Will u allow or not allow your child to go away to college?

[chimilady]

I was not allowed to go away. I graduated when I was 17, as I was a September birthday and my parents refused to sign off on anything that was outside the local area. Instead, I went to a local college, and moved out at 18.

I will let my kids go wherever they want to go and will actively discourage them from taking loans. If it's local, then great. If not, that's great too. Time will tell. Overall though, I think student loans are a mess, and with 2 students coming out of college with 150K each, the chances of them being able to get married and start a life carrying 300K student loan debt is pretty slim. It can be done, but it's not pretty.

 

[drcmk]

I will say, though, that living on campus does not automatically mean party central or getting into trouble. I know that's wide-spread, but not all kids are there for the parties.

I tried to be that girl that didn't spend the whole week waiting to get drunk on the weekends. Unless I wanted to spend my weekends in church with the very religious kids (nothing wrong with that, but I didn't fit in with them), it was very hard to find anything interesting to do, or anyone to spend time with who wasn't drinking. I remember many Friday and Saturday nights sitting in my dorm room listening to drunken people screaming, crying, breaking things. I'm not a teetotaler, but I was underage at the time and I'm not someone who ever wanted to drink until I passed out, which was the primary weekend occupation on my campus (private Christian college, not in a big city. That is not the only reason I opted to leave the dorm, but it was a big reason.

 

[shamrock30]

Going to a college that was 12 hours away was the best thing I ever did. I was very shy, and it gave me a sense of independence that I probably would never have gotten if I'd stayed local. I didn't go to a single party although I lived on campus for three years. I was far too busy for that, even if I'd been interested, which I wasn't.

I think some parents, NOT all, encourage there kids to stay local because in my experience, the ones who went to far flung colleges don't return to live in their home states as often as those who stayed local. The expense is a perfectly reasonable reason to encourage a child to stay local as well, but I'm glad I made the move, student loan and all.

 

[DebMcDonald]

My daughter is in her first year of college and she is about 20-25 minutes from home and she lives there. I think that's a very important part of the college experience - she also understands that with that will come increased loans for her after college.

 

[disneymomto5]

I'm on my third child going away to school and I think it's preferred. It's amazing how much they grew up "on their own" while also having a safety net in case of disaster. Not to say they didn't make mistakes, but that's part of the learning process. It's hard to let them go, but that's part of being a parent.

 

[ceecee]

Maybe her mom is fearing the empty nest! That being said, I really hope DD wants to stay home, there are two very highly rated colleges within 30 mi of our home as well as a community college. Several of her friends who graduated are going there for the first 2 years. She really wants to get away though so we'll see, she's got two more yrs of HS. The tuition rate for out of state schools is easily double.

 

[eliza61]

A big resounding yes, if it is affordable.

I went away for my college experience and it was life altering. I cannot stress enough the good things I got out of the experience.

My youngest is currently at the University of Cincinnati. ~ 700 miles away. He loves it. Hopefully it will be just as rewarding for him.

LOL. I'll let you know in January if he'll be returning. I tell him all the time that this is not a prepaid party excursion.

 

[firecracker725]

I don't have a dog in this fight, as my children are small. However, my husband is a professor, and we will likely always live in a town with a perfectly acceptable university, possibly with discounted tuition for our girls. That being said, I want them to go where they want to go. We'll do our best financially, and they can get loans like we did if necessary.

 

[disykat]

I want them to go where-ever they want to go. The only "restrictions" I'll put on it will be my finanical contributions for school. They know finanical help from me will stop if they go into debt, get married, flunk out, become a perpetual student, etc.

 

[PrincessDana]

Perhaps in this particular situation the mom is looking long-term.

Physical therapy schools are expensive and competitive (from what I have read) and she may end up having to go away to get into a physical therapy program. Perhaps her mom is thinking about the savings NOW as an undergraduate because in a few years, the really big bills will start rolling in.

I have been considering this type of thing for my daughter as well. She is trying to decide between occupational and physical therapy.

I am really hoping that we will be able to get her through undergrad without any loans on her part, because I know that her professional program (OT or PT) will require loans.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I am assuming that, like most people, my child will be 18 when they enter college, and thus legally adults. I fail to see how I could prevent them from doing anything they wanted.

Oh sure, I could tell them I'm not paying for it, but something like that certainly wouldn't have made a difference to me. I can't imagine my parents not wanting me to go away for school, but if they had, I would have just laughed at them and done it anyways.

All that being said, I believe kids should go away for college if its at all possible.

 

[gardengalB4]

I encouraged my daughter to go off to college-even though secretly I didn't want her to (her dad (DH) died when she was in high school & she is an only child).
I didn't want her to think she had to stay at home & go to the local community college -to take care of me.
I wanted her to be able to be a fully rounded person who could take care of herself if anything ever happened to me.
She now has her masters & is working in a field she is passionate about.

