Would you tell your spouse?

[boomhauer]

Do you do anything with your wife? Do you take any vacations with her? I think maybe you should stop focusing on your wants and your amusements and do some things to make her happy.
Every time you post something about your wife it's something you've done that's upset her in some way. and then you back track and say she's got a wonderful sense of humor and you laugh about it together.

Um, yeah - I take my wife to the movies, out to dinner, every single week.

You know what - I don't owe any further explanation to this. I make mistakes, as done everyone else (except apparently, for a select few DIS members.) I learn from them, accept them, admit when I'm wrong, and move on. Period.

 

[boomhauer]

How long have you been married?Sounds like you married the wrong woman.I feel for your wife,I'm sure she deserves better....

Are you married?

Edit:You know what - Forget that. Don't answer. A post like the one you made isn't worthy of an attempted intelligent conversation.

 

[Buckalew11]

I'm glad to hear you have worked this out with your wife. I hope your friend will be understanding. I think all four of you seeing a movie might be something to try. At least when you see a movie you don't have to make small talk and entertain each other through the movie. But maybe you can ease your wife into a semi-friendship with your friend.
My DH's best friend (a guy) and I are very close friends. However, since we both married, we don't go out anymore. His wife is the polar opposite of me but she is a nice person--we just don't have any common interests. Still, we try to make it all work for relationships sake. I hope you all could have such luck!

 

[kidshop]

Actually, my dh has a few friends who are girls. They have been friends since high school, and I do know them, but they are still his friends, moreso than mine. I would have no problem with his going out with them w/o me. I know my dh, and I know them, so it's a non-issue. He only has an opportunity to see them once or twice a year since either we've moved or they've moved. I'm really not an insecure person, so I see nothing wrong with dh having old friends who are girls (and seeing them w/o me). I might have a problem with any new girl friends he would pick up LOL! We have been together for 18 years, and he has known these friends longer! If anything was going to happen, it would have happened by now. Plus, they are married too. Anyway, sometimes friends are just friends, and I wouldn't want to stop my dh from having a friend he valued.

 

[Crankyshank]

um.. you're not admitting you're wrong here. You post asking for opinions and then get offended that people have ones not to your liking.
That's great you take her out to dinner and movies. Do you also take vacations with her?

 

[ChrisnSteph]

My wife doesn't like the fact that I still occasionally go out with this friend of mine who's a girl. I've been friends with her for 10 years, never anything more. In fact, she came to our wedding, with her live-in boyfriend. My wife is just very insecure.

If I tell her I'm going out for dinner or to a movie with her, my wife will be all upset. No reason for her to be.

Sounds like a DATE to me! Holy moly, what the heck are you thinking?! It's one thing to be friends with another woman - no harm in that - or even hang out from time to time. But to go out to dinner and to the movies, WITHOUT your wife?! I'm far from a jealous or insecure person, but I would definitely have issues with that! So she came to your wedding - big whoop. Your wife is completely justified in her feelings. She's probably ticked off at the fact that you're spending evenings with another woman, and not including her. Why can't you include your wife in these "occasional" dates with your girlfriend? That is where the problem probably lies. Your wife is insecure because you're giving her every reason to be.

 

[daisyduck123]

Married men should not be going out for fun or anything else on a regular basis with women other than their wives. It's not right. I wish I could remember how "Dear Abby" phrases it but I can't think of it right now. It is very cold & selfish towards your wife.

 

[Blondy876]

If you feel like you need to lie to your wife then you shouldn't be doing it.

 

[boomhauer]

um.. you're not admitting you're wrong here. You post asking for opinions and then get offended that people have ones not to your liking.
That's great you take her out to dinner and movies. Do you also take vacations with her?

First post on this page:

Anyways, I was wrong to even think about it, I know it, I realize it, already told my wife about it, she told me she'd kill me if I ever lied to her, we laughed, I'm not going, end of story

In addition, I asked for opinion on the situation, not a psychological analysis of my marriage. There is a difference. Some people are aware of this, and were kind enough to respond with such. Others, took offense to it, and decided they would be my judge and jury for the future of my marriage. THAT I take offense to. They don't know me. They know about 1 particular situation that I posted about that I wasn't sure if it was right or wrong. Since thinking about it, I realize I would have been wrong and that's it.

 

[sunkissed212]

I definitly would not lie about it. That just makes it look like there is something more going on and that's why you're lying about it.

My ex had a friend that was a girl, that he had known for a long long time. They were neer anything more than friends...and I got along with her very well. I never had a problem with them going to lunch during the day or talking on the phone or whatever. However, if he would have told me that they were going to dinner and a movie? That would have been another story. I just don't think that's appropriate behavior for 2 people that are in other relationships to do.

