Will DS12 ever forgive me if I force him to move?

[hentob]

Do you have any idea what it is like to have practically no insecurities? Can you imagine the benefits of growing up not caring what other people thought even in the slightest?

Boy, for someone who doesn’t care what other people think, you keep coming back to this thread to defend yourself and your harsh upbringing If you didn't care, you would just shrug your shoulders and say "Oh Well"

You even went as far as listing your chores you had to do when you were 12 You are taking the time out of your very successful life to write reeeeeaaaallllly long replies. Believe me, you care what other people think

Insecure, indeed. But that is ok. We all have our insecurities, as we are human

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

Well lets see... I moved
at age 3 (Mississippi to California)
at age 6 after 1st grade - going in to 2nd (California to Mississippi)
at age 10 after 4th grade - going in to 5th (Mississippi to Missouri)
at age 17 after 11th grade - did my senior year at a new high school (Missouri to Washington State)

I don't think it was a bad thing at all. I wasn't too happy with the move before my senior year. I was really involved in Pony Club and was actively showing horses. I think my Mom and Dad probably would have let me stay if I really wanted to - but honestly it never crossed my mind. I always looked at these moves as an adventure. I wasn't very out-going, well at least I don't think I was, but I always managed to make a couple of good friends every time we moved. I think it there is good parental support the kids will adjust just fine.

 

[rowbear]

My first real job after college required a skill I did not have. When being interviewed my future boss said my resume was crap and that he shouldn't hire me. I looked him in the eye and told him that I could do the job and do it better than anyone else he could hire. I was so confident in myself I just assumed I could do it. He hired me on a probationary period with a small salary. Not only was I productive after only one week within a year I was a supervisor training and managing others in the very skill I did not have before I started working there. Now I run my own business still using the skills I taught myself while working at that job.

I saw my future wife at a restaurant where she was dining with friends. I was so fearless when it came to members of the opposite sex I approached her, talked to her for a few moments, got her phone number, and asked for a date her friends' jaws were on the floor.

Yeah it sucks to be raised the way I was.

 

[hentob]

I was so confident in myself I just assumed I could do it.:

You just don’t get it

Confident people never, ever (ever) have to tell others that they are confident. Confident people rarely have to explain themselves or their actions.

And yet, you keep saying over and over and over again how confident you are

 

[missypie]

I think most kids understand job-related moves. Even if they are on the spoiled and self-centered side, they understand that they aren't the ones supporting the family.

The moves I have a hard time with are the "bigger house" moves. We live in a densly populated area, so often a move of even a mile or two will cause a kid to have to change schools. I always feel sorry for the child who has to be the new kid in school so mom can have 12" ceilings and a walk-in pantry.

 

[rowbear]

Boy, for someone who doesn’t care what other people think, you keep coming back to this thread to defend yourself and your harsh upbringing If you didn't care, you would just shrug your shoulders and say "Oh Well"

You even went as far as listing your chores you had to do when you were 12 You are taking the time out of your very successful life to write reeeeeaaaallllly long replies. Believe me, you care what other people think

Insecure, indeed. But that is ok. We all have our insecurities, as we are human

Nice try. I come back because I love to debate especially when I know I am right. It is my competitive spirit not an insecurity. I see you are no longer trying to debate me on point just trying to find a way out. That is usually what a person does in a debate when they know they are losing.

 

[rowbear]

You just don’t get it

Confident people never, ever (ever) have to tell others that they are confident. Confident people rarely have to explain themselves or their actions.

And yet, you keep saying over and over and over again how confident you are

1) You must not know many confident people. Try watching some sports. Those guys love talking about themselves and their abilities more than just about anyone.

2) In a debate you use examples to back up your arguments.

 

[hentob]

Those guys love talking about themselves and their abilities more than just about anyone.

Yes. You are just like a sport's star I would say you are more competitive than confident. Again, confident people don’t boast about marriages, upbringings and success And they certainly don’t brag about their hefty workload as a child They just know they are correct.

