Would you let your SON dress up as a princess at Disney?

[ebtbmom]

A costume is just that, a COSTUME. They are for ANYONE. How many high school boys wear their girlfriends cheerleader costume for Halloween and vice versa? It isn't a big deal. I know plenty of boys who choose to dress as girls for Halloween.

Exactly, and it's funny for a boy to wear a cheerleader costume because it's backwards and unexpected! If the cheerleader herself wore it it would not be costume, if a non cheerleader girl wore it, she'd be considered a "wanna-be", if a boy wears it, it's hilarious because boy's aren't supposed to wear skimpy cheerleader outfits.

The difference is that a 3 year old can't do it intentionally because he wants to make people laugh, a teenage totally can!

 

[bdcp]

I've never seen boys in princess outfits either. But, my boys when they were 3 would have said that dresses are for girls and they never would have wanted to wear one.

And, comparing HS boys wearing cheerleading outfits to a 3 year old boy wanting to wear a princess dress to the parks makes no sense to me. Highschoolers do it for pep rallies, spirit days and they go into knowing everyone knows it's for fun and other guys will be dressed the same way. I was a cheerleader and loaned my uniform to a guy on the football team. It was constant teasing and harrassing for the guys who did, but they KNEW why and what was going on. The 3 year old, will more than likely end up unhappy with his choice if even one other CHILD says something. While adults may stare or whisper, children will actually say something and usually loudly.

And as others said, this isn't halloween, it's a character meal. Halloween, every child is dressed up differently than they normally are, but at a character dinner, you're going to see girls in princess dresses, not the boys. It's not the same as halloween at all.

 

[bunkkinsmom]

This is a very interesting thread. I agree with most others, if my son wanted to dress up as something make believe for one night, I have no problem with it. I don't care if it was a Teenage Mutant ninja Turtle or Ariel, if he had wanted to when he was little, I would have not stopped him. He never did though, and is now 19 so he doesn't dress up much as anything anymore, except for college pranks (which I am sure will include skirts before it is over).

You should get pictures of that..... blackmail for later!

I think it is sad that we scandalize men in skirts so much, though. Men in countries all over the world wear skirts and dress-like garments (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men%27s_skirts), but only here in Western cultures do we turn it into something less masculine. I doubt anyone would ever call William Wallace (Braveheart) a gay/trans for wearing a kilt! lol

Kilts are traditional Scottish garb that most Scots leave for formal attire these days. There's a difference.

One of my very best friends is a gay/trans. He also is the Godfather to my son. I do not think he will 'rub off' on him like I have had a few people ask me before. I think he is a wonderful person and so do my children. They love him, in a dress or in pants, just like they love my sister's new wife.

My mom is gay, my dad is gay. My dad's partner has been in our lives for 20 years and my kids have regular dinners with them weekly. I definitely don't think it "rubs off on people". Still wouldn't let my 3 year old son wear a princess dress in public. Frankly, my dad probably wouldn't either.


Maybe I am too open minded. But I believe we are to love everyone, that is how I interpret the message. At least I won't be zombie food.

Not letting your son wear a princess dress out doesn't mean you don't love everyone.

I wouldn't even let my girl dress in that stupid outfit...

Double standards EXIST whether we want to face it or not. A girl who acts like a boy is called a tomboy, which is a positive, a boy who acts like a girl is called something much less positive and nasty. In this male oriented society it's the letter of law, and it's supported by the same people who make the social decisions that are very prevalent especially here on the DIS. Some of these "social nuances" are accepted, others are not.

PREACH!

Yes, but he's a grown man and a successful actor whose self-esteem is probably through the roof. He's well equipped psychologically to make a decision to dress that way. A little boy isn't.

Um, I totally volunteer to go tell him, if it means I get close to him!

