What would you do?

[juligrl]

Okay, here's the deal. We just found out from a neighbor that one of the little girls that DD3 plays with frequently (girl is now 6) just had a birthday party to which practically the entire neighborhood was invited. I mean we're talking all ages here 2-10.
My daughter really looks up to this girl and would be hurt if she found out all her "friends" were there and she never even got an invite. Even the 8 year old boy up the street who the mother of the girl does not like was invited!
Okay, so aside from feeling like my neighbors are all snobs, how do I approach this. I definately got the message that we're somehow "on the fringes" of our community. How do we let them know we "got the message".

We've already considered putting up the for sale sign so other suggestions please!

 

[Buckalew11]

My first reaction is your DD's age. But, if there were 2 year olds there then maybe that thought is wrong. Do the young children that were there have older siblings? Maybe there were 2yos there because the 6yo b-day girl plays with their older brothers and sister so they just invited both (all) the kids from that family?
Just a thought.

And a reminder...there will be many times in your DDs life that she will not be treated fairly in your eyes. Be ready.

 

[Kimmielee]

Were the children that were younger than 6 have an older sibling invited and that's why they were included? Perhaps?

 

[juligrl]

My first reaction is your DD's age. But, if there were 2 year olds there then maybe that thought is wrong. Do the young children that were there have older siblings? Maybe there were 2yos there because the 6yo b-day girl plays with their older brothers and sister so they just invited both (all) the kids from that family?
Just a thought.

And a reminder...there will be many times in your DDs life that she will not be treated fairly in your eyes. Be ready.

One of the 2 year olds is an only, the other has a baby sister.

It's not that I think she was treated unfairly, it's just we see these people every day (or almost every day) and it couldn't just be an oversight. I mean DH was just down helping them aerate their yard this past weekend.

 

[FreshTressa]

I'd honestly be direct and say you were hurt by it.

 

[CEDmom]

Did something happen with the neighbors that would make you feel on the fringe? Is it possible an invitation was mailed on left in your door and you never got it? I know I'm reaching but I just can't imagine someone hurting a little girl deliberately. At 3 your DD is too young to understand not being invited. I don't know what you can do but try to reach out to these people. Maybe have a little neighborhood Halloween party and invite all of them. Don't stoop to their level - rise above it.

 

[Buckalew11]

Well, then, I am sorry that it happened. So, if all the other children in the neighborhood were invited and not your DD, I think that IS unfair. But, as a mom, I can be pretty sensitive when it comes to my DD.
Not sure what happened. I suppose I would just try to move on and hope she doesn't know anything about it and will not be hurt by it. And keep my fingers crossed that it doesn't happen again.

 

[juligrl]

Did something happen with the neighbors that would make you feel on the fringe? Is it possible an invitation was mailed on left in your door and you never got it? I know I'm reaching but I just can't imagine someone hurting a little girl deliberately. At 3 your DD is too young to understand not being invited. I don't know what you can do but try to reach out to these people. Maybe have a little neighborhood Halloween party and invite all of them. Don't stoop to their level - rise above it.

No, nothing happened.
I'd hate to think it was a slight against my little girl either.
Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just the annoying neighbor that every community has and I just don't know it or something. I mean if it was a case of a misplaced invitation then you'd think they would've said something.

 

[juligrl]

Well, then, I am sorry that it happened. So, if all the other children in the neighborhood were invited and not your DD, I think that IS unfair. But, as a mom, I can be pretty sensitive when it comes to my DD.
Not sure what happened. I suppose I would just try to move on and hope she doesn't know anything about it and will not be hurt by it. And keep my fingers crossed that it doesn't happen again.

Fortunately, my daughter is spending the night at her grandparents - last minute thing since we didn't have any plans for tonight.

 

[juligrl]

Would you leave a gift for the girl or is that too forward?

I don't want to make people invite my kid to their kids birthday parties. I'm really not that way, but when every other kid that this girl plays with (likes and doesn't like) was invited I can't help but think this was a slight.

 

[momrek06]

I'd honestly be direct and say you were hurt by it.

Absolutely!!! What have you got to lose at this point? Call the mom and ask her!! You really want to know and I am sure there is a good explanation. Did any of the other guests inquire as to WHY you and your DD were not invited seeing as they know DD plays over there with the birthday girl?

Do you think the parents MIGHT have thought you had other plans at the same time the party was to be held?

CALL, OP!!!

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

If all the other kids in the neighborhood were invited, my first thought would be that they sent an invitation to your DD and it just got lost. Maybe they think you are ignoring their invitation. Just a thought. It might not be it at all, but it is possible.

 

[momrek06]

Would you leave a gift for the girl or is that too forward?

WHY, in the world would you go out and buy the girl a gift when you were not invited? What will you do, go over to the house..."here is a gift for Sally, bye bye"! Naaa!!!!

Get to the bottom of why you were not included and THEN decide if you want to get the playmate a gift.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

You could always take a gift over and say, "I didn't realize it was your child's birthday until I saw everyone attend the party. My DD loves playing with your DD and would like to give her this gift and wish her Happy Birthday." She either didn't invite your DD or invited her and the invitation was lost. Either way, it was not her child's fault.

 

[FayeW]

It is not your place to "get to the bottom of it". She wasn't invited, plain and simple. She's 3, there's no reason to even discuss it with her. Forget about it.

 

[crazy4disney01]

I think I would ask the neighbor if I felt they were people I wanted to be around and have my DD around. If they are people that don't make you feel like an equal and they are going to treat your DD that way ( not inviting her to a party) I would not worry about it and try to find new friends. I think I would ask just in case you think the invitation may have gotten lost, that way the neighbor would apologize and think you didn't want to come, and you can buy a present if you wish. But, if you ask be prepared for whatever blurts out of her mouth and think of a way to answer that's not offensive but lets them know that you are the better friend and neighbor.

Good luck!!!

 

[alliecats]

I don't know if calling will do any good. A lot of people will do the underhanded kind of thing like cutting people out. But these same people will not do the up-front unpleasant honesty thing. I mean, I doubt this mom is going to say, we don't like you because we are snobs. So I don't know what good the OP calling them is going to be, except to let them know their meanness was noticed. Unless the invitation was honestly lost.

I don't get cutting a child out. No matter what you think of the parents (and you sound like really nice neighbors to me!!! Aerating their yard!!! They don't deserve you.) you don't mess with the kids. I am sorry your feelings were hurt for your DD (who is adorable, btw).

 

[daisyduck123]

Would you leave a gift for the girl or is that too forward?

No, of course not. Why would you want to leave a gift for her after you weren't even invited?
It would be obvious to the mom why you would be bringing it over.

 

[momrek06]

It is not your place to "get to the bottom of it".

I suggested she "get to the bottom of it"...because this could have been a complete oversight. Maybe they thought an invite was mailed to the OP and OP never got it. Hey, for all the OP knows, the parents holding the party may be at their house saying..."I wonder why OP and her family did not show up?"

And OP is wanting to put up a FOR SALE sign. I think she needs to talk to her neighbors before she starts moving!

 

[rie'smom]

I had a Santa party for my son and sent out invites to all of his friends. In the store I saw one of the grandmas and asked if her grands were coming to the party. She was nice and said probably so. The grands and their mom didn't show. About 5 days after the party, the mom called and apologized for not attending. She had received the invite that day and told me it had been postmarked 15 days earlier! Sometimes mail gets lost.
If that's not the case,and believe me this is hard to say,but you'll have to develop a thick skin-especially with a daughter. Boys argue and get over it. Some girls in my daughter's class had a disagreement in kindergarten and are still upset---in the seventh grade!!