No debating Really. You are not the type that I debate with. Just stating the facts here.....you are somewhat insecure. I know you are a pot-stirrer and I can admit, I have done my share of stirring on this board too So, I can appreciate a good round and round

But...better get back to the OP and on topic before this informational thread gets closed-


Luv2Scrap—What are you thinking? Do you think you will still move?

I enjoyed the stories of older/tween children moving. BuzznBelle'smom, I appreciated your insight

 

[rowbear]

Yes. You are just like a sport's star I would say you are more competitive than confident. Again, confident people don’t boast about marriages, upbringings and success And they certainly don’t brag about their hefty workload as a child They just know they are correct.

No debating Really. You are not the type that I debate with. Just stating the facts here.....you are somewhat insecure. I know you are a pot-stirrer and I can admit, I have done my share of stirring on this board too So, I can appreciate a good round and round

But...better get back to the OP and on topic before this informational thread gets closed-


Luv2Scrap—What are you thinking? Do you think you will still move?

I enjoyed the stories of older/tween children moving. BuzznBelle'smom, I appreciated your insight

Nope. I am backing up my argument with points. Everyone is trying to find something wrong with me because they think they know better than my parents did. I am stating specific points of how you are quite mistaken and how my upbringing has benefited me in life.

You are still trying to knock me and how I was raised. You need to believe there is something wrong so bad you are just hoping that my debating is some deep-seeded insecurity. That is a BIG stretch.

When you stop trying to find negatives about my life I will stop pointing out the positives. It really is that simple.

You can believe what you want but it doesn't make it true. It is okay by me if you just assume I am lying because, well, we are on the internet. But my parents would have never started a thread like this because they never had a reason to and I think that makes a few people nervous.

 

[mickeyboat]

Nope. I am backing up my argument with points. Everyone is trying to find something wrong with me because they think they know better than my parents did. I am stating specific points of how you are quite mistaken and how my upbringing has benefited me in life.

You are still trying to knock me and how I was raised. You need to believe there is something wrong so bad you are just hoping that my debating is some deep-seeded insecurity. That is a BIG stretch.

When you stop trying to find negatives about my life I will stop pointing out the positives. It really is that simple.

You can believe what you want but it doesn't make it true. It is okay by me if you just assume I am lying because, well, we are on the internet. But my parents would have never started a thread like this because they never had a reason to and I think that makes a few people nervous.

I swore I was going to back out of this argument (sorry OP!), but I just can't.

You posted in this thread and recently in others that your parents would beat the snot out of you (possibly with a belt) if you misbehaved. I would never ever endorse that kind of parenting - parenting by fear - no matter how well you think you turned out.

 

[rowbear]

I swore I was going to back out of this argument (sorry OP!), but I just can't.

You posted in this thread and recently in others that your parents would beat the snot out of you (possibly with a belt) if you misbehaved. I would never ever endorse that kind of parenting - parenting by fear - no matter how well you think you turned out.

If I behaved like a brat I would have deserved it. Luckily I was not a child that required much discipline. Spankings with belts or whatever have been around for forever. Who are any of you to say it is wrong? That seems a little arrogant to me.

 

[hereyago]

ok, if I may chime in: if your family needs to move because lack of jobs in your area, then move.
kids are resilient, he will be all right.
I went to 2 schools for kindergarten, 2 schools for 3 grade, 5th grade and 7th grade. in high school last 2 years i even went to 2 different schools at the same time-one school was a magnet school so a few classes were there.
i didn't live in the U.S until i was 5, i was born here,but df was in the military.
i can only say my roughest time was in 1 school that i truly hated, but i was also a very shy sensitive kid so that didn/t help.
i learned not to get close to people because i knew we would move again, not saying this would be the case with OP.
but i also met different people from all over and i think i am more open minded because of it.
i also learned how to fit in with the different places.

my dd11 has been to the same school from kindergarten to 5th grade, so it's a very different life for her.