 

[girli565]

I wouldn't dictate to my children where they can or cannot go to school but I would hope that they would be conscience of our financial situation at the time (many many years in the future) and make their decision based on that.

When it was my time to decide on colleges I knew my parents were not in a place financially where they could afford to send me to a college away form home. They never tried to sway mmy decison either way but I knew our situation and decided to go to our local University. It was a very good decision for me, I got to stay at home, did not have to pay rent, work part time my first year and then became a full time paraprofessional for my last 3 years of school. I had a nice little savings account and paid my own car and insurance. I even helped out my parents when times got really tough and my mom could no longer work due to a severe car accident that left her disabled. Had I been away I wouldn't have been able to do that. It worked out in the end.

I walked away from university with $7000 in loans from taking summer courses and paid it off in the first year I worked full time.

 

[tcufrog]

I've lived off campus and worked while going to college and lived in the dorms and worked part-time while going to college full time. I wasn't much of a partier but I got a lot more out of the college experience when I lived on campus. It was much easier to meet with my professors for help and advice when I lived on campus and to join college study groups and visit the library.

I really got to know my adviser because I'd often stop by his office between classes in his building. That relationship proved invaluable because he helped me get two paid summer internships and financial aid the year my FAFSA was lost in the mail. If it wasn't for him I would have had to drop out of college.

I also got involved in a service fraternity because of my time on campus and met my dh because he was already a member. Not only did I gain a husband even though I had no interest in an MRS degree but the work I did as a member of the fraternity looked good on my grad school application and my career resume.

I also enjoyed attending a lot of different educational lectures and discussions when I lived on campus. When I moved off campus and worked more hours I didn't have time to do such things and felt more disconnected from the college community. I honestly feel like a learned as much outside of the classroom as I learned in the classroom when I lived on campus. Attending an excellent residential college or university is about more than just going to class. There are so many free educational and life experience opportunities available to students who are willing to take advantage of them.

 

[Granny square]

I've found that real life provided as many opportunities for..,real life. I did both. Those touting how wonderful their kids did in either situation, do you honestly believe your child would have been a failure had they made the other choice? And the same goes for blaming the choice for your or their failure. It is about character built far earlier in life. (As well as circumstances)

 

[mickeygaga]

My daughter got some pretty good offers last year when she was college shopping. In the end, she chose to commute to a university 45 min. away which is much cheaper. She will be studying abroad in Scotland next year and she feels that will be a life experience for her. Because of some scholarships and her staying home, she will be able to have this opportunity.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I went to a college 700 miles away from Chicago and had the time of my life! I applied to NO state schools.
I would want my child to experience that too.

Dorm living, parties, activities, football games (we won a national championship while I was in college), etc - all made me who I am today.
Got to travel abroad and have unbelievable experiences.

If I had gone to the big engineering school in state - U of I - I would have come home every other weekend and missed out on a lot!

But then again, I had the golden ticket - my parents sat me down and said wherever I wanted to go they would pay for.

 

[chimilady]

I am assuming that, like most people, my child will be 18 when they enter college, and thus legally adults. I fail to see how I could prevent them from doing anything they wanted.

Oh sure, I could tell them I'm not paying for it, but something like that certainly wouldn't have made a difference to me. I can't imagine my parents not wanting me to go away for school, but if they had, I would have just laughed at them and done it anyways.

Again, when you're 17, you don't have those options. Financial aid forms are due in February, so if your kids are 17 at the time, they need parental signatures. My girls will turn 18 in March (many years from now), so they will need my signature on those forms. Also, your parents need to fill out those forms and disclose info that the child probably doesn't have. There is no way around that. I don't know many 18 year olds that can pay for tuition and books with cash.

What I did was move out at 18, drop out of the local school and work for a couple years, and then at 22 when I was allowed, I started going PT at night while working full time. Part of my benefit was tuition remission, so I didn't have any loans. So yes, it can be done without parents' help, but not in the traditional way.

 

[Colleen27]

I am assuming that, like most people, my child will be 18 when they enter college, and thus legally adults. I fail to see how I could prevent them from doing anything they wanted.

Oh, that's easy enough... Just refuse to fill out the FAFSA. Not many 18yos have the credit rating or financial resources to head off to college with not only no parental support, no chance at any student aid either. I had two friends in high school whose parents took that route to force their kids to choose the college experience the parents wanted.

 

[punkin]

Oh, that's easy enough... Just refuse to fill out the FAFSA. Not many 18yos have the credit rating or financial resources to head off to college with not only no parental support, no chance at any student aid either. I had two friends in high school whose parents took that route to force their kids to choose the college experience the parents wanted.

I have seen that done as well and I just wanted to say that I think this is low and underhanded and there are better ways of influencing your child's decision. I am all for paying what you can afford and not taking out extra in loans, but what these people do is deliberately undermine their children to maintain control.