Would you be upset?

[NHdisneylover]

Is it possible that you have been so pushy about the date and making sure everyone knows months ahead of time when you expect them to attend a graduation party, that this person is avoiding RSVPing to avoid drama and fall out from you?

I agree with everyone else. If you asked for RSVPs and did not get one, that is worth being a little miffed over.
Someone not coming? Nope. Totally not worth being upset over--and whatever you do, do not ask why or get demanding about it.

 

[Wendy31]

No, I wouldn't be upset that he wasn't coming.

I might be a bit miffed that he didn't RSVP, but only due to planning purposes. But, like others have said, I don't really expect my or DH's siblings to RSVP. We either talk or messages get passed along through our parents.

4th of July weekend is a busy time! Even if they have the funds necessary for any travel expenses, maybe they don't want to travel on such a busy weekend. Maybe they have prior commitments.

I know, sometimes, it seems like it would be easier to have an occasion (wedding, graduation party, etc.) over a holiday weekend, but, often, it ends up making things more stressful for the out-of-towners.

 

[RitaZ.]

DD graduated last Saturday, her party is this Saturday. We planned it on a Holiday weekend because we have family out of state and thought it would be easier for them to travel over a long weekend.

This party was announced to family at Christmas so that everyone knew well in advance. I started a Facebook event in April again to give people plenty of notice. I mailed out invitations at the beginning of June.

I just found out from one of my sisters that my Brother who lives out of state is not coming. The party is in 4 days and he has not called or texted me to tell me he isn't coming. He hasn't even simply declined the invitation on FB.

I know that this is not a case of lack of funds... and they have (as a family) attended every other graduation party in our family. My SIL is DDs Godmother and we haven't heard word one.

Just call and ask him.

I can't imagine planning a high school graduation party that far in advance.

 

[phorsenuf]

Maybe something changed and he's able to come after all.

 

[Hrhpd]

Even if you put an RSVP on the invitation? you would call everyone to find out if they were coming? Maybe with friends but I would expect more from family.

yes.

RSVP's can get lost
Husband may think Wife RSVP'd whild Wife thinks Husband RSVP'd
Any other of a host of misundertandings

I don't know why you wouldn't extend the same courtesy to a relative that you would to a friend.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

DD graduated last Saturday, her party is this Saturday. We planned it on a Holiday weekend because we have family out of state and thought it would be easier for them to travel over a long weekend.

This party was announced to family at Christmas so that everyone knew well in advance. I started a Facebook event in April again to give people plenty of notice. I mailed out invitations at the beginning of June.

I just found out from one of my sisters that my Brother who lives out of state is not coming. The party is in 4 days and he has not called or texted me to tell me he isn't coming. He hasn't even simply declined the invitation on FB.

I know that this is not a case of lack of funds... and they have (as a family) attended every other graduation party in our family. My SIL is DDs Godmother and we haven't heard word one.

The no reply is a clunker.

That said, generally speaking, holiday weekends are a HORRIBLE time to plan any gathering with people you don't specifically see that particular weekend every year.

 

[RadioNate]

Since you only know 2nd hand information no, I wouldn't be upset. You don't know what it going on. You 'heard' something which may or may not be correct.

It's your brother, call and ask him. You can't talk to your brother? Text him?

That said, no one, family or not, is required to attend every event that a family member hosts. They aren't coming. They don't need a reason. An RSVP would have been courteous.

 

[sookie]

I think the holiday weekend backfired on you. A lot of people have traditions they like to follow and that can cause them to not come to your party. Further, the travel costs are crazy. No way would I go to a high school OR college graduation for a family member (unless it was my child) on a holiday weekend like July 4th!
If you want to know, call him and ask. Don't sit there and stew - do something about it.

 

[NewRVLady]

Honestly-I HATE highway traffic on Holiday weekends

I got 2 Thanksgiving invites(way ahead of time) and both require travel

But they should have told you...was there a 'hard copy "invite? Not everyone pays attention to Facebook invites, you know

 

[leebee]

Call, text, email, fb. Send one giant email to everyone who didn't rsvp, if need be. Say "I am trying to get an accurate headcount for DD's party so there's enough food for everyone and I haven't heard from you. Will you be at the party?" Then let it go.

