What Would You Do? Your MIL is buying you a plane ticket...

[DMickey28]

Is there ANYWAY you and/or your parents can purchase your return ticket for the 24th? That way you do not get out there held hostage.

I can see the return ticket being too expensive, you needing to push her to book it while feeling like a dope because you have to ask about something like that and then the whole week becoming very stressful for you.

If you go out there with your return ticket already in place maybe you would be placing some control in your court. I don't know if it would be seen as passive aggressive but it's something I would consider.

When my DH was in the ICU in May my MIL flew down the night he went into the hospital. She stayed for a MONTH ... we had to bug her every few days to look into a ticket home ... literally was going to be a week to 10 days but it took FOREVER to lock her into a ticket home. That was uncomfortable and it was her own ticket ... imagine if it was bugging someone to book a ticket and pay for it for yourself. Not a good position to be in at all. In the past we always booked her tickets but now that she is on her feet financially it was more important for us to have her take her time to book the ticket and show that we aren't going to support her anymore like that than to get her out of our hair.

Again, Good Luck ... I'd try to find a way to buy your return ticket for the 24th before you go.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Agree with PP. If you don't book a ticket home before you go, you are putting yourself into a bad position all around.

So, either purchase the return ticket before you leave or stay home.

 

[HM]

Flying on Christmas day is not so bad according to my Brother and SIL. That is their favorite time to fly back home from visiting. Fewer travelers and much more relaxing that the 24th or 26th. I would see if it's possible to get an earlier flight out that day...and buy it before you leave on Saturday. Also, see if you can change your ticket for Saturday to a later flight as well.....it may cost a bit to do it, but may be worth it to you for extra sleep time.
Good luck to you!!

 

[RadioNate]

My inlaws bought our plane tickets to see them this year for Christmas. We picked the dates.

 

[mtemm]

I agree with many others, and honestly if you can, maybe just accept the outbound ticket, and buy your own homebound one so you can have the dates/times you need. I would NOT go out there without a return ticket! no way, no how.

 

[Rora]

Thanks to everyone- I have decided to simply purchase a ticket homebound myself for the 23rd. I realized that this woman is going to add so much stress to my holiday season this year that I'm just going to leave a little earlier than expected. She'll be furious but I know that if I don't stand up for myself now, she could walk all over me later.

Thanks again!!

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Thanks to everyone- I have decided to simply purchase a ticket homebound myself for the 23rd. I realized that this woman is going to add so much stress to my holiday season this year that I'm just going to leave a little earlier than expected. She'll be furious but I know that if I don't stand up for myself now, she could walk all over me later.

Thanks again!!

Very smart move! Enjoy your holidays!

 

[luvmy3]

Thanks to everyone- I have decided to simply purchase a ticket homebound myself for the 23rd. I realized that this woman is going to add so much stress to my holiday season this year that I'm just going to leave a little earlier than expected. She'll be furious but I know that if I don't stand up for myself now, she could walk all over me later.

Thanks again!!

Good for you, enjoy your Holiday

 

[krcit]

Thanks to everyone- I have decided to simply purchase a ticket homebound myself for the 23rd. I realized that this woman is going to add so much stress to my holiday season this year that I'm just going to leave a little earlier than expected. She'll be furious but I know that if I don't stand up for myself now, she could walk all over me later.

Thanks again!!

 

[dislaney]

My mother sometimes buys our tickets for Christmas but we always pick the dates.

I would be afraid to go with no return ticket. I wouldn't go unless I had a return flight on dates that work for me if that is what is important to you.

 

[akhenaten]

you should have say in the dates ...
but call me crazy ... I would want to spend Christmas with my fiance.... so would probably stay at MIL thru the holiday...

 

[wvjules]

Thanks- yeah, DFiance and I have already talked about this. He hasn't seen his parents since the summer so he felt that he should go out there now (especially since she was giving him a hard time about it). DFiance knows I'm not going to put up with any of this once we are married. I don't feel as if it's my place to have complete control, yet, as we truly aren't married and he is her son, you know? Thanks for the hugs!!

I've talked to my MIL about coming out at another time and she says that this is the only time she has room in her house.. . She certainly is a pill but I'm trying to be a good DIL to be, even if it kills me!

Very true-- glad to know I'm just not overreacting.

As of now she has purchased a single ticket for me to arrive there on the 19th. She is refusing to purchase my home bound ticket until I get out there and we "talk about this".

