Would you let your SON dress up as a princess at Disney?

[Goofyluver]

This isn't entirely true. Working with young children, we found that in most cases boys gravitate towards playing with blocks, trucks, cars, etc. and girls more toward dolls, dress up things, etc. Of course there were always exceptions but this was the majority.

Our classes were taught in learning centers so the children changed play areas throughout the day. When the boys went to the "pretend center" (kitchen area with dolls, dress up clothes, etc) they would start out playing just like the girls but before long you may see one pushing a purse along the floor making the "vrroooom" sound.

Even in a room of very young children and only a certain kind of toy (traditional "girl" or "boy") boys would find a way to make something make a "vrrrooommmm" sound and the girls would find something to "mother".

Its just like the "no guns" rule of toys. Boys will make ANYTHING into a gun. Sticks, rocks, blocks even the toy baby bottle!

You are right that kids are attracted to things they think are fun. Its their individual ideas of "fun" that send them toward a certain kind of toy.

This starts at home.

If your home rules (including playthings) are dictated by what society deems normal and/or acceptable, you have just sunk your child(ren) into a black hole of gender norms dictated by what you think Joe Blow down the block feels is acceptable for YOUR child to do, see, feel, play with, act like, wear, etc.

Here's my question. (and not just to you)

Ask yourself why you wouldn't allow your son to wear a princess costume.

Is it because of (as we have seen mentioned several times in this thread) others opinions? If so, what other decisions do you make or rules do you institute in your home based on what others may think? And why is it acceptable to you to allow societal norms to control your parenting and/or family rules?

Or are you not allowing your son to dress up in a costume because of your own pre-conceived notions or prejudices? You think it'll make him feminine? He'll turn out gay? People will think he's a girl? It's not a "boy toy"?

Either way...

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I think that's part of the problem with most kids today is the parents are letting them decide things at too early of an age when they are not equipped to know what is the best or right thing to do. As parents we are suppose to decide what is right and appropriate for our children until they are bigger and can make logical, informed decisions. A 3 yr old can't make those kinds of decisions. I wouldn't even let a 3 yr old pick their own clothes. Parents are suppose to PARENT, not be the kid's buddy or best friend or playmate. We have a role to guide them in the way society says is appropriate.

Ever hear the phrase "pick your battles"? Just because a parent might let their boy wear a princess dress does not mean they aren't being a parent. At 3, my kids were told "no" pretty often. No, you can't play in the street. No, you can't ride your bike without a helmet. No, you can't stay up any later. No, you can't have ice cream for breakfast. No, you cannot hit or tease your sister. No, you cannot wear shorts outside, it's snowing today...

Every once in a while, it's nice to be able to say yes. The simple act of going to a character meal in a princess dress is not going to hurt the child or anyone else. It's not rude or mean to anyone else. He would not be wearing profanity or exposing any body parts deemed private in our society. The only reason to disallow it is the notion that someone else might judge him poorly and/or actually publicly ridicule him for it. It is a perfectly valid parenting decision to consider that and deem it insufficient reason to say no to a child about something that makes him happy, and hurts no one.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Who are YOU to decide what reason are legitimate or illegitimate reasons for a parent to say no? Are you the parenting police? Or just a well known parenting expert? Just because YOU say something is an illegitimate reason for saying no doesn't make it so. All parents parent differently and may have different reasons for saying no. Just because you don't agree with it doesn't make it wrong. That's thinking pretty HIGHLY of your own opinion.

And you can come along and CHALLENGE someone's way of thinking all day long as well and that doesn't mean the person is wrong because they don't agree with you.

Pot, meet kettle.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Well, sure there are always exceptions.

I don't think anyone should try and make their child play with a certain kind of toy. We never at any time suggested anyone play with any certain kind of toy; they went completely by their own choice.

I don't think anyone should make thier son stop wearing princess dresses either but I do think there are places and times for everything and lunch at CRT isn't the time for it, especially when you know that you could be setting your child up for ridicule.

Isn't that teachin' your kid that bullies win?

 

[PeterPan09]

Well, sure there are always exceptions.

I don't think anyone should try and make their child play with a certain kind of toy. We never at any time suggested anyone play with any certain kind of toy; they went completely by their own choice.

I don't think anyone should make thier son stop wearing princess dresses either but I do think there are places and times for everything and lunch at CRT isn't the time for it, especially when you know that you could be setting your child up for ridicule.

I think CRT is the best place in the world for it! I would prepare him that there just might be someone who would say something rude, but that would be about them and not about him. In all honesty, there might be folks that would judge him and his parents about it-but most bullies/judgmental people are cowards and they will only gossip about it to their own friends and families. And that really does speak more to the quality of their own hearts than anything about a little boy who makes an unconventional choice and parents who love him enough to let him.

