Would you tell your spouse?

[boomhauer]

They are indeed dates.

Just the idea of leaving your wife behind to sit over dinner with another woman, alone, and to sit next to her enjoying a movie, alone. With her, instead of with your wife.

We all know that most any woman who would want an exclusive relationship with a married man have questionable intentions.

Just had to respond to those 3 remarks.

1.They are not dates. Would me going out with one of my guy friends for dinner and a movie be a date? Men and women can be friends. I think it's very immature to assume they can't be.

2.I wouldn't be leaving her behind. My wife works 2 nights a week, and one of those nights, my step-son isn't home.

3.I assure you, this friend of mine has NO questionable intentions. We're just very good friends, who like going to the movies. She's like one of the guys to me.

 

[grlpwrd]

I remember you and your posts about your wife, stepson, and your inlaws.

The plot thickens....

Edit for link: Thread about wife

 

[Wishing on a star]

Sorry,

But, yes, those are dates.

There is no reason for the two of you to see each other alone, and purposefully excluding your wife.

There is no excuse for being so insensitive to your wifes feelings!!!!

And, assuming that you are heterosexual... You are seriously very wrong if you think that spending an enjoyable evening alone with a member of the opposit sex is not a date. You are seriously deceiving yourself.

All of the things you just posted...
They are not valid reasons for what you are doing.
They are just attempts at justification.

 

[boomhauer]

I remember you and your posts about your wife, stepson, and your inlaws.

The plot thickens....

My stepson is fantastic. He's 5 years old.

I only have a MIL. She's a pip, but doesn't impact my life much anymore.

Sorry - No plot here.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

I assure you, this friend of mine has NO questionable intentions. We're just very good friends, who like going to the movies. She's like one of the guys to me.

Before I got married, I had a female friend who was just like one of the guys to me as well...until we slept together!! Even though everyone's intentions are above board, sometimes things just happen. Honestly, if you ask your wife if she's cool with it, then it's alright, but if you're just lying to her because you know in your heart that she wouldn't like it, then what you're doing is simply being dishonest.

 

[boomhauer]

Sorry,

But, yes, those are dates.

There is no reason for the two of you to see each other alone, and purposefully excluding your wife.

There is no excuse for being so insensitive to your wifes feelings!!!!

And, assuming that you are heterosexual... You are seriously very wrong if you think that spending an enjoyable evening alone with a member of the opposit sex is not a date. You are seriously deceiving yourself.

Sorry - I don't agree. I've been friends with this person for 10 years and never once thought about going to the movies with her as a date. I guess some people just see things differently. Maybe it's because I have 4 sisters and always hung out with them, but I can easily hang out with a girl and not think of it as a date.

Did I mention yet that my friend's boyfriend would be coming with us?

 

[Wishing on a star]

Also,

in addition to what I have just posted.

The very thought that you would purposefully LIE to your wife.

 

[Rex Rules]

Are you just bonkers?

Yep dinner and a movie is a date and lying to your wife to save her from worrying - or to save you from her questions? How sad that you place so little value on your wife's feelings.

My DH is still friends with an old girlfriend. She lives less than an hour from us. They are just friends and I have never had a problem with him seeing her. I am not insecure. However, if he saw her and felt the need to lie about it, I would naturally assume he had something to hide and it would worry and upset me - as I think any wife would be.

 

[boomhauer]

Also,

in addition to what I have just posted.

The very thought that you would purposefully LIE to your wife.

Damn - All I did was ask if it would be a bad idea in order to spare her feelings.

This topic hit a little too close to home or something?

 

[boomhauer]

Are you just bonkers?

Yep dinner and a movie is a date and lying to your wife to save her from worrying - or to save you from her questions? How sad that you place so little value on your wife's feelings.

My DH is still friends with an old girlfriend. She lives less than an hour from us. They are just friends and I have never had a problem with him seeing her. I am not insecure. However, if he saw her and felt the need to lie about it, I would naturally assume he had something to hide and it would worry and upset me - as I think any wife would be.

So, when your husband goes out with this girl, you don't mind that he's on a date with another woman?

 

[grlpwrd]

My stepson is fantastic. He's 5 years old.

I only have a MIL. She's a pip, but doesn't impact my life much anymore.

Sorry - No plot here.

I don't get into OPD (other people's dramas) these days, but as a woman I respect your wife... and I don't even know her personally. lol

A married man who comes here to complain about wife problems and then later adds that he has a friend who is female and keeps it from his wife. Well, that is wrong.

