What would you do if your teen daughter became pregnant???

[lucyblondecat]

It´s interesting how many people seem to have a clear vision of what they would do if their teen daughter became pregnant.

What would you do if your, lets say, 16 year old DD came home pregnant?

Strongly encourage an abortion.

 

[ChuckB]

This sounded familiar to me, so I searched and found it here, post #88.

Chuck, I'll pm you the address where you can send me a thank you gift. I prefer cash.

(j/k)

Thank You very much, like I have said more than once that I may be alot of things but a liar is not one of them, I did notice who had posted before that, did you??? and a gift would be my pleasure....

 

[In a hurry]

i dont understand the pressures some parents put on their children
letting your kids know you strongly oppose or are strongly against something puts extreme stress on them
of course drugs- and skipping school is a different story
but i had alot of problems in high school and was to afraid to tell
and i was very close to my mother - and i still didnt tell
teens dont want to disappoint their parents so i think the parents need to be open how they too had made mistakes
this isnt just about sex-i know adults who still wont persue what they want due to how their parents will react
its a big topic in my life right now and i think of it everyday
i hope when my son is ready i will find the courage and acceptance to be able to deal with whatever he brings to me

Interesting. My kids will know where I stand on all issues. They also know that I will always be there for them. I think you do a dis-service when you don't let children know what you believe, and why. How else are they supposed to figure life out...if they can't count on those who have more wisdom to assist.

 

[DVCLiz]

Interesting. My kids will know where I stand on all issues. They also know that I will always be there for them. I think you do a dis-service when you don't let children know what you believe, and why. How else are they supposed to figure life out...if they can't count on those who have more wisdom to assist.

I totally agree. I think it would do a tremendous disservice (hey, I just used the same word you did!) to children if parents just said, "Well, we don't know!" to every issue. I depended on my parents to set the example for me - I think that's what good parenting is all about.

There's a big difference between telling your teen daughter you love and support her no matter what her decision is and saying, "Well, I don't know anything about life so why don't you just go on out there and see what happens?"

 

[Maleficent13]

Interesting. My kids will know where I stand on all issues. They also know that I will always be there for them. I think you do a dis-service when you don't let children know what you believe, and why. How else are they supposed to figure life out...if they can't count on those who have more wisdom to assist.

I read the poster you were quoting and I can understand where she's coming from. My immediate thought was I too know several adults who won't act in their lives because they are afraid of the disapproval from their families...things like what career path to pick, when to get married, how to get married, what car to drive, etc. I think sometimes having an extremely strong-willed parent can be rough on a kid, and definitely affect them negatively.

I'm not saying don't let your kids know where you stand...but don't make them feel like making a mistake is the end of the world. Parenting, IMHO, is about guidance AND flexibility.

 

[In a hurry]

I strive for a guiding influence, not a dictatorship! Hopefully I pull it off!

 

[MouseWorshipin]

If your daughter chose to abort, would you support her decision? Or if you do live in a parental consent state, would you not give your consent?

I honestly don't know what the laws are here, but I wouldn't sign a piece of paper that says I agree with the decision, because I don't.

I'm not sure what you mean by support. Would I kick the kid out? No. Would I cheer them on? No. I'd do whatever I could to change their mind. Just like those who would want the abortion would push for it, I'd push (with everthing I've got) against.

It's fine for other people, and I can think of lots of examples where it might be a not alltogether bad idea. But like I said, that baby is genetically tied to me, so I want it.

And, like I said before, if the kids really were dead-set on abortion, I wouldn't even want to know about it. It'd break my heart.

 

[chobie]

I honestly don't know what the laws are here, but I wouldn't sign a piece of paper that says I agree with the decision, because I don't.

I'm not sure what you mean by support. Would I kick the kid out? No. Would I cheer them on? No. I'd do whatever I could to change their mind. Just like those who would want the abortion would push for it, I'd push (with everthing I've got) against.

It's fine for other people, and I can think of lots of examples where it might be a not alltogether bad idea. But like I said, that baby is genetically tied to me, so I want it.

And, like I said before, if the kids really were dead-set on abortion, I wouldn't even want to know about it. It'd break my heart.

I respect that as a parent you have to do what you feel is right. I would personally want my daughter to have an abortion, but I would want the decision to be hers and hers alone while knowing that whatever decision she made I would support her. So, I would not try to talk her out of anything, just make sure she has a realitisitc veiw of the consequences of all of the choices.

 

[MrsPete]

I'm curious, you said you are a Christian and your friends who had abortions had a hard time moving on. Where they Christians too?

