Would you help a niece with getting birth control..........

[Serena]

It was simple to me. If any one of my daughters felt for some reason they couldn't come to me, they were to go to any adult, that they respect to get the help.
I've talked to them, told them how I feel, but also told them if they choose to ignore everything I say, to come to me, or someone to get protection. Not just one form, but two. A baby is the least of my worries, an std, perhaps a fatal one, scares me much more.

 

[creativeamanda]

They give out condoms at the public schools here! My brother has a desk full of them for any student that asks for them- he was required to do it and also to show them HOW to use it (boy did he not like that part LOL)

I'd be fired. I would refuse to do it. They could not make me do something that would go against my beliefs.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

How could safer sex go against anyone's beliefs?

You just said in a previous post that if any adult tried to parent your child you would be mad.

By stopping a condom to my child - you would be in effect parenting my child.

What makes it right for you to decide what my child does?

 

[smartestnumber5]

craziness. Abstinence is the ONLY system that works. Dont do it and you wont get pregnant. Millions of boys and girls do not have sex.

And what is the USER effectiveness of abstinence? You are talking about laboratory effectiveness which is a useless number.

Every other b.c. method is judged not by how well it works if you use it *perfectly*--but how well it works if you use as the typical user does (i.e. you don't put the condom on until 5 min into intercourse, you don't take the pill 3 days in a row, you don't put the cervical cap in once a month when you have sex, you use an old condom, you take an antibiotic while on the pill). All of those things count against the b.c. method in calculating USER-effectiveness.

To calculate user-effectiveness for abstinence we would have to figure out how many teens intend to use abstinence as their b.c. method but then end up failing to use it perfectly every time (e.g. the old story "oh I wasn't planning to do it but we were making out and I got so into it and I just lost my mind for a minute and before I knew it we were doing it"--this was the story of how most of my high school friends had their first time!).

The claim that abstinence is 100% effective only holds for laboratory effectiveness. But laboratory effectiveness is simply irrelevant in choosing a b.c. method if the average user is not able to use it effectively. What we need to do is figure out how often teens intending to avoid pregnancy through abstinence end up getting pregnant vs. how often teens intending to avoid pregnancy through the pill end up getting pregnant. That is the only comparison that matters.

 

[smartestnumber5]

BTW, Planned Parenthood condoms fail 15% of the time.

"Planned Parenthood condoms"? Are they different than the ones you get at the drugstore?

This is not news. Hormonal birth control methods (whether obtained at PP, at the gyno, or anywhere else) are significantly more effective (both user-effectiveness and laboratory-effectiveness) than barrier methods, spermicide, and condoms usually are.

Not sure what that has to do with teens having sex or why you are quoting something which is talking about STDs as being spread only outside of marriage. (As I posted in an earlier post, the #1 risk of HIV to women globally is having sex with *their own husbands*!!)

And plenty of adult married people also need to/want to prevent pregnancy and an 85% failure rate on condoms is not going to be a good thing for them either. That doesn't make condoms bad. The pill also fails probably somewhere in the 8% range in typical user effectiveness. That doesn't make it bad either.

From your post it sounds like you are against all birth control other than abstinence because none of it is 100% effective. Do you really think people should *never* have sex unless they are trying to/willing to have a kid? Hence, I guess the vast, vast majority of Americans who have/want 1.5 kids on average get to have sex only 1.5 times in their life?



I just can't for the life of me understand why people act as if problems of STDs and pregnancy just disappear when a wedding ring gets slipped on. Everyone in my family has gone to great lengths to ensure that they don't get pregnant when they don't want to be pregnant whether they are married or not. And when married women have had pregnancy scares you would have thought they were 15 year olds with how scared/upset/angry they were. My mom--a usually completely rational woman--came home with 3 pregnancy tests when she was in her late 30s and missed a period for the first time since she her other pregnancies (they kept being negative but she was too worried to believe them and my dad had had a vasectomy so there was not very much to worry about). I was only about 13 but I distinctly remember her being horribly upset and talking about jumping off a bridge and how she would have a nervous breakdown if she was pregnant. And she had real depression/anxiety problems at this time--I really don't know what she would have done had she gotten pregnant, because I really think she could not have handled it with her mental/emotional difficulties.

So I think getting pregnant for her at that point in her life would have been just as problematic as it is for some teenagers getting pregnant at 17. (Like me--I would have had an abortion. End of story. And I don't think I would have ever looked back or felt guilty about it. *NOW* if I got pregnant it would be much more difficult for me to make a decision because I have absolutely no desire to be pregnant/gestate a baby/give birth, but I do have a strong desire to have a baby. So I think though I'm more settled in terms of a relationship and finances and education now, I very well might have been less emotionally affected by a pregnancy at age 17 than I would be now.) If pregnancy for her at age 38 would have been just as bad as a teen pregnancy for some teens, should she be held to the same standard of abstinence that you are advising teens to take? Do you think she just should not have had sex with her husband for the vast majority of her marriage?

