Would you help a niece with getting birth control..........

[PaulaSB12]

My son does see his girlfriend without anyone watching him.

A poster asked me what the consequences/punishment would be if I found out he was sexually active.

My son is 16.

How old will he have to be to see his girlfiend without supervision?

 

[Aisling]

How old will he have to be to see his girlfiend without supervision?

Paula, my son does see his girl without supervision.


I said he'd have supervision only if I found out he was disobedient.

 

[amyhughes]

I am not attacking, so please don't take it that way.

But, I just don't see how it can be considered that a teenager's sex life isn't their parents business. Granted, the law states otherwise, but that doesn't make it "right". If a teen becomes sexually active, I feel that a parent needs to know so that they can be there for their child mentally and psychologically. When sex is included into a relationship and we are talking about 15-16 yr olds there are more feelings here than just your usual romantic relationship between this age group, sans sex. There just is. Not to discount the feelings of these kids who abstain and break it off, but it is just a different element, especially if a girl or boy loses their virginity in that relationship.

I know of only one couple that survived losing their virginity to each other, and when the proverbial crap hits the fan (break-up, pregnancy, STD), I would prefer to be in the know if my child (yes at 16 I would still consider them my child) had taken their relationship to this next level. It's not for fear of my "insurance premium" as a PP eloquently put it. But a GINORMOUS concern for the well-being of my child, both physically and mentally. However well intentioned my SIL or BIL may be, I would prefer they bring my teen back to us and we all sit and discuss it. I don't think sex is something to be entered into lightly, but if my teen has decided on this path, you can be damn sure I will make sure they are being safe.

And NO I don't expect them to enter into marriage as virgins. I lost mine at an early age, but I bit the bullet and told my Dad so that I could get BC and wasn't sneaking around doing it. I laid my cards on the table, for good or bad. Luckily my Dad, as I said previously, was smart enough to know I had made my mind up and he wasn't going to leave this all up to my boyfriend at the time.

 

[tzolkin]

I know others have said this, but I don't think avoiding pregnancy would be my number one concern with my children. My DH's co-worker took her DD to the dr and insisted that she started taking bc pills at 13. (This is her "rule" for her DDs.) We were so disturbed by this. There was no discussion of possible emotional consequences or diseases that might happen if her DD decides to have sex eventually, all she cared about was making sure her DD didn't get pregnant.

In my experience parents "encouraging" sex had little influence on whether their child became sexually active. I actually found just the opposite among my friends. (I know this isn't always the case...) The only ones I knew having sex were those who came from very strict families where there was no discussion other than "you WILL NOT" and several were even forbidden to date, but were sneaking around and having unprotected sex. On the other hand, all of my friends who had open conversations with their parents about sex and knew that their parents would provide them with access to disease/birth prevention never had sex as teenagers.

As far as the original discussion, I would talk to my niece openly and honestly. I would encourage her to discuss the issue with her parents, but would continue to offer advice, information, and an open ear until she decided to tell them. I would definitely be willing to be there when she approached her parents if she asked me for the support.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am taking my 17yodd to the OB-GYN to get her first exam and to get on birth control.
She has asked me to do this and I have no issue with it.

She is aware of side effects and we will go over it in detail.

However I do stress the use of a condom to protect herself from STD's and HIV. I will probably buy her a box of them and give her a lesson.

My dd has not had sex yet, but she is thinking about it. Her BF lives in Texas. If she was already on the pill she probably would have had sex already, we just moved from there.

She was responsible and is waiting. We have open dialogue about it. I do not believe in "waiting till marriage".

 

[Serena]

Yes

 

[SadieDog]

Many kids have told me that if their parents had encouraged them to not have sex they wouldn't have (a few said they would have anyway). But their parents either said it was okay or said nothing at about it at all. Outright encouragement and lack of parental involvement encouraged these kids to engage in destructive behavior.
And if you're wondering why they'd be talking to me about it, my husband is a minister.

I was interested in what a teen would think so I read this to my daughter 17 and her male friend. They got a chuckle from it and didn't agree at all. Her friend said at that moment his parents were the last thing on his mind. They pretty much said when it comes down to it, they make the decision on their own regardless what the parents have said.

To the original question: Yes, I would help.

 

[luvmy3]

If my niece felt that she could come to me for help, then I would be there for her. I would never help her get BC pills, or any other medication without her telling her parents. However, I would get her condoms and explain to her that not only does she need to protect herself from pregnancy, but also STD's. Hopefully if she was having sex, thats something she would already know.
I would also strongly encourage her to tell her parents, at least her mom and even offer to help her talk to her.
If my dd didn't feel she could come to me for help, I hope she would go to one of her aunts.

 

[stm61]

[QUOTE="Got Disney";27133361]My niece came to live with me and my family 2 years ago...she was 15 had sex with 36 men and had already gotten gonorrhea, Herpes, HPV and one other but can't remember what it was.

Her mother did not want her on BCP because she sis not want her daughter to think she was given her permission to have sex...ummm DUH

I not only got her on BCP but fed them to her because she wants to get pregnant and still does. She moved home this summer and her mom has made no effort to be sure that she is taking them...just that she says she is so her mom believes her. My experience is if you dont feed them to her she will not take them.

So yes I would. But stay on top of her and be sure to check for signs of health problems on them.


Have her talk to her mom and if she cant than look out for her. You can talk to teens about not having sex and that's important but if she is thinking about having intercourse at all better to be safe than sorry.

