Will DS12 ever forgive me if I force him to move?

[onelilspark]

I moved summer between 7th and 8th grade. It's tough at that age and he may be angry with you for "uprooting" him...but he'll get over it pretty fast.

ETA: My parents were probably a cross between the above posters. They would have told me that life isn't always filled with things that we like, but we need to rise above and adapt to the new situation. Face it: life throws curve balls, it isn't always going to go according to plan. Learn it at 12 or learn it at 25? I'd rather learn it at 12.

 

[Luv2Scrap]

I guess it's all relevant. Unemployment is high here, housing prices are low, and I know quite a few people who have lost their jobs. I'm a software developer and there do seem to be quite a few positions in my field, although most of them are contract jobs.

So I guess it's hard to say. A lot will depend on how well the banking industry recovers, but it's certainly not the only business in Charlotte.

But aside from the economy, which is bad pretty much everywhere, I really like the Charlotte area. We live in Indian Trail, just south of Charlotte in Union County, where taxes are lower and the schools are better. We're about 6 miles from the Charlotte city limits. Indian Trail actually just made the Family Circle list of the best 10 towns in the country for families. I'd agree with that. The schools are good, housing is very affordable, it has a very friendly small town feel, but it's close to a big city.

If you have any other questions about the Charlotte area, feel free to PM me. If you're in the market for a house, our next door neighbors is in foreclosure and it's now down to 225k. It's 3500 sq. ft. and 3 years old. Very nice.

Note to self... learn all you can about Indian Trail.

I would like to PM you this evening, but for some reason I don't have a PM button - haven't had one all day! If you read this, would you please PM me, so I can try to reply to that?


thanks!

 

[Hollywoodhaha]

I went to 3 different elementary school then died retired and I moved for a different middle school. I have known the same people from 6th grade until now in 11th.



I have lived in Spain, Japan, and 3 places in Florida. It isn't that bad.
I'm 15 and it is actually fun moving places.

 

[novajeanjellybean]

He'll get over it. Just make sure that he is given the chance to say goodbye. My family moved when I finished 8th grade. It was originally supposed to be a vacation but we never left. I was angry I didn't get to say goodbye but I also realized it was for the best. Good luck

 

[kydisneyfans]

We decided that if we were going to move it would be before our child hit kindergarten. We moved 300 miles from "home" the spring just before he started. It is too much of an adjustment to make, in one area a 7th grader is learning what a 9th grader is learning somewhere else.

The job and housing markets are much better, it's just a better overall environment where we are now.

As ofr the child, I would let them in on the relocation process-keep it open and focus on the positives.

 

[rowbear]

I moved summer between 7th and 8th grade. It's tough at that age and he may be angry with you for "uprooting" him...but he'll get over it pretty fast.

ETA: My parents were probably a cross between the above posters. They would have told me that life isn't always filled with things that we like, but we need to rise above and adapt to the new situation. Face it: life throws curve balls, it isn't always going to go according to plan. Learn it at 12 or learn it at 25? I'd rather learn it at 12.

Agreed. It is funny to think back on things now but parents today would have a heart attack at the way I was raised. At 8 I learned to shoot a gun. At 9 I owned my first gun. I have owned a pocket knife since I can remember. Before I was 10 I was already using power tools and an axe.

At 12 I could be miles away from home on my bike. As I mentioned earlier I cooked my own breakfast (cooked - not poured cereal) and made my lunch for school and I was completely unsupervised. A neighbor paid me to mow his yard which started a very successful lawn mowing business for me the next year. I took care of my laundry and was expected to help with keeping the house clean as well as all the yard work. I could be left home by myself.

At 13 I was mowing 10 extra yards for spending money. I was considered so trustworthy that people would also give me keys to their home to care for while they were away. Off and on I would get hired as a babysitter.

At 14 not only was I mowing yards but I worked on a nearby ranch several days a week. Every male should have at least one job outside with seemingly impossible amounts of work to be accomplished. It is a real character builder.

At 15 I was doing all the above and I worked on a construction crew off and on as they needed me. (I bet that broke so many labor laws )

All of this while maintaining a straight A average.

I was not a fragile child because I was not treated like one. That is why this new parenting style seems so foreign to me. When something has to be done you don't waste time braiding each other's hair and eating gallons of ice cream so you can deal with emotions... you take it as a challenge and kick its rear. Curve balls are a test of character. If you handle them well you can have that warm sense of accomplishment. That sense of accomplishment still drives me to this day.

So they may not win any parents of the year awards by today's standards but I wouldn't change a thing.

I saw a commercial recently for some sort of diaper for much older children so they don't have to be embarassed when they have sleep overs. All I could do was

 

[mickeyboat]

And yet throughout recorded history children have been used as farm and ranch hands as soon as they are old enough to ride a horse. 13 was once considered the age of maturity. You could fight in wars at 13.

Doesn't sound that fragile to me.

And they didn't live past age 50 either.

