What would you do if your teen daughter became pregnant???

[chobie]

Honestly, I don't have a DD but if I did I would hope and pray that she would keep the baby. I would even raise it for her. I guess my view is skewed b/c I was a teen a parent (who went on to attain 2 bachelors degrees) and I look at my son now and thank the good lord I did not abort.

Don't get me wrong...I am pro-choice, just not for me. I would hope I could raise my daughter to not repeat my mistakes but if she did....I would do everything in my power to help her make a wonderful life for herself and the baby.

Everyone always says that the girl's life will be over. But it can be done as you have shown. Did your parents help out?

 

[ChuckB]

I don't like Night Ranger as much as I used to, but the rest are still top-notch.

I don't suppose you ever worked Toby Keith?

not that I can recall, I think Dan Seals opened for a group one night, but the ones that are popular now, I didnt work for any of them, I worked from 1984 until I think March of 1988, I would have to check the dates, but I do think it was the summer of 1984 till March of 1988 because I went into the army in may of 1988.... Conway Twitty and Randy Travis are the last one I worked, I think, or Ozzy Ozborne, I think his concert was canceled though, I guess I am getting old, the memory is fading

 

[tiggersmom2]

Everyone always says that the girl's life will be over. But it can be done as you have shown. Did your parents help out?

Yes, they did. I couldn't stay in the dorms in college b/c I had to take care of my son. My parents would keep him one weekend out of the month....woo hoo!!! I thought I was golden Funny thing is...no one shunned me, everyone thought it was so cool that I was in college and taking care of my son.

I worked at the college bookstore after classes and was able to pay for most of my son's expenses that way...but my parents did help out an awful lot.

 

[MerryPoppins]

My DH and I discussed this thread with our DD the other night. We went out to dinner Friday night without DS and this thread came up. I asked her what she thought we'd say. She thought about it and said she imagined we'd be mad and probably sad, but we'd love and support her.

Then she asked what my answer had been. I told her I'd cry (so she said would it be sad tear or happy tears?). I told her they'd be sad tears at that point in time, but I would calmly discuss choices with her and calm down DH. (She laughed) And then I said I would love her and support her, because making a mistake could never change that. DH said he'd be upset, but he'd come around to supporting her too.

Then we talked about the options. DH said his first suggestion would be to give it to us to adopt as our own. I thought that was cool since I had come around to the same conclusion the other day.

DD concluded the conversation by saying we certainly didn't need to worry, she has no desire to even go on dates at this point. She much prefers group outings. And she doesn't intend to take any chances later on either. She did express that it made her feel good, knowing that we'd always be there for her though.

Has this changed my mind? No, not exactly. I mean, I would have always said it was her decision. But it did prompt us to have a discussion and it did bring to the table the fact that both DH and I would be willing to adopt the baby if this should happen to us.

 

[Sylvester McBean]

Has anyone reading this thread, changed their opinion about how they would react if their teen became pregnant? I have, I would be less encouraging of an abortion because the more I think about the more I would want the decision to hers and not something she felt she needed to do because I wanted it.

absolutely not, and I'm the adopted product of two young college students. everybody and every situation is unique. I'd still do a full court press for the abortion.

 

[Michie]

Honestly, I don't have a DD but if I did I would hope and pray that she would keep the baby. I would even raise it for her. I guess my view is skewed b/c I was a teen a parent (who went on to attain 2 bachelors degrees) and I look at my son now and thank the good lord I did not abort.

Don't get me wrong...I am pro-choice, just not for me. I would hope I could raise my daughter to not repeat my mistakes but if she did....I would do everything in my power to help her make a wonderful life for herself and the baby.

I think the reason, I would react differently than you TM2 is because I honestly dont want to help out or raise grandkids fulltime. I am looking forward to the days that I can just do...nothing if I want.

At my daughters dance school, most of the little girls are brought to class by the grandparents. Not because of teen parents, maybe a few, but mostly due to work schedules, blah, blah. A few are being raised by grandparents. I find this sorta interesting, but the grandparents most of them say, that they are exhausted, tired, that they had not planned on taking care of grandkids in their retirement years. But when the same kids parents happen to bring them they say the grandparents enjoy it blah,blah

I dont think there is an easy answer to this dilemma, or a cookie cutter one either. I do know that as parents we MUST teach our kids to be sexually responsible.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I think the reason, I would react differently than you TM2 is because I honestly dont want to help out or raise grandkids fulltime. I am looking forward to the days that I can just do...nothing if I want.

