Wow, DD called her teacher a jerk.

[CathrynRose]

Oh and it would be a cold day in hell I would agree to corporal punishment, let alone capital at school.

My boys have had several wonderful teachers, and several complete power tripping *jerks* (to use the OP's daughter's term ) teachers.

No way I'd want the latter smacking my kid around. I was good enough at it myself, to need any assistance.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Once she realizes the error of her ways, I would have her write a letter of apology to the teacher on top of whatever the school is making her do.

The letter must include the fact that she is sorry and what she is sorrry for as well as whatever her intentions are in the future regarding the behavior. (i.e. "I promise to be more respectful next time.)

(I had my 4th grader do this just this week as she got kicked out of dance class for misbehaving. No name calling, just my ADHD kid being a brat and not cluing in that she needs to hush her mouth and listen.)

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Hopefully you are either being sarcastic, don't know what CAPITAL punishment means, or meant to write CORPORAL punishment. And that isn't even beginning to enter the argument for/against corporal punishment.

OP - hang in there. That fact that you are taking responsibility for it (and, more importantly, making your daugther take responsibility for her actions) speaks volumes. And in a good way.

Good luck.

Wow the death penalty for name calling.

 

[DawnCt1]

And something else I always try to keep in mind. Kids are human beings. They have emotions, too. She was angry and she's a child. An adult would know better than to name call - but she's a munchkin. She was mad and she called him/her a jerk. It's not the end of the world.

I actually am not one to double punish. When my boys got in trouble at school - they got in trouble at school. When they got in trouble at home - I didn't expect the school to punish them, too. KWIM?

Just my opinion, of course.

If my DSs behaved badly enough at school that it came to my attention, then they also got punished at home.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Another reason to bring back capital punishment to the schools. This would have already been taken care of before your daughter got home from school. Than she should have had an extra dose from you or the father. The young kids today do not respect adults, and its the parents fault.

I certainly hope you meant CORPORAL punishment! And even then, corporal punishment has no business in schools. If a swat is necessary and seen as an appropriate punishment by the parents, the parent should administer it.

We had corporal punishment back when I was in school, and the way it was handed out, I almost got a swat for doing nothing.

How many children do you have, BTW? Just curious.

Interesting, the posters who think that "capital" punishment is appropriate should maybe go back to school for a grammar/definition lesson.

 

[monkeybug]

WOW! I can't believe Im reading that comment. I don't even know what to say to that. Capital punishment and its the parents fault?? Just WOW. What decade are you from?

I haven't read beyond the point that you posted this, but when I read that comment I thought exactly the same thing. Just...WOW...I mean...really?
To the OP, sorry this happened!! Sounds like you and your husband are good parents, I'm sure it will all work out fine

(when ever we have to get after my daughter for talking back or arguing while I am correcting her I'm also silently thinking that I'm thankful she's intelligent enough to have an opinion, and spirited enough to try to articulate it. I'm thinking once she figures out the appropriate and inappropriate times to do so, it will be an asset, not a weakness! I'm no expert but logic tells me there is a good chance that doormat children grow into doormat adults.)

 

[GothTink]

Another reason to bring back capital punishment to the schools. This would have already been taken care of before your daughter got home from school. Than she should have had an extra dose from you or the father. The young kids today do not respect adults, and its the parents fault.

Seriously?

 

[dopeysgirl01]

Good for you in taking this seriously. I have a dd in third grade as well. She looks like a little angel, but I tell her teachers up front that she can be a hanful at times and to let me know right away. I make sure that my dd knows that her teacher and I are in constant communication. If she gets in trouble at school then she faces consequences at home as well. My dd had to write her teacher a note about two weeks ago. I would just make sure that your dd understands that what she did was unacceptable. Good luck! Kids do the darndest things, it happens. It's how you deal wth it as a parent that matters.

 

[2girlsmom]

I am sure the pp MEANT corporal punishment, and while I do agree that some parents try to hard to be buddies with their kids and those kids tend to be disrespectful to other adults, I definitely do NOT think they should reinstate corporal punishment in the schools. First off, NO ONE has permission or the right to put their hands on my child, nor would I ever give that permission to anyone. Second, let's face it, the OP is right that corporal punishment even by parents (which is the only right way imo) just doesn't work well with many kids. As long as the child gets the point that calling names is not acceptable, regardless of how angry she feels, I would say that the OP has nothing to be embarrassed of. Kids DO make mistakes, I am sure the child would agree this was a mistake. She will have to face the consequences for her actions both at school and at home, and that will drive home the error of her ways.

