You know, believe it or not, I thought about this post long and hard.
I'm currently training to do the Food and Wine Half, going from couch to half marathon in about a year. I've given myself time and set up a training schedule that I've been following religiously since December. I've seen dramatic improvement, but I'm still not marathon-ready (despite being better then I was before I started training)... I understand good runs, bad runs, days where it comes together and days where it doesn't, being too tired to run but making a go at it anyway, and I've learned the difference between pushing myself and REALLY pushing myself... Since December, I've gone from power-walking three miles 20-minute miles, to doing a 15 minute mile with 30/30 run/walks over five miles. I know to you seasoned runners, that's really nothing... But for somebody like me, who was born with a heart condition that held her back her whole life, who at the age of 32 is finally tired saying "I can't" and is doing something about it, I feel like Lightning McQueen. I've changed everything in order to be able to do this marathon, everything from a healthier diet so I can do this safely (since I don't need to lose weight), to medications, to even finances so that I can afford to do all I want to do with my training and the marathon.
So the part of me who's working really, really hard to be able to do this gets really, really irritated at the idea that people meander an obligatory mile, get picked up by a bus, get handed a medal, and are turned lose to enjoy the post-run party while I'm running my butt off for 13.1 miles. It honestly doesn't seem fair that somebody who treated it as a joke gets the same recognition that I get after training for a year, then has the advantage of being the first to enjoy the event after the race for the racers. It makes me a little bitter about the whole process, honestly, from that perspective. I mean, run the Boston Marathon, play at the Olympics, they don't hand you a medal at the end because you invested a ton of time and money in something, didn't win, but were still a good trier. They just don't.
Then there's the other part of me that worries about what'll happen once I run at night, outside, in Florida weather (dramatically different from my NH training weather). I worry that heat or humidity will trigger a heart problem and I'll only be able to run part of it, have to walk the rest, and be in danger of being swept. If I were swept halfway through the race after all the work I've done, I'd be crushed. A part of me would honestly feel like, after spending all that time and effort to train, even though I didn't cross the finish line, I still deserve a medal for at least truly, and I mean truly, slamming my all at it for the better part of a year. And for those who do the same as me and don't make it, I don't begrudge them that.
In truth, if that were to happen, I probably wouldn't accept the medal regardless. It'd be a crushing, heartbreaking thing... But I wouldn't take it. For me, the accomplishment would be earned by finishing.
In the end... I reconciled the whole thing like this... By running the race, I get to see some magical, amazing things that I'd never have gotten to see if I hadn't gotten off my butt, trained, entered, and ran. Things that I can't do any other time. The distinct pride of knowing that I trained my best and either honorably didn't finish, or exuberantly crossed that line and got my medal... That's something that can't be taken away from me, no matter how somebody else earned their medal, either by work or by essentially paying for it then leisurely strolling until being scooped up and swept to the finish. And I get that other events don't hand out medals under such circumstances, but you know, it's a Disney marathon. It's not your typical marathon... And I have to tell you, if I cross that finish line at 3 hours, 29 minutes, 59 seconds, you will see me and I will be over-the-moon as if I'd won the whole shebang. I really won't care in the slightest how somebody else got there's, and it certainly won't make me less excited about my accomplishment.
In the end, I can hold mine up and say "I earned it," and that very fact alone is enough for me... Even if an hour before the race they stood out on the side of the road and handed them out to transients. I can still say that I worked for mine, that I earned it, I didn't "get it" from somebody. Would it be nice if it said "participant" or there was some designation on it that said they didn't finish? Sure, I guess. But in the end, it still doesn't matter to me enough to be overly bitter for very long about it. And when I cross that finish line, I won't care in the slightest or even think about or wonder if somebody else earned their medal or if they just got it.
You'd think after reconciling all of that and not really being worried one way or the other about it, it'd me I don't care about the medal itself... But I'm almost ashamed to say that, of everything I've ever wanted in my whole life, I've never wanted anything in the world as badly as I want that medal. I'm actually dressing up on race day as Vanellope Von Schweetz because all I want to do is cross the finish line and earn my medal. I don't need to be first, don't care if I'm last, I just want to finish.