She is busy working while you choose to enjoy your "friend's" company. Spare her feelings? You don't see a problem with this?

Please don't let us be your conscious. Do the right thing.

Be sure to see www.marriagebuilders.com for some direction. Your "friend" is obviously fulfilling a need that your wife doesn't. GL!

 

[momof3disneyholics]

I can't believe you even asked this question.

I was thinking the same thing...

 

[boomhauer]

I don't get into OPD (other people's dramas) these days, but as a woman I respect your wife... and I don't even know her personally. lol

A married man who comes here to complain about wife problems and then later adds that he has a friend who is female and keeps it from his wife. Well, that is wrong.

She is busy working while you choose to enjoy your "friend's" company. You don't see a problem with this?

Please don't let us be your conscious. Do the right thing.

You're right - I'm not gonna bother posting on here about this stuff anymore. I thought it was a community where people come to talk - Not a courtroom where everyone else's life is perfect.

 

[Mom2Ashli]

Sorry - I don't agree. I've been friends with this person for 10 years and never once thought about going to the movies with her as a date. I guess some people just see things differently. Maybe it's because I have 4 sisters and always hung out with them, but I can easily hang out with a girl and not think of it as a date.

Did I mention yet that my friend's boyfriend would be coming with us?

So than why can't you go when your Wife can join you guys. Why leave her out of the plans.

 

[ducklite]

Sounds like there are problems in your marriage. Are you going out with your friend because you really enjoy her company, or to annoy your wife, who you know will get bent about it just for spite?

Do you invite your wife along?

I go hang out with male friends sometimes without my husband, but he knows he is ALWAYS welcome to join us if he chooses. He generally doesn't. He's met my male friends, and either they aren't his cuppa tea to hang out with or he's just not interested in persuing whatever we are headed out to do--usually going to see a band or art gallery show.

If you are inviting your wife along and she is declining, then she needs to get over it. If on the otherhand you are giving off vibes that she is not welcome, you are wrong, and if I were her I'd be talking to a lawyer.

And LYING to her is inexcusable. Period.

Anne

 

[boomhauer]

So than why can't you go when your Wife can join you guys. Why leave her out of the plans.

Doesn't enjoy hanging out with my friends.

 

[boomhauer]

Do you invite your wife along?

I go hang out with male friends sometimes without my husband, but he knows he is ALWAYS welcome to join us if he chooses. He generally doesn't. He's met my male friends, and either they aren't his cuppa tea to hang out with or he's just not interested in persuing whatever we are headed out to do--usually going to see a band or art gallery show.

Always.

I should have phrased this topic better. I wouldn't lie to my wife. I just don't want her to get worried about something when there's nothing to worry about.

She simply doesn't enjoy hanging out with my friends, male or female.

 

[ducklite]

Always.

I should have phrased this topic better. I wouldn't lie to my wife. I just don't want her to get worried about something when there's nothing to worry about.

She simply doesn't enjoy hanging out with my friends, male or female.

After I read further through this thread, it sounds like you are purposely going out on a night she works and can't join you. Why not get a sitter and choose an activity she will enjoy--surely there must be something, and the four of you go out together. It sounds to me like you have given your wife a reason to be insecure.

And your double standard is sickening. You can take a woman who is not your wife out, but your wife can't go out with another man? That's absurd!

Anne (who's husband was out to dinner with three of her female friends up in NJ last week!)

 

[boomhauer]

And your double standard is sickening. You can take a woman who is not your wife out, but your wife can't go out with another man? That's absurd!

I didn't say she couldn't. I just said, yeah, it would bother me. I wouldn't try and stop my wife from doing anything. And I sure as heck wouldn't let my insecurities stop her from doing anything. Everybody is insecure to an extent. Nothing abnormal about that.

 

[ducklite]

I didn't say she couldn't. I just said, yeah, it would bother me. I wouldn't try and stop my wife from doing anything. And I sure as heck wouldn't let my insecurities stop her from doing anything. Everybody is insecure to an extent. Nothing abnormal about that.

It would bother you, yet it's not allowed to bother your wife?

At any rate, bottom line, if you lie to your wife about this, what's next? And caught lying once about something (not just a little white lie like taking your stepson for and ice cream cone an hour before dinner and telling her you only returned the library books ) will cause her to wonder what else you are lying about.

Anne