 

[turkeymama]

Thanks for the supportive words everyone. I have had time to digest everything, still waiting on the principal to call. May not get her on the phone till tomorrow.

Of course, DD has her "version" of events, which I'm not really buying into for various reasons (her version doesn't seem reasonable, and she keeps adding to it). At the least, whether she did the name-calling or not, she still got herself into a sticky situation by talking back to the teacher and being disrespectful. That in itself is enough to warrant the punishment we are giving her.

So, no video games, no t.v., no computer, no friends. She will be made to write an apology letter to the teacher. And I'm thinking she needs to write lines. "I will not talk back to my teacher." And although I know the principal made her apologize to the teacher, I'm thinking she needs to apologize again in the morning, once she's had a night to sleep on it.

I know she's a normal kid and she just had a case of temporary insanity. Hopefully we won't have to do this again with her....ever. I suspect some of this will come up again during the glorious teen years, but one can dream.

 

[Tikitoi]

I agree that this is about a lack of respect, but this level of disrespect is very out of character for DD. She has never done anything like this before. We are taking responsibility for it though. That's what parents do.

I think it is great that you, the parents are making her take responsibility and realize her actions are not acceptable. There are far too many parents who would just sweep this under the rug and somehow blame it on the school or teacher. Or say it was only words, just to justify it. I'm sure the fact that you are going to handle things at home will make your DD into a much more respectable student. Keep up what you are doing!

 

[C.Ann]

I'm humiliated, embarrassed, ashamed, and extremely disappointed. I can't imagine what possessed DD to do this. If you've read this far, thanks for reading. I just want to cry. At the same time, I'm so angry.

Why? You didn't call the teacher a "jerk".. LOL.. (JUst trying to make you smile..)

It's not the end of the world - doesn't mean you have "failed" as a mom.. Could be a one-time thing.. Wait until you calm down and then you and your DH can figure out how you want to address this with your DD..

Being a "mom" (or "dad") is never easy..

 

[Nickimouse]

Hugs to you! I know things like this can be stressful for parents. Been there done that. It sounds like you and your DH are doing a great job raising her! Don't beat yourself up over this!

I work with 3 and 4 year olds in a daycare/preschool setting and unfortunately I have been called a jerk, a ding dong and told to shut up!

 

[disneydreamingdebby]

She made a mistake. The punishment should fit the crime. A letter of apology with a discussion of behavior is a logical consequence. Extreme removal of everything else? I don't think I am on board with that. As adults we think "jerk" and certainly worse about bosses, but we have the maturity and ability to hold back (most adults, anyway).

She is still young and needs to learn her lessons. With your guidance she will learn that verbal outbursts won't fix anything. It sounds like she felt that she was unfairly treated and had no power no fix it.

I wouldn't dwell on it as a parent. I would be very upset if my DDs did that, but the situation needs to be put in perspective. Give her a consequence and move on, NOT continued consequences to relive it over and over.

BTW: I am a teacher; I would forgive a sincere kid for that in a heart beat (and I have).

 

[kellyg403]

Hugs OP! I understand how you feel. I also applaud you for taking it seriously and understanding that your dd needs the knowledge now that you and the teacher are one and the same.

My ds, now 25, in 3rd grade decided it was fun to hang with a group of young 'men' who made fun of their elderly janitor. Finally, one day, after a VERY mean spirited attempt by one of the boys to cause the janitor more work, it was brought to my attention by the principle that my son was in the 'group'. Not only did he experience pure misery at home but for one week after school said ds was helping the janitor after school until 5 pm. And I made sure it was the worst work the janitor could give him. He deserved nothing less. But ds NEVER was mean again to another person that I am aware of.

Sometimes we have to be creative as parents to get the point across. I think just by the comments you have made here that you are an excellent set of parents, your dd is a normal kid and this is just a blip in the kid radar. She tried it, it didn't work...and actually it was way worse than she could have imagined!