 

[Art 1]

I wouldn't care at all. But I'm a male.

 

[sunshinehighway]

My relationship with him would decide if I were annoyed with no rsvp or not. In general I don't like when people just don't respond but if it were my brother, I would have called him and known what what going on by now.

Personally, I don't like when people plan events on holiday weekends.

 

[scrapquitler]

DD graduated last Saturday, her party is this Saturday. We planned it on a Holiday weekend because we have family out of state and thought it would be easier for them to travel over a long weekend.

This party was announced to family at Christmas so that everyone knew well in advance. I started a Facebook event in April again to give people plenty of notice. I mailed out invitations at the beginning of June.

I just found out from one of my sisters that my Brother who lives out of state is not coming. The party is in 4 days and he has not called or texted me to tell me he isn't coming. He hasn't even simply declined the invitation on FB.

I know that this is not a case of lack of funds... and they have (as a family) attended every other graduation party in our family. My SIL is DDs Godmother and we haven't heard word one.

I don't think it's fair of you to EXPECT that someone would travel from out of state to a graduation party. I do think that they should have RSVP'd to you, but being mad that they aren't coming is out of line.

 

[kmb584]

I wouldn't be upset about him not coming but would be a bit miffed that he didn't formally decline the invitation. I would call or send an e-mail for a definitive answer before crossing him off of the guest list though as you received the information secondhand.

Since it is the 4th of July weekend maybe he has other plans or traditions, or maybe the cost of travel is just too much. I know that if I were invited to an out-of-state party for this weekend I wouldn't be attending, and I were the one hosting I wouldn't expect guests to travel a fair distance to be here. Airfare and hotels are more expensive that usual and traffic is a nightmare.

 

[aprilgail2]

Just call and ask him.

I can't imagine planning a high school graduation party that far in advance.

I agree- that is way far in advance to plan a graduation party but to each their own. But as far as having it on a holiday weekend there is NO way I would travel out of state on a holiday weekend to attend a graduation party- way to much traffic!!

 

[Tozzie]

I cant believe you thought it would be "easier" for people to attend a party on a holiday weekend let alone July 4th. I wouldn't travel to party on July 4th weekend no matter who the party was for. I have an Aunt who lives about 45 minutes from me, in the summer with the beach traffic it turns into 2 hours or more, guess where I don't go during the summer. Sorry I think it is rather selfish to plan someone eles's holiday for them and then be ticked they aren't comming.

 

[Missy1961]

I do think he should have responded directly to you, but maybe he's holding out hope they can make it. We have a similar thing going on in our family -we're getting together this weekend for my nephew's birthday. (we all prefer to do our parties on holiday weekends whenever possible, and we usually do this nephew's birthday as close to July 4th as we can. Traffic doesn't bother us.) My sister and her family want to come, but my niece is on a travel soccer team and there are usually tournaments on holidays so they had to wait to respond to the party. (and yes, she's got a game on Friday, so they're only coming Saturday) But my sister only got the schedule the other day, so she couldn't respond right away. So if you really want to know what's happening, call him yourself. But even if they just don't want to come because they don't want to travel, I wouldn't be upset. As others have said, an invitation is not a summons.

 

[kirstenb1]

What is his history with family gatherings? I have some family who are not great with rsvps, and I move forward regardless. Some family on the other hand are great with rsvps, and ask what they can bring. OP, I'd be hurt if his family was usually great, but not even give a blink if they were not.

 

[spacemountainmom]

Around here, graduations are "open house" and no one really expects an RSVP.

My dd graduated last year and we ended up having her party on the 4th of July weekend. Partly because that's when her grandparents were planning on being in town and partly because that was when we could get the park pavilion. We knew it would go both ways for people coming. We had a number who were out of town and couldn't come and then we had others who were in town due to the holiday.

You can't pick a date to please everyone.

 

[Praying Colonel]

Even if you put an RSVP on the invitation? you would call everyone to find out if they were coming? Maybe with friends but I would expect more from family.

If it's my 3rd-cousin-twice-removed, I'm probably not calling (and not sweating whether they show, one way or the other). If it's my brother, I'd call.

Since I lost my father a few years ago, I've worked hard at not holding grudges with family. Life's too short and in the long run it only hurts me. I try to enjoy what time we do have together and let the other stuff go.