Would You Sign A Prenuptial Agreement Before Your Wedding?

[Tiffer]

I think because answering the question is based on personal values/ideals/etc, I don't think there is much to really debate because there is no right or wrong answer. I don't know that any one person has a position that would convince anyone else one way or another.

I agree with Poohandwendy. I find myself agreeing with this poster alot.

It is a personal opinion, so it's really not something to debate IMHO.

I probably would not sign. It would depend on the situation. It also depends on the state in which you live. Some states don't allow for division of seperate property anyway. Seprate property being property acquired before marriage, by gift, bequest or devise, or from a personal injury settlement. (in most cases)

So therefore, the only monies at "risk" would be what is acquired during the course of the marriage. Which in my mind is something I *may* be entitled.

With that said, I am twice divorced and never sought a penny from either ex.

 

[Kath2003]

If I had children and I owned a house, I would put the house in trust for them.

Right now, I don't have anything worth keeping and I doubt that'll change any time soon

 

[Disney Doll]

It would depend on the situation.

I'm happily married almost 25 years now so it isn't an issue. But if I were to be widowed and decide at some future point in time to remarry, I would probably insist on a prenuptial agreement to protect my assets.

I think that prenuptial agreements are far more important for marriages when the bride and groom are older, rather than younger. There are more financial interests at stake most of the time.

What Sandy V. said.

 

[aprilgail2]

I would not get married if he would not sign a prenup. I have seen to many guys at work lose half their pensions when they got divorced. SOrry-but I worked all these years for my pension, I have NO intention of splitting it with anyone! I also have a house which I will not be splitting either. I can see not having one if you go into it with nothing but for one person to have a house that is paid off, a pension etc and then to lose half in a divorce is just stupid.

 

[poohandwendy]

I beg to differ...

I guess I just saw her subsequent post as a clarification of her feelings on the matter and accept them as what she meant. YMMV


My 'no' answer is pretty much based on the fact that I feel that if I was in the position where I needed to protect my assets, I would rather just live together than remarry. For me, it doesn't make sense to marry unless you are going to blend it all together and not worry about potential divorce. I think living together is more practical for all of the reasons everyone has stated for prenup, especially because I wouldn't be starting another family with anyone else.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I would definately sign one if I remarried. To protect my children's assets and to protect my future inheritance. I have heard stories from my friends who were in bad marriages and inherited their parents estates and had to divide that with their spouses when they divorced. Personally, when I die, I want my money to go to my children and not their spouses. They can then choose what they want to do with the money. If they want to share, then fine. But I would hate for someone who is leaving my child to share in my money when I die. Prenups prevent these things from happening, on both sides.

I concur!

Having a prenuptual agreement in place before a marriage protects everyone including the spouse, children from previous marriage, and especially the children in the present marriage.

No one enters (with few exceptions) a marriage thinking that they will ever get divorced but unfortunately the statistics show that 1 in every 2 marriages end in divorce.

Love is blind but it doesn't have to be deaf and dumb.

 

[Principessa Alba]

I think because answering the question is based on personal values/ideals/etc, I don't think there is much to really debate because there is no right or wrong answer. I don't know that any one person has a position that would convince anyone else one way or another.

There may be a wrong answer if a person gets angry over something they maybe shouldn't and misses out on the love of their life.

I just don't see this as such an easy question, and I guess I'm just asking the people who are so immediate to say NO WAY! to stop and take a breath.

They may be right. It may be a deal breaker. But Maybe not. It's just not, my opinion of course but I really believe, black and white.

 

[Ride Junkie]

A prenup is a contract that spells out how assets will be distributed in the event of divorce or death. Not too different from a will. I think if people have assets they would like to protect, it's not a bad idea to have a prenup. I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for one, but do it in advance, like right when you get engaged, not 2 days before the wedding.

This discussion has reminded me of some ugly situations where someone has died & the family members swoop in like vultures to grab what they can. So sad & ugly. By the same token, it is extremely important to have a will or trust in place.

As for me, we didn't have a prenup, 'cause neither of us had anything anyway!

 

[poohandwendy]

There may be a wrong answer if a person gets angry over something they maybe shouldn't and misses out on the love of their life.

I just don't see this as such an easy question, and I guess I'm just asking the people who are so immediate to say NO WAY! to stop and take a breath.

They may be right. It may be a deal breaker. But Maybe not. It's just not, my opinion of course but I really believe, black and white.

I am confident that the 'love of my life' is pretty much going to share the same basic values, or they really wouldn't fit that category. This subject doesn't make me angry, I just wouldn't opt for a prenup.

Also, I think you are making a huge assumption that people who answered 'no' have not actually taken the time, even before this thread, to think about how they feel about it. I don't need to stop and take a breath, I am breathing fine thanks.

I can respect and understand why some people would want a prenup, I don't question the validity of that decision for them. I don't understand someone who thinks I couldn't know the right answer for myself.