This is a very interesting thread for me. I have always considered myself pretty socially liberal. I grew up a punk rock kid, only kid in my HS with a mohawk (and I worked it!). Small southern high school, I was definitely the "freak" of the school. I started there in 2nd grade and graduated still the "new kid" if you know what I mean. 2 gay parents, very different lifestyle than others in my area.

My question, after reading all 11 pages, would be as follows: For those of you that are ok with this (specifically those of you that have questioned if it is even a girl costume), do you believe that boys and girls are different? I have 2 girls and a boy and I will tell you that IMHO they are different AT A BASE LEVEL. It blows my mind every day to watch how they develop so differently being raised in the same home with the same rules. I personally believe that we shouldn't bow down to stereotypes, however, you are the parent. IMHO, I would never knowingly put my son in a situation to be ridiculed. We would have a conversation as to why that is inappropriate and we would move on. If he were older, like a PP's son who was a flapper (nice pic by the way!) then the decision would be his after making sure he understood our conversation. But at 3 he is not capable of understanding the larger picture.

I say all of this as an ex-punk rock girl, with 2 gay parents, and a husband with a pony tail. Also, my boy looks better with his hair a little long, and I'm ok with that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, going against the grain and instilling confidence aren't necessarily the same thing. Whether we like it or not, like Robin said, these double standards exist. I say if you want to break them down, go for it! But don't use your 3 year old son to do it.

JMHO.

 

[palmtreegirl]

No

 

[brookmey]

I realize that this topic has already gotten to page 11, but I wanted to say Thank you, Goofyluvr, for posting that blog on page 1. It was enjoyable to read.

My son is almost 5 and has a 7 year old sister, so he has been exposed to a lot of princess and other "girlie" stuff. He loves the princess, Barbie and Bratz Kids DVDs, and he enjoys playing princess board games with his sister. He does, however, hate the dolls because their doll faces and legs freak him out.

Recently at Build a Bear he bought a rainbow covered bear because he thought it was pretty, even though the bear was clearly marketed towards girls.

Whenever I paint DD's nails and toenails, he insists on getting his toes done, too. So, today, he got purple dots and he proudly showed them off at the pool. He did get teased by some other boys, so when we got home he wanted them removed. He's very sensitive to what others think of him, which does make me a little sad, because I don't want him to stifle who he is or not follow his instincts because he's worried about what others might say.

Despite all this, he will not be caught dead wearing anything princess or any other "girl stuff." When he was 3, however, he pranced around for weeks in DD's Tinker Bell costume that she had outgrown, whacking his sister with his Nerf sword and fighting the bad guys. He needed to wear the Tinker Bell costume because he needed to fly away from the bad guys faster. We used to get all sorts of comments from my in-laws about it, but I thought that if he was happy and didn't see anything wrong with it, then so what. Let him wear the stuff and be happy. I knew he'd probably outgrow it sometime, which he is starting to. I didn't let him wear the Tinker Bell costume out of the house, but yet I didn't let DD wear her dress-up costumes out of the house, either. My in-laws make comments all the time about DS growing up to be gay and how I'm teaching him that it's OK to be "femmy." I could really care less because DS enjoyed himself and wasn't hurting anyone, so what's the harm?

I'd say to the OP, let your son wear whatever he wants to wear, whatever will make him comfortable. If anyone makes comments to you about your 3 year old boy dressed like a girl, you should feel sorry for them and for their narrow-minded hang-ups. Who cares? He's not hurting anyone, so what's the big deal how he's dressed! But just make sure you get lots of pictures!

 

[brookmey]

I couldn't care less if my son wanted to wear a princess dress as a costume. One of the operative words is costume; it's dress-up, and meant to be fantasy. I frequently wore tutus and dresses as a child (courtesy of an older sister) and I turned out strong, stable, and straight.

If anybody wants to mock a child for wearing a costume, they are a bad and ignorant person and I'll tell my child as such. I don't care what somebody's personal values are; to mock a child shows nothing but ignorance and I'll be sure to let my child know that the person doing the mocking is ignorant and holds values that we find tragic and abhorrent.