Kelly

 

[gonzo76]

Another reason to bring back capital punishment to the schools. This would have already been taken care of before your daughter got home from school. Than she should have had an extra dose from you or the father. The young kids today do not respect adults, and its the parents fault.

Oh wait.. you're not kidding!

 

[MM27]

WOW - I"m beyond shocked!!!! First - good for you for being a caring enough parent to realize that talking back is not always a good idea, and IF NEED BE making her take responsibilty for it.

HOWEVER - UNTIL you've had a chance to speak to your DD and get her side of things I wouldn't rush to believe EVERYTHING the school said. MAYBE you aren't getting the entire story.

I'm kind of shocked at that. I want ALL sides before I jump to a conclusion that my child is the ONLY one wrong.


AS for my child being PHYSICALLY punished at school - that will NEVER happen and I hope you were being sarcastic!!!!!!!!!!!

I've had worse said to me
In my school we would get spoken to by the principal about sending a kid to the office for something as small as being called a jerk.

I understand wanting to hear the child's side of the story too, but when is calling the teacher a jerk acceptable? Regardless of what led up to it, the child should not have said it.

I have had things happen during the school day and kids will go home and deny that they did it. Honestly, I have more things going on during the day to make up things about students.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Thanks for the supportive words everyone. I have had time to digest everything, still waiting on the principal to call. May not get her on the phone till tomorrow.

Of course, DD has her "version" of events, which I'm not really buying into for various reasons (her version doesn't seem reasonable, and she keeps adding to it). At the least, whether she did the name-calling or not, she still got herself into a sticky situation by talking back to the teacher and being disrespectful. That in itself is enough to warrant the punishment we are giving her.

So, no video games, no t.v., no computer, no friends. She will be made to write an apology letter to the teacher. And I'm thinking she needs to write lines. "I will not talk back to my teacher." And although I know the principal made her apologize to the teacher, I'm thinking she needs to apologize again in the morning, once she's had a night to sleep on it.

I know she's a normal kid and she just had a case of temporary insanity. Hopefully we won't have to do this again with her....ever. I suspect some of this will come up again during the glorious teen years, but one can dream.

I think this punishment is adequate and appropriate. After all this is over, when she is in college, you will all have a good laugh over it. Not now, of course. Temporary insanity sums it up pretty well!

 

[minkydog]

I'm humiliated, embarrassed, ashamed, and extremely disappointed. I can't imagine what possessed DD to do this. If you've read this far, thanks for reading. I just want to cry. At the same time, I'm so angry.

Awww, hunny I don't blame you for feeling upset. However, I'd like to present you with a different way of thinking:


I know you must be proud of your girl(most of the time.) She sounds like a sharp cookie. I assume that you don't take credit for everything she does brilliantly, right? Then, if you can't take credit for all her good qualities, you can't take credit when she shows some bad ones. You are not your daughter. You didn't call names, your DD did. She said it and she will bear the consequences for it. Kids say the darndest(and stupidest) things.

Hold your head up, mom. I'm sure the teacher knows you didn't raise her this way. It sounds to me like your DD was feeling her oats and made a mistake. She'll know better next time.

 

[DisneyWisher]

OP I think you are doing a great job. You seem like a level headed mom. A lot of PP gave great advise. I don't think Corporal Punishment in school is the answer. I remember when my sister was in 4th grade, she was spanked with the paddle in class, male teacher and he pulled up her dress to paddle her. Just knowing that was enough to keep me from ever getting in trouble.

She has only argued with adults to the extent that she tries to "present her side" of the story when she gets corrected. This has been a constant struggle trying to cut that behavior completely, but it has improved dramatically with age.

Though she may fight to get her side presented and its something that you don't like, please don't take her voice away from her. From personal experience I was raised that children are seen and not heard, I took it so literally that I rarely talked (2.5 yrs after being married is when I finally came out of my shell with my in-laws) I am still a shy person and HATE confrontation. Knowing this about myself I did not raise my daughters this way, if they believe they are right I taught them to speak their minds but to do so in a respectful way, just arguing will never get the argument heard, its only loud talking that no one wants to here. Ask your daughter how would she like it if the teacher called her a bad name. I have let some bad things happen to me because I wouldn't stand up for myself, please please make sure your daughter knows that she has a voice.

lol thank goodness for computers, if you were in front of me I probably wouldn't have said that.

Thanks for reading.