Would you tell your spouse?

[Jillpie]

Um, yeah - That's what I'm doing.

Why in the world would I do that?

Um, one word...attention. 4 LONG pages of it.

 

[boomhauer]

Um, one word...attention. 4 LONG pages of it.

Attention from who???

I don't know these people and they don't know me.

 

[Jillpie]

Attention from who???

I don't know these people and they don't know me.

I feel sorry for you. I'm getting off now to go live my life. I suggest you do the same.

 

[boomhauer]

I feel sorry for you. I'm getting off now to go live my life. I suggest you do the same.

Beg your pardon????

You don't know me or anything about me? Who do you think you are? Agree with me or not, don't judge me.

I'd tell you what I suggest you do but this is a family board.

 

[Buckalew11]

There's an awful lot of backstroking going on in your posts. reread them all if you don't agree.

Should you tell her? You always do. Then you should know exactly how she'll react. Same as last time but worse because she's obviously let you know how she feels about this and yet, you are wondering whether to go again and whether to tell her about it.

You'll go on one of the nights she is at work. Yep, every wife wants her DH to go on a movie date with another woman while sh's at work. She's at work? Then why would you ask her to go if it is a night she works? Nope, it really sounded like you planned on going on the night she was a work and your stepson was watched so you could sneak away for movie date with another woman.

Your original post said nothing about your friend bringing her date along. Backstroking...

The list goes on & on. Bottom line is that when you put the shoe on the other foot, you said you wouldn't like it so much if your DW wanted to go to on a movie date with some man.
The other bottom line is that you said that your relationship to your DW matters more. Well, if so, act like it and respect her feelings.

 

[boomhauer]

It's not backstroking. It's just things that I didn't think were relevant that others ask me about that I'm answering.

Some seem to feel as though I'm hiding something from my wife and cheating on her or something. Totally not the case.

In fact, we joked around when I talked to her at lunch when I told her about this thread. She knows I would never stray on her. She knows I worship the ground she walks on. At the same time, I like hanging out with my friends, going away and such. This wasn't something I've been stewing about all weekend. My friend emailed me and asked if I wanted to go to a movie. She's going tomorrow and I know my wife is working then. Too late for her to change now. I was just wondering how I should handle it.

 

[ducklite]

I need to grow up. I won't deny that.

In your own words...

Anne

 

[boomhauer]

In your own words...

Anne

See, of all posts - THAT one makes no sense to me.

You've made me feel bad (which I asked for). I admitted I'm wrong. Just kick me a little bit more.
Why?

 

[imsorry]

It's not backstroking. It's just things that I didn't think were relevant that others ask me about that I'm answering.

Some seem to feel as though I'm hiding something from my wife and cheating on her or something. Totally not the case.

In fact, we joked around when I talked to her at lunch when I told her about this thread. She knows I would never stray on her. She knows I worship the ground she walks on. At the same time, I like hanging out with my friends, going away and such. This wasn't something I've been stewing about all weekend. My friend emailed me and asked if I wanted to go to a movie. She's going tomorrow and I know my wife is working then. Too late for her to change now. I was just wondering how I should handle it.

Wait, she knows about this thread? Then she knows what you are doing! Why come here and ask?

 

[ellyn2000]

Sometimes it's not the who, what, when, where or how of a matter. It's the fact that one feels it's alright to be deceptive that causes problems with trust in a marriage. Apparently she now knows what you plan, so you only need to ask her what to do.

 

[boomhauer]

Wait, she knows about this thread? Then she knows what you are doing! Why come here and ask?

I asked before I told her.

It really wasn't that big of a deal. Got a bit blown oout of proportion. I don't wanna step on any toes, but it seems as though some may have been relaying a bit of their own personal experience and venting it on to me. Which, hey, I asked for. You post, you better be able to deal with the response.

 

[boomhauer]

Sometimes it's not the who, what, when, where or how of a matter. It's the fact that one feels it's alright to be deceptive that causes problems with trust in a marriage. Apparently she now knows what you plan, so you only need to ask her what to do.

I did. She told me it makes her feel awkward, so I'm not going. As much as I felt odd about telling my friend and don't want to make her feel awkward around my wife, some here said it best - My relationship with my wife is far more important, and if it's something that I even have to think about hiding from her, clearly, it's not right. End of story.

 

[mommaU4]

I've read all the posts and I can't tell if this is a "real" situation or not.

Whatever you do, please, please, please don't keep anything from her. Even if you tell her in no uncertain terms that your going and she's not happy, that is always better than keeping secrets. If there's an issue that's out in the open, it can be worked on and fixed. If you are keeping things from her and she finds out, trust will be broken and it takes a long time to repair it. Trust me, I know.

Good luck!!

 

[wdwmom2]

some here said it best - My relationship with my wife is far more important, and if it's something that I even have to think about hiding from her, clearly, it's not right. End of story.

Now that's good thinking!!!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

End of story.

Applause!!!!

 

[boomhauer]

I've read all the posts and I can't tell if this is a "real" situation or not.

It is. Don't know why anyone would make something like this up. Wish I had so little in life to worry about that I could do that.

Anyways, I was wrong to even think about it, I know it, I realize it, already told my wife about it, she told me she'd kill me if I ever lied to her, we laughed, I'm not going, end of story.

 

[mommytotwo]

Why not go on a group date. You take your wife and she take her boyfriend. You can all do something together and get to know each other more.
I wouldn't go out with just the both of you and lie to your wife. Don't loose her trust in you.

 

[A4Disney]

My wife doesn't like the fact that I still occasionally go out with this friend of mine who's a girl. I've been friends with her for 10 years, never anything more. In fact, she came to our wedding, with her live-in boyfriend. My wife is just very insecure.

If I tell her I'm going out for dinner or to a movie with her, my wife will be all upset. No reason for her to be.

So, I'm left in the posistion of either not being friends with this person anymore, going out with her, telling my wife and have her be upset, or, go out with her and not tell my wife, in which case I would feel incredibly guilty.

How long have you been married?Sounds like you married the wrong woman.I feel for your wife,I'm sure she deserves better....

 

[smilie]

Anyways, I was wrong to even think about it, I know it, I realize it, already told my wife about it, she told me she'd kill me if I ever lied to her, we laughed, I'm not going, end of story.

Sounds like a great decision. It also sounds like you both talked it through in the midst of all these posts. I'm glad everyone knows what's going on and the feelings have been shared (between you and your wife, not on here). Sometimes when you post you're really just "thinking out loud". In the end though, I'm glad you both are ok with the decision made.

 

[Crankyshank]

Do you do anything with your wife? Do you take any vacations with her? I think maybe you should stop focusing on your wants and your amusements and do some things to make her happy.
Every time you post something about your wife it's something you've done that's upset her in some way. and then you back track and say she's got a wonderful sense of humor and you laugh about it together.