Would you let your SON dress up as a princess at Disney?

[topolino]

The most absolutely hilarious part of this whole thread are the people that are trying to convince us that they feel Princess costumes are not gender specific, and are not made for one gender and not the other. By making this claim, you are already discrediting yourself from being worthy of debate, IMO.

 

[topolino]

That said, I was very pleased when my son was six and won a giant pink and blue pastel bunny in a church raffle. The folks at the church hesitated to give it to him, because they were worried that he'd find it too "girly". They started right away looking for another gift. But I brought up that boy right - he marched right up to the front of the church, grabbed it, and loved it. It still sits in pride of place in his bedroom, and even though he's a six foot tall teenager now, he's never once tried to hide it from his friends. I'm glad he's never felt he had to hate on "girl things" in order to feel confident about being a boy.

Great story, and I actually would've done the same thing at his age. I'm a guy, and always had a stuffed animal on my bed, even through my teenage years.

I can tell you from first hand experience though, that accepting a stuffed bunny is worlds away from wearing a dress in a public restaurant. You really can't compare one to the other.

 

[Magpie]

Great story, and I actually would've done the same thing at his age. I'm a guy, and always had a stuffed animal on my bed, even through my teenage years.

I can tell you from first hand experience though, that accepting a stuffed bunny is worlds away from wearing a dress in a public restaurant. You really can't compare one to the other.

True - I was more trying to address the larger idea, about teaching boys to reject traditionally girl things just because they happen to be born a boy. I can think of lots of great reasons to say no to wearing a princess dress at dinner - the reason I can't get behind is "because it's weird!" or "because people will say mean things!" (possible at home, highly unlikely at Disney).

I'd never be one to argue that a princess dress isn't a girl's dress. Of course it is! When a boy wears a "Cinderella" costume he's pretending to be a girl, the same as when a girl wears a "Captain Jack Sparrow" costume, she's pretending to be a boy.

I also don't think you have to twist yourself into knots to raise "gender neutral" children (another silly idea - of course children have gender!).

I just think it's about being practical, not rejecting clothing or toys because they're "wrong", and teaching your children to have respect and affection not only for their own gender, but also for the gender they're not.

Why is it, in order to like something, we have to reject the opposite? Why can't we just like both? I can cheer both for the US and Canada, when I watch them play hockey.

 

[PeterPan09]

The most absolutely hilarious part of this whole thread are the people that are trying to convince us that they feel Princess costumes are not gender specific, and are not made for one gender and not the other. By making this claim, you are already discrediting yourself from being worthy of debate, IMO.

I don't really get that either. Dresses in this culture at this time are for girls.

My original thought was, good grief, it's Disney-let him play act if he wants.

Then when I saw some of the responses, I started to think about the message we were sending to little boys who might actually like girl stuff. Are we telling them that girl things are somehow bad or inferior by the reaction we have to the idea of wearing a princess outfit in public or at all? Are we giving that child a reason to feel shame over his own feelings?

That's my concern-that a child who already has different feelings from the majority is going to feel less support from the people he needs support from the most. I was that different kid once, and I'm speaking from my own experience and why I think my parents were way ahead of their time in how they treated me.

 

[topolino]

True - I was more trying to address the larger idea, about teaching boys to reject traditionally girl things just because they happen to be born a boy. I can think of lots of great reasons to say no to wearing a princess dress at dinner - the reason I can't get behind is "because it's weird!" or "because people will say mean things!" (possible at home, highly unlikely at Disney).

I'd never be one to argue that a princess dress isn't a girl's dress. Of course it is! When a boy wears a "Cinderella" costume he's pretending to be a girl, the same as when a girl wears a "Captain Jack Sparrow" costume, she's pretending to be a boy.

I also don't think you have to twist yourself into knots to raise "gender neutral" children (another silly idea - of course children have gender!).

I just think it's about being practical, not rejecting clothing or toys because they're "wrong", and teaching your children to have respect and affection not only for their own gender, but also for the gender they're not.

Why is it, in order to like something, we have to reject the opposite? Why can't we just like both? I can cheer both for the US and Canada, when I watch them play hockey.

