Would You Sign A Prenuptial Agreement Before Your Wedding?

[Va-bear]

I used to see it that way, too - when I was young and blinded by love and didn't have anything. But I have other considerations at this point in my life besides myself, and I would be risking something that might not really belong to only me if I didn't protect it. I have also been somewhat hardened in my views on love as time moves forward, watching friends who I thought would never stop loving one another, divorce.

Denae

I totally agree w/you (I even did when I was young and penniless. I think maybe I said it backwards? But, to me, marrying for love means the money is not why I'm marrying - i.e. I would sign a pre-nup in a heartbeat.

 

[meandtheguys2]

So those of you that wouldn't sign one, fill in the blanks for me.

You're in love. You are about to get married. Your fiance says he wants one signed (this happened to some friends of ours years and years ago. She almost called off the wedding but signed, they stayed married for 30 years and just recently divorced.)

What do you do? Call off the wedding or try to manipulate the situation in your favor, meaning, you talk your fiance into doing something they don't want to do?

Yep, I would call it off. Anyone who waits until right before the wedding is doing a fair amount af manipulating on their own. Big red flags would wave.

 

[mickeyboat]

I totally agree w/you (I even did when I was young and penniless. I think maybe I said it backwards? But, to me, marrying for love means the money is not why I'm marrying - i.e. I would sign a pre-nup in a heartbeat.

I read your post wrong! Clearly it is time for me to go home!

Denae

 

[Principessa Alba]

Yep, I would call it off. Anyone who waits until right before the wedding is doing a fair amount af manipulating on their own. Big red flags would wave.

In my friend's case it was a huge inheritance in question, and his parents were very anxious about it, so he was talked into it. It would be rather disconcerting to watch money you've accumulated for your lifetime being taken away after a few years of marriage, and that happens all the time.

I think if you love someone you try to look at the situation and understand the person you love's life, don't you?

After all, my friend wasn't going to end up with nothing at any point, the family just wanted protection in case they divorced after a short period and she wanted 1/2.

 

[mickeyboat]

Yep, I would call it off. Anyone who waits until right before the wedding is doing a fair amount af manipulating on their own. Big red flags would wave.

I'm not picking on you personally, but you seem very passionate about your position, so I will ask. I assume you would not agree to marry someone in the first place who was manipulative, yet right before the wedding he does something that raises a big red flag. What if the red flag you never saw before shows itself years into the marriage? For me, preparing for that possibility doesn't lessen the committment I am making now.

And to be honest, I can't believe I am actually saying these things, because I was adamantly opposed to pre nups in my younger years.

Denae

 

[DVC Sadie]

Yes!

A prenuptual agreement would be not only necessary but mandatory, whether or not the estate has family money, businesses or homes involved.

I know that a lot of women fought for equality so that they could not only be "allowed" to inherit but be "allowed" to pass down their estates to their daughters (or whomever they wished).

 

[katerkat]

My first marriage - no way. We were young and didn't have any money or anything anyway. Plus DH knew when he married me that I would take him to the cleaners in case of divorce.

If he died and I remarried, I think I would, to protect my son and what is rightfully his. I've seen my grandfather's second wife repeatedly trying to take what rightfully belongs to him and his children.

 

[meandtheguys2]

If he brought it up after he asked, and after plans had been made, he was manipulating her. She didn't have ALL of the info she deserved to make the original decision. My opinion, of course.

I am not saying I don't understand his family's concern.

 

[Cool-Beans]

A person that loved me would understand that my daughter's education must be protected. We can play this game all day. Doesn't make you any better or me any better.

I honestly don't think any of it makes anyone better than anyone else.

Actions speak louder than words. If someone told me they loved me and were going to be with me until death did we part...but then asked me to sign a paper detailing who got what in the divorce, I'd figure they'd been lying about the rest and wouldn't marry them.

I don't think it makes me better than anyone. That's just how I think. No amount of talking would convince me that a guy who wants to plan the divorce is serious about the marriage.

 

[Principessa Alba]

If he brought it up after he asked, and after plans had been made, he was manipulating her. She didn't have ALL of the info she deserved to make the original decision. My opinion, of course.

I am not saying I don't understand his family's concern.

I think you are thinking too black and white.

Nothing about any of this is ideal, but sometimes there are practical matters to consider.

