Who would be comfortable with this?

[eliza61]

Just to make sure I'm not the crazy one here.

My husband found an old girlfriend on FB. Like 20 years ago old. Anyway, he said he wanted to call her and chat and catch up. Not the problem. I gave my blessing. Well that was about a week and a half ago. Since then she has called my house and been chatting back and forth EVERY SINGLE DAY. One night she called at 10:30! I have a serious problem with this. I'm not concerned about an affair or anything like that. It's a respect issue with me. I would not talk to ANY of my ex boyfriends on the phone every single day. Not only because I don't want to but because I know how disrespectful that would be to my husband.

Was I wrong for telling him ENOUGH!!

You know, I reconnected with a good friend of mine a few years ago and truthfully I found it to be a bust. The first couple of times we chatted it was basically a "memory lane" discussion. Who from the old neighborhood had I seen? Do I still talk to XYZ?
2nd conversation was pretty much "what are you doing now", etc, etc
After about the 3rd phone conversation it got boring real fast. We had nothing really to talk about, 25 years our lives had taken different roads and we just didn't have the same things in common anymore.

What the heck could they possible talk about every day?
Nope, not cool IMO

 

[spacemountainmom]

I wouldn't mind that he contacted her. The communicating every day for 10 days, I would mind. He might just be too nice to say no, but you need to tell him that it bothers you and he needs to stop before it goes any further.

 

[snowwite]

Just to make sure I'm not the crazy one here.

My husband found an old girlfriend on FB. Like 20 years ago old. Anyway, he said he wanted to call her and chat and catch up. Not the problem. I gave my blessing. Well that was about a week and a half ago. Since then she has called my house and been chatting back and forth EVERY SINGLE DAY. One night she called at 10:30! I have a serious problem with this. I'm not concerned about an affair or anything like that. It's a respect issue with me. I would not talk to ANY of my ex boyfriends on the phone every single day. Not only because I don't want to but because I know how disrespectful that would be to my husband.

Was I wrong for telling him ENOUGH!!

No. IMHO he was wrong to contact an ex in the first place. You are not wrong to end it. It can affect your marriage and I have the ex husband to prove it.

 

[nmmom95]

I don't see it as a trust issue at all. I would have a HUGE problem with an old girlfriend calling every day. I agree with you, OP. Reconnecting is fine, but she is taking it too far.

 

[Andtototoo]

I'm probably the least jealous person on the planet. But I'm also not a dummy.

Some woman calling a married man ten days straight isn't looking to chat about the fun they had at the junior year homecoming football game. She's looking to a make a touchdown of a different sort.

And why the heck is your dh spending so much time talking to an old girlfriend? He doesn't have enough to do with his own family? I'd be finding ways to make sure he was too busy to answer the phone.

 

[mickeyboat]

I'm with you, OP. It would bother me a lot and I would ask DH to ask her tone it down.

 

[AlwaysMoving]

Some woman calling a married man ten days straight isn't looking to chat about the fun they had at the junior year homecoming football game. She's looking to a make a touchdown of a different sort.

Good one! Any woman who starts requesting constant attention from a married man is trouble.

 

[I Love Pluto]

The friendship is fine. My DH has a fishing buddy who isn't a guy. I belong to a music group with a lot of men.

10 days in a row is a problem - a big problem. She wants something.

10:30 at night is an issue - a big issue. She is definitely looking for something.

Bye-bye to her.

 

[Buckalew11]

Really, you'd be fine with an old girlfriend calling your husband for ten days straight?

OP, that crosses a line. Either chat openly on a FaceBook account you can see and join if you'd like, or finish up the catch-up conversation and send her a Christmas card in the future. This is much too chummy for any old girlfriend.

Very inappropriate IMO. It's one thing striking up a new friendship or catching up on old news. Speaking daily is more like taking up where they left off and not in the least bit appropriate for old flames.

Good one! Any woman who starts requesting constant attention from a married man is trouble.

As someone whose sister just went through a divorce after 35 years of marriage from someone we all never dreamed would cheat, I have to wonder why people think this is OK in any way shape or form.

 

[Swan4Me]

Yes, I would be fine with it. I trust him completely 100% The part that would borrow me is the calling so late at night

How much would it borrow you?