I think there are always going to be exremeists; those who make a concerted effort to be one way and not the other for the sole purpose of trying to prove a point. For example, someone who makes a point of raising their child in a gender neutral way. The contrast, and far more sensible way, IMO, would be someone like yourself for example, (from what I gather) who would let your children naturally be who they are without forcing anything on them.

 

[moburg]

I'd bet most or all of the people who'd let their young sons wear princess dresses to teach them that gender specific clothes don't matter have put pink dresses on their baby girls and blue onsies on their sons. That means the parents were actually teaching babies gender appropriate clothes from babyhood.

How many of you decorated your son's nursery with tinkerbell, Cinderella or other girly things? I'd bet none. So you started early creating the distinctions with boy things for boys and girl things for girls.

Unless you raise you child gender neutral from birth, which I doubt many do.

I answered way back that DS2 would NOT be allowed to wear a princess dress to Disney.

To the point in your post, his nursery was gender neutral, and his baby sister is now in that very same nursery, nothing changed. Green walls, alphabet pictures with Disney characters, including princesses, and lots of Disney stuffies on shelves around the ceiling. He is now in a blue room with Cars and Toy Story all over the walls.

He wore onesies of just about ever color but pink. DD0 wears onesies of every color (even one blue, for the Chicago Cubs ) and dresses of all colors. Many of DS's gender-generic clothes will be passed down to his sister. The baby toys are all basically neutral. The toddler toys, not so much. I suspect they will share some toddler toys, but we'll be buying little girl toddler toys when she is old enough.


This all reminds me of the Canadian family in the news a few months ago because they refused to tell anyone the gender of their baby, even the grandparents. They are raising "it" genderless.

http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/babiespregnancy/babies/article/995112--parents-keep-child-s-gender-secret

 

[Magpie]

This all reminds me of the Canadian family in the news a few months ago because they refused to tell anyone the gender of their baby, even the grandparents. They are raising "it" genderless.

http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/babiespregnancy/babies/article/995112--parents-keep-child-s-gender-secret

Honestly, I thought their children seemed darling. And they don't call the baby "it", they call the baby "Storm."

And while, yes, I do think it's all a bit silly, they're not the first to conduct this particular experiment with their children. I saw an interview with the adult children of a Quebec couple who did this back in the seventies - they seemed perfectly well adjusted. (Wish I could find that link!)

Lots of people grow up with crunchy-granola alternative families. By and large they seem to turn into perfectly well adjusted adults, even if their parents seem a wee bit wacky.

Peekaboo Street, anyone?

I think we're far too quick to predict doom for kids who are raised differently from the norm. Most kids, assuming they're not being beaten or screamed at constantly, will turn out just fine, no matter whether you grow their hair long, cut it short, let them wear dresses or forbid it, or even keep their gender secret.

 

[Anjelica]

Ralphie loved his pink bunny suit...LOL...

 

[Jaime4004]

On the Moms panel a mom asked this question of the panel...

"Attending a character dinner with our 3 yo son who sometimes likes to be the prince & sometimes the princess- how will staff react to a boy dressed in the more girlie costumes? Will staff help us find a new seat if other guests make rude comments?"

Would you allow your son to dress up as a princess at Disney? Especially KNOWING ppl are probably going to stare or make comments? Or would you go with the flow and let the little guy be a princess and not care what other ppl say and do?

I've read a lot of the responses but still not sure why this would be an issue. In the OP, it's a 3 y.o. Who would really care what he wore? It's a costume.
I have a 3y.o. DS and he has worn many a princess costume. He has an older sister. His favorite movie was mulan for a while. If he had wanted to be mulan, I would have had no problem with that in public. He doesn't really get the difference between boys and girls. He has asked me a few times (including just this week) if he was a girl, because his sister told him he was. We just discussed halloween costumes yesterday and he wants to be buzz lightyear now. Again, if he wanted to be a princess, i'd be fine with that. Would even save me money, as we have several dresses already. He's 3!!! He also wants a pink car seat, because DD has one.
If it were my 6 y.o. DS, I would probably discuss that usually girls wore princess dresses and try to steer him to other choices. However, if he were adamant about it, I would be fine with that also. I would never hurt his feelings by invalidating them.

