Why Does DH do this - Need hugs!

[TRUFFLES13]

Last year DH had an affair, we got past it and were working this out. It was just our 10 year ann. and he gave me a beautiful ring and a card were he wrote the nicest things about how everything will work out and thanking me and how sorry he was for everything.

DH has also been suffering from Bipolor and using drugs and drinking to self medicate. I have been to the Dr. with him, he wanted to be admitted to the hospital but the Dr. told him to try a new medication. Things seemed OK for a while.

Lately he spends all his time with his friends. Most of the time I know this is true. I have a feeling he is doing drugs again. He tells me he doesn't want to answer to anyone and is sick of my questions. Last night he had to run out and he came back, about an hour later he tells me he had to go out again and he would be right back. He still isn't home or I haven't heard from him, I keep calling his cell phone and he isn't answering. This morning I went in the basement and I noticed the black bag he uses to pack was gone. We went away about a month ago for our ann. and it was still out, that's how I noticed it gone. He must have packed the bag and put it in his car before I got home from work yesterday.

I'm sorry this is long I am just so upset, I can't beleive how he is treating me considering it was just our 10th ann. and everything seemed to be on the track to getting better.

I just needed to vent - I'm so sick of feeling this way -I know I deserve so much better, why can't I just make the hurt go away and say I don't care.

Thanks for listening -

 

[HappyMommy2]

I am so, so sorry. I wish I could do something to help.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Did you call the police? If he didn't come back last night and it's now well into the next day, that would be the first thing that I'd do. Do you have any children? I sure wouldn't want my kids around someone that I suspect is doing drugs.

 

[MsDisney23]

 

[MAGICinMYHEART]

I'm so sick of feeling this way -I know I deserve so much better, why can't I just make the hurt go away and say I don't care.

Because you do care, when you have had enough you will be able to do what's best for you.

 

[Stitchfans]

Your life isn't going to be normal until he gets the proper medication. I know from experience. My DH is Bi polar also. I know exactly what you are going through. This is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a medical problem that can be controled with proper medication. His ups and downs can be real scary, huh? Please make sure you get him on his meds fast before he hurts himself, you or someone else. From what you are describing he is on an "esposide" right now. That's what I call the up/down times, not sure what the medical term would be. DH says he didn't realize exactly what he was saying or doing at those times. He was like a wild man, totally out of character for himself.

He has been living a healthy, normal life for almost 6 years now. We (him and I) see to it that he takes his meds, sees his dr when needed, so on. Not to sound like a drama queen but this is nothing to play around with. If you want to PM me to talk more please do.

 

[Disney Doll]

Do what's best for you and your children if you have any.

Ask yourself if youor life would be better with him or without him.

Sounds like you've gone through a lot with him, and it may be time to rethink things again.

 

[punkin]

Here are many many hugs, but what you really need is a good psychiatrist for your DH and a good therapist for yourself. I'm very sorry.

 

[nwdisgal]

Your life isn't going to be normal until he gets the proper medication. I know from experience. My DH is Bi polar also. I know exactly what you are going through. This is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a medical problem that can be controled with proper medication. His ups and downs can be real scary, huh? Please make sure you get him on his meds fast before he hurts himself, you or someone else. From what you are describing he is on an "esposide" right now. That's what I call the up/down times, not sure what the medical term would be. DH says he didn't realize exactly what he was saying or doing at those times. He was like a wild man, totally out of character for himself.

He has been living a healthy, normal life for almost 6 years now. We (him and I) see to it that he takes his meds, sees his dr when needed, so on. Not to sound like a drama queen but this is nothing to play around with. If you want to PM me to talk more please do.

Yes. I totally agree. The right med balance and close monitoring by a doctor are essential. My DB is Bi-polar and I know it is always a fine balance for him. My SIL deserves the wife of the year award, as I'm sure that you do, for all your patience and understanding with the Bi-polar spouse. Anyway, and good luck to you.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I am dealing with an unmedicated dh with bipolar as well. It is very scary. He's agreed to get help. But now i'm trying to find a good dr. I don't know how to do this. He had a terrible dr. with meds that made the situation much worst. How do you find a good dr. And I can't wait 3 months for an appointment either. If any of you have gotten help can offer a suggestion I'd love to hear it. During an episode dh makes very scary decisions. I truly don't believe he remembers everything he did afterward either.

 

[VanniGirl]

No advice just

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

More I'm so sorry you're going through this.

 

[nativetxn]

I have no advice for you. I'm sad to hear that you are having to experience this and I hope this situation resolves itself soon.

Katholyn

 

[simba928]

I have no advice. All I can offer are hugs. I hope your situation gets better soon.

 

[Puffy2]

You need to decide just how much you are willing to put up with.

And it wouldn't hurt if you found some sort of support group to help you sift through all the behavior - it might claify things for you.

The main thing to remember is "no it's not you...it's him" and I would think that #1 is to stop expecting normal "love" from someone who obviously isn't able to give it. It's not going to happen (not consistantly).

After spending 1/2 my life putting up with more than my share of dog doo from an "un-balanced" individual, things - for me - are clearer now.

You are not a door mat, even if it is your husband. You just need to decide if you are willing to be treated like one.

 

[dmslush]

I'm sorry for all you are going through. There is not much I can add that has not already been said, except this: Your husband has been unfaithful and may still be continuing to cheat on you. Protect yourself. Do not have unprotected sex with him, and if you have, please see your dr to be checked for STDs. Your health and safety must come first!

 

[TRUFFLES13]

Thank you all so much for the responses. Yes we do have 1 DS. When he does have an "episode" or whatever you want to call, he doesn't remember doing certain things, and then he has clairity. This is when he will always ask for my help. The last time he wanted to go to the hospital but the Dr. didn't think he had to. I'm am not a fan of his Dr. So he asked me to find another Dr., which I did but when he went he didn't like her.

I don't know what else to do for him. Everyone that knows what is going on has told me to throw him out, even his family.

My DH also will make bad decisions during an episode I did think about calling the police but I know he will just walk back in like nothing has ever happened,or he will tell me he needs my help. How much can I be there for someone and then keep getting hurt. Excatly, I feel like a door mat. He has even said to me about all the stuff that I have put up with.

I am sorry if I sound like I am rambling - I just have so much in my head, and trying to keep myself together for my son.

I read these boards everyday and I do post under another name. You all make me feel better, like I am not alone.

Thank you -

 

[chyam]

Because you do care, when you have had enough you will be able to do what's best for you.

I agree.........and there is a fine line between love and hate, what he is doing is not good for you, not only for what he could bring home but also the drugs. 10 years is a long time but you can only forgive so many times then you become a doormat..........Please find the strength to do what is right for emotionally, think with your head and not so much with your heart. It's easy for all of us (me included ) to give advice but you have to care more about yourself.

 

[SGB13]

I have a friend who is bi-polar. He will have a manic phase where he goes off all his medication and really does not act rationally. He has gone on trips before, even driving from NC to FL. After, he does not remember everything that happened and what he does remember, is things he would never normally do. I'm not saying to forgive and forget everything he has done. But if he is willing to get help from a doctor, get him to one and on medication as soon as possible. My thoughts are with you. I can't imagine how bad you are filling.

 

[Serena]

I'm sorry for all that you're going through. I can't imagine it. I think and hope you can find some peace in that you are doing all you can for him. But please, don't forget, your son and you yourself need things too.