Who here is not in the "clique" like me? Part 2

[Tinkerbell_Girl]

Welcome Rhaine78!

Lesa- Those ornaments are cute!

 

[DisneyGirl4188]

Gingerbread House at GF:

 

[DisneyGirl4188]

Lesa- Those ornaments are cute!

I agree. Very creative.

 

[DznyFan]

Welcome, Rhaine78!! Congratulations on your honeymoon! Have a wonderful trip.

Lesa - I recall seeing that post now that you reposted it. Paint pens?? Available at Michael's or Hobby Lobby?

Oh, Amber I love the gingerbread house at the GF... making me very wistful for the holidays at WDW.

 

[DisneyGirl4188]

Various pictures:

 

[pozey]

More great pictures!!

The gingerbread house at the Grand Floridian is fantastic!

 

[Rhaine78]

Welcome Rhaine78! Congrats on the marriage!

We stayed at ASMo last April and I really liked it. Are you going to MVMCP? We did and it was great. The parade and fireworks are worth the price of admission. We also did CP and enjoyed it. Have a great time!

Thank you so much!

We stayed there in Nov/04 that was my first trip ever to WDW... and it was fantastic. We are going to the MVMCP on the 11th.. so Monday.. I can't wait to see the Xmas parade and works...blows my mind!! I just learned of CP a few days ago thanks to dising... We are deffinately going to do that!! I'm so excited! 3 days to go!

__________________________________
Jessica

 

[Tinkerbell_Girl]

Great pics Amber! I love the gingerbread house pics.

 

[keagansmom]

Hey all--

Don't have a lot of time but wanted to say welcome Rhaine78!

Amber -- love the photo's

Lesa- darling ornaments

Have a great rest of the day!

 

[DznyFan]

Rhaine - Oh, you will love CP! It is absolutely beautiful.

 

[lyzziesmom]

DznyFan: I'm sorry you are having to go through this. Families can be confusing enough without throwing blended families and resentment into the mix. I don't really have any advice to offer, but I just wanted to say that I hope you can all come to some sort of agreement that makes everyone happy. I guess the most important thing is to make sure your dad is happy with whatever is decided.

Rhaine78: Is it ok if we call you Jessica? It sounds like you're going to have a wonderful time at WDW - what a lovely time of year to go! I would love to go at Christmas time, except for the crowds. Perhaps Amber is on to something - her photos from right after Thanksgiving look perfect! Thanks for dropping by again, a lot of people say hi and then disappear, but we really are a nice bunch and love to see new people here!!

Amber: that gingerbread house looks gorgeous! Was it as huge as it looks in the pictures? I can't even imagine how much work went into it - the little ones I have made in the past are so hard to make and they end up looking like a 5 year old made them. (But they always taste good!)

This day can't end fast enough for me. At least I got those reports mostly figured out, with the help of the accounting department. What a headache!!

 

[Tinkerbell_Girl]

Dznyfan- I would have been upset also. I too don't have any advice either. I just hope you all can come to an agreement.

 

[ForTheLoveofDisney]

DznyFan:: First of all hugs to you. It must be very difficult living so far away from your dad and very hard when you want to but can't do for him like you would if only you lived closer.

After reading your post, though, I'm a bit perplexed as to what there is to be upset about? You stated that your dad who is in good health (and I take this to mean mental clarity as well) lives close to your step-sister and is still very close to her on a relationship level right? And also, that your dad has made you and your bio-sister aware of his wishes that he wants his cremated remains to be buried next to the woman who was his wife for 22 years. I'm thinking that if he made you two aware of his wishes that it would be natural for him to also make it known to his "just as close as the real thing" step daughter too. Especially since they live close and visit often and she does for him just like it were her real dad. It's not unusual if one person dies before their spouse to have the living spouse's birthdate engraved on the stone, just waiting for the date of death. Both sets of my grandparents did this. I guess I'm just confused as to why your step-sister should have been the one to place a call or an email? Was she supposed to ask for permission? Was it just as a courtesy to let you know about it? Neither one of these are her place or responsibility. From the sound of the relationship your dad and she have, your dad probably in one of his visits with your step-sister probably gave her the go ahead and being a grown man with a sound mind, he didn't have to clear it with anyone. And after years of counseling I am totally against triangular talking. My family is really HUGE offenders of this (and I used to be too) Triangular talking is when you tell your sister something about your dad and then your sister goes and tells your dad what you had to say. Or your dad tells you something about your sister and you run to tell your sister what your dad had to say. Instead of you just going straight to your dad or he straight to your sister. See the triangle? Your step-sister calling you or emailing would have been putting herself right in the middle of something. It's between she and your dad or you and your dad and your sister and your dad not between she, you, sis and dad. Know what I mean?