 

[PeterPan09]

However, if he were adamant about it, I would be fine with that also. I would never hurt his feelings by invalidating them.

That's exactly where I am. I just don't want to see a child feeling shame because he wanted to wear a princess costume or any other girl clothing.

 

[Mickey'sMainMami]

I wonder why the comparison of grown men dressing up as woman is the same as having a boy dress up like a princess???? I've seen several posts like this.

What's the difference? A grown man wearing a dress or a 3 year old? It's a matter of choice. I am glad I live in a free country and my husband and child have the right to wear whatever they want. It's just sad that everyone else has to make such a big deal out of it and turn their noses up and show such disdain at someone's choice. The way I look at it, if it ain't hurting me, then I don't care. How is that a three year old wanting to wear a princess costume brings such a problem for everyone else? Is it your kid? I honestly think the world would be a much better place if everyone lived by the rule, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

 

[PeterPan09]

What's the difference? A grown man wearing a dress or a 3 year old? It's a matter of choice. I am glad I live in a free country and my husband and child have the right to wear whatever they want. It's just sad that everyone else has to make such a big deal out of it and turn their noses up and show such disdain at someone's choice. The way I look at it, if it ain't hurting me, then I don't care. How is that a three year old wanting to wear a princess costume brings such a problem for everyone else? Is it your kid? I honestly think the world would be a much better place if everyone lived by the rule, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

but the internet would become a very dull place.

 

[Magpie]

but the internet would become a very dull place.

True, the internet would be nothing but THIS!

And then it would turn into a very passive aggressive "discussion" over whether or not this actually IS the "cutest thing ever".

 

[DisneyLoverUSA]

The most absolutely hilarious part of this whole thread are the people that are trying to convince us that they feel Princess costumes are not gender specific, and are not made for one gender and not the other. By making this claim, you are already discrediting yourself from being worthy of debate, IMO.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Honestly, I thought their children seemed darling. And they don't call the baby "it", they call the baby "Storm."

And while, yes, I do think it's all a bit silly, they're not the first to conduct this particular experiment with their children. I saw an interview with the adult children of a Quebec couple who did this back in the seventies - they seemed perfectly well adjusted. (Wish I could find that link!)

Lots of people grow up with crunchy-granola alternative families. By and large they seem to turn into perfectly well adjusted adults, even if their parents seem a wee bit wacky.

Peekaboo Street, anyone?

I think we're far too quick to predict doom for kids who are raised differently from the norm. Most kids, assuming they're not being beaten or screamed at constantly, will turn out just fine, no matter whether you grow their hair long, cut it short, let them wear dresses or forbid it, or even keep their gender secret.

Years and years ago, in my adolescent psychology class, we were forced to read various home studies and report back on outcomes. The households we read about were all considered within the range of normal and were divided up into permissive/low-affection, permissive/high-affection, restrictive/low affection, restrictive/high affection.

Funnily enough (and this was the point of course) permissive/high affection and restrictive/high affection both had the best outcomes, other environmental factors being equal. . .it was kind of eye opening to me.

Basically, if you make sure your kids know that you love them and care for them they turn out okay in the end, however you decide to raise them.

 

[fastergoofy]

Because most of these parents that are PRO letting their little boys wear dresses have stated they think to NOT let the kid wear a dress you would be stifling the kid's self expression and sending a message that you don't approve of that child or that there is something wrong with them wanting to wear dresses. I'm just paraphrasing from a couple hundred responses. Most of which say YES let your little boy wear a dress. The percentage of ppl who wouldn't are low compared to the ones say they would allow it.

If you get a chance read back through the responses. It got quite interesting.

Caused a couple of spin off threads.

Wow! I just wanted to compliment you on being able to understand the other side of an argument even if you don't agree with it 100%. It takes a courageous person to do this sort of thing, especially nowadays. Very gracious and reasonable of you.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Years and years ago, in my adolescent psychology class, we were forced to read various home studies and report back on outcomes. The households we read about were all considered within the range of normal and were divided up into permissive/low-affection, permissive/high-affection, restrictive/low affection, restrictive/high affection.

