Which is worse: Finding spouse with mistress, prostitute or that (s)he's gay?

[Imzadi]

Not a DIS scientific poll or anything. Just wondering your thoughts. . .

 

[DVCLiz]

I voted finding out a spouse is gay. I think most people who are gay and marry a spouse of the opposite sex have some idea of their true sexual orientation before they make that decision. It seems more deceitful to me to enter into a marriage knowing from the beginning that you are attracted to your same sex, while seeing a prostitute or even taking a mistress doesn't seem to fall in quite the same category to me.

They are all awful, of course, for the spouse who thought she/he was in a long term faithful "til death do us part" marriage. All are betrayals, imo.

 

[Imzadi]

They are all awful, of course, for the spouse who thought she/he was in a long term faithful "til death do us part" marriage. All are betrayals, imo.

Yeah, I thought of that option after I posted the poll. That it doesn't matter, betrayal is betrayal. People can always say that in the "Other" option. But I also figure one type of betrayal might be slightly worse than the others, i.e. "It's bad enough (s)he betrayed me, but to do it with. . ."

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Prostitute.

Being cheated on is bad enough. Being cheated on by a spouse who is PAYING to cheat is worse. And even worse than that is having a spouse paying to cheat with a PROFESSIONAL who is exposed to all sorts of diseases on a daily basis. That's nasty on a whole new level.

 

[mumom95]

I voted for finding out your spouse has a mistress. Because to me that shows an emotional bond, and I think that would be the hardest.

Finding them with a prostitute, that's just about sex.

Finding out they are gay, well, that just means I don't have the physical parts they are attracted to.

Don't get me wrong, any of the three would be absolutely devastating. But for me, knowing he went out and made that emotional bond with another women while he was with me, that would probably be the hardest to get over.

 

[salmoneous]

What if they are having an ongoing affair with a gay prostitute?

 

[sha_lyn]

I voted for finding out your spouse has a mistress. Because to me that shows an emotional bond, and I think that would be the hardest.

Finding them with a prostitute, that's just about sex.

Finding out they are gay, well, that just means I don't have the physical parts they are attracted to.

Don't get me wrong, any of the three would be absolutely devastating. But for me, knowing he went out and made that emotional bond with another women while he was with me, that would probably be the hardest to get over.

That's exactly my thoughts on the matter

 

[Disney Ella]

The mistress or the prostitute would be equally bad for me. The gay thing would be bad too, but as people have said before, at least I could rationalize, "It's not me. He wouldn't be interested in any woman. Cindy Crawford could throw herself at him and he wouldn't care."

 

[Tasha+Scott]

I don't even know how to vote. All would be devastating to learn about my dh for me. I am not even sure which would be the worst.

 

[Imzadi]

The mistress or the prostitute would be equally bad for me. The gay thing would be bad too, but as people have said before, at least I could rationalize, "It's not me. He wouldn't be interested in any woman. Cindy Crawford could throw herself at him and he wouldn't care."

Wasn't Cindy Crawford already married to someone allegedly like this?

 

[chris1gill]

Any of it would wind up in divorce for me, so none of it is worse than any of the others.

 

[Cool-Beans]

Gay would be the worst. A marriage has a shot if the person is cheating. But if they're attracted to another sex, it's over...and it may have been a lie all along. That would be the hardest part, I think...worrying that it was all a lie.

But I wouldn't want to go through any of it.

 

[Disney Doll]

Finding DH with a female mistress would be the worst for me. It would mean that he had developed a relationship (emotional attachment)with someone of the same sex as me. That would mean I would be left wondering what she had that I didn't. The blow to self-esteem would be horrific I think. I would be thinking she's younger, prettier, thinner, sexier, "something-er" than me.

A female prostitute would skeeve me out and I would still leave him, but there's no "relationship" (read emotional attachment), so I would just be thinking that he was a dirtball guy who had no qualms about going with a skank. Wouldn't bother my self-esteem because I am not a skank and if he wants a skank, God bless him.

An affair with another man...again, I wouldn't be thrilled because I would have preferred that he had figured out his sexual preference PRIOR to marrying me, but I don't think there'd be a self-esteem blow because I would be thinking "He likes men. I'm not a man. There's nothing I can do about that".

 

[DVCJEN]

I voted finding out a spouse is gay. I think most people who are gay and marry a spouse of the opposite sex have some idea of their true sexual orientation before they make that decision. It seems more deceitful to me to enter into a marriage knowing from the beginning that you are attracted to your same sex, while seeing a prostitute or even taking a mistress doesn't seem to fall in quite the same category to me.

They are all awful, of course, for the spouse who thought she/he was in a long term faithful "til death do us part" marriage. All are betrayals, imo.

I have to agree. It would be the worst. Double or triple betrayal.

 

[happygirl]

Finding out they are gay, I would always wonder if I turned them that way

 

[Barbossa]

Gay would be OK if I was allowed to join in.

 

[disneyfreakk]

I voted for finding out your spouse has a mistress. Because to me that shows an emotional bond, and I think that would be the hardest.

Finding them with a prostitute, that's just about sex.

Finding out they are gay, well, that just means I don't have the physical parts they are attracted to.

Don't get me wrong, any of the three would be absolutely devastating. But for me, knowing he went out and made that emotional bond with another women while he was with me, that would probably be the hardest to get over.

I agree!

I will add that it wouldn't be cheating if there was an arrangement between the two spouses. Not really sure why that is even an option.

 

[Chicago526]

Any of the options are horrible, but I'd have to say the prostitutes would be the absolute worst. Then their infidelity can put my personal health at risk. It's one thing to ruin a marriage, it's another thing to transmit something life altering at best and fatal at worst.

Edited to add: Of course, you can pick something up from an affair with a regular person, too, but the risk is much higher with someone in that profesion.

 

[disneymom3]

Prostitute.

Being cheated on is bad enough. Being cheated on by a spouse who is PAYING to cheat is worse. And even worse than that is having a spouse paying to cheat with a PROFESSIONAL who is exposed to all sorts of diseases on a daily basis. That's nasty on a whole new level.

That was my first reaction too. If it were on ongoing basis kind of a thing it would tie with my answer which was the affair. The reason I went with affair is that there is an emotional invovement there too.

I actually think finding out they were gay would be less hard for me to take, but I think that is because there is no way in hades that DH is gay.

 

[Pooh67_68]

While finding out he has a mistress, you might wonder what does she have that I don't? I choose prostitute cause I would be more worried what does she have that I may now have?