What would you do if...

[SaraJayne]

Bite your tongue!! The world would much better off if that person does NOT reproduce!

Sorry. I was trying to be nice.

 

[Mkrop]

When condoms break there's the morning after pill (known as Plan B in the US I think?). As for the pill, it's made very clear (at least in the UK) what can reduce the effectiveness of OC on the leaflet it comes with in the pack, so if you're sick or taking antibiotics you know to use extra protection. These also contribute to being very good about birth control.

I've had contraception fail on me. An IUD of all things. Once you get pregnant whatever decision you make has the potential to affect you for the rest of your life. This, and the risk of getting an STI, are why I think teenagers should really be doubling up on protection anyway. Condoms to cover both pregnancy and STI protection, and then another form of contraception that the female is comfortable with (the pill, copper or hormonal IUD, implant, etc.) for extra protection against pregnancy and for if the condom is used incorrectly.

And for many the Plan B plan is just another form of abortion, so for many that is against what they believe. And I worked at a pharmacy in college as a tech, and you would be AMAZED at the number of people, grown women included who had no clue that antibiotics would affect the BC, even though we would point it out and we had huge red stickers on the package. So it would not surprise me that a young kid, who doesnt have the maturity level has not read the insert. Heck companies have to put warnings on hairdryers not to use them while sleeping or showering and you think some 15 yr who may have gotten her pills at Planned Parenthood would have read the insert or even had someone actually explain all of this to her.

Well I don't.

I don't respect anybody who'd put a pregnant and alone 15 year old girl out on the streets with no money to beg for food, healthcare and housing from whatever charity group she could find and failing that probably turn to prostitution or whatever in order to feed herself and possibly a baby.

In fact "not respect" doesn't even come close to describing my feelings on that matter.

It is one of those questions that make me ask what is the purpose of your children? My children don't exist to make me happy, make me proud, make me whatever. They don't not become my children just because they aren't doing it for me anymore.

I am their Mom and I am their Mom even when they are pissing me off to maximum levels.

 

[luvmy3]

Bite your tongue!! The world would much better off if that person does NOT reproduce!

Why because her opinion differs from yours? Aren't you a peach

 

[ols386]

If you look back at my post you would see that I said that I wouldn't kick her out of my home, but I certainly respect any parent's choice to do what they feel they have to do.

And FTR, my dd knows our expectations already, so if she chooses to have unprotected sex and gets herself pregnant she does it with the full knowledge that she is responsible for anything that happens. She would be making her own choice knowing that mom and dad will not financially support her child. Just to be clear, that doesn't mean she would be left to starve, she'd have a roof over her head and food in the fridge but anything else will be her responsibilty and anything for her baby would be also, including food and diapers and clothing, etc. There will be no more ski club, and school dances, and summers at the local water park with friends. If she isn't okay with all that, then no she wasn't forced into anything, she made her choice.

I'm not doubting that you do indeed have the opinion that you've stated above, but do you think that if your dd were in that situation, and that precious infant were living in your home, that you might soften a bit, and change your mind?

What if the dd cannot afford to buy all the things needed for the infant, like food, clothing, and medical expense? Will you just tell her, 'tough..you knew upfront that this was the way it was going to be'? I can't imagine that you would let the infant go without. I think you are a kinder-hearted person than what your post indicates.

I think it's easy to say that you feel the way you do now, but if/when you are actually IN the situation, you MIGHT change your views a bit.

 

[njmom47]

Thats all well and good and I was adopted and I wouldn't do that to a child if I had a choice- I had a great family that adopted me but the years and years of pain knowing that someone that was my own flesh and blood did not want me really sucked.










I would not support that at all- I would rather keep the child that is my own flesh and blood myself than put it up for adoption.

It was my grandmother who forced my biological mother to give me up for adoption in the form of an ultimatum: keep me and move out, or give me up for adoption, and she could stay home and keep her good life going. I don't think my biological mother ever forgave her mother as she died very young. (I am in frequent contact with my biological dad who reinforces this story and is a great addition to my life). I am an only child (bio dad, bio mom and bio aunt) did not have any children at all, and that seriously makes me sad when I think about it. So yes, adoptees can be affected by this for life.