I have an exam the day before I leave and also have to drive home. So I will be in an exam from 10-12 and then I will be making a 5 hour drive home, alone. The next day my planes leaves at 7am to visit her.

My fiance is going to be out there for 3 weeks- we don't think he'll see them next year except during our wedding (3 days at most) and he doesn't want to deal with her complaining how he never sees them.

I've already told his mom what would work best for me and she doesn't seem to care claiming that it's her way, since she's buying.

I know- that's what scares me the most. DFiance and I have already talked about this. We have decided we aren't doing this for the holidays once we are married. We'll alternate between his parents/my parents/and spending Christmas alone until we have kids. Once we have kids, people can come visit us. There's no way in heck I'm taking my littles ones on a 6 hour plane ride everytime she wants to see them.

Going into this marriage, I know I will have my hands full with her. I don't know how to go about setting limits with her NOW since we aren't married yet but once we say "I Do" I plan on doing everything I can to limit the control this woman will try to have over my family

She told me about this plan last week and since then I've been trying to dissuade her. Now she's only bought a one way ticket leaving the 19th so we could decide together when I should leave, whatever that means. All I know is that I will be home for Christmas DAY even if she hates me .

That being said, thank you for your helpful words!

Complete control of your DH?

 

[mtemm]

good choice! just thank her profusely for the outbound ticket, and enjoy your holidays!!!!!!!

have you talked ot your DFI about your purchase? am curious as to his take on this.

 

[DMickey28]

Thanks to everyone- I have decided to simply purchase a ticket homebound myself for the 23rd. I realized that this woman is going to add so much stress to my holiday season this year that I'm just going to leave a little earlier than expected. She'll be furious but I know that if I don't stand up for myself now, she could walk all over me later.

Thanks again!!

Great call!!! Make sure you Thank your MIL for the ticket out when you tell her you went ahead and purchased your ticket home. Tell her that you parents really wanted to know what your holiday schedule was so they could plan and leave it at that!

 

[Pumbaa_]

nice job, take back that control!

Make it a non-event with MIL. If she gets going, a simple i am sorry you feel that way...is a great comment. No more on the subject, if it keeps coming up, same response.

Have a great time!

 

[Rora]

you should have say in the dates ...
but call me crazy ... I would want to spend Christmas with my fiance.... so would probably stay at MIL thru the holiday...

I know-- I feel the same way, I want to spend the whole time with him but I know my parents would be so disappointed and I don't know if I could spend that long of time with MIL to be!

Complete control of your DH?

Not control over him- he's a man and *usually* can make his own decisions. She just wants her way.

good choice! just thank her profusely for the outbound ticket, and enjoy your holidays!!!!!!!

have you talked ot your DFI about your purchase? am curious as to his take on this.

Good advice about thanking her profusely!! DFiance knows about the purchase and he think it's a good idea- he seems to think that his mom would keep me out there for and past Christmas. He's always had my side about this, thank goodness.

Great call!!! Make sure you Thank your MIL for the ticket out when you tell her you went ahead and purchased your ticket home. Tell her that you parents really wanted to know what your holiday schedule was so they could plan and leave it at that!

More good advice! Thanks!!

nice job, take back that control!

Make it a non-event with MIL. If she gets going, a simple i am sorry you feel that way...is a great comment. No more on the subject, if it keeps coming up, same response.

Have a great time!

Thank you. I just need to remember to keep my head and not let her get to me!

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP, Great plan!


TC

 

[The Mystery Machine]

you should have say in the dates ...
but call me crazy ... I would want to spend Christmas with my fiance.... so would probably stay at MIL thru the holiday...

I have to agree with this however that is just "me" as well. However, I certainly do understand going home and being with family as well.

Regardless the OP is following my motto of the yr. with "Make It Work".

 

[Jason@dvcstore]

are you allowed to specifiy the dates you want to come out or since she is buying the ticket does she get to choose the dates regardless of your schedule?
:

You are 100% allowed to specify the dates. If you specify the dates then you will be happier. If you are happier then she will be happier.

Jason

 

[mickey&arielsmom]

Glad I'm not the only one in this situation - my MIL just called yesterday to tell us she will be coming to visit this Friday! I hope she likes watching TV on our couch - we have things planned for Friday night, couple of hours on Saturday, all day Sunday, and most of Monday. She can come along to some of the events, but the Sunday and Monday parties are with my (large) side of the family and I think she'll feel awkward. My dh doesn't understand my annoyance with her sudden interest in visiting the weekend before Christmas - I guess she didn't think we'd have any plans??