And, since your dad is the one who sent you the pictures (which is how it should be, he sending you the pictures and he giving you the details about his wishes. . . no triangles there) he is very ok with it and probably rather proud/relieved to see that part of his last wishes were carried out. And he was probably very glad and proud to share them with you and your sister.

I think we should always assume that people had/have good intentions until proven otherwise. I'm sure your step-sister meant no harm.

Me personally, I don't see anything to be upset over. Maybe because this is standard practice in our family.

Hope this didn't sound mean. I certainly don't mean to sound harsh but sometimes the written word can be taken that way because you can't hear the love and respect that I'm feeling behind the words.

Hope this helps. I always get kind of "scared" when people ask me my advice/opinion but I feel comfortable giving you my opinion. And you know what they say about opinions? The advice is free and they say you get what you pay for.

OK, I'm going to shut up now.

 

[lyzziesmom]

April, I had never heard of the term "triangular talking," but I like it! I always just called it tattling. For what it's worth, I think you made some very good points without sounding mean, you just sounded rational. Not that DznyFan didn't sound rational!

Oh bother. I think I'll just go stick my other foot in my mouth now.

 

[lyzziesmom]

Angela, I forgot to mention that upon first glance, I also thought you had taken a picture of your DS sleeping in the bathtub! I thought, Hmmmm, where in WDW do they have blue bathtubs?? D'oh!

 

[ForTheLoveofDisney]

April, I had never heard of the term "triangular talking," but I like it! I always just called it tattling. For what it's worth, I think you made some very good points without sounding mean, you just sounded rational. Not that DznyFan didn't sound rational!

Oh bother. I think I'll just go stick my other foot in my mouth now.

Yup, this is a term my counselor taught me and during some of my sessions when I would be SOOOOO UPSET and really not sleeping over the latest drama in my defunct/alcoholic/controlling family she would say, "See the triangles?" Sometimes she have me write the names of the parties involved in the shape of a triangle so I could see them. What a relief it was for me, when I found out I could take myself out of the triangle and not be responsible for their problems/fights or dramas. The triangle that REALLY opened my eyes to triangles happened about a year and a half ago. My sister and my dad had been talking one morning and my dad who was recently divorced from my mother AND VERY, VERY bitter (they were married for over 30 years but only lived together as husband and wife for about 10 of those. Told you my family is crazy!!) because my mom was entitled to take half of his pension because of the length of the marriage. Anyway, he was bitter and very angry and he said something to my sister about it! Well, there was the first triangle he's upset with my mom but he tells my sister. --Triangle #1 -- Well, my sister will defend my mother to the death whether my mom is right or wrong and they got into a HUGE HUGE fight! Well, my sister hangs up on my dad (and it resulted in about 3 months in my sister not talking to my dad). Well my dad, immediately calls me. Now picture this, I'm up, having a great day. Cleaning the house and just minding my own business. The phone rings, I see it's dad and I answer it. Well, he is hotter than a firecracker at what had just transpired between he and my sister. The fight that they had, the words exchanged and the hang up! So, he's bad mouthing my sister and letting ME have it and I had nothing to even do with it! --Triangle #2!! Now, because I was new at the whole counseling thing for myself I did not recognize this as triangular talking I just recognized it as normal and I didn't recognize the added alcoholic behavior thrown in that NONE of it was his fault. It never is for the alcoholic! Well, I finally hang up with him, I'm upset and crying. I feel like I've been beaten up and I didn't even have anything to do with it!! Around lunch time my DSis calls and now she gives me her side of the story. --Triangle #3!! And I allowed myself (because I didn't know any better or have the tools to deal with it) to get in the middle of this mess for the full 3 months!! Everytime my dad would call me he'd hound me about my sister not talking to him and her not returning her phone calls. And dummy me instead of saying, "I'm sorry to hear that" and just letting it go I'd call my sister and tell her all that dad would say. They eventually worked it out but not before I had the scars of their fight.

