Would you be upset?

[JanBlessed]

I would've called him and asked. If you still have the opportunity, maybe call him - or text (?). When I can't get ahold of one of my brothers, I text them.

To answer your question : I would've called before I could even get mad, so it's hard for me to say this late in the game......

 

[manning]

Common courtesy would be to let you know one way or other so you can plan.

I know someone who had family members noted for not responding. When his daughter got married he had someone at the banquet hall with a list. No response you didn't get in. Understand some noses were out of joint.

Afterward I said to him I understand so and so was turned away. His response was "Who?"

 

[Lynne M]

Couple of thoughts....

A lot of families are very casual when it comes to gatherings, it's more like an open house. Show up when and if you want, stay for a while. One branch of my family is that way, RSVPs aren't requested or expected. Is that what he's used to? We still call and let them know if we're coming or not, and I agree that he should have let you know.

Never assume that anyone sees event notifications on FB. Or messages. Some don't look at FB for months at a time. Some are looking at it through phone apps, where the notifications aren't exactly in your face. If they have other friends who post a lot, your announcement can easily get knocked off their feed. It's simply not a reliable method of communication. A friend was terribly hurt when she sent FB messages to a bunch of people, inviting them to a dinner, and not one of them responded. That's because none of them saw it.

Bottom line, if the party's approaching and you haven't got RSVP's, call those who haven't responded. Yes, it's a pain to have to do, and yes, people should do you the courtesy of responding. But it's better than sitting there getting hurt feelings and waiting for them to call you.

 

[Allison]

I guess I never expected my out of state family to travel for a graduation party especially if they weren't attending the actual graduation. They sent cards.

 

[sbtrfly74]

I would call or at least text.

We had our DD grad party last month and I think only 1 person RSVP'ed. Was really annoying that everyone went through my parents to "tell" me they were coming but not how many so I had to guess. My cousin I actually texted who responded with a maybe and another cousin I texted since I wanted her to make the cake.

My mother said I should have put Catered on the invitation, like that should have made a difference. People are beyond rude these days.

 

[SMD]

Never assume that anyone sees event notifications on FB. Or messages. Some don't look at FB for months at a time. Some are looking at it through phone apps, where the notifications aren't exactly in your face. If they have other friends who post a lot, your announcement can easily get knocked off their feed. It's simply not a reliable method of communication. A friend was terribly hurt when she sent FB messages to a bunch of people, inviting them to a dinner, and not one of them responded. That's because none of them saw.

I'm also probably not going to commit to something via FB 3 months in advance, and I'm likely to forget to go back and look at the invite when the date gets closer. If someone really wanted me there I'd expect a call, text, email or FB message reminding me that I hadn't accepted or declined.

That being said, no way is a family graduation party going to trump my own plans on an actual 3 day weekend. I'd also kind of resent the "this is not a case of lack of funds" argument. Um, it's my money, I'll spend or hoard it as I darn well please.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I know I am working this holiday. I turned down some invites myself. (Granted, I responded.)

Don't mean to offend, but I think it's a little presumptuous to plan something on a holiday weekend and be upset when people can't come. Traffic alone, for many, is nightmare, myself included. In my family, which is spread out, we often celebrate hoildays the weekend before or after a major hoilday for that reason, or because people have other obligations, etc. Hoiidays can be tough, so I would cut your brother some slack. I, personally, wouldn't call him about it because it could be awkward. I would just let it slide and try hard not to feel offended. (Easier said than done, I know.)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

DD graduated last Saturday, her party is this Saturday. We planned it on a Holiday weekend because we have family out of state and thought it would be easier for them to travel over a long weekend.

This party was announced to family at Christmas so that everyone knew well in advance. I started a Facebook event in April again to give people plenty of notice. I mailed out invitations at the beginning of June.

I just found out from one of my sisters that my Brother who lives out of state is not coming. The party is in 4 days and he has not called or texted me to tell me he isn't coming. He hasn't even simply declined the invitation on FB.

I know that this is not a case of lack of funds... and they have (as a family) attended every other graduation party in our family. My SIL is DDs Godmother and we haven't heard word one.

No I would not be upset. I might be a tad disappointed but then I would move on.

The party is about your dd. Stay focused on the positive.

I love electronic media however something like this requires a phone call from you. When he says we cannot make it, you say we will miss you and then let it go.

I am also working this weekend and while I have FB, I never look at it.

 

[EMode]

I agree with everyone else, I'd be a little mad that they didn't bother to RSVP, but if it was my brother or sister, I'd pick up the phone and just ask them if they didn't respond by the RSVP date.
I would be disappointed that they weren't able to come, but if I arranged a party on a holiday weekend I would understand that people have other plans for that weekend and I'd expect alot of people declining.

We also have a graduation party this weekend that we have to travel for. It has put a major crimp in my plans, we are trying to make it work but I'm not real happy about it. The way I see it, there are plenty of other weekends to choose, why would you choose one where most people traditionally already have plans that they would have to cancel or work around.

