Would you be upset?

[usd2bmd]

DD graduated last Saturday, her party is this Saturday. We planned it on a Holiday weekend because we have family out of state and thought it would be easier for them to travel over a long weekend.

This party was announced to family at Christmas so that everyone knew well in advance. I started a Facebook event in April again to give people plenty of notice. I mailed out invitations at the beginning of June.

I just found out from one of my sisters that my Brother who lives out of state is not coming. The party is in 4 days and he has not called or texted me to tell me he isn't coming. He hasn't even simply declined the invitation on FB.

I know that this is not a case of lack of funds... and they have (as a family) attended every other graduation party in our family. My SIL is DDs Godmother and we haven't heard word one.

 

[Southernmiss]

DD graduated last Saturday, her party is this Saturday. We planned it on a Holiday weekend because we have family out of state and thought it would be easier for them to travel over a long weekend.

This party was announced to family at Christmas so that everyone knew well in advance. I started a Facebook event in April again to give people plenty of notice. I mailed out invitations at the beginning of June.

I just found out from one of my sisters that my Brother who lives out of state is not coming. The party is in 4 days and he has not called or texted me to tell me he isn't coming. He hasn't even simply declined the invitation on FB.

I know that this is not a case of lack of funds... and they have (as a family) attended every other graduation party in our family. My SIL is DDs Godmother and we haven't heard word one.

Call him. You'll never know why until you do.

 

[MIGrandma]

I would probably be upset at first, but I would most definitely call my brother to find out his side of the story. Maybe there is a good reason and he just hasn't called you yet to let you know.

 

[soccerdad72]

I guess it depends on a number of factors, not the least of which would be the reason why he's not coming.

 

[mamajo]

There is an element of miffedness but I wouldn't let it ruin the party! Maybe they'll send a nice gift instead. Be the bigger person and let others in the family wonder why they aren't there and you can just say, "I have no idea, they never let us know anything." It's on them. Have more cake!!

 

[clh2]

DD graduated last Saturday, her party is this Saturday. We planned it on a Holiday weekend because we have family out of state and thought it would be easier for them to travel over a long weekend.

This party was announced to family at Christmas so that everyone knew well in advance. I started a Facebook event in April again to give people plenty of notice. I mailed out invitations at the beginning of June.

I just found out from one of my sisters that my Brother who lives out of state is not coming. The party is in 4 days and he has not called or texted me to tell me he isn't coming. He hasn't even simply declined the invitation on FB.

I know that this is not a case of lack of funds... and they have (as a family) attended every other graduation party in our family. My SIL is DDs Godmother and we haven't heard word one.

A party invitation is just that - an invitation. It is not a summons.

Sorry that he isn't coming, and while he should have heard it from him directly, instead of through a different family member, you did in fact get the information.

You have no idea what else is on his schedule this summer - perhaps there are other weddings, something on his wife's side of the family. Perhaps work has been hectic, and they just need to relax this weekend. Perhaps there is a big soccer tournament their kids need to be at.

Even with picking a date uber-far in advance - you still do not get to control other people's schedules. We picked our DD's grad date the October before she graduated, as my BIL who is a doctor wanted to make sure that he had off that weekend, so I "get" the need to plan that far in advance. I even booked the tent rental that far in advance. While we informed both sides of our family of the date 8 months in advance, it still was not a mandate for people to come.

I would just let this go.

 

[anniemae]

Things happen. This is a busy time of year with the Holiday, vacations, cookouts etc. Even though you have been planning and thinking about this since Christmas, not everyone else has. I know if someone told me about a party in July at Christmas it would probably go in one ear and out the other.

Call him directly to see what is going on, I hate relying on "third party" info.

 

[Styx Fan]

I would be upset he hasn't gotten back with you since it is this weekend. At this point, I don't think you have enough to info to be upset that he isn't coming.

My SIL had her first child's grad party last year on the 4th of July weekend. We have been on vacation that weekend for the last 10 years at least. It works out the best for my DH work schedule and our family summer schedule. With a kid in high school sports and band, August is a wash. I am that grads Godmother as well. We went ahead and went on vacation. We did make a point to attend the actual graduation ceremony since we are local. I was torn, but felt it was best. This kid is the oldest of 9, one graduating every year for the next 4 years and we didn't want to set a precedent that we would change our plans.

 

[Praying Colonel]

No, I wouldn't be upset. If I wanted to know if someone was coming, I would've called and checked by now. If I didn't find out until 4 days out that he wasn't coming, that would be on me.

Also, I figure if I invite someone and they don't want to come, that's their choice and I'm not going to get into any drama over it.