 

[kamik86]

For those saying have an abortion or get out... What would you do in this case:

My sister got pregnant at 24. She was not married although she was living with the father and supporting themselves.

However they had the apartment tested and found out it was full of lead paint.

They were getting by but didn't have savings for first/last/security while still paying rent where they were. And she was advised it wasn't good to continue living in the house with lead paint even while pregnant.

So she moved back home. Dad stayed in the apartment as it was closer to work until they could get out of the lease in a few months. They ended up staying here for a few months after the birth before they found a new place without lead paint that they could afford.

Would you have supported this DD since she wasn't a teen anymore? Or would you force the abortion?

 

[Heidict]

If you look back at my post you would see that I said that I wouldn't kick her out of my home, but I certainly respect any parent's choice to do what they feel they have to do.

And FTR, my dd knows our expectations already, so if she chooses to have unprotected sex and gets herself pregnant she does it with the full knowledge that she is responsible for anything that happens. She would be making her own choice knowing that mom and dad will not financially support her child. Just to be clear, that doesn't mean she would be left to starve, she'd have a roof over her head and food in the fridge but anything else will be her responsibilty and anything for her baby would be also, including food and diapers and clothing, etc. There will be no more ski club, and school dances, and summers at the local water park with friends. If she isn't okay with all that, then no she wasn't forced into anything, she made her choice.

Yup, I did go back and read the post that you made prior to the one that I quoted. You did state that you would not kick them out and for that I am glad. I agree, the responsibility of that baby would lie solely on my DD. I would provide a roof and food and would help with child care, when I could, when she was at school or work only.

I, however, would never respect someone who kicked their young pregnant DD to the curb. It shows a lack of compassion and love and if anyone should not be a parent, that person would be high on my list.

Well I don't.

I don't respect anybody who'd put a pregnant and alone 15 year old girl out on the streets with no money to beg for food, healthcare and housing from whatever charity group she could find and failing that probably turn to prostitution or whatever in order to feed herself and possibly a baby.

In fact "not respect" doesn't even come close to describing my feelings on that matter.

It is one of those questions that make me ask what is the purpose of your children? My children don't exist to make me happy, make me proud, make me whatever. They don't not become my children just because they aren't doing it for me anymore.

I am their Mom and I am their Mom even when they are pissing me off to maximum levels.

Very well put, I totally agree with you. Your last line is so true!

 

[topolino]

Why because her opinion differs from yours? Aren't you a peach

No, because he/she is bat crap crazy! Have you read his/her posts?

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Well hopefully, the teen girls who get kicked to the curb for keeping their babies will be taken in by someone who can provide love and support...

There are homes, halfway houses, shelters, etc. They aren't the optimal place, but it's something.

 

[luvsJack]

I'm not talking about teen "pregnancy", I'm talking about teen "parents", and while it may be your opinion that we'd have more teens living on the street, its not mine.

Ok, I never really said that it wasn't my opinion?

As for the difference in your wording, if you throw a kid out because she doesn't choose an abortion, what else is she going to become BUT a parent?

And if you don't believe that throwing a pregnant teen out is forcing them to choose an abortion, I would really love to know what your definition of forcing them is?

BTW, just wanted to be clear, regardless of my personal beliefs, I would not force her to have the baby either.

 

[luvsJack]

Why because her opinion differs from yours? Aren't you a peach

Probably because the poster she is talking about has apparently no empathy, no compassion, etc for her hypothetical children. I would hate to see what he/she would do with real ones.

 

[epcot.girl]

And for many the Plan B plan is just another form of abortion, so for many that is against what they believe. And I worked at a pharmacy in college as a tech, and you would be AMAZED at the number of people, grown women included who had no clue that antibiotics would affect the BC, even though we would point it out and we had huge red stickers on the package. So it would not surprise me that a young kid, who doesnt have the maturity level has not read the insert. Heck companies have to put warnings on hairdryers not to use them while sleeping or showering and you think some 15 yr who may have gotten her pills at Planned Parenthood would have read the insert or even had someone actually explain all of this to her.

Anyone who thinks emergency contraception is a form of abortion needs to educate themselves. You cannot abort a pregnancy that has yet to form. Emergency contraception prevents the pregnancy from ever occuring. It won't work if you are already pregnant anyway.