Funnily enough (and this was the point of course) permissive/high affection and restrictive/high affection both had the best outcomes, other environmental factors being equal. . .it was kind of eye opening to me.

Basically, if you make sure your kids know that you love them and care for them they turn out okay in the end, however you decide to raise them.

Yep--great thing to point out

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I'd bet most or all of the people who'd let their young sons wear princess dresses to teach them that gender specific clothes don't matter have put pink dresses on their baby girls and blue onsies on their sons. That means the parents were actually teaching babies gender appropriate clothes from babyhood.

How many of you decorated your son's nursery with tinkerbell, Cinderella or other girly things? I'd bet none. So you started early creating the distinctions with boy things for boys and girl things for girls.

Unless you raise you child gender neutral from birth, which I doubt many do.

Well, I don't actually have a son, but our nursery was decorated very gender-neutral. Prmary colors and cute animals. We wanted a room that would work for the next child, too. Plus, I don't get how decorating a boy's nursery with fairies or princesses is gender-neutral. That would be pushing him towards girly things, which kind of defeats the purpose of letting him choose for himself.

I rarely put dresses of any color on my daughters when they were little. Have you ever seen a baby try to crawl while wearing a dress? They "step" on the dress with their knees, then get stuck. They also end up bunched under their armpits, so I never bought one. Those they got as gifts were worn occasionally and came in all different colors.

My dd's first pair of glasses at age 1 were pink. She wore some neutral clothing and some more girly. I also just bought what I liked. Most of us have not claimed that we are trying to raise our kids 100% gender-neutral. You don't have to be completely neutral about every aspect of their life to be OK with a boy wanting to dress in a princess costume on occasion, especially at a princess meal.

Great point!

I'll take it one further. How many people on this thread that have said they'd let their son dress up like a princess at at a Disney Resort would really do it?

It's really easy to be an open minded progressive while hiding behind the anonymity of a message board.

DISCLAIMER: I'm sure that some of those that have said so really would. I'm equally sure many wouldn't. Who is who, we'll never know.

Of course, no one really knows for sure what they would do in any situation until they are in that situation. But I did let my girls dress as lots of male characters in their lives: Scooby-Doo, a hockey player, Mojo Jojo, Spiderman, Harry Potter... I also used to order the "boys toy" with a kid's meal for my dd who always liked cars and sports more than dolls and makeup. I do honestly think it would be hypocritical to allow this with my daughters, but not allow a son to do the same. I'm not hiding or trying to be an "open-minded progressive". It's just the way I feel. No ulterior motive of any kind.

By the same token, how many who say "no, never!" would really put their foot down if they had a son who had his heart set on meeting his favorite character in a matching costume? I'm also sure many would say no, and some probably have, but they can't really know until they're in that situation, either. It's not unusual for parents to soften on some of these issues as their child's personality comes out.

True - I was more trying to address the larger idea, about teaching boys to reject traditionally girl things just because they happen to be born a boy. I can think of lots of great reasons to say no to wearing a princess dress at dinner - the reason I can't get behind is "because it's weird!" or "because people will say mean things!" (possible at home, highly unlikely at Disney).

I'd never be one to argue that a princess dress isn't a girl's dress. Of course it is! When a boy wears a "Cinderella" costume he's pretending to be a girl, the same as when a girl wears a "Captain Jack Sparrow" costume, she's pretending to be a boy.

I also don't think you have to twist yourself into knots to raise "gender neutral" children (another silly idea - of course children have gender!).

I just think it's about being practical, not rejecting clothing or toys because they're "wrong", and teaching your children to have respect and affection not only for their own gender, but also for the gender they're not.

Why is it, in order to like something, we have to reject the opposite? Why can't we just like both? I can cheer both for the US and Canada, when I watch them play hockey.

I should just follow you around and thumbs up all your posts, Magpie! You keep expressing my thoughts exactly, though much more eloquently than I can!

 

[lillygator]

will be interesting to see Storm in 15-20 years.

 

[morethananyonex]

I was catching up on my celebrity gossip, and came across this...

http://celebritybabyscoop.com/2011/08/25/jennifer-meyer-kids-shop-in-sydney

Tobey Maguire's son Otis, otherwise known as Cinderella .