And there are so many kinds of prenups. Very rarely is someone left with nothing.

If it is someone you love enough to say "yes" to, or to have popped the question to, then I think that it warrants some sincere thought, and not an immediate, "No way, get out of my life!"

 

[meandtheguys2]

I'm not picking on you personally, but you seem very passionate about your position, so I will ask. I assume you would not agree to marry someone in the first place who was manipulative, yet right before the wedding he does something that raises a big red flag. What if the red flag you never saw before shows itself years into the marriage? For me, preparing for that possibility doesn't lessen the committment I am making now.

And to be honest, I can't believe I am actually saying these things, because I was adamantly opposed to pre nups in my younger years.

Denae

I understand your point. I was raised in a home where my mom never planned on being a single mom. That said, I went into my marriage, (where we both were pretty equal, but each had something worth protecting), with the decision that I was not going to go into it with a divorce plan in hand.

I guess that is why I feel so strongly about this. We talked about it, and neither of us felt it was the best thing for us.

 

[froglady]

I agree with everyone else who has stated that I would consider one if I were widowed, and married again.

I would certainly not want to risk my children losing everything their father (and grandparents) wanted them to have just because I made a mistake.

I have told my husband that he had better do the smae, or I would come back and haunt him.

SIL signed one when she married a widower with two children. (He also signed one, as she sold her house, and had her own investments) They will be celebrating 25 years next January.

BTW, I would also rewrite my will so that my husband would not receive property that should go to my children. (ie, jewelry, family heirlooms, and assets I accumulated during my previous marriage)

 

[meandtheguys2]

I think you are thinking too black and white.

Nothing about any of this is ideal, but sometimes there are practical matters to consider.

And there are so many kinds of prenups. Very rarely is someone left with nothing.

If it is someone you love enough to say "yes" to, or to have popped the question to, then I think that it warrants some sincere thought, and not an immediate, "No way, get out of my life!"

Ok...sorry you think so!

You can consider all of the practicals you want in your life. You asked an opinion, and I gave one. What the guy did was low, imo. It is pretty darn tough to back out emotionally, once the engagement thing gets rolling. Had he said from the get-go, "believe in pre-nups and this is why" the gal would have been able to make an informed decision. Honesty is big in my book.

 

[Golf4food]

No.

 

[Principessa Alba]

Ok...sorry you think so!

.

Sorry, I thought we were debating. My mistake.

 

[Art Vandalay]

I honestly don't think any of it makes anyone better than anyone else.

Actions speak louder than words. If someone told me they loved me and were going to be with me until death did we part...but then asked me to sign a paper detailing who got what in the divorce, I'd figure they'd been lying about the rest and wouldn't marry them.

I don't think it makes me better than anyone. That's just how I think. No amount of talking would convince me that a guy who wants to plan the divorce is serious about the marriage.

But you're saying outright there that you're better than a person who asks to sign a prenup. You figure they're lying about the rest. If you honestly feel that way, so be it. But let's be up front about it. You are looking down at those who would ask for a prenup.

 

[poohandwendy]

Sorry, I thought we were debating. My mistake.

I think because answering the question is based on personal values/ideals/etc, I don't think there is much to really debate because there is no right or wrong answer. I don't know that any one person has a position that would convince anyone else one way or another.

 

[poohandwendy]

But you're saying outright there that you're better than a person who asks to sign a prenup. You figure they're lying about the rest. If you honestly feel that way, so be it. But let's be up front about it. You are looking down at those who would ask for a prenup.

I don't think she is saying that at all. She is talking about how she would perceive a man in her life if he suggested it. Not making a judgment of all people who do things differently.

 

[lookingforward]

I would definately sign one if I remarried. To protect my children's assets and to protect my future inheritance. I have heard stories from my friends who were in bad marriages and inherited their parents estates and had to divide that with their spouses when they divorced. Personally, when I die, I want my money to go to my children and not their spouses. They can then choose what they want to do with the money. If they want to share, then fine. But I would hate for someone who is leaving my child to share in my money when I die. Prenups prevent these things from happening, on both sides.

 

[Art Vandalay]

I don't think she is saying that at all. She is talking about how she would perceive a man in her life if he suggested it. Not making a judgment of all people who do things differently.

I beg to differ...

No way. Who plans the divorce before they get married?! If you feel the need to plan the divorce, just don't bother getting married.