 

[luvsJack]

This starts at home.

If your home rules (including playthings) are dictated by what society deems normal and/or acceptable, you have just sunk your child(ren) into a black hole of gender norms dictated by what you think Joe Blow down the block feels is acceptable for YOUR child to do, see, feel, play with, act like, wear, etc.

Here's my question. (and not just to you)

Ask yourself why you wouldn't allow your son to wear a princess costume.

Is it because of (as we have seen mentioned several times in this thread) others opinions? If so, what other decisions do you make or rules do you institute in your home based on what others may think? And why is it acceptable to you to allow societal norms to control your parenting and/or family rules?

Or are you not allowing your son to dress up in a costume because of your own pre-conceived notions or prejudices? You think it'll make him feminine? He'll turn out gay? People will think he's a girl? It's not a "boy toy"?

Either way...

Wearing a princess costume is not going to make anyone anything.

Being ridiculed can do a lot more damage to a child than not allowing him to wear a princess costume. Now I don't think that a whole lot of people would ridicule a three year old but in just a year or two, they could. Setting your child up for ridicule is not a good thing.

You would have to know my younger son to understand that we hardly set rules by what is the norm of society. They have always been allowed to be individuals. But, if there was ever anything they wanted to do that may cause them ridicule, we would certainly have had a serious conversation about it and below a certain age parent rule would have determined the outcome.

Its just like a classmate of dd's. This child is extremely immature for a 13 year old. As of last year, she still played with "littlest pet shop" toys. Her parents allow her to bring them to school and she is ridiculed for it. Same train of thought for me. I will not set my child up for ridicule.

DS did dress in a wedding dress for halloween and wears a kilt all the time. But in his situation it is an acceptable "costume" not something that he is ridiculed for.

 

[luvsJack]

Isn't that teachin' your kid that bullies win?

Not IMHO.

 

[topolino]

Isn't that teachin' your kid that bullies win?

No, it's teaching your kid that the people he trusts most, his parents, would never put him in a position where he'll be bullied.

 

[PeterPan09]

No, it's teaching your kid that the people he trusts most, his parents, would never put him in a position where he'll be bullied.

I trusted my parents because they let me be who I was, loved me unconditionally and if I was bullied-they were there to support me and surround me with love. Now as an adult-I have less concern over what other people think about my choices and who I am. My parents gave me that.

 

[Uncle Remus]

No, it's teaching your kid that the people he trusts most, his parents, would never put him in a position where he'll be bullied.

And validatin' that he deserves ridicule.

 

[luvsJack]

I trusted my parents because they let me be who I was, loved me unconditionally and if I was bullied-they were there to support me and surround me with love. Now as an adult-I have less concern over what other people think about my choices and who I am. My parents gave me that.

were you ever truly bullied?

giving someone all the love and support in the world will not always take away the pain of being bullied. The emotional pain and not the physical pain.

When a child is old enough to be told "this could cause someone to make fun of you or bully you" and they still want to do whatever it is--I am all for allowing them to be themselves. When they are not old enough to understand that, then I belieive the parent should make the decision that the PARENT thinks is right. It may not be the decision you would make, but that doesn't make it wrong.

 

[luvsJack]

And validatin' that he deserves ridicule.

No, not validating. Its being realistic. Right or wrong there are people out there that will ridicule this child. Why put them through that pain? So that you can prove you are open minded? Sorry, my child means more to me than that.

When the child is old enough to make an informed decision, allow them to make it. Until then its up to the parent.

 

[Goofyluver]

Wearing a princess costume is not going to make anyone anything.

Being ridiculed can do a lot more damage to a child than not allowing him to wear a princess costume. Now I don't think that a whole lot of people would ridicule a three year old but in just a year or two, they could. Setting your child up for ridicule is not a good thing.

You would have to know my younger son to understand that we hardly set rules by what is the norm of society. They have always been allowed to be individuals. But, if there was ever anything they wanted to do that may cause them ridicule, we would certainly have had a serious conversation about it and below a certain age parent rule would have determined the outcome.

Its just like a classmate of dd's. This child is extremely immature for a 13 year old. As of last year, she still played with "littlest pet shop" toys. Her parents allow her to bring them to school and she is ridiculed for it. Same train of thought for me. I will not set my child up for ridicule.

DS did dress in a wedding dress for halloween and wears a kilt all the time. But in his situation it is an acceptable "costume" not something that he is ridiculed for.

No, it's teaching your kid that the people he trusts most, his parents, would never put him in a position where he'll be bullied.

What other parenting decisions do ya' make which are dictated by what others think?

