What's a "successful life"?

[DCLMP]

I agree. My answer to this question was just my POV

My POV is that having people love you doesn't make you successful. My parents loved me unconditionally. I love my kids unconditionally. You have to actually do something productive with your life to be happy.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Just thinking of this a little more. Maybe it will help someone else.

I also feel successful when someone asks me whether I’m coming back the next day (in a good way, lol) or whether someone asks me to go out for coffee or gives me their info to contact them later, etc. It means they were comfortable with me and want to continue the relationship. That doesn’t always happen, but when it does, it means the relationship we had for that short period of time was successful, and that makes me feel like I did something right and I was on the right track (for me).

Again, these are things that all of us can do, for those feeling they may not have traditional successes. I bet if you think about it enough, you can find plenty you’re successful at.

I also don’t think as much of it, for me, is about material things, or ever was. Right now I’m feeling like my house is a dump, my car is getting old, I’m showing signs of age, etc. Yet I feel richer than I ever have in many ways. Go figure.

 

[kanne323]

BUT, is someone who DOESN'T have those things "unsuccessful"? Obviously not. So then I started thinking "what qualifies a life as 'successful'"? Can you only say someone has/had a successful life after they've lived 'x' years? Then what's 'x'?

Once you've qualified your life as a "success", can it become 'unsuccessful'?

Food for thought...

I think it's normal to take stock of your life and consider success. I work in a field that allows me the privilege to have this conversation with people quite often. There is no one definition of success, and one person's success might be another's failure. Culture, personal beliefs and opinions, societal expectations, and more can all impact how someone views a successful life. What I've learned, though, is that for most people, their definition of success involves happiness to some extent, as well as other people (be it family, friends, community, etc.)

Before this career, I spent 20+ years working with children with cancer. The only thing I can assure you of is that a successful life can certainly be lived without it being a long life.

I'm not even sure I know what a successful life looks like for me at this time. But I'd say that for me, one of my most important things is having made one other person's life better, somehow, even in the smallest way.

 

[Southernmiss]

I think it can be defined, by you and you alone. And not basing it what others think

This.

I feel so fortunate having good relationships with my husband, children, siblings, parents and other close family.

But I have 2 cousins who have different family situations, yet, they have close friends and are happy with that.

Neither is better. Just different and if a person is mostly happy and at peace with their lot in life, I'd say that's successful.

I have this odd sense each day of how grateful I am to not have experienced homelessness and almost amazed that I've never been or come close to it. That also makes me feel successful.

 

[goofyernmost]

I made it to 75 so far, but it was through no fault of my own. I never took care of myself, was mule headed, worked hard and seemingly have very little to show for it. I own nothing except probably the steering wheel on my car. Financial downturns that had to be connected with luck of the draw prevented me from ever feeling like a success. I made the mistake as a teen of only wanting to be a Renaissance man. To try and know a little about a lot of things, but never really mastering any of them. From auto repair, plumbing, electrical, carpentry all the way to playing guitar or piano and eventually golf. All of it self taught and only pursued briefly or to a "good enough" level, mostly just to say I did that. I never cared much about money or the things that money buys, although I like them, they were never my goals. That part haunts me now that I am older and have already lived longer then I ever expected. Now I am scared that I will live longer than the money that supports my modest lifestyle.

My wife tired of me and left after 29 years of marriage the same year that our youngest daughter got married. No warning just, I'm tired of being married, see ya loser! I enjoy being alone to an extent and do not want the hassle of a relationship ever again, but it does get lonely sometimes. I know my daughters love me but both are right in the middle or nearing the end of their child raising days and it has kept them really busy and I'm the guy that has always been there and I suspect that they really think I always will be, so there is no need to spend more time with then is handy. I have made some very good decisions along the way mostly by impulse, all those I thought about never seemed to work out.