Sorry-anyone calling ANYONE 10 days in a row is manic

Is she calling his cell? if its the land line-OP needs to answer and hang up on her...over and over again.......or do it on his cell

 

[luvmy3]

I think I'd have an issue with any of dh's friends calling him every single day, so yes this would be a huge problem for me. I trust my dh and wouldn't care that he reconnected with an old flame, (which he has through FB) however I would have an issue with her calling to speak to him every day. I would find it very odd that someone who hasn't spoken to him in 20 years suddenly can't go a day without speaking to him and would wonder what her motives were as far as rekindling their "friendship". Or, I would think she was some kind of psycho stalker who is hatching some kind of revenge for him breaking up with her all those years ago, either way it seems like it's bad news

 

[bellarella]

The 10:30 at night would bug me, but the rest wouldn't as long as DH kept me in the loop. I'd be happy to get to know someone who knew DH from those days and would make a point to talk to them.

I seriously doubt my DH would make time to talk to anyone for 10 days in a row, though -- at least not for more than a few minutes. If this is the issue, then my problem would be 100% with my DH and not with the woman. DH would be in control of the situation, so there would be no one to "blame" but him, if I had a problem with it.

 

[RunningGirl]

That's really weird. I would definitely have a problem with it! I'd put the kibosh to it asap.

 

[jaminmd]

I'd be pissed with late calls from anyone. DH's sister has a habit of calling at 1:30 am because she had the time.

DH hates talking on the phone period but I would not be ok with him chatting up an ex for that long. You can call me insecure or jealous or whatever, I don't care. I am admittedly possessive and that would be a deal breaker for me. DH wouldn't like it if I did that to him, either.

Hey, happygirl, since it wouldn't bother you at all, I'm just wondering, has it ever happened?

 

[Disney Doll]

Some thoughts:
~Everyone always says "guys are clueless". I think we sell our male counterparts very short if we think that they don't notice that someone is coming onto them. They're not stupid. It's flattering. Some woman from his past is suddenly wanting/needing to talk to him daily.
~I trust my DH too. He is a good and ethical man of great character.

I would feel comfortable having a conversation with him that would include the fact that someone from his long past, who has lived without him for 20+ years, who suddenly needs to speak to him daily and intrude on his home life at late hours like 1030pm is probably not wrapped really tight and he probably wants to really think about that and what consequences it could have. I might have him watch "Fatal Attraction" just to drive the point home.

It has nothing to do with trust as much as involving oneself with people who may not be emotionally stable. I wouldn't want that introduced into our personal and home life, and DH wouldn't either. He'd back off the relationship gently, so as to not hurt her feelings, but I'm pretty sure he'd back off.

Might be time for DH to do that. Answering machines and voicemail are beautiful things. Just because someone calls, emails or facebooks doesn't mean you have to answer.

 

[disney1990]

Just to make sure I'm not the crazy one here.

My husband found an old girlfriend on FB. Like 20 years ago old. Anyway, he said he wanted to call her and chat and catch up. Not the problem. I gave my blessing. Well that was about a week and a half ago. Since then she has called my house and been chatting back and forth EVERY SINGLE DAY. One night she called at 10:30! I have a serious problem with this. I'm not concerned about an affair or anything like that. It's a respect issue with me. I would not talk to ANY of my ex boyfriends on the phone every single day. Not only because I don't want to but because I know how disrespectful that would be to my husband.

Was I wrong for telling him ENOUGH!!

My husband had this happen too. A "friend" from 30 years ago caught up with his on FB. In all those years, she is married and living in Florida. We have all become good friends. She came up to visit us and we went to visit her. DH and I have been married 28 years today -- and I totally trust him. But only you know your DH.

 

[Poppin]

Trust your instincts. If your gut says, something isn't right about this, then most likely, something isn't right.

 

[jlewisinsyr]

The only issue I see is the calling at late hours of the night. I talk to my exes on a semi-regular basis, sometimes a few times a week. I have had dinner with exes when I've traveled on business, etc. My partner talks to one of his exes almost daily via text message. It's all a matter of what you want it to be.

EDIT: There is an exception to the calling late, all my friends be it close, exes, etc, or family know if they ever are in trouble, they can pick up the phone and call me no matter what time of day.

 

[StephMK]

She is definitely interested in more than just re-hashing a few happy memories.

OP - I'm curious - what did DH say when you told him to knock it off? What did he say to her? Just wondering if it stopped or did anyone get defensive?

 

[PUZZLDY5]

She is definitely interested in more than just re-hashing a few happy memories.

OP - I'm curious - what did DH say when you told him to knock it off? What did he say to her? Just wondering if it stopped or did anyone get defensive?

He told her that I was not comfortable with this situation and the phone calls had to stop. I told him I didn't care about the FB friends and I don't really, as long as it doesn't get ridiculous. I made it very clear to him how I felt about it and like any man he was oblivious that I would feel so rotten about it until I pointed it out to him.