 

[EltonJohn]

Depends~if I were extremely weathly and had built that wealth up for years and years then I would have had a pre-nup agreement with hubby. It's a good idea for a person like McCartney, Trump, Gates, etc., or with a person who has kids and is protecting their future, etc.

 

[Principessa Alba]

Also, I think you are making a huge assumption that people who answered 'no' have not actually taken the time, even before this thread, to think about how they feel about it. I don't need to stop and take a breath, I am breathing fine thanks.

\

OK since you don't mind debating, I'm just wondering how you've come so far in the relationship (not you, just the hypothetical "you" ) and would consider marrying someone who didn't share your values in the first place.

Most fall in love, decide "this is the one" and then get asked to sign. So, I'm just asking, they think it was "the one" and then they don't, based on this request? This person who they were daydreaming about spending the rest of their life with is suddenly a really bad idea?

I guess I'm just at the age where I'm seeing lots of people that maybe should have done something like this and have gotten really burned.

 

[RadioNate]

I'd consider it depending on the situation. If I were to marry someone who had amassed a significant fortune before we met, I'd offer to sign one. Like the Paul McCartney example. His fortune was well established before even meeting Heather Mills and I think pre-nup or not it is incredibly stupid for her to be entitled to any of it. Their daughter is a different matter.

If I were widowed and went to remarry, I think I'd consider having one. My DH has planned well for our children and I believe those assets should be protected for THEM.

I also hope that if either of my parents remarry they'd consider some sort of agreement so that our family's heirlooms would go to me rather than the children of some hypothetical future spouse.

 

[poohandwendy]

OK since you don't mind debating, I'm just wondering how you've come so far in the relationship (not you, just the hypothetical "you" ) and would consider marrying someone who didn't share your values in the first place.

Most fall in love, decide "this is the one" and then get asked to sign. So, I'm just asking, they think it was "the one" and then they don't, based on this request? This person who they were daydreaming about spending the rest of their life with is suddenly a really bad idea?

I guess I'm just at the age where I'm seeing lots of people that maybe should have done something like this and have gotten really burned.

Well, I don't know that I am unusual, but even at the age of 19 my DH and I discussed marriage, how many kids, abortion, prenups, living wills, living together, inheritance, paying or not paying for kids college, spanking/discipline, family issues/in-laws...you name it, we talked about it, LOL. Before we even talked about marriage to each other, and much of it before the 'I love you' stage.

I wouldn't get to the 'I love you stage' without having an idea that we shared the same values. I definitely wouldn't get to the 'will you marry me' stage without discussing the stuff I mentioned earlier. I consider dating the time where you figure out all of this stuff.

As far as now, (after 21 years married to my DH) remarriage would be only if the moon and stars were in total alignment. I would be much more likely to live with someone than marry them, at this stage in my life.

 

[Principessa Alba]

Well, I don't know that I am unusual, but even at the age of 19 my DH and I discussed marriage, how many kids, abortion, prenups, living wills, living together, inheritance, paying or not paying for kids college, spanking/discipline, family issues/in-laws...you name it, we talked about it, LOL. Before we even talked about marriage to each other, and much of it before the 'I love you' stage.

I wouldn't get to the 'I love you stage' without having an idea that we shared the same values. I definitely wouldn't get to the 'will you marry me' stage without discussing the stuff I mentioned earlier. I consider dating the time where you figure out all of this stuff.

As far as now, (after 21 years married to my DH) remarriage would be only if the moon and stars were in total alignment. I would be much more likely to live with someone than marry them, at this stage in my life.

fair enough! I wouldn't get remarried without one, so if I am ever in that position I'll have to remember to talk about it early!

 

[smartestnumber5]

I think it depends on the situation. I think I would be okay with one in some situations, and not so happy about one in others.

I think I might have a different perspective on it because in my relationship I can't have a prenup, because we aren't allowed to have the nup. lmao: that sounds dirty!) GF and I are just beginning to go about fully combining assets/income. I do find it kind of difficult and being a very, very practical person I constantly find myself thinking about contingencies--"What happens if we break up in 2, 5, 10 years?" If one of us contributes thousands of dollars to the other person's education for a few years, and we break up before the person is ever able to put the education to use in increasing their income, what do we do then? Should the person who got the education pay the other person the $10,000 back? What if they don't have that money? Does the other person just have to suck it up and figure that's life?

I don't think that says anything bad about me, my trust for GF, or our relationship. I think that's just reality. I mean, statistically we have probably have, what, a 50-50 shot of staying together? Chances are very good that we won't make it 7 years. If I had very good chances that I'd have a major health problem in 7 years I'd be doing everything possible to prevent it but also prepare for it in case it happens--I figure the same thing should go for divorce. Maybe this is why I am so unromantic .