I ask this because I had several friends that had abortions to and did not regret it for at all and moved on quite well. But, none of them were religious or came from religious families.

Some were, some weren't. The girl who had SERIOUS TROUBLE moving on past her abortion was an atheist.

 

[chobie]

Some were, some weren't. The girl who had SERIOUS TROUBLE moving on past her abortion was an atheist.

Interesting. Did she have other issues, like a break up with the father or something like that around the time this was happening?

 

[MrsPete]

Interesting. Did she have other issues, like a break up with the father or something like that around the time this was happening?

Nope. She was a wild, outgoing, fun girl before she became pregnant accidentally. Her boyfriend stood by her through the abortion, but they broke up in the months that followed; I don't think it was because of the abortion -- he was totally there for her after the abortion -- I think it was because she sort of lost herself in the grieving process, and he grew tired of trying to help her "get better". She was seriously depressed, laid in bed all day, wouldn't go to class. It was more than a year before she was "herself" again.

She may be an extreme example, but I know other women who also had serious trouble moving on past an abortion. I know adult women who still wonder "what if". While I myself have never been pregnant when I didn't want to be pregnant, what I hear from other people makes me believe that abortion isn't a quick, easy, the-problem's-gone-forever solution.

I maintain that once the baby exists, it's really too late to make a GOOD CHOICE. The best option is to prevent an unwanted pregnancy in the first place. That's so much easier, and no problems to deal with later.

 

[chobie]

Nope. She was a wild, outgoing, fun girl before she became pregnant accidentally. Her boyfriend stood by her through the abortion, but they broke up in the months that followed; I don't think it was because of the abortion -- I think it was because she sort of lost herself in the grieving process, and he grew tired of trying to help her "get better". She was seriously depressed, laid in bed all day, wouldn't go to class. It was more than a year before she was "herself" again.

She may be an extreme example, but I know other women who also had serious trouble moving on past an abortion. I know adult women who still wonder "what if". While I myself have never been pregnant when I didn't want to be pregnant, what I hear from other people makes me believe that abortion isn't a quick, easy, the-problem's-gone-forever solution.

I maintain that once the baby exists, it's really too late to make a GOOD CHOICE. The best option is to prevent an unwanted pregnancy in the first place. That's so much easier, and no problems to deal with later.

Yes, prevention is the best way. I'm very pro-choice, but I don't think its an easy way out either and in fact most pro-choice people don't either. That is why most of the pro-choice groups are more focused on prevention through access to birth control and education. That is why I would not pressure my DD to have an aobrtion because I know it is a serious decision that could have after afffects and therefore should be the decision she makes with the best inofrmation available on all the choices.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

Nope. She was a wild, outgoing, fun girl before she became pregnant accidentally. Her boyfriend stood by her through the abortion, but they broke up in the months that followed; I don't think it was because of the abortion -- he was totally there for her after the abortion -- I think it was because she sort of lost herself in the grieving process, and he grew tired of trying to help her "get better". She was seriously depressed, laid in bed all day, wouldn't go to class. It was more than a year before she was "herself" again.

She may be an extreme example, but I know other women who also had serious trouble moving on past an abortion. I know adult women who still wonder "what if". While I myself have never been pregnant when I didn't want to be pregnant, what I hear from other people makes me believe that abortion isn't a quick, easy, the-problem's-gone-forever solution.

I maintain that once the baby exists, it's really too late to make a GOOD CHOICE. The best option is to prevent an unwanted pregnancy in the first place. That's so much easier, and no problems to deal with later.

That is so sad. It doesn't sound like she should have had the abortion. I have a friend like this as well. Even before the abortion, she was starting to get depressed about it and saying she was going to kill her baby. I tried to convince her not to do it, but she did and had a very hard time with it.

Like Chobie, this is exactly the reason that I wouldn't pressure anybody to have an abortion. We don't know what's in another person's heart, and any true pro-choicer wouldn't pressure a woman to abort any more than she'd pressure her not to abort.

Everyone else I know has had no more trouble getting past it than any other difficult situation in their lives. That doesn't mean they don't wonder "what if"... I think that's completely natural, not a sign of trouble. Any of the options would be difficult in one way or another, and any could very well produce some sadness and wondering about how things might have been different. My friends also come from varying religious backgrounds. One switched from a conservative church to a more moderate one, because she was tired of listening to all the anti-abortion rhetoric, but I know plenty of women who have done that without ever having gone through the experience themselves, so I don't place any meaning on that move.

Anyway, I completely agree that abortion is not a quick, easy solution. But none of the options are. I also agree that prevention is best. If that doesn't work, each woman needs to carefully consider her options and make her own decision.