Not saying that they can't be friends...but there are some things that are reserved for "relationships" and dinner and movies, I think, are two of them.

Sometimes you have to make sacrifices when you get married. I think you may have to sacrifice some of the things that you used to do with this person now that you're married. That's just the way it goes...and, if you're not willing to do that. Then you need to figure out what is more important to you - limiting your activities with your friend, or losing your wife.

 

[boomhauer]

Married men should not be going out for fun or anything else on a regular basis with women other than their wives. It's not right. I wish I could remember how "Dear Abby" phrases it but I can't think of it right now. It is very cold & selfish towards your wife.

It's not a regular basis. It would be the first time since May that I have seen her. Plus, it's not different women - It's 1 girl that I was friends with for 8 years prior to meeting my wife.

That being said, whether I agree with her or not, I respect my wife enough to respect her feelings and I'm not going to go. It's not that big of a deal.

 

[mtblujeans]

Your wife won't let you date other women?

How closeminded of her.

Sorry, but dinner and a movie is a date. Take your wife instead.

Well said!

My DH and I have a good marriage but he tried to be friends with someone a looooong time ago just like this. He worked with her. One night, a bunch of us from the office all went out drinking and dancing. She had a couple of drinks and was all over DH....with myself, her live-in BF, and all their co-workers sitting there watching. I don't think he has ever been so embarrassed in his entire life. That was the end of that......his decision!

If there is a friendship there, then there is no reason the 4 of you cannot go out together. If your DW and her BF are not invited....then it is something else!

 

[boomhauer]

If there is a friendship there, then there is no reason the 4 of you cannot go out together. If your DW and her BF are not invited....then it is something else!

I understand what you are saying, but honestly, really, truly, SERIOUSLY isn't.
I've met her boyfriend - He's a great guy. Just doesn't like going to the movies. My wife just doesn't like going out wiht my friends period.

Don't know how else to say. I just don't see tihs girl that way. For 10 years, we've never been anything but friends. She's like one of my sisters. The very thought of anything more - YUCK!

 

[VSL]

I've met her boyfriend - He's a great guy. Just doesn't like going to the movies.

A few posts back you said that her BF would be joining you, but now you're saying he doesn't like the movies

 

[dianeschlicht]

If this friendship is so important to you, why not take your wife with you???? Then there would be nothing for her to be jealous of, and you would get to keep your friend, and maybe she would make a new one in your wife. This seems like a no-brainer!

 

[dianeschlicht]

Okay, I responded before I finished reading the whole thread. I see you are rejecting that idea too. Something doesn't smell right here. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck and walks like a duck....

 

[slo]

I didn't read all the posts (sorry!! ) but I have a great friend who is a man and I'm married and so is he. We don't go out for dinner and a movie but we have gone out for breakfast on a weekend day in the past. This way we can catch-up on things over eggs and a hot cup of coffee.

I agree with what I read about not lying to your spouse - that would be so wrong!!! Always invite your spouse to come with, and if she doesn't that's her choice - at least you asked so she feels included.

Good luck!!

 

[misskrystal]

I don't think you should stop seeing your friend, your wife was obviously aware of her before you married.

You need to talk to your wife, explain that you want to be friends with this woman and try to find a way to make everyone happy; maybe double dates, maybe breakfast instead of lunch. I don't know anyone, male or female, who would be happy with their partner having dinner with a friend of the opposite sex.

Your wife need to accept that this woman is a friend and was in your life long before your wife was, but you need to ensure that she is happy with the situation and can completely trust you.

You have to be honest with your wife, my boyfriend did something similar to what you suggested and, although he was completely faithful, it almost broke us up.

 

[boomhauer]

A few posts back you said that her BF would be joining you, but now you're saying he doesn't like the movies

He doesn't. Normally, that's why we go just the 2 of us. He just happened to be coming this time. Actually, I was just the 3rd wheel in this. They had plans to go out, but since they were gonna in my area, they asked if me and my wife would like to go. Unfortunately, she's working tonight so she can't.

 

[boomhauer]

Okay, I responded before I finished reading the whole thread. I see you are rejecting that idea too. Something doesn't smell right here. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck and walks like a duck....

What idea - Taking my wife?

I didn't reject that idea. The night my friends wanted to go out (tonight) is a night my wife has to work. I would LOVE for my wife to go.

Unfortunately, even without work, it probably wouldn't happen. My wife's just not interested in hanging out with my friends.