Why is my mom like this?

[helenabear]

I will admit I married when I was 23 and I married the guy I have been with since I was 19 (he was 18), so I am not one who says you can't find the right one at a young age.

However, I would find out why he is 27, working a minimum wage job (and not for a long time either) and has no car! Honestly I had several friends who lived at home until they could afford a house. They came from big & "strong" family values so it was very common for the kids to remain at home until they were married or could afford a house. So 27 and living at home isn't always a big thing for me.

The lack of car and lack of stable and "real" job gets me. You are very early in this relationship, but find out now why he is where he is. I'm not one who thinks you have to have a lot of money and while my husband was finishing college and after he was laid off, I did totally support us. But the difference is, he had a degree and he had direction. Now we aren't well off by any means, but we are comfortable at minimum and he now totally supports me.

Money isn't everything in the world at all. My husband loves me and provides for me. I would seriously be wary of anyone who does not seem like they have goals for life. And working in a deli at 27 and not owning a car (unless you are in an urban area) while living at home really raises red flags with me.

Have fun with the relationship, but really find out why he is where he is. Your mom actually has really good points.

 

[LittleRydia]

wow i didnt expect so many replies on this so soon!

ok to start off, sorry if i sounded like im going to marry this guy. but really just using as an example and she doesnt even want me to give this relationship a try.

He lives at home for his grandmother (who is very ill i met her) can not take care of herself. He pays for things for her and drives her van. He just does not own a vehicle of his own.

Hes had past jobs before but he didnt like them. He is saving for a car or really his dream car which is a old fashion beetle car

About when we go out, he wont even let me buy my own soda. Hes very sweet in the way I cant even spend a penny if I wanted to. He showed up at work one day with a rose for me. So really if anything he is throwing away his money on me.

Also i have to say im not the prettiest girl in the world.. i am overweight i admit. So its not been easy for me to find a guy who likes me for who I am instead of just wanting to get some from me. (which none do)

I said what I did about the rich/poor thing for like I said i have not dated much. Im afraid you know.. ill never find someone to accept me for who I am. Ive have been in terrible relationships were they have tried to change me to someone i dont want to be. Mom actully wanted me to marry that guy.

Hmm.. I think maybe i covered everything that has been asked so far? Mom is not even talking to me right now for he wants to take me to a movie tonight... *sigh* I just wish she could be happy for me that im actully dating someone not using me.

 

[Annam26]

Also i have to say im not the prettiest girl in the world.. i am overweight i admit. So its not been easy for me to find a guy who likes me for who I am instead of just wanting to get some from me. (which none do)

LittleRydia, this made me so sad....don't put yourself down like that. Even if that description of yourdelf were true -which I doubt- there are plenty of "not so pretty" women who didn't settle for less than what they deserved and have great lives.

Something to consider: if you see yourself that way, well I bet that's what you project to the world. I know this is easier said than done, but if you start seeing yourself differently, in a favorable light, that's what others will see. A positive attitude and self-esteem can change your life.

You are still so very young. Enjoy yourself, just don't make any life altering decisions yet. You have plenty of time for that.

 

[azgal81]

I think that as your parent your mom will not like every guy you date but also as your parent she should support you and not stop talking to you because you are sitll dating this guy.

I think you need to talk to your mom tell her that well you appreciate her advice it's not going to stop you from dating this guy. Yes the guy may break your heart but that is something you need to figure out for yourself. Or he might be the one which again is something you need to figure out for yourself.

I think you should continue to date this guy sounds like he makes you happy. Your mom will just have to get used to the idea!

 

[Stitchfans]

Nine times out of ten mom's "feelings" are correct. From what you said, I'm afraid I would have the same feelings as your mom. Besides you are only 21 and there is no rush to get into a serious relationship. Enjoy yourself and see what else is out there. No need to tie youself down with one guy yet.

 

[Planogirl]

Moms do this. Just smile and say OK and then do your thing. You will at least be more cautious and that's never a bad thing.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

Hes had past jobs before but he didnt like them.

This is a huge red flag for me. Even if he has had jobs that he doesn't like before he should have the skills to get a job above minimum wage at a grocery store. Even as a management trainee he should make more than minimum wages.

It sounds like he is still retail job hopping at 27. This is behavior of a teenager/young adult (yes, there are teenagers and young adults who don't do this, I know!)

He is saving for a car or really his dream car which is a old fashion beetle car

These aren't that expensive. But he drives a van? Humm...

Also i have to say im not the prettiest girl in the world.. i am overweight i admit. So its not been easy for me to find a guy who likes me for who I am instead of just wanting to get some from me. (which none do)

I'm really sorry that I feel the need to ask this and you don't need to answer... have he gotten some from you yet? He may be the greatest guy in the world, or he may be using you because he can't get any from anyone else. Guys have a great instinct on how to get what they want from a particular girl.

He may be the greatest guy in the world. But (and no offense met), there is a reason he is dating a 21 y/o and not someone closer to his own age. It could be because no woman his age would put up with him living at home, with no car of his own, job hopping from minimum wage job to minimum wage job or he could just be really immature.

I'm sorry that I'm not telling you what you want to hear. I have been in your shoes before. Many times over.

 

[LittleRydia]

This is a huge red flag for me. Even if he has had jobs that he doesn't like before he should have the skills to get a job above minimum wage at a grocery store. Even as a management trainee he should make more than minimum wages.

He does make more then minimum wage, hes actully making more then i do have ive been working in a deli for over a year now.

I'm really sorry that I feel the need to ask this and you don't need to answer... have he gotten some from you yet? He may be the greatest guy in the world, or he may be using you because he can't get any from anyone else. Guys have a great instinct on how to get what they want from a particular girl.

No he hasnt, and he has not even asked or tried to. All we have done is hugged and kisses. He wont be getting any soon either for im a virgin and plan to save it for the right time and guy.



I plan to just keep dating him and hope for the best. Who knows what could happen or change . Me and my mom did just talk a little while ago and even though she still does not like him we agreed I need to find things out and learn from my own mistakes instead of her fixing them for me

 

[MosMom]

Date him, have fun, and see where it goes. Just don't get knocked up!