Who would be comfortable with this?

[PUZZLDY5]

Just to make sure I'm not the crazy one here.

My husband found an old girlfriend on FB. Like 20 years ago old. Anyway, he said he wanted to call her and chat and catch up. Not the problem. I gave my blessing. Well that was about a week and a half ago. Since then she has called my house and been chatting back and forth EVERY SINGLE DAY. One night she called at 10:30! I have a serious problem with this. I'm not concerned about an affair or anything like that. It's a respect issue with me. I would not talk to ANY of my ex boyfriends on the phone every single day. Not only because I don't want to but because I know how disrespectful that would be to my husband.

Was I wrong for telling him ENOUGH!!

 

[happygirl]

Just to make sure I'm not the crazy one here.

My husband found an old girlfriend on FB. Like 20 years ago old. Anyway, he said he wanted to call her and chat and catch up. Not the problem. I gave my blessing. Well that was about a week and a half ago. Since then she has called my house and been chatting back and forth EVERY SINGLE DAY. One night she called at 10:30! I have a serious problem with this. I'm not concerned about an affair or anything like that. It's a respect issue with me. I would not talk to ANY of my ex boyfriends on the phone every single day. Not only because I don't want to but because I know how disrespectful that would be to my husband.

Was I wrong for telling him ENOUGH!!

Myself, I trust my hubby and I would be okay with him recoonect with old friends. I think calling that late would be my biggest problem/

 

[aroundtheriverbend]

OP, I'm with you. I don't think it means you don't trust your husband - but it feels to me like the old girlfriend is after something to be calling every day. How did he take your response? Surely he too thinks it's a little odd she's this persistent...... that's more than just "reconnecting."

 

[JessicaR]

Like you it wouldn't bother me that he contacted her. The continued calls - yep that would bother me and I would just ask him to put himself in your shoes if the roles were reversed. Then, I would send myself a HUGE bouquet of expensive flowers from an old flame to get my point across.

 

[DVCLiz]

Just to make sure I'm not the crazy one here.

My husband found an old girlfriend on FB. Like 20 years ago old. Anyway, he said he wanted to call her and chat and catch up. Not the problem. I gave my blessing. Well that was about a week and a half ago. Since then she has called my house and been chatting back and forth EVERY SINGLE DAY. One night she called at 10:30! I have a serious problem with this. I'm not concerned about an affair or anything like that. It's a respect issue with me. I would not talk to ANY of my ex boyfriends on the phone every single day. Not only because I don't want to but because I know how disrespectful that would be to my husband.

Was I wrong for telling him ENOUGH!!

Myself, I trust my hubby and I would be okay with him recoonect with old friends. I think calling that late would be my biggest problem/

Really, you'd be fine with an old girlfriend calling your husband for ten days straight?

OP, that crosses a line. Either chat openly on a FaceBook account you can see and join if you'd like, or finish up the catch-up conversation and send her a Christmas card in the future. This is much too chummy for any old girlfriend.

 

[Katy Belle]

Too much. Its fine to tell your DH. Enough!

 

[brookmey]

I don't think you're crazy. Some women just don't get boundaries and our husbands don't want to be rude so they don't enforce the boundaries.

Same situation happened with DH and and ex-girlfriend, except it was emails. She was sending him daily emails in which she was confiding in him and it made me uncomfortable because the information was way too personal. I just felt it was a little too much. DH told her to stop with the personal emails, so instead she sent me an email (through FB) telling me how she was still in love with him and that he was her soulmate. She was married, with 2 kids, but that didn't seem to matter to her.

Why is your DH talking on the phone with her that much or that late at night? Just because she calls doesn't mean he has to talk to her.

 

[dislaney]

Just to make sure I'm not the crazy one here.

My husband found an old girlfriend on FB. Like 20 years ago old. Anyway, he said he wanted to call her and chat and catch up. Not the problem. I gave my blessing. Well that was about a week and a half ago. Since then she has called my house and been chatting back and forth EVERY SINGLE DAY. One night she called at 10:30! I have a serious problem with this. I'm not concerned about an affair or anything like that. It's a respect issue with me. I would not talk to ANY of my ex boyfriends on the phone every single day. Not only because I don't want to but because I know how disrespectful that would be to my husband.

Was I wrong for telling him ENOUGH!!

No, definitely not. The first call, I would have no problem with either. If they caught up every so often, that would be okay too, but 10 days in a row, big problem for me.

 

[roxysmum123]

I'm with you, it's one thing to catch up but there's a need for boundaries here.