 

[sam_gordon]

The only thing (IMO) to be upset about would be not knowing for catering (if that's even an issue). As mentioned, who knows what's going on in his life. A simple call saying "hey, we haven't heard from you and xxxx would love for you to be there, are you going to be able to make it?" If he says no (with or without an explanation), just say "thanks".

 

[Aliceacc]

I agree... I think he owes you the courtesy of an RSVP.

But as to whether this invitation trumps other work, social, family or economic committments, that's not your call. If he can't come, he can't come.

 

[purpledisneyprncess]

The only thing I would be upset about is your brother told another fam member he can't make it, but never told you. That is a bit strange. Other than that, people have other plans & especially with it being a Holiday weekend & the summer.
My SIL and her family didn't attend my son's birthday party because her child had a basketball game. No biggie and I didn't stress or get upset. However, her step daughter had a grad party this past Sunday & our son had a baseball game. DH said our son was not missing his game. It is what it is.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

DD graduated last Saturday, her party is this Saturday. We planned it on a Holiday weekend because we have family out of state and thought it would be easier for them to travel over a long weekend.

This party was announced to family at Christmas so that everyone knew well in advance. I started a Facebook event in April again to give people plenty of notice. I mailed out invitations at the beginning of June.

I just found out from one of my sisters that my Brother who lives out of state is not coming. The party is in 4 days and he has not called or texted me to tell me he isn't coming. He hasn't even simply declined the invitation on FB.

I know that this is not a case of lack of funds... and they have (as a family) attended every other graduation party in our family. My SIL is DDs Godmother and we haven't heard word one.

I would be upset that he hasn't called you. I would not be upset that he is not coming.

 

[Hrhpd]

DD graduated last Saturday, her party is this Saturday. We planned it on a Holiday weekend because we have family out of state and thought it would be easier for them to travel over a long weekend.

This party was announced to family at Christmas so that everyone knew well in advance. I started a Facebook event in April again to give people plenty of notice. I mailed out invitations at the beginning of June.

I just found out from one of my sisters that my Brother who lives out of state is not coming. The party is in 4 days and he has not called or texted me to tell me he isn't coming. He hasn't even simply declined the invitation on FB.

I know that this is not a case of lack of funds... and they have (as a family) attended every other graduation party in our family. My SIL is DDs Godmother and we haven't heard word one.

I would not be upset that they were not coming. It is an awful lot to expect somebody to travel out of state over a holiday weekend. Travel costs are always higher over a major holiday weekend like the 4th. Maybe they just can't afford it and don't want anybody to know their financial situation.

As for not RSVP'ing, I wouldn't be upset until I found out why they didn't rsvp. It could be as simple as the BIL thought the SIL rsvp'd or vice versa. And they are going on their merry way thinking everything is good in the world.

I wouldn't call them now, at this late date, as the only thing that will serve is to put them on the spot and make them uncomfortable, not something a host does.

However, sometime after the party when you are having a casual conversation, you can mention in a non-accusing way that you would prefer a rsvp in the future so you can plan food.

 

[LisaInNc]

I would not be upset.

He lives out of state if he was close by but to expect someone to travel for a party seems wrong to me.

As for the RSVP it would have been polite to tell you but honestly I find that people just don't RSVP any more. It's been a topic on this board more than once.

Have a great party and congrats to your DD for graduating!

Lisa

 

[powellrj]

My DD graduated last month and we had her party the next week. I wouldn't think anything about it. We didn't even put RSVP on our invitations because I know people get busy and change plans. Lets be honest, while her graduation was very important to us, its not something I expect others to plan their lives around. She was disappointed her favorite cousin went to a wedding instead of her party, but life happens and you just have to move on.

Enjoy the party! We had a great time and it was wonderful to see the people who were there! This is such a busy time in their lives, so I wouldn't give this a second thought.

 

[usd2bmd]

No, I wouldn't be upset. If I wanted to know if someone was coming, I would've called and checked by now. If I didn't find out until 4 days out that he wasn't coming, that would be on me.

Also, I figure if I invite someone and they don't want to come, that's their choice and I'm not going to get into any drama over it.

Even if you put an RSVP on the invitation? you would call everyone to find out if they were coming? Maybe with friends but I would expect more from family.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

Since you haven't heard from your brother, you really have no idea what his plans are, other than hearsay.

 

[Southernmiss]

How far away does your brother live?

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I would have just brought it up and asked my brother if they were planning on coming. I don't expect my siblings to officially RSVP, we just talk. Have you called and spoken with him recently?