 

[Quiksilvr]

1) You must not know many confident people. Try watching some sports. Those guys love talking about themselves and their abilities more than just about anyone.

2) In a debate you use examples to back up your arguments.

No offense, but there's a slim line between confidence and arrogance. People who talk about how confident and awesome they are tend to cross the "arrogant" side of the line.

I don't really care how you were raised. I don't have a dog in this fight. I am merely pointing out that confidence is not about what you tell other people or about trying to show everyone how "alpha" you are. Confidence is something people perceive without the individual having to brag. For example, your anecdote about meeting your wife demonstrates more "confidence" than a bunch of sports-star-like chest-thumping and jersey-popping ever could.

I wasn't always the most confident kid in a number of respects. I grew into confidence via my life experiences. I don't go around broadcasting it. My life is not about peeing contests. Your comment that confident people tell the world about their confidence, which therefore makes them more confident is akin to the obviously ludicrous perception that "he who talks loudest must therefore be right." (CNN commentators live that maxim).

But, if I wanted to engage in a peeing contest, I'd tell everyone about graduating from college in 3 years, graduating at the top of my law school class, working as a lawyer at a fancy DC law firm, making lots of money as a 20something, married to someone way out of my league... but why would I do that? What's the point? It just makes everyone else think I'm a jerkface.

 

[rowbear]

No offense, but there's a slim line between confidence and arrogance. People who talk about how confident and awesome they are tend to cross the "arrogant" side of the line.

I don't really care how you were raised. I don't have a dog in this fight. I am merely pointing out that confidence is not about what you tell other people or about trying to show everyone how "alpha" you are. Confidence is something people perceive without the individual having to brag. For example, your anecdote about meeting your wife demonstrates more "confidence" than a bunch of sports-star-like chest-thumping and jersey-popping ever could.

I wasn't always the most confident kid in a number of respects. I grew into confidence via my life experiences. I don't go around broadcasting it. My life is not about peeing contests. Your comment that confident people tell the world about their confidence, which therefore makes them more confident is akin to the obviously ludicrous perception that "he who talks loudest must therefore be right." (CNN commentators live that maxim).

But, if I wanted to engage in a peeing contest, I'd tell everyone about graduating from college in 3 years, graduating at the top of my law school class, working as a lawyer at a fancy DC law firm, making lots of money as a 20something, married to someone way out of my league... but why would I do that? What's the point? It just makes everyone else think I'm a jerkface.

Normally I would agree with you but if I were to suggest that you have flaws and issues because you were not raised properly how would you argue your case? In this situation isn't it germane to the discussion? I attribute some of my success in life to how I was raised so to me it all fits.

 

[Skywalker]

I think if you and your husband both want to move, then that should be it. I can't imagine my parents consulting me about something like that - the parents make the major life decisions and the children will follow and adjust.

I also see nothing wrong with the "deal with it" way of parenting. That is not to say you have to be cold and heartless and literally say "deal with it" and leave it at that. There are plenty of kind, compassionate, respectful ways to help your kids "deal with it".

We moved when I was a kid and I did not want to (of course, what kid ever wants to move) but I adjusted with it just fine. Moving is a very common life occurence and should not be treated like some huge tragedy.

 

[NHdisneylover]

What does an activity have to do with acting like a man? Your desire to make me into some emotionally withdrawn stereotypical male chauvinist because of the way I was raised is never going to work because I am not that way.

.

Actaully, I have NOT said much of anything about how you were raised. I missed threads about spanking/beating/wahtever you want to call it so I cannot say about that (generally I respect a parent's right to spank and think it works well with some children but am grateful I have been able to raise respectful and resoponisble kids with otehr forms of discipline). In many other ways I am raising my own children in muc hthe smae way you say you were raised. They both own pocket knives (have for years), take their bikes or the tram all over town on their own, are good COOKS and cook meals for tehmselves and even the family often. They both can do laundry, DD mows the lawn (DS is a bit too small to safely operate the mower yet, etc.).