But you'll all be proud to know (if you've stuck with me this long through this long post), that I'm recognizing the triangles. Recently, two weeks before we moved my cousin got married. I didn't go to the wedding because it was the weekend when we were originally supposed to go to closing before they changed it. Well, DH and I went to the Apple Scrapple Festival and we ate good food and saw fun demonstrations and we just had a great day. We knew it would probably be our last Apple Scrapple Festival so we were really making it special. Well, my phone rings and I see it's my dad's number. I figure he's calling to let my grandmom say hi or something from the wedding. WRONG!! It's my dad's girlfriend! Apparently she and my other sister got into a HUGE fight at my cousins wedding and my 26 year old sister tells my dad's 61 year old girlfriend to "SHUT UP". And my dad's girlfriend just starts right in about how upset she is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, I can appreciate her hurt feelings but you know what? I wasn't there and I wasn't witness to it and I had nothing to do with it. So, I politely tell her, "I am sorry about the situation but as you know I was not there and I really can't get in the middle of this." (Yea for me for recognizing it and growing a backbone!! ) Well, she says nicely, "I guess you're right, it's not your problem." Stop triangle #1! Then later that night my DRUNK dad calls wanting to give me his side of the story about how his relationship with his daughter is ruined blah, blah, blah, blah, blah because he took the girlfriend's side blah, blah. I say, "Gee, I'm sorry to hear that. Listen, I wasn't there I was having a great day minding my own business. This is between you and them and I'm not getting in the middle of it." I hang up. Stop triangle #2!! Yea!! Then I get a call from my sister who was not even involved and she wants to give me the story she's "heard" from my other sister. Whoa, double triangle! "Yea, it must have been bad but I wasn't there so I can't really say anything." We agree and let it go. Stop triangle #3!! Woo-Hoo I'm on a roll! Then, two days later dad's girlfriend calls AGAIN wanting to talk about how to make it right. By this time I'm tired of it and I've already told her I wasn't there so I say as politely but as firmly as I can, "Quite frankly, this is exhausting me and I'm tired of hearing about it. I'm getting ready to move in a week and I have enough to deal with and to be quite honest with you this is none of my business."
But before all of my counseling I would have been caught all up in the middle of all that mess because that's what I had been taught all my life to do. I'd been taught that this is normal. It took me a LONG time to see that telling people, "It's none of my business I'm not getting into the middle of this" was not uncaring or mean. It was just me taking care of myself. I'm not their counselor or their spiritual guide. I'm not responsible for fixing it. What a revelation when I found out it wasn't my responsibility!! What a relief for me!

Sorry if this sounded so stupid and alot of "Woo-Hoo's" for myself. I'm not stuck on myself and think I'm perfect or anything (infact, quite the opposite) but when you finally "get" something it feels really good!

OK, thanks for letting me share. I didn't intend to but it just started coming out. Glad you're all my friends. Of course the lurkers on this thread might think I'm nuts.

ETA:: By the way, I didn't think it was right for my Sis to tell this woman who is her elder to shut up. I'm not unfeeling and taking myself out of situations that really don't involve me doesn't make me not have opinions. I'm only human, but I don't have to share them and throw my 2 cents in that generally only make it worse.

 

[Rhaine78]

You bet! I wouldn't have put it in the msg if it weren't.
I am very excited about this trip. Even more so than the first time we went. I think it's because I know what it's like now, and I fell so madly in love with it... ahhh it's my 2nd home... and my plan is to make it my first home by retirement age lol! I have looked through many threads but never registered until a few days ago. I am hooked! LOL! Everyone here is great, and I really appreciate the info, laughs and cries thus far! I'll be at the ASMo from Dec 10-27th. If anyone's there I'll have my LGMH's on the door, and on my person! Hope to run into some of you there!

Jessica

 

[ForTheLoveofDisney]

Rhaine78 --Jessica!!

You and I will be there on some of the same days. We'll be going 12/12 through 12/17. We'll be at Saratoga Springs. I'll have my LGMH's on too. I'll be looking for you!!

 

[Rhaine78]

Rhaine78 --Jessica!!

You and I will be there on some of the same days. We'll be going 12/12 through 12/17. We'll be at Saratoga Springs. I'll have my LGMH's on too. I'll be looking for you!!

That's great! I hope to run into you!!

 

[ForTheLoveofDisney]

That's great! I hope to run into you!!

Awww, thanks!!

I also have a lime green button pin that one of our dissers made for me that says DIS and has my username on it.

And I know it's a fashion faux pas in real life outside of Disney but I do wear a Pooh fanny pack in the parks with my pin on it. So, here's some ways you can spot me.