 

[mickeyboat]

Agreed. It is funny to think back on things now but parents today would have a heart attack at the way I was raised. At 8 I learned to shoot a gun. At 9 I owned my first gun. I have owned a pocket knife since I can remember. Before I was 10 I was already using power tools and an axe.

At 12 I could be miles away from home on my bike. As I mentioned earlier I cooked my own breakfast (cooked - not poured cereal) and made my lunch for school and I was completely unsupervised. A neighbor paid me to mow his yard which started a very successful lawn mowing business for me the next year. I took care of my laundry and was expected to help with keeping the house clean as well as all the yard work. I could be left home by myself.

At 13 I was mowing 10 extra yards for spending money. I was considered so trustworthy that people would also give me keys to their home to care for while they were away. Off and on I would get hired as a babysitter.

At 14 not only was I mowing yards but I worked on a nearby ranch several days a week. Every male should have at least one job outside with seemingly impossible amounts of work to be accomplished. It is a real character builder.

At 15 I was doing all the above and I worked on a construction crew off and on as they needed me. (I bet that broke so many labor laws )

All of this while maintaining a straight A average.

I was not a fragile child because I was not treated like one. That is why this new parenting style seems so foreign to me. When something has to be done you don't waste time braiding each other's hair and eating gallons of ice cream so you can deal with emotions... you take it as a challenge and kick its rear. Curve balls are a test of character. If you handle them well you can have that warm sense of accomplishment. That sense of accomplishment still drives me to this day.

So they may not win any parents of the year awards by today's standards but I wouldn't change a thing.

I saw a commercial recently for some sort of diaper for much older children so they don't have to be embarassed when they have sleep overs. All I could do was

Hard work, self-sufficiency and a strong sense of character are important values to teach your children. So are empathy, kindness and understanding.

 

[MichelleVW]

I quit reading after page 2, but we are pretty much experts in the subject of moving.

I just retired from the Air Force and my kids have moved a lot. They don't like it, but have awesome friends in many different states now.

DD18 went to 3 different high schools and we also moved the summer between her 8th grade and freshman year. She went to 9-10 in NC, 11th in North Dakota and graduated in Texas. Didn't hurt her a bit academically either. She graduated in the top 10% of her class and also was very active in cheerleading/theater/choir at the different schools.

Thankfully DD16 gets 3 years at the same school, but she still misses her friends in NC and ND.

It's not the end of the world to move, and kids will survive.

 

[jme829]

On June 29, 2007 my husband learned we were being relocated to the Twin Cities area (he works in Woodbury, we settled in Hudson, Wi just over the border). We flew up July 9 to find a place to live and by Aug 1 we were completely moved in with our house in Ohio (Toledo) up for sale. At the time our oldest was getting ready to start High School. So not only did we move within a months time 650 miles away from all we had ever known, she had to start HS (which is stressful enough) not knowing a single person.

She ended up making the JV volleyball team as a freshman (made Varsity this year as a sophomore) has made lots of friends, keeps an A average in grades and now almost 2 years later--LOVES LOVES LOVES where we are .

When we went back to Ohio for the holidays, her boyfriend went with us ans she was actually embarrassed to show him where we used to live. SHe realized that we are soooo much better off where we are now. The community is much better, the people are better, the schools are 10000 times better, its safer, nicer, just completely different from our previous life.

If I told her now we are moving, she would be devastated.

So yeah, I think if you find the right place, your son will settle in and will find that he likes his new home, especially if it is better than where you are now.

Sorry this is long, I can totally relate to almost your whole post, so I just wanted to share our story so you can see that it does work out!

Good Luck !

 

[hentob]

I saw a commercial recently for some sort of diaper for much older children so they don't have to be embarassed when they have sleep overs. All I could do was

Yes, because heaven forbid, a child with an embarrassing problem enjoy themselves. After all, you didn’t have that issue, so no other child should You are very immature.

Hard work, self-sufficiency and a strong sense of character are important values to teach your children. So are empathy, kindness and understanding.

Very well put. His parents forgot to teach him that

I was a classic seen and not heard child.

I wasn't raised in a way that I would be scared or need to discuss feelings.

Very, very sad You have no idea how you sound when you boast that your parents didn't care about your feelings or your thoughts

 

[MushyMushy]

Agreed. It is funny to think back on things now but parents today would have a heart attack at the way I was raised. At 8 I learned to shoot a gun. At 9 I owned my first gun. I have owned a pocket knife since I can remember. Before I was 10 I was already using power tools and an axe.

At 12 I could be miles away from home on my bike. As I mentioned earlier I cooked my own breakfast (cooked - not poured cereal) and made my lunch for school and I was completely unsupervised. A neighbor paid me to mow his yard which started a very successful lawn mowing business for me the next year. I took care of my laundry and was expected to help with keeping the house clean as well as all the yard work. I could be left home by myself.

At 13 I was mowing 10 extra yards for spending money. I was considered so trustworthy that people would also give me keys to their home to care for while they were away. Off and on I would get hired as a babysitter.