If a parent allows their child to mock another child for being different, and does not correct and re-educate their child and work to change their bullying habits, then that parent is as culpable as their child and will also be shown to my child to be ignorant. Your values can say that a child should not wear a dress, and that's fine, but to mock a child or to allow others to do so shows a lack of values or basic human kindness on your part, and therefore I have no use for you and will share my opinions of you with my children,

I don't mock children wearing clothing that I find unappealing or unattractive or for holding values with which I disagree, so if anybody wants to mock my child because they find the clothing inappropriate, I'll gladly share my insights into their lack of integrated intelligence with them and with my child.

My Lord, people, they are children who love pretty things. Maybe we can cut them a little slack and not force them into our stereotypes before they even reach kindergarten?

Well said!

 

[Liberty Belle]

No, no, no.... I'm wondering why there's some sort of masculine/feminine dress that is supposed to be done, even at WDW, yet - I see plenty of women NOT walking around in heels and dresses, nor should they be, if that's not what they want.

*** And I accidently took 2 Zyrtec's today, and lemme tell ya.... it's a little bit of a brain frazzler. Sorry if I'm not making any sense. It's making sense in my Zyrtec'd brain. My nose isn't running, though.

Oh, ok. I understand what you're saying.

 

[Anjelica]

Does anyone else feel like this is really a non-issue that's been made into an issue. For one thing, how much "self expression" is a 3 year old really capable of? Secondly just because you're kid says they want to do something doesn't mean that you have to allow them to do it. Surely you tell your kids what they can and cannot do on a regular basis. So why is this one request so emotionally charged? I believe that we adults have attributed our own values to it and turned it into a big moral dilema.

For years I wouldn't allow DS to dress as an army man because of some personal issues I had with with "army men" in college (long story, part of my dark and shady past ). But I eventually let him, when he was older. I didn't disallow it because I was afraid that it make him want to be military, or because I loathed every military man, it was just a personal choice for me, something that made me uncomfortable, and as the mom I got to say no!

So if a mom isn't into the whole boy dressing as a princess thing, maybe she's just not into it. Doesn't automatically make her a homophobe, or close minded, or ignorant, it's just not her thing and since it's her kid, it's OK.

Now, it is unacceptable to treat someone else's kid poorly, I would NEVER do that or allow it to happen! To each his own, but that applies to both sides of the argument!

Well said!!!

 

[PeterPan09]

I couldn't care less if my son wanted to wear a princess dress as a costume. One of the operative words is costume; it's dress-up, and meant to be fantasy. I frequently wore tutus and dresses as a child (courtesy of an older sister) and I turned out strong, stable, and straight.

If anybody wants to mock a child for wearing a costume, they are a bad and ignorant person and I'll tell my child as such. I don't care what somebody's personal values are; to mock a child shows nothing but ignorance and I'll be sure to let my child know that the person doing the mocking is ignorant and holds values that we find tragic and abhorrent.

If a parent allows their child to mock another child for being different, and does not correct and re-educate their child and work to change their bullying habits, then that parent is as culpable as their child and will also be shown to my child to be ignorant. Your values can say that a child should not wear a dress, and that's fine, but to mock a child or to allow others to do so shows a lack of values or basic human kindness on your part, and therefore I have no use for you and will share my opinions of you with my children,

I don't mock children wearing clothing that I find unappealing or unattractive or for holding values with which I disagree, so if anybody wants to mock my child because they find the clothing inappropriate, I'll gladly share my insights into their lack of integrated intelligence with them and with my child.

My Lord, people, they are children who love pretty things. Maybe we can cut them a little slack and not force them into our stereotypes before they even reach kindergarten?

You have very lucky kids.


and I love the "you're intolerant of my intolerance" argument. If the reason you object to a boy in a princess costume is because you fear your boy "turning" gay or transgender because that is the worst thing that could happen to you-then Yes, I'm intolerant of that. I'm intolerant of people suffering because they are gay or transgendered-especially when it's their family causing that suffering.