If anything what I really want is a prenup regarding children. Money, assets, businesses--it's concerning. But children? That's the thing that really gets me worried. Chances are pretty good that wherever we live I won't have legal rights to our children (as GF will likely be giving birth to them). The idea of not having legal rights to my own children is just . GF sometimes seems insulted when I bring it up. She does act like I am somehow doubting her trustworthiness, thinking she might take the children away from me one day. I tell her maybe it does come down to me not trusting fully, but hopefully that's not too insulting to her because that is just the way it has to be. I cannot hang the fate of my relationship to my children on her being trustworthy. The stakes are just too high.

And really the truth is, she might take my kids away from me one day. She will say things like, "Oh but we would never do spiteful things like that, we would never hurt our children like that." I respond, "Yeah every person who's ever had a hostile divorce/custody battle at one time thought "not my spouse; they'd never hurt me or the kids." .

 

[poohandwendy]

I don't think that says anything bad about me, my trust for GF, or our relationship.

I definitely doesn't. Thank you for saying this, because I think some people think some of our 'no's' are based on whether or not we would feel there was a lack of trust.

For me, the biggest part isn't that I would feel he would be saying he didn't trust me or thought we would divorce, it would turn me off because I don't want a 'this is mine, that is yours' marriage. If I want that level of separation of stuff, I would just live together.

 

[scrump]

DH and I didn't because we didn't have anything to protect. Had we been older, and each of us with assets worth protecting, yes, I would have signed one.

 

[bumbershoot]

I voted that I would consider it...I was actually somewhere between that and the first, but I did get married without a prenup, so I guess I don't feel that they are absolutely vital.

My mom, despite her best efforts, had two divorces (her happy and joyful third marriage ended with her death). My DH's parents SHOULD HAVE divorced, but never did, and their kids are even more messed up than I was ever messed up by the divorces. They don't have any support groups like I could have found, few people understand how crummy it is to be a kid in a marriage that should have been ended LONG ago...DH only realized after he met me that his messed-up-ness could be attributed to thinking that HIS household was a "happy, married" household, and trying to emulate that subconsciously.

Anyway, divorce is a reality in a world where people marry. And in countries or religions where it is NOT allowed, people still get around it. My own great-grandmother, who was either from Ireland or the daughter of an Irishwoman and was heavily Catholic, was married with some children. Her husband simply left, disappeared for long stretches of time. Could not get a divorce per the Church, and she wasn't willing to go against that for quite a long time. No alimony, no child support (even if such things existed back then, LOL), no ability to re-marry either for love or financial assistance (which is also a reality).

After going round and round with her priest about it for YEARS, she finally met a nice Protestant man who wanted to marry her and adopt her children, and the priest STILL said no (b/c the man wasn't Catholic, sigh), even though she had not seen her "husband" in a long time. She finally got fed up and, well, said some things to the priest that are the reason I'm one of the few almost-100% Irish descent people I know with NO Catholicism in my family. She did marry the Protestant man and was happy (and they started the blended family that caused my mom and her third husband to meet as children, b/c they became step-cousins, zoiks!!!!!).

OK I've written a novel here, sorry.

Split-ups happen, even to those with the absolute best intentions. And sometimes split-ups SHOULD happen (see DH's family, though that's moot since FIL died almost a year ago, and for the first time ever MIL is allowed to say and do what SHE wants, and is utterly lost with that ability, poor thing).


Since I've seen some NASTY things happen after marriages end, I still want to get a post-nup agreement with DH, to make sure that certain things we've agreed upon would continue, and that NEITHER of us would let any ugliness come between philosophies we share.

I've seen too much of it to have the gall to think we're immune.

 

[battricia]

I have to defend the person who is saying if the idea of a prenup was 'sprung' on the other party after the proposal, it's a bit manipulative. Maybe if more people took time to talk about those kinds of things BEFORE the proposal, there would be less divorce.

I would not marry with a prenup. I just don't agree with the concept. And for the person who said to 'think about it before you say No'... why do you think that people who posted no right away haven't 'thought about it'?

When i started dating my partner of now 8 years, I knew that he felt strongly about prenups. His mother and father had a difficult divorce and his father ended up with things that belonged previously to his mother. It's fine that he wants to have one if he ever gets married, but I will not marry with one. It's something that I've thought over for 8 years, so please don't tell me that I need to 'think about it' more. I just don't agree with them for me and my relationship.

tricia.

 

[mmcguire]

No way. If he doesn't go into it fully committed, and is more concerned about the state of his finances than our relationship, I want nothing to do with him.

My mom signed one when she married my step-dad and he was a total jerk about it. She had agreed to sign it long before the wedding, but he waited until he DAY OF the wedding. While she was getting ready, he dragged his witness (his best man) into the house and had her sign it just hours before the ceremony. She was already a bundle of nerves and that took the cake. I went OFF on him, and still haven't forgiven him for doing it that way. If it had been me, the wedding would have been called off for his inexcusable show of insensitivity.