I have had some back issues that a has slown me down a lot and when I'm feeling sorry for myself I am angry about that and feel useless. It's at that time I wish I would have accomplished one thing that my girls and grandkids could say that their Dad/granddad did that and be proud. That, however, is the end result of doing just enough and not trying to aim higher. To late now though. Sometimes wisdom comes way to late.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I made it to 75 so far, but it was through no fault of my own. I never took care of myself, was mule headed, worked hard and seemingly have very little to show for it. I own nothing except probably the steering wheel on my car. Financial downturns that had to be connected with luck of the draw prevented me from ever feeling like a success. I made the mistake as a teen of only wanting to be a Renaissance man. To try and know a little about a lot of things, but never really mastering any of them. From auto repair, plumbing, electrical, carpentry all the way to playing guitar or piano and eventually golf. All of it self taught and only pursued briefly or to a "good enough" level, mostly just to say I did that. I never cared much about money or the things that money buys, although I like them, they were never my goals. That part haunts me now that I am older and have already lived longer then I ever expected. Now I am scared that I will live longer than the money that supports my modest lifestyle.

My wife tired of me and left after 29 years of marriage the same year that our youngest daughter got married. No warning just, I'm tired of being married, see ya loser! I enjoy being alone to an extent and do not want the hassle of a relationship ever again, but it does get lonely sometimes. I know my daughters love me but both are right in the middle or nearing the end of their child raising days and it has kept them really busy and I'm the guy that has always been there and I suspect that they really think I always will be, so there is no need to spend more time with then is handy. I have made some very good decisions along the way mostly by impulse, all those I thought about never seemed to work out.

I have had some back issues that a has slown me down a lot and when I'm feeling sorry for myself I am angry about that and feel useless. It's at that time I wish I would have accomplished one thing that my girls and grandkids could say that their Dad/granddad did that and be proud. That, however, is the end result of doing just enough and not trying to aim higher. Too late now though. Sometimes wisdom comes way too late.

If you were my family member I would be proud that you served your country. And you also raised two girls successfully. I don’t know you well, but I know that much!

 

[TippyThomas]

Your post shocks me and makes my heart hurt. You always come across to me as a kind and accepting person who loves animals. Not being married or not having kids doesn't define success or a good life. You need to give yourself more of the grace and kindness you give others. From an internet stranger, I don't think there is one thing you need to change about yourself. Just live your best life doing things that make you happy.

Thanks for your kind words. Know that I appreciate them very much.

 

[nw6675]

Oops. Found it. Ordering Pretzels from the mall on DoorDash at 4:26 pm on a Sunday.**mic drop**

 

[DCLMP]

I made it to 75 so far, but it was through no fault of my own. I never took care of myself, was mule headed, worked hard and seemingly have very little to show for it. I own nothing except probably the steering wheel on my car. Financial downturns that had to be connected with luck of the draw prevented me from ever feeling like a success. I made the mistake as a teen of only wanting to be a Renaissance man. To try and know a little about a lot of things, but never really mastering any of them. From auto repair, plumbing, electrical, carpentry all the way to playing guitar or piano and eventually golf. All of it self taught and only pursued briefly or to a "good enough" level, mostly just to say I did that. I never cared much about money or the things that money buys, although I like them, they were never my goals. That part haunts me now that I am older and have already lived longer then I ever expected. Now I am scared that I will live longer than the money that supports my modest lifestyle.

My wife tired of me and left after 29 years of marriage the same year that our youngest daughter got married. No warning just, I'm tired of being married, see ya loser! I enjoy being alone to an extent and do not want the hassle of a relationship ever again, but it does get lonely sometimes. I know my daughters love me but both are right in the middle or nearing the end of their child raising days and it has kept them really busy and I'm the guy that has always been there and I suspect that they really think I always will be, so there is no need to spend more time with then is handy. I have made some very good decisions along the way mostly by impulse, all those I thought about never seemed to work out.

I have had some back issues that a has slown me down a lot and when I'm feeling sorry for myself I am angry about that and feel useless. It's at that time I wish I would have accomplished one thing that my girls and grandkids could say that their Dad/granddad did that and be proud. That, however, is the end result of doing just enough and not trying to aim higher. To late now though. Sometimes wisdom comes way to late.

I love your honesty. Life is a rollercoaster of success and failures. Usually more of the latter. I wish it was as simple as just having people love you.