 

[Magpie]

(snipped)

So if a mom isn't into the whole boy dressing as a princess thing, maybe she's just not into it. Doesn't automatically make her a homophobe, or close minded, or ignorant, it's just not her thing and since it's her kid, it's OK.

I agree! It doesn't harm children to be told "no" by a parent. And there are many legitimate reasons to say, "No honey, you can't be a princess."

Maybe you think the dress is impractical. Maybe you don't allow any dressing up outside the house. Maybe going out dressed up is only for Halloween. Maybe you simply can't stand princesses. (I certainly would never have bought my children a Teletubby costume, it's true!)

However, there are also illegitimate reasons to say no, and most of those reasons are the kind that lead to people treating someone else's kid poorly, or judging the parenting skills of his folks. It will make him gay (or confused). It's "weird". "Other people" are going to tease him and scar him for life.

If you state any of those as reasons for forbidding your child from wearing a princess dress to Disney, then yeah - some folks are going to challenge you to rethink your position. Do you really want to teach your child to fear "being gay"? To shun the things girls like, because they're "girly"? To knuckle under to the threat of teasing? To change himself to please strangers?

Now, it is unacceptable to treat someone else's kid poorly, I would NEVER do that or allow it to happen! To each his own, but that applies to both sides of the argument!

If we take "to each his own" too far, we've got no discussion or debate! And where's the fun in that?

Besides no one is ever going to treat a boy poorly for dressing up as a pirate at Disney, so the two sides of the argument are hardly even. Only ONE side is being told they're putting their children in danger, and it's not the anti-princess-dress side.

 

[luvsJack]

I don't think that wearing a dress is going to "turn" anyone into anything. Ds wore a wedding dress as a teen and wears a kilt every Saturday night as part of his wrestling "persona" (I never really thought of a kilt as a "dress" anyway).

And my kids have always been individuals. Same ds with the kilt as had hair every color of the rainbow, piercings and tats. Now, as a grown up he is seeing the need to "conform" a bit to society, but it was never at our insistence.

BUT, he was never set up for being ridiculed and that is what could happen for a young boy dressing in a frilly princess costume at CRT.

 

[Goofyluver]

I realize that this topic has already gotten to page 11, but I wanted to say Thank you, Goofyluvr, for posting that blog on page 1. It was enjoyable to read.

My son is almost 5 and has a 7 year old sister, so he has been exposed to a lot of princess and other "girlie" stuff. He loves the princess, Barbie and Bratz Kids DVDs, and he enjoys playing princess board games with his sister. He does, however, hate the dolls because their doll faces and legs freak him out.

Recently at Build a Bear he bought a rainbow covered bear because he thought it was pretty, even though the bear was clearly marketed towards girls.

Whenever I paint DD's nails and toenails, he insists on getting his toes done, too. So, today, he got purple dots and he proudly showed them off at the pool. He did get teased by some other boys, so when we got home he wanted them removed. He's very sensitive to what others think of him, which does make me a little sad, because I don't want him to stifle who he is or not follow his instincts because he's worried about what others might say.

Despite all this, he will not be caught dead wearing anything princess or any other "girl stuff." When he was 3, however, he pranced around for weeks in DD's Tinker Bell costume that she had outgrown, whacking his sister with his Nerf sword and fighting the bad guys. He needed to wear the Tinker Bell costume because he needed to fly away from the bad guys faster. We used to get all sorts of comments from my in-laws about it, but I thought that if he was happy and didn't see anything wrong with it, then so what. Let him wear the stuff and be happy. I knew he'd probably outgrow it sometime, which he is starting to. I didn't let him wear the Tinker Bell costume out of the house, but yet I didn't let DD wear her dress-up costumes out of the house, either. My in-laws make comments all the time about DS growing up to be gay and how I'm teaching him that it's OK to be "femmy." I could really care less because DS enjoyed himself and wasn't hurting anyone, so what's the harm?