As for OC, I would presume that these kind of things would be explained to the female in question while she was getting the pills in the first place. I guess we just do things differently in the UK. I've certainly known about this stuff from the first time I had the pill (age 15).

ETA: And the above points (people believing emergency contraception is an abortifactant, women not understanding the pill) also contribute to why I believe teenagers should really be doubling up on contraception anyway if they want to avoid pregnancy. (See previous post.)

 

[BlovesC]

This is one of those hypothetical situations that's almost useless to discuss, because if the situation actually happens anything we've thought about generally goes out the window.

I don't have any kids yet so I have no idea how I'd react. But I know it'd be an incredibly difficult situation and I hope I'd put as much thought into my (hypothetical) daughter's future as I would her baby's. Knowing that the majority of those living in poverty in the US are single mothers, it would be very hard to try and persuade my daughter to keep the child unless I knew I could pay for all the baby's needs as well as my daughter's, PLUS be able to quit my job to care for the baby while my daughter finished HS and went on to college. I don't know many people who are financially stable enough to be able to swing that.

 

[luvmy3]

I'm not doubting that you do indeed have the opinion that you've stated above, but do you think that if your dd were in that situation, and that precious infant were living in your home, that you might soften a bit, and change your mind?

What if the dd cannot afford to buy all the things needed for the infant, like food, clothing, and medical expense? Will you just tell her, 'tough..you knew upfront that this was the way it was going to be'? I can't imagine that you would let the infant go without. I think you are a kinder-hearted person than what your post indicates.

I think it's easy to say that you feel the way you do now, but if/when you are actually IN the situation, you MIGHT change your views a bit.

I would not leave my child or grandchild starving, naked and without medical attention. I just wouldn't go above and beyond, there would be no closet full of cute outfits, a beautifully designed nursery, top of the line baby gear, no babysitting for dd to go out and "be a teen". I'm not saying I would do absolutely nothing for either of them, but I wouldn't be the one responsible for that baby's needs. I would charge dd "rent" to cover her baby's formula, medical expenses, clothing and anything else that I had to provide because she couldn't afford it at the time. If my dd feels she is grown up enough to be a parent then I expect her to be grown up and responsible enough to take care of her child, and that means financially.

 

[morethananyonex]

I was just over 21 when I found out I was pregnant, so this hits close to home. I don't know what I would have done if my parents had the mentality that some of you do. Were they disappointed? Of course they were. They had to mourn the future they thought I was going to have in order to accept the new future.

After the initial shock, they could not have been more amazing. They offered to have my boyfriend move in, we declined and moved out, we support ourselves financially. I have relied on my parents SO much emotionally since becoming pregnant and having a child, it makes me sad that some of you would not be there for your children at all.

 

[luvmy3]

For those saying have an abortion or get out... What would you do in this case:

My sister got pregnant at 24. She was not married although she was living with the father and supporting themselves.

However they had the apartment tested and found out it was full of lead paint.

They were getting by but didn't have savings for first/last/security while still paying rent where they were. And she was advised it wasn't good to continue living in the house with lead paint even while pregnant.

So she moved back home. Dad stayed in the apartment as it was closer to work until they could get out of the lease in a few months. They ended up staying here for a few months after the birth before they found a new place without lead paint that they could afford.

Would you have supported this DD since she wasn't a teen anymore? Or would you force the abortion?

There is no comparison between a 24 year old adult who has been supporting herself moving back home because of a dangerous condition in her current apt and your 15 year old teenager living under your roof.

No, because he/she is bat crap crazy! Have you read his/her posts?

but you think that because you don't agree, it still doesn't excuse the nastiness of your comment to her. She is talking about a hypothetcial dd, you are talking to a real person.

Ok, I never really said that it wasn't my opinion?

As for the difference in your wording, if you throw a kid out because she doesn't choose an abortion, what else is she going to become BUT a parent?

And if you don't believe that throwing a pregnant teen out is forcing them to choose an abortion, I would really love to know what your definition of forcing them is?

BTW, just wanted to be clear, regardless of my personal beliefs, I would not force her to have the baby either.