Good luck[/QUOTE]


I agree! A friend shares a home with a roommate, they have 6 girls between them. Roomate's daughter got pregnant last year at 14. Both daughter and the boy swore they'd only been together twice. After the baby was born she went on BCP's. The baby is a little over a year old. Mom noticed her daughter was looking a little chubby. Yup, pregnant again at 15, by a guy she dated for a week. She kept "forgetting" to take the pills. Mom swears she'll be on something she can't "forget" before she leaves the hospital.

 

[creativeamanda]

No. It's not my business to parent another child.

 

[bicker]

But, I just don't see how it can be considered that a teenager's sex life isn't their parents business. Granted, the law states otherwise, but that doesn't make it "right".

What makes something "right"? I don't mean what makes it right for you, but rather what makes is right -- period? The only defensible answer is that the law says so. The law is the only consensus view. Everything else is either personal opinion (i.e., what someone wants), or tyranny of the majority (i.e., what's popular). The law takes everyone's personal opinions and codifies that which is common enough, and essential enough, to be considered objectively "right" within society. All other rights are reserved to the individual -- i.e., the individual determines whether it is right, for themselves.

 

[princesspumpkin]

I agree

 

[Pin Wizard]

Wow! If my sister ever did that, I'd sure let her know that she overstepped her boundaries.

 

[SeeVee]

If my niece felt that she could come to me for help, then I would be there for her. I would never help her get BC pills, or any other medication without her telling her parents. However, I would get her condoms and explain to her that not only does she need to protect herself from pregnancy, but also STD's. Hopefully if she was having sex, thats something she would already know.
I would also strongly encourage her to tell her parents, at least her mom and even offer to help her talk to her.
If my dd didn't feel she could come to me for help, I hope she would go to one of her aunts.

And if the condom breaks and she becomes pregnant? And if she tells her parents that YOU gave her the condoms without their knowledge?

Anyone can give my child birth control against my wishes at their own peril.

 

[SeeVee]

In gods name this is not radical!

How are the parents responsible for the consequences of a teen having sex? STD - teen bears the consequences
pregnant - teen bears the consequences - abort, adopt, have the baby

Sex lives of teenagers should be private - I doubt many parents are into the sharing of their sex lives with their children - so why should a teen have to tell their parent? It is a deeply personal subject.

That is crazy! A 16 year old gets pregnant and you think the parent has no consequences?!?!? WHo is going to pay for the new child?

YOU are WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY out there on this one.

The reason a parent's sex life is not their child's business is because the parent is an adult and the child is NOT responsible for the actions of the parents.


I still can not believe any rationanl adult would hold that view, if you are an adult.

 

[SeeVee]

Uptight, puritanical parents don't wish their kids to have sex and if they do they could damage their mental health?

Really- sex is great and wonderful - it has been since I was a teenager... who knew I was really damaging myself?

You can NOT be serious. A child has no business having sex period. A child has not a clue about love, respect, and commitment. A child who thinks that another child "loves" them when all that is wanted is a piece of you-know-what is going to grow up with a skewed perspective of what love is.

What a bizzare view.

 

[creativeamanda]

BTW, Planned Parenthood condoms fail 15% of the time.

"One of Planned Parenthood's products had a more than 85 percent failure rate in stopping unwanted pregnancies," Perkins noted. "Perhaps to a group like Planned Parenthood, 85 percent is enough."

But Perkins said Planned Parenthood will not tell you the truth that condoms do not prevent dangerous sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) from being spread among those having sex outside of marriage.

"A prime example is the human papilloma virus (HPV), the leading cause of cervical cancer among women," Perkins explained. "Planned Parenthood's own web site, disregarding the health of women, actually claims condoms are effective against HPV."

http://mensnewsdaily.com/archive/newswire/news2005/0105/011305-planned-parenthood.htm

http://www.illinoisrighttolife.org/2005_1_PropagandaSpread.htm

Dh's school district taught abstinence education when he started teaching sex ed 8 years ago. The teenage pregnancy rate in the district dropped during that time. Then for 2 years, Planned Parenthood came in and the rate more than tripled. Guess what that district went to?

If my sister took my daughter to get birth control, I'd bar her from being around my girls anymore. It is MY business what I teach my children, not my sister's.

 

[SeeVee]

There's a huge difference between someone "encouraging" a teen to have sex and an adult assisting them to be responsible when the teen has already made the decision to have sex.

Abstinence only doesn't work. There's a million studies and teen pregnancies that prove it. Teens who decide to have sex will have it. So do we sit back and let them irrevocably change their lives because we're too stubborn to teach them proper protection? That's ridiculous imo.

craziness. Abstinence is the ONLY system that works. Dont do it and you wont get pregnant. Millions of boys and girls do not have sex.

Every other system is flawed.

 

[creativeamanda]

There's a huge difference between someone "encouraging" a teen to have sex and an adult assisting them to be responsible when the teen has already made the decision to have sex.

Abstinence only doesn't work. There's a million studies and teen pregnancies that prove it. Teens who decide to have sex will have it. So do we sit back and let them irrevocably change their lives because we're too stubborn to teach them proper protection? That's ridiculous imo.

There are not a million studies in that. I'm sorry to disagree, but abstinence only education does work. Here are some studies for you.

http://www.heritage.org/Research/Abstinence/BG1533.cfm

http://www.abstinenceassociation.org/newsroom/pr_061307_hhs_report_comprehensive.html

http://www.christianpost.com/articl...ves-effectiveness-of-abstinence-education.htm

http://www.onenewsnow.com/Culture/Default.aspx?id=210742

 

[aprilgail2]

Anyone can give my child birth control against my wishes at their own peril.

They give out condoms at the public schools here! My brother has a desk full of them for any student that asks for them- he was required to do it and also to show them HOW to use it (boy did he not like that part LOL)