 

[stsomewhere]

I'm also probably not going to commit to something via FB 3 months in advance, and I'm likely to forget to go back and look at the invite when the date gets closer. If someone really wanted me there I'd expect a call, text, email or FB message reminding me that I hadn't accepted or declined.

That being said, no way is a family graduation party going to trump my own plans on an actual 3 day weekend. I'd also kind of resent the "this is not a case of lack of funds" argument. Um, it's my money, I'll spend or hoard it as I darn well please.

I agreee about the money part. We were invited to a wedding out of state for my husband's uncle. It is his second wedding and he is 72 yrs old. We estimated it would cost us about $1000 for our family to go for th weekend, if we drive. Yes, we have the money. But, it is allocated for other things.
My mother inlaw is not happy that we told her that we were not going to go.

 

[cluvsdisney]

I would be upset if my sibling didn't come to an event that was important to me and even more so for not even having the courtesy of responding. But my immediate family does travel and saves the date for these types of events and we want to know as far in advance so we can be available and plan accordingly.

As far as calling people who did not RSVP, if I HAD to know the number of people because it's in a restaurant, I would call everyone who didn't respond. It's rude on their part to not reply but if I need to know if someone is coming, I need to be proactive at that point. If it was a more casual party at the house, a ballpark would be good enough since there's always too much food anyway. Either way, I wouldn't hesitate to contact my sibling to find out what's going on.

 

[Jeff in BigD]

I think it depends on how close the family member is.

If it's an uncle that only sends the occasional birthday card or shows up once for a Thanksgiving every 5 years, no biggie.

 

[DopeyDame]

I'm joining everyone else here.
Yeah, I'd be a little annoyed at the lack of rsvp. But for my brother, I'd assume I would have talked to him and would have asked weeks and weeks ago what his plans were.
But not coming? Not, not annoyed. In fact, if I were your broher I would be annoyed that you planned it on 4th of July weekend - making it harder and more expensive for me to come to my niece's graduation party, which I just may have attended if it had been the weekend before.

 

[Coonhound]

I wouldn't be happy that the party was scheduled on a holiday weekend.

I also would not assume or expect that anyone who lives in another state would travel to come to the party. No matter how close a relation they are, I simply wouldn't expect out of state people to attend. If they do, fantastic. But I would just assume they weren't going to make that trip.

I like what another poster here said. "It's an invitation, not a summons."
Don't have expectations. If people can attend it's great, but people have their own lives and their own plans and no matter how much notice you give them, they may decide other things are more important to them, or they may decide to attend things closer to their home, or they may just not want to make the trip and decide to stay home and relax at home and send a card instead.

Expectations ruin relationships.

 

[shortbun]

I would be upset that he hasn't called you. I would not be upset that he is not coming.

This and I wouldn't let it ruin my day. There are events that just can't be attended. Depending on how you think you can handle, I'd call them to ask if they're coming because you haven't heard from them.

 

[msjprincess]

I would only be upset that he hasn't responded yet


I know some people think they are doing their guests a favor by scheduling parties on holiday weekends. But as a guest I hate it.

 

[Laura66]

I would not be upset at all. So many people have 4th of July plans and traveling is often a nightmare.

I might be annoyed he didn't RSVP - but seeing how you are about this party I'm thinking he might not want do deal with how you'd react?

Also - how many people are in his family? 4-6 people coming or not coming is not going to throw your meal planning off.

 

[Hrhpd]

Op - have you called your brother yet? Did you get things resolved?

 

[barkley]

If I send invitations with rsvp cards to return I 'hope' to get a response, sadly it's not always the case anymore. I don't do Facebook so any kind of information people post about something I may end up invited to I wouldn't know about until I received the invite (and if I got one for the 4th of July sometime in June I probably already have plans, or wouldn't have time to make plans to travel out of state).

we had to decline on a MAJOR family event one year specifically because it was scheduled for a 4th of july weekend. dh and I both worked jobs where we had that Friday off so we had a 3 day weekend BUT either driving or flying would have eaten up one full day (each way) AND the hotels in the area were only allowing 3 night minimum bookings, so we were either looking at (1) 2 full days of travel w/1 day at the event, and losing a full night of lodging expenses OR (2) both of us taking a day off of work so we didn't lose the night of lodging and weren't exhausted for our first day back at work. neither were realy feasible-the cost was prohibitive (unless the hostess is providing all meals and lodging that on top of gas or airline travel is not cheap), and vacation requests for holiday weekends were put in a year in advance.

we learned after the fact that over 50% of those invited declined the invitation.

 

[SLK1]

It is rude. But chalk it up to being a BROTHER. I'm the only girl and one of my brothers is horrible about responding, and just doesn't put an emphasis on family as the rest of us. It's ok though...we have learned and just never count on them to attend things. To me it's all about expectations.

But hope you have fun at the party anyway! Sounds like you'll still have plenty of people there!