My opinion is that if more parents were a little tougher with their "support" there wouldn't be a pregnant teen to throw out. Maybe if more girls knew that their parents wouldn't be there to support them financially they would choose abortion, or adoption over becoming a parent themself. IMO, that is the best option.

And no I don't see it as forcing them, they are getting a choice, they can have the baby or they can have an abortion. If they are old enough to choose to be a parent, then they are old enough to deal with the consequences of that. In some cases its being totally on your own.

 

[luvmy3]

I was just over 21 when I found out I was pregnant, so this hits close to home. I don't know what I would have done if my parents had the mentality that some of you do. Were they disappointed? Of course they were. They had to mourn the future they thought I was going to have in order to accept the new future.

After the initial shock, they could not have been more amazing. They offered to have my boyfriend move in, we declined and moved out, we support ourselves financially. I have relied on my parents SO much emotionally since becoming pregnant and having a child, it makes me sad that some of you would not be there for your children at all.

You can't compare a 21 year old getting pregnant with a 15 year old getting pregnant. By the time my dd is 21 she will presumbly be finishing up her last year of college, and able to financially support herself and her needs. At 15 she can't even drive herself and her baby to the doctors. The circumstances are apples and oranges.

 

[epcot.girl]

This is one of those hypothetical situations that's almost useless to discuss, because if the situation actually happens anything we've thought about generally goes out the window.

I agree.

As I alluded to in previous posts in this thread, I found myself pregnant recently. I have always, always, ALWAYS said that if I were to get pregnant I would abort. Without hesitation. At this point in our (mine and DH) lives it would be a complete disaster. We don't have enough money, we'd have to move - we rent an absolutely tiny apartment with no children allowed. Only one of us is working, while the other has returned to university full time. I'm not sure I ever want kids anyway! I was sure I'd be completely fine about it all too.

Well, I got pregnant. At first I was horrified. But after a few days I started to wonder. And we talked about it. If I was a less logical person, I would have possibly continued the pregnancy, but in the end my logic won out. It was unpleasant, and afterwards I got incredibly upset. At first it was definitely the hormones, but then it became more a general upset at the situation. It didn't help that I had some other stuff going on at the time that meant I couldn't get away from the subject matter of reproduction.

That was only several weeks ago, but it's changed me. I've gone from 'no kids ever' to 'kids?'. That's the hardest part for me. It's made me question myself. I reacted to the pregnancy in every way I thought I wouldn't (apart from the actual termination). I know I'll always wonder 'what if' but the same would apply if I'd continued the pregnancy.

One thing that made the whole ordeal easier? Knowing the choice was mine to make. It had to be. Of course DH and I spoke about it, but he was absolutely adamant that it had to be my decision because no matter what it was my body. Surprisingly, talking about the possibility of continuing the pregnancy and how we would make it work is what made it a little easier to know I was making the right decision in not continuing the pregnancy.

 

[Mkrop]

Anyone who thinks emergency contraception is a form of abortion needs to educate themselves. You cannot abort a pregnancy that has yet to form. Emergency contraception prevents the pregnancy from ever occuring. It won't work if you are already pregnant anyway.

As for OC, I would presume that these kind of things would be explained to the female in question while she was getting the pills in the first place. I guess we just do things differently in the UK. I've certainly known about this stuff from the first time I had the pill (age 15).

ETA: And the above points (people believing emergency contraception is an abortifactant, women not understanding the pill) also contribute to why I believe teenagers should really be doubling up on contraception anyway if they want to avoid pregnancy. (See previous post.)

We could probably do a poll and I betcha a good majority of people were not told what could reduce the effective of BC by either their Dr or pharmacist. I know when I was a tech I would point out the bright red sticker and people were shocked. I have been to several OB/GYN in my life and I think about 1/2 talked to me about the BC they prescribed...so yeah maybe in the UK it is something that is more talked about.

 

[Ceila]

You can't compare a 21 year old getting pregnant with a 15 year old getting pregnant. By the time my dd is 21 she will presumbly be finishing up her last year of college, and able to financially support herself and her needs. At 15 she can't even drive herself and her baby to the doctors. The circumstances are apples and oranges.

I think her point was that if even as 21 year old needed the love and support of her parents, a 15 year old would need that as much if not more.