 

[CGB]

For me, daily success is looking in the mirror each night and having no regrets. It doesn’t always happen and even sometimes when it does, it doesn’t make me happy; but at least I gain experience or lessons learned. God willing, I’ll get another day to try and make it right.

 

[Moliphino]

There are definitely different types of love. But when someone speaks of finding love, they are usually speaking of romantic love - a spouse or partner. Not friends.

But the post they replied to wasn't about "finding love". It was just about having people who love you.

Having people who love you and being happy more often than not. IMO those are the only things needed for a successful life.

 

[disneychrista]

But the post they replied to wasn't about "finding love". It was just about having people who love you.

I understand that but even so as someone who only has love by obligation (parents and kids) I hope that isn’t the (only) metric by which success is judged.

 

[NannyBeBe]

I am in my 70s. For me, my life will be successful if after I am gone, no one will say that I knowingly hurt them in any way.

 

[SpaceMan5]

My POV is that having people love you doesn't make you successful. My parents loved me unconditionally. I love my kids unconditionally. You have to actually do something productive with your life to be happy.

Just a thought. You probably did something very productive, compelling to have those ppl in your life love you. I would say having ppl love you is a by-product what you define as doing some productive with your life.

 

[DCLMP]

Just a thought. You probably did something very productive, compelling to have those ppl in your life love you. I would say having ppl love you is a by-product what you define as doing some productive with your life.

True, but I wouldn't consider that being successful. There are truly awful people that are loved by someone. I don't think I will ever consider myself successful because I'm always striving to do more. I would say I'm content, but I think I could do better.

 

[The Mayor]

Being happy in your own skin.

 

[Wubar]

No "one size fits all" answer here. Obviously everyone has different situations, backgrounds, and life experiences to get to where they are today. What's successful for one is different for another, and no need to compare the two unless you're obsessed with "keeping up with the Joneses".

 

[SpaceMan5]

True, but I wouldn't consider that being successful. There are truly awful people that are loved by someone. I don't think I will ever consider myself successful because I'm always striving to do more. I would say I'm content, but I think I could do better.

I was also thinking about this component of what does it mean to be successful. I was a first born with lots of expectations placed on me to succeed in sports and school. No matter what I did, I never felt it was good enough.

Fast forward to now, I have learned that it was wrong for me to put that burden on myself in trying to please others. But as kids do we know any better? And even as adults do we know any better?

Taking a long shot here DCLMP, I think we both need to take a step back and see that we are successful but realize there is a fine line in pushing ourselves to excel vs I could do better. Do better for who?

 

[SpaceMan5]

Before this career, I spent 20+ years working with children with cancer. The only thing I can assure you of is that a successful life can certainly be lived without it being a long life.

I'm not even sure I know what a successful life looks like for me at this time. But I'd say that for me, one of my most important things is having made one other person's life better, somehow, even in the smallest way.

Quiet, simple but very powerful words....

I don't think it is a stretch to think that you have made so many lives better for your dedication in working with the kids and their parents for 20+ yrs.

To me that is success.

 

[DCLMP]

I was also thinking about this component of what does it mean to be successful. I was a first born with lots of expectations placed on me to succeed in sports and school. No matter what I did, I never felt it was good enough.

Fast forward to now, I have learned that it was wrong for me to put that burden on myself in trying to please others. But as kids do we know any better? And even as adults do we know any better?

Taking a long shot here DCLMP, I think we both need to take a step back and see that we are successful but realize there is a fine line in pushing ourselves to excel vs I could do better. Do better for who?

I don't know. I think people who say all they need is love are probably pretty successful in other areas of their lives. Nobody wants to appear shallow and say "I've reached financial independence" or " "I'm at the peak of my career". It looks better to say people love me therefore I'm successful.

There are areas in my life where I've done well and areas where I've underperformed. I think that holds true for most people. You can't beat yourself up over it. We all learn from our mistakes and move on. I enjoy life and I'm content, but yeah I'm always striving to do better. Do better for who? My family and myself of course.