I'd say to the OP, let your son wear whatever he wants to wear, whatever will make him comfortable. If anyone makes comments to you about your 3 year old boy dressed like a girl, you should feel sorry for them and for their narrow-minded hang-ups. Who cares? He's not hurting anyone, so what's the big deal how he's dressed! But just make sure you get lots of pictures!

And you're welcome.

I happen to have a very important guy in my life who is absolutely obsessed with the fairies. And in case anyone's wonderin', he's partial to pretty blonde girls.

The thing is, kids aren't attracted to "girl things" vs. "boy things". Whether it's fairies, or princesses, or barbies, or trucks, or sports...kids are attracted to what interests them and what they see as fun or enjoyable. They, their imaginations, and their play habits are only limited by their own minds. UNTIL some adult comes in and shames them and uses rigid societal rules in order to dictate what is appropriate for play and enjoyment. Why anyone would want to ruin childhood innocence is beyond me.

 

[Hannathy]

If it were Halloween or a costume party then yeah if they want. But just to go to dinner nope.

I do think that if you let them wear it you do as an adult owe it to the child to warn them they may get comments both good and bad about a little boy wearing a princess dress, then let them decide. I would also have other clothes with me in case they change their minds if people start staring or commenting.

 

[DisneyLoverUSA]

If it were Halloween or a costume party then yeah if they want. But just to go to dinner nope.

I do think that if you let them wear it you do as an adult owe it to the child to warn them they may get comments both good and bad about a little boy wearing a princess dress, then let them decide. I would also have other clothes with me in case they change their minds if people start staring or commenting.

I think that's part of the problem with most kids today is the parents are letting them decide things at too early of an age when they are not equipped to know what is the best or right thing to do. As parents we are suppose to decide what is right and appropriate for our children until they are bigger and can make logical, informed decisions. A 3 yr old can't make those kinds of decisions. I wouldn't even let a 3 yr old pick their own clothes. Parents are suppose to PARENT, not be the kid's buddy or best friend or playmate. We have a role to guide them in the way society says is appropriate. If when they are OLDER and they decide they want to be different or do something that is not considered appropriate according to societal norms, then they know what they are getting themselves into and can deal with what happens from the choices they make.

I also agree with a lot of PP that a boy dressing up for a princess at Halloween is not quite the same as a boy going to a character meal on a random Tuesday in April.

And I also agree with PP that said arguing that a princess dress is not meant for a girl is a hollow argument of someone who can't think of another good comeback. Being argumentative just to be argumentative. I'm not sure what society someone has to live in where PINK FRILLY PRINCESS dresses aren't meant to be worn by girls. What country or society is that a gender neutral costume? On Earth that is? And I don't mean some remote village in Africa where it is normal for men to wear robe things that look like dresses. I mean a DISNEY PRINCESS DRESS.

 

[luvsJack]

And you're welcome.

I happen to have a very important guy in my life who is absolutely obsessed with the fairies. And in case anyone's wonderin', he's partial to pretty blonde girls.

The thing is, kids aren't attracted to "girl things" vs. "boy things". Whether it's fairies, or princesses, or barbies, or trucks, or sports...kids are attracted to what interests them and what they see as fun or enjoyable. They, their imaginations, and their play habits are only limited by their own minds. UNTIL some adult comes in and shames them and uses rigid societal rules in order to dictate what is appropriate for play and enjoyment. Why anyone would want to ruin childhood innocence is beyond me.

This isn't entirely true. Working with young children, we found that in most cases boys gravitate towards playing with blocks, trucks, cars, etc. and girls more toward dolls, dress up things, etc. Of course there were always exceptions but this was the majority.