 

[KikiFan]

craziness. Abstinence is the ONLY system that works. Dont do it and you wont get pregnant. Millions of boys and girls do not have sex.

Every other system is flawed.

Abstinence does work to avoid STDs and pregnancy. However, Abstinence only sex ed does not. Not all teens will choose to abstain from sex, and those teens need to have the tools to safeguard themselves.

There are not a million studies in that. I'm sorry to disagree, but abstinence only education does work. Here are some studies for you.

http://www.heritage.org/Research/Abstinence/BG1533.cfm

http://www.abstinenceassociation.org/newsroom/pr_061307_hhs_report_comprehensive.html

http://www.christianpost.com/articl...ves-effectiveness-of-abstinence-education.htm

http://www.onenewsnow.com/Culture/Default.aspx?id=210742

Those are your sources? No bias there huh? Maybe you should try some less bias sources.

The fact is that for the last 8 years we've had an administration that pushed an abstinence only sex ed agenda and teen pregnancy rates are going up not down.

You might try some less bias sources like the federal government

Or maybe Washington Post

Or even
US News

 

[Pin Wizard]

Quote:
Originally Posted by chicagodisneyfan
In gods name this is not radical!

How are the parents responsible for the consequences of a teen having sex? STD - teen bears the consequences
pregnant - teen bears the consequences - abort, adopt, have the baby

Sex lives of teenagers should be private - I doubt many parents are into the sharing of their sex lives with their children - so why should a teen have to tell their parent? It is a deeply personal subject.

That is crazy! A 16 year old gets pregnant and you think the parent has no consequences?!?!? WHo is going to pay for the new child?

YOU are WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY out there on this one.

The reason a parent's sex life is not their child's business is because the parent is an adult and the child is NOT responsible for the actions of the parents.


I still can not believe any rationanl adult would hold that view, if you are an adult.

Agreed!

 

[Planogirl]

I don't know about current teens but at one time 16-17 year olds often got married if they were pregnant. Some of those marriages worked and some didn't.

Abstinence is a wonderful concept but unfortunately way too many teens won't stick by it. I'd personally prefer that those kids stay safe in any way possible.

 

[tessiemez]

It would be based on how old the niece or nephew is, and which sister's daughter I was helping. It would definitely be a case-by-case thing, and I certainly wouldn't take it lightly (as most people wouldn't).

re: the abstinence issue --

Abstinence, like communism, is a very nice theory ...

It doesn't necessarily translate to real life situations.

I think it's lovely for teens to wait. I waited until I was engaged but not married, and I'm glad (and SURPRISED ) I waited that long. But I had birth control for long before that because I wanted to be smart about things. Being on birth control didn't cause me to have sex before it was time--ask my husband, who waited far longer than I'm sure he would have preferred. I also learned from my friends in high school that a vast number of teens who want to have sex *will* have sex. Even simple knowledge about birth control is a better defense than nothing.

I really am pro-abstinence. I am also pro-knowledge.

ETA: The communism bit was DEFINITELY not meant to offend. I have had waaaaay too much sugar tonight.

 

[Kath2003]

Anyone else seeing the glaring irony in not wanting 'children' (teens who in previous generations would have been sent to work, help support their family etc etc. but anyway) to have sex because they're not mature enough, and yet wish to achieve this by asking them to do something most grown adults still have issues with - fighting their raw, natural hormonal urges?!

 

[bicker]

Don't confuse things by applying logic, Kath.

 

[SeeVee]

Anyone else seeing the glaring irony in not wanting 'children' (teens who in previous generations would have been sent to work, help support their family etc etc. but anyway) to have sex because they're not mature enough, and yet wish to achieve this by asking them to do something most grown adults still have issues with - fighting their raw, natural hormonal urges?!

I think that logic is flawed. Now if you would have said, "Anyone else seeing the glaring irony in not wanting 'children' to have sex because they're not mature enough, and yet wish to achieve this by asking them use birth control responsibly.

 

[creativeamanda]

How could safer sex go against anyone's beliefs?

You just said in a previous post that if any adult tried to parent your child you would be mad.

By stopping a condom to my child - you would be in effect parenting my child.

What makes it right for you to decide what my child does?

You can give condoms to your child. I am not going to do it. I will not do it because it goes against my religious beliefs. If you have a problem with it, parent your own child accordingly. Sex education should be taught by parents, not the school system.

"Planned Parenthood condoms"? Are they different than the ones you get at the drugstore?

They are. PP condoms are warehoused in extreme heats, making the failure rate higher than those stored properly for sale.

Abstinence does work to avoid STDs and pregnancy. However, Abstinence only sex ed does not. Not all teens will choose to abstain from sex, and those teens need to have the tools to safeguard themselves.



Those are your sources? No bias there huh? Maybe you should try some less bias sources.

The fact is that for the last 8 years we've had an administration that pushed an abstinence only sex ed agenda and teen pregnancy rates are going up not down.