My issue has been with YOUR statemnt (which I quoted earlier) that "I certainly would not want to raise a son that acted like a daughter." This indicates that YOU feel that there are activites which "have to with acting like a man." I absolutely feel your statement about sons acting like daughters is very much catergorizing certain actions as male or female. Can you please explain how else that satement can be taken?

 

[Quiksilvr]

Normally I would agree with you but if I were to suggest that you have flaws and issues because you were not raised properly how would you argue your case? In this situation isn't it germane to the discussion? I attribute some of my success in life to how I was raised so to me it all fits.

You have a point. I think I would distinguish that my comment was mainly aimed at your comment that seemed to suggest that people who are confident often make a habit of making sure everyone knows it (e.g., the sport star comment), which I think implictly argued that this was how confident people should behave. I agree that one cannot refute challenges to his character without providing examples to the contrary.

I think that, in such cases when providing such examples is appropriate, the method in which the example is delivered has a definite impact in how it is received. People often make assumptions based on what they read that go beyond what is actually typed, if you see what I mean.

 

[rowbear]

To be perfectly clear I am not attacking anyone's method of parenting. This new way of raising kids does work if the parents are also preparing their child for the real world. I wouldn't want to be raised by any of you but my sincere hope is that 20 years from now your son or daughter will be participating in a thread like this giving you some credit for how well their lives turned out.

IMO life is a lot like a poker game. Everything you teach a child about how to handle themselves in good and bad situations, every skill they learn, and all the wisdom you can impart give them the best starting hand they can get. It doesn't mean they will win because the fairy tale of being able to do anything you set your mind to is seldom a reality but it gives them a higher percentage chance of winning. It also gives them more control over their lives (none of us have much control but the more the better).

 

[rowbear]

You have a point. I think I would distinguish that my comment was mainly aimed at your comment that seemed to suggest that people who are confident often make a habit of making sure everyone knows it (e.g., the sport star comment), which I think implictly argued that this was how confident people should behave. I agree that one cannot refute challenges to his character without providing examples to the contrary.

I think that, in such cases when providing such examples is appropriate, the method in which the example is delivered has a definite impact in how it is received. People often make assumptions based on what they read that go beyond what is actually typed, if you see what I mean.

You are correct. Self-confident people stand out without ever saying a word. They can take control of a room or a meeting with very little effort. People are also less likely to argue with them or criticize them (at least face to face). They are seen as decisive and often as people who say more while speaking less.

On a messageboard on the internet things will always come across as different than intended because people are free to perceive the truth. It is also very common for someone to stick to their initial perception even after corrected. The author of the post is the final authority on what was meant or intended but very few people seem to abide by that rule.

 

[rie'smom]

ok, if I may chime in: if your family needs to move because lack of jobs in your area, then move.
kids are resilient, he will be all right.
I went to 2 schools for kindergarten, 2 schools for 3 grade, 5th grade and 7th grade. in high school last 2 years i even went to 2 different schools at the same time-one school was a magnet school so a few classes were there.
i didn't live in the U.S until i was 5, i was born here,but df was in the military.
i can only say my roughest time was in 1 school that i truly hated, but i was also a very shy sensitive kid so that didn/t help.
i learned not to get close to people because i knew we would move again, not saying this would be the case with OP.
but i also met different people from all over and i think i am more open minded because of it.
i also learned how to fit in with the different places.

my dd11 has been to the same school from kindergarten to 5th grade, so it's a very different life for her.

Thank-you and

I think if you and your husband both want to move, then that should be it. I can't imagine my parents consulting me about something like that - the parents make the major life decisions and the children will follow and adjust.

I also see nothing wrong with the "deal with it" way of parenting. That is not to say you have to be cold and heartless and literally say "deal with it" and leave it at that. There are plenty of kind, compassionate, respectful ways to help your kids "deal with it".

We moved when I was a kid and I did not want to (of course, what kid ever wants to move) but I adjusted with it just fine. Moving is a very common life occurence and should not be treated like some huge tragedy.

Thank-you