Our classes were taught in learning centers so the children changed play areas throughout the day. When the boys went to the "pretend center" (kitchen area with dolls, dress up clothes, etc) they would start out playing just like the girls but before long you may see one pushing a purse along the floor making the "vrroooom" sound.

Even in a room of very young children and only a certain kind of toy (traditional "girl" or "boy") boys would find a way to make something make a "vrrrooommmm" sound and the girls would find something to "mother".

Its just like the "no guns" rule of toys. Boys will make ANYTHING into a gun. Sticks, rocks, blocks even the toy baby bottle!

You are right that kids are attracted to things they think are fun. Its their individual ideas of "fun" that send them toward a certain kind of toy.

 

[PeterPan09]

This isn't entirely true. Working with young children, we found that in most cases boys gravitate towards playing with blocks, trucks, cars, etc. and girls more toward dolls, dress up things, etc. Of course there were always exceptions but this was the majority.

Our classes were taught in learning centers so the children changed play areas throughout the day. When the boys went to the "pretend center" (kitchen area with dolls, dress up clothes, etc) they would start out playing just like the girls but before long you may see one pushing a purse along the floor making the "vrroooom" sound.

Even in a room of very young children and only a certain kind of toy (traditional "girl" or "boy") boys would find a way to make something make a "vrrrooommmm" sound and the girls would find something to "mother".

Its just like the "no guns" rule of toys. Boys will make ANYTHING into a gun. Sticks, rocks, blocks even the toy baby bottle!

You are right that kids are attracted to things they think are fun. Its their individual ideas of "fun" that send them toward a certain kind of toy.

Not all of 'em. I was the girl in kindergarten who built with blocks and had toy cars. Thankfully, my parents didn't try and make me like things that I "should" like. We have a better relationship today because of that.

 

[DisneyLoverUSA]

I agree! It doesn't harm children to be told "no" by a parent. And there are many legitimate reasons to say, "No honey, you can't be a princess."

Maybe you think the dress is impractical. Maybe you don't allow any dressing up outside the house. Maybe going out dressed up is only for Halloween. Maybe you simply can't stand princesses. (I certainly would never have bought my children a Teletubby costume, it's true!)

However, there are also illegitimate reasons to say no, and most of those reasons are the kind that lead to people treating someone else's kid poorly, or judging the parenting skills of his folks. It will make him gay (or confused). It's "weird". "Other people" are going to tease him and scar him for life.

If you state any of those as reasons for forbidding your child from wearing a princess dress to Disney, then yeah - some folks are going to challenge you to rethink your position. Do you really want to teach your child to fear "being gay"? To shun the things girls like, because they're "girly"? To knuckle under to the threat of teasing? To change himself to please strangers?

Who are YOU to decide what reason are legitimate or illegitimate reasons for a parent to say no? Are you the parenting police? Or just a well known parenting expert? Just because YOU say something is an illegitimate reason for saying no doesn't make it so. All parents parent differently and may have different reasons for saying no. Just because you don't agree with it doesn't make it wrong. That's thinking pretty HIGHLY of your own opinion.

And you can come along and CHALLENGE someone's way of thinking all day long as well and that doesn't mean the person is wrong because they don't agree with you.

 

[Eddie75]

Absolutely not! Who in their right mind would put their little boy in a princess dress.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Reminds me of a court case in which an "expert" testified a mother allowin' her baby boy to play with pots 'n pans from the kitchen was unfit...back in the 1960's.

 

[luvsJack]

Not all of 'em. I was the girl in kindergarten who built with blocks and had toy cars. Thankfully, my parents didn't try and make me like things that I "should" like. We have a better relationship today because of that.

Well, sure there are always exceptions.

I don't think anyone should try and make their child play with a certain kind of toy. We never at any time suggested anyone play with any certain kind of toy; they went completely by their own choice.

I don't think anyone should make thier son stop wearing princess dresses either but I do think there are places and times for everything and lunch at CRT isn't the time for it, especially when you know that you could be setting your child up for ridicule.