At 14 not only was I mowing yards but I worked on a nearby ranch several days a week. Every male should have at least one job outside with seemingly impossible amounts of work to be accomplished. It is a real character builder.

At 15 I was doing all the above and I worked on a construction crew off and on as they needed me. (I bet that broke so many labor laws )

All of this while maintaining a straight A average.

I was not a fragile child because I was not treated like one. That is why this new parenting style seems so foreign to me. When something has to be done you don't waste time braiding each other's hair and eating gallons of ice cream so you can deal with emotions... you take it as a challenge and kick its rear. Curve balls are a test of character. If you handle them well you can have that warm sense of accomplishment. That sense of accomplishment still drives me to this day.

So they may not win any parents of the year awards by today's standards but I wouldn't change a thing.

I saw a commercial recently for some sort of diaper for much older children so they don't have to be embarassed when they have sleep overs. All I could do was

I'm just curious if you even have children?

Because most good parents I know want so much more for their own kids than what they had growing up.

 

[IDoDis]

Deleted post. Wrong thread.

 

[spima3]

I think with what your son has said, it will be very hard for him to move, but if he is outgoing and makes friends easily and you time it well, he will eventually be ok.

I, personally, would not move my kids now unless there were absolutely no other job prospects and it was truly a matter of survival; our kids are 14 1/2, 12, and 9.

My kids have really great friends, and even more importantly, the parents are terrific as well. We all look out for each other's kids, and if I am in a bind, there is always someone I can call. Our families live near by, and I want my kids to truly know them and spend time with them.

DD14 would probably love to move to another place, but she is into everything, and in with the popular crowd in school, so the world is her oyster.
DS12, is not outgoing at all. He is pleasant and good natured, but isn't good with new situations and I think he would be devestated if we moved. On top of that, he has mobility issues and would not be able to even join sports and a lot of activities to meet new kids. It would be really, really tough on him. Even now he tells me he plans on living in "this" house for the rest of his life, we're welcome to live with him!
DD9 is adopted and already has enough issues we deal with. Moving her would probably be as hard on me as her, as I can see certain negative behaviors escalating.
So with my kids, I would not move unless it was truly dire.

With your son, only you can know best how it will probably work out.

 

[rowbear]

And they didn't live past age 50 either.

Because they didn't have the medical resources we do today but not because of how they were raised.

 

[java]

Do you like the kids he is hanging around with now? What has kept us here is that my kids all have very nice friends. My oldest is a sophmore in high school. I am pleased with the school system as well.
If I didn't have those 2 things we'd be out of here.

I think the thought of a imaginary move is scarier than knowing the actual place. Perhaps if you start looking and find a nice place to go that will be better for the ENTIRE family- he may find that he likes it.

My kids don't want to move- unless it's to Kiawah SC! So my point is - find a place first then try to sell it to him.

It might be a better time to move after he graduates the 8th grade. Going into high school is a big transition time with several schools feeding into the hs(at least where we are) so they all are in a sense "the new kid". Timing might be better.

 

[rowbear]

Very well put. His parents forgot to teach him that

Very, very sad You have no idea how you sound when you boast that your parents didn't care about your feelings or your thoughts

Um, how do you know what my parents taught me? Those that know me consider me VERY empathatic. Maybe it is because I am not so obsessed with my own feelings it makes it easier for me to consider the feelings of others.

I am GLAD that my parents did not raise me to be person governed by feelings. I'd rather be a man. So yeah I will boast. Since most of recorded history is on MY side I feel quite comfortable in the fact that my parents knew what they were doing.

 

[rowbear]

I'm just curious if you even have children?

Because most good parents I know want so much more for their own kids than what they had growing up.

Nope no kids. But how can a child be raised better than the way I was? It would be embarassing to have a kid that doesn't mature until after 25. I certainly would not want to raise a son that acted like a daughter.

 

[mickeyboat]

Because they didn't have the medical resources we do today but not because of how they were raised.

They had to be raised that way - made to be adults at an early age - because their families needed children to help support their families. That does not mean they were physically or emotionally ready to do that. It is a proven fact that childrens' brains are not fully developed until their early 20s.

We are fortunate that in today's society we have the luxury to allow children to be children for a little bit longer. Because of our medical resources, they will have a very very long time to be adults. We adults also have more time to guide our children, and we hope they will go out into the world with the resources they need to become productive members of society.

From Dictionary.com

em-pa-thy  /ˈɛmpəθi/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [em-puh-thee] Show IPA
Use empathy in a Sentence
–noun 1. the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
2. the imaginative ascribing to an object, as a natural object or work of art, feelings or attitudes present in oneself: By means of empathy, a great painting becomes a mirror of the self.

Empathy implies that someone one can identify and understrand someone else's feelings. If you do not experience feelings of your own, you cannot empathize with someone else.

Being a man does not mean that you have to be without feeling.

 

[mickeyboat]

Nope no kids. But how can a child be raised better than the way I was? It would be embarassing to have a kid that doesn't mature until after 25. I certainly would not want to raise a son that acted like a daughter.

Now I think you are just stirring the pot.