 

[st4rrab0vemybed]

Just to make sure I'm not the crazy one here.

My husband found an old girlfriend on FB. Like 20 years ago old. Anyway, he said he wanted to call her and chat and catch up. Not the problem. I gave my blessing. Well that was about a week and a half ago. Since then she has called my house and been chatting back and forth EVERY SINGLE DAY. One night she called at 10:30! I have a serious problem with this. I'm not concerned about an affair or anything like that. It's a respect issue with me. I would not talk to ANY of my ex boyfriends on the phone every single day. Not only because I don't want to but because I know how disrespectful that would be to my husband.

Was I wrong for telling him ENOUGH!!

It's one thing to reconnect w/ an old flame via Facebook, but to talk on the phone every single day is crossing the line. She had no right to call that late, and you need to let him know how you feel about this. Guys are clueless sometimes, and might not see this as a problem, but it obviously is. I'm sure if it was the other way around, he would have issues w/ you talking to your ex all the time too. Hopefully you smack some sense into him, and he'll see things your way ... and this ex of his will back off.

 

[happygirl]

Really, you'd be fine with an old girlfriend calling your husband for ten days straight?

OP, that crosses a line. Either chat openly on a FaceBook account you can see and join if you'd like, or finish up the catch-up conversation and send her a Christmas card in the future. This is much too chummy for any old girlfriend.

Yes, I would be fine with it. I trust him completely 100% The part that would borrow me is the calling so late at night

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I'm sorry OP, but if this were me, I would be livid and I would be thinking that she is after more than just catching up. I would do something to put a stop to this now, and if Dh didn't stop then you have bigger problems to face. He should know better.

I had an ex boyfriend from another state look me up once. It was two years after DH & I got married. He was in town, how he knew where to find me is still a mystery, and he wanted to see me & meet DH. DH was mad but I assured him it would be fine.

The guy came to our place, bragged about his wife and new baby and all of his investments and yada yada yada. When it came time for him to leave I walked him out and the idiot tried to kiss me! I pushed him away.

The next day he called me at work and wanted to take me to lunch, I didn't go. For weeks he would call the house but most of the time I wouldn't answer. The day that I found out I was pregnant with our first child was the last time that he called. I answered the phone and we talked for just a minute or two and I told him our BIG news and he congratulated me and I never heard from him again.

Need less to say, he was after more than to "just be friends". Just be watchful OP. After being on that side of it I don't trust old boyfriends or girlfriends.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Ehhh. DH has any number of old HS friends who happen to be girls that he corresponds with often, sometimes daily when they need a friendly voice due to one stressor or another. I admit to occasionally feeling a little threatened, but he's always open and up front about his communications with them, so I try not to show it. A lot of times he's mainly trying to give advice on what the guy who is the stressor is thinking.

No, it wouldn't bother me, at least not at the 10 day point. There's something fun about rekindling an old friendship, getting caught up on things. If she really is becoming a good friend to your DH though, you need to friend each other and get to know one another better. If she doesn't want to be friend you or obviously puts you in a "don't see anything" quasi-friend group, then you may have a problem.

 

[VAfamily1998]

Yeah...I'd have a problem with that.

I have past boyfriends that are friends on Facebook...we had the initial "so what have you been doing the last x number of years" emails... that's about it. Occasional comments on cute pictures of each others kids or on status updates, but absolutely no phone conversations.

My dh is the same with his exes on fb.

 

[Planogirl]

It could be that she just likes his as a friend but then you need to be included at some point too. I would ask that the conversations be toned down and that I be included in some of the catching up too.

 

[ebtbmom]

I'm totally with you OP.

I'd be annoyed if ANYONE called me or DH for ten days straight. Maybe I'm unsocial but that seems excessive for anyone but unacceptable for an ex.

 

[WowLookAtThat]

I wouldn't be uncomfortable...at first. I wouldn't be ok with her calling every day and I would have said something when she called late. Being Facebook friends is fine but when there is constant calling then it is time to say something to your husband.

 

[disykat]

Very inappropriate IMO. It's one thing striking up a new friendship or catching up on old news. Speaking daily is more like taking up where they left off and not in the least bit appropriate for old flames.

 

[bumbershoot]

Well, I would be uncomfortable if one of MY exes called ME that many days in a row, and hubby would feel the same if one of HIS exes called him that many days in a row...

So yeah, I think it's safe to say that we would be bothered if an ex was calling the other that often.

 

[PUZZLDY5]

OP here. I didn't think I was the only one who would have a problem with this situation.