yet. So yes, she is smart and she is a little go getter. That's why she gets in trouble for talking in class a lot. Usually, she accepts her conduct mark and goes on about her way. So yes, I totally understand what you're saying.

 

[Mermaid02]

Maybe the teacher is a jerk? Of course I wouldn't tell DD that...

That being said, you need to get across to your dd that you can't always SAY what is on your mind....

 

[ogreenlee]

My 3rd grade teacher, Mrs. Miller... I'll never forget her.

"Jerk" would not be the name I would have used for that female dog! That lady was mean as the devil, and I can remember her face 30 years later. I remember the one day she smiled. I am not kidding. She was the most miserable woman.

That being said, she probably would have slapped me if I called her any name.

 

[agnes!]

I remember very vividly cursing out a first grade teacher. I was a bit of a behavior problem during early in my school career.

I was sent to the principal, grounded at home for a few days, and had to apologize to the teacher in person the next morning before class. My mom stood behind me while I apologized for my behavior and my language.

I wasn't perfect, but I did get better and was eventually a perfect angel. You are doing the right thin by giving consequences for this behavior. Just remain confident she will eventually outgrow this behavior with your guidance.

Oooooooo, I like the part about standing behind the kid as she apologizes.
agnes!

 

[mickaholic4077]

Another reason to bring back capital punishment to the schools. This would have already been taken care of before your daughter got home from school. Than she should have had an extra dose from you or the father. The young kids today do not respect adults, and its the parents fault.

I don't think killing a child for calling a teacher a jerk is exactly warranted.