 

[PeterPan09]

were you ever truly bullied?

giving someone all the love and support in the world will not always take away the pain of being bullied. The emotional pain and not the physical pain.

When a child is old enough to be told "this could cause someone to make fun of you or bully you" and they still want to do whatever it is--I am all for allowing them to be themselves. When they are not old enough to understand that, then I belieive the parent should make the decision that the PARENT thinks is right. It may not be the decision you would make, but that doesn't make it wrong.

You have no idea how much I was bullied. Heck, people still have comments to make about my so called "choice". There was no Ellen DeGeneres in the 1970's, no anti-bullying programs in school. My only saving grace was that there was no internet either so home was a refuge. It was the place I could be myself and like what I wanted because my parents made it that way.

They also helped me to understand that it wasn't ever about me. It was about the fears, ignorance and small mindedness of others. They took a lot too from other "well meaning" parents who had much to say about how they should "fix my problem." They knew it wasn't my problem, it wasn't a problem at all-it was the way God made me and God only makes good things.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

It's just like a classmate of dd's. This child is extremely immature for a 13 year old. As of last year, she still played with "littlest pet shop" toys. Her parents allow her to bring them to school and she is ridiculed for it. Same train of thought for me. I will not set my child up for ridicule.

My 13yo has a similar classmate. She still plays with Polly Pockets. She writes "I love my mommy" on her facebook page. She is ridiculed for both, but she is one of the most well-adjusted, kind, motivated kids I know. She has an excellent relationship with her family and truly does not care if her peers think she's "weird". In fact, she thinks they're all weird because they're interested in horror movies and boys, rather than Disney movies and Polly Pockets.

 

[luvsJack]

What other parenting decisions do ya' make which are dictated by what others think?

You can ask that question until you turn green, but its my child--my choices. May not be your choice, but that doesn't make it wrong.

I have seen how awkward that girl in my post is. I have seen how she doesn't fit in and how much worse it is made by the toys she brought to school. Why would I let my child blindly fall into that? That child had no clue that the other kids didn't pay with similar toys. She had no idea that she would be ridiculed for it. Why set her up for that kind of pain?

Its the same thing. and its the reason that my choice would be to not allow it until I knew that he could make the decision WITH the knowledge of what could possibly happen. Its not that I care what others think, but I do care about the pain they could cause my child.

My sons are both grown and other than the kilt for his wrestling shows, have no interest in dresses.

 

[PeterPan09]

No, not validating. Its being realistic. Right or wrong there are people out there that will ridicule this child. Why put them through that pain? So that you can prove you are open minded? Sorry, my child means more to me than that.

When the child is old enough to make an informed decision, allow them to make it. Until then its up to the parent.

Protecting them from the ignorance of others isn't teaching them how to deal with that ignorance when it comes upon them. What happens when you're not around to pad every sharp corner?

 

[Uncle Remus]

No, not validating. Its being realistic. Right or wrong there are people out there that will ridicule this child. Why put them through that pain? So that you can prove you are open minded? Sorry, my child means more to me than that.

When the child is old enough to make an informed decision, allow them to make it. Until then its up to the parent.

It's a 3 year old boy who wants to experience the Disney magic.
Ya think I should tell him the Princesses ain't real so he can be in the real world?

 

[DisneyLoverUSA]

What other parenting decisions do ya' make which are dictated by what others think?

I make several parenting choices based on what society in general would think of me and my child. As a PP stated something about not showing your PRIVATE parts in public because society thinks it is wrong, so of course we all don't go letting our kids walk around with their privates hanging out just so they can express themselves do we?

Cussing is considered profanity and rude and not socially acceptable. Adults do it, but am I going to let me kid do it just so he can express himself? I don't think so.

And just because a parent makes a choice for a child that others may think is wrong doesn't mean you love your child any more than I love mine. And just because you are out to prove to the world how open minded you are doesn't mean you love your kid any more than mine either.

 

[Goofyluver]

You can ask that question until you turn green, but its my child--my choices. May not be your choice, but that doesn't make it wrong.

I have seen how awkward that girl in my post is. I have seen how she doesn't fit in and how much worse it is made by the toys she brought to school. Why would I let my child blindly fall into that? That child had no clue that the other kids didn't pay with similar toys. She had no idea that she would be ridiculed for it. Why set her up for that kind of pain?

Its the same thing. and its the reason that my choice would be to not allow it until I knew that he could make the decision WITH the knowledge of what could possibly happen. Its not that I care what others think, but I do care about the pain they could cause my child.

My sons are both grown and other than the kilt for his wrestling shows, have no interest in dresses.

Read below.

Protecting them from the ignorance of others isn't teaching them how to deal with that ignorance when it comes upon them. What happens when you're not around to pad every sharp corner?