You might try some less bias sources like the federal government

Or maybe Washington Post

Or even
US News

Your first and third sources are the same article and do not point directly to abstinence education being the culprit. Your second source is a highly liberal media pundit. It isn't exactly unbiased itself.

Did you actually READ my articles as I gave you the courtesy of doing?

My husband is an abstinence only educator. His personal experience is that teenage pregnancy in his school has been cut in half. That is enough information for me.

 

[ROIE01581]

i am sure if she when to grandma, should would help her.

 

[Kath2003]

Interestingly the top 5 states for teen pregnancy rates in 2000 were:
1. Nevada
2. Arizona
3. Mississippi
4. New Mexico
5. Texas

Whereas the 5 states with the least teen pregnancy rates were:

1. North Dakota
2. Vermont
3. New Hampshire
4. Minnesota
5. Maine

Seems like there's a significant north-south divide there. Where is abstinence-only taught? Where is a broad curriculum of sex education taught?

 

[luvmy3]

And if the condom breaks and she becomes pregnant? And if she tells her parents that YOU gave her the condoms without their knowledge?

Anyone can give my child birth control against my wishes at their own peril.

If she was planning on having sex, me getting her condoms isn't going to make any difference, she would still be having sex. I would rather her have a condom and use it, even with the chance that it could break , then use no condom at all. Its a moot point anyway, if she wants BC (over the counter) then she can go out on her own and get it, she wouldn't even need me.

 

[kellyg403]

I have debated this question since the beginning when I saw this post. After reading through the posts and seeing the varying positions and the reasons for them I still have a hard time with the initial question. I think the variables are to too many. I have a close enough relationship with my bros and sisters that I would have a hard time doing any thing they didn't agree with re: raising their children. If approached by a niece or nephew or even one of my children's friends I really honestly would not take them to get BC without their parents permission. If they can go to PP on their own, they need to. The counselors there are trained to discuss and recommend BC options. I personally do not think I would because each girl is different and should have medical evaluation and maturity to understand there are risks involved with BC. Do they do medical evalutations at PP or is it simply sex education with options? Asking because I have never used PP. As for the condom issue, honestly even at a grocery store condoms stay on the shelf for a long time so I am not sure that getting one from there is much safer! But there is no legal age to buy a condom so I don't think my teens or anyone else's teen needs me to do so. If you are mature enough to have sex be mature enough to buy one, as embarrasing as it is. As I mentioned to my sons...way more embarrassing and uncomfortable to tell me their girlfriend is pregnant.

I understand the hormonal thing as a teen..I was one before. Took chances I shouldn't have and thank goodness nothing bad has happened STD wise or babywise. I just don't think in the end it is my right to interfere with another parent's wishes. But if PP doesn't NEED parental permission or an adult in attendance I would say the question answers itself.

Kelly

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

My answer to the OP:

I would help my neice get BC, but I would also encourage her to talk to her mother and father. I think it is so important for parents to have an open, honest, and healthy relationship with there children. Do I want my child to have sex as a teenager? Of course not and I will encourage her to stay abstinent untill she was older. But, kids don't always do what a parent wants and I would rather her have safe sex than end up pregnant or with a horrid disease. If I denied my child condoms based on the fact that I wanted her and encouraged her to stay abstinent and she ended up pregnant or with a disease, I would say I was a failure as a parent.

As for abstinence being taught in schools, I think that it is a great tool to use as long as religious beliefs have nothing to do with it! Also, along with the abstinence, Sex Ed has to be taught in all schools! It is absolutely vital that our teens are taught about having a healthy sexual relationship. In my small town, a local church was able to have sex ed completely banned from our school system a few years back and now every year the teenage pregnancy rate for our community has been on the rise. Last year, there were over 14 pregnant girls at the highscool out of less than 400 students. And just because abstincence is being taught does not mean that STDs are not still an issue. Many teens that claim to abstinent are still practicing other forms of sexual activity, just not traditional. They need to be given the knowledge and tools to make educated decisions with regaurds to sex. Abstinence only education is like giving my 6 year old a loaded gun and tell them "You can have it, just don't use it". If you are confident in your parenting skills, you're child sitting through a sex ed class about contraceptives and safe choices should not undo what you have told them about abstinence. It is just giving them the knowledge they deserve as budding adults.

 

[creativeamanda]

Interestingly the top 5 states for teen pregnancy rates in 2000 were:
1. Nevada
2. Arizona
3. Mississippi
4. New Mexico
5. Texas

Whereas the 5 states with the least teen pregnancy rates were:

1. North Dakota
2. Vermont
3. New Hampshire
4. Minnesota
5. Maine

Seems like there's a significant north-south divide there. Where is abstinence-only taught? Where is a broad curriculum of sex education taught?

Since when are Nevada, Arizona, and New Mexico southern states? I don't see a significant North-South divide. Looks fairly even spread to me.

 

[Kath2003]

Since when are Nevada, Arizona, and New Mexico southern states? I don't see a significant North-South divide. Looks fairly even spread to me.

Now Nevada I can see, it's about middle north-south but Arizona? New Mexico?!