At my daughters dance school, most of the little girls are brought to class by the grandparents. Not because of teen parents, maybe a few, but mostly due to work schedules, blah, blah. A few are being raised by grandparents. I find this sorta interesting, but the grandparents most of them say, that they are exhausted, tired, that they had not planned on taking care of grandkids in their retirement years. But when the same kids parents happen to bring them they say the grandparents enjoy it blah,blah

I dont think there is an easy answer to this dilemma, or a cookie cutter one either. I do know that as parents we MUST teach our kids to be sexually responsible.

I respect your stance. I was lucky that my parents were eager to be "co-parents" once the pregnancy was in progress. If they had NOT been there for me....I would have still had the baby and who knows where my life would have led me.

My parents are now "grandparents"....they share a special bond with my oldest son but they in no way are taking him to karate and baseball, ect.

It is very hard to crack down on sexuality in teens. I couldn't take BC because my blood pressure skyrockets....I am glad I couldn't, my son is my heart, soul and reason for being.

 

[Aidensmom]

I don't have a daughter, I have a son, but if he were to become a teenage father, I know that I would love him unconditionally no matter what. I believe I would react the same way if I had a daughter. I have no qualms admitting that I am pro-life and would do whatever I could do prevent an abortion. I honestly think it is wrong to think someone's life is over because they have a child at 16. I guess I just don't think a career, money, traveling, etc is more important than a child's life (talking about the baby here). Not to mention, having a baby DOES NOT guarantee that all of the rest of that stuff is impossible. That being said, if my son's girlfriend/hypothetical daughter chose that option, I would still love and support them.

I really would, however, encourage either keeping the child or putting it up for adoption. Even if that meant that I had to do much of the "raising" of the child, I would do it.

I myself became pregnant out of wedlock, and though not a teen, have actually been told on these boards that I should have aborted him because he was not "planned" and I was not 100% sure I even wanted children. Sometimes I think we are much too quick to jump on the easy-way-out abortion choice. To me, abortion was never an option. And I honestly cannot imagine my life without this little boy:

 

[tiggersmom2]

I don't have a daughter, I have a son, but if he were to become a teenage father, I know that I would love him unconditionally no matter what. I believe I would react the same way if I had a daughter. I have no qualms admitting that I am pro-life and would do whatever I could do prevent an abortion. I honestly think it is wrong to think someone's life is over because they have a child at 16. I guess I just don't think a career, money, traveling, etc is more important than a child's life (talking about the baby here). Not to mention, having a baby DOES NOT guarantee that all of the rest of that stuff is impossible. That being said, if my son's girlfriend/hypothetical daughter chose that option, I would still love and support them.

I really would, however, encourage either keeping the child or putting it up for adoption. Even if that meant that I had to do much of the "raising" of the child, I would do it.

I myself became pregnant out of wedlock, and though not a teen, have actually been told on these boards that I should have aborted him because he was not "planned" and I was not 100% sure I even wanted children. Sometimes I think we are much too quick to jump on the easy-way-out abortion choice. To me, abortion was never an option. And I honestly cannot imagine my life without this little boy:

Wonderful post and one of the sweetest children I have ever seen!! Go give my little Aiden baby kissies and huggies!

 

[MouseWorshipin]

absolutely not, and I'm the adopted product of two young college students. everybody and every situation is unique. I'd still do a full court press for the abortion.

And I'd still plead against it. They could keep the baby and live with me, or just give me the baby.

There is no easy answer, but nobody's changing their minds here, I don't think.

 

[Goobergal99]

Well, at the risk of getting things stirred up again, I would be very upset. I would make sure she knew ALL her options - one of which would NOT be me raising her child for her. (Although I would certainly offer help if she made the choice to keep the baby.)

However, I would first and foremost advise her to NOT get married. I apologize to all those teen parents who went on to have wonderful marriages, but I think we all know those cases are the exceptions - not the norm. I would let her know that getting married at that point would likely just be turning one problem into two problems.

And, like it or not, I would suggest that she think very seriously about an abortion. I wouldn't force her into anything, certainly, but I would let her know that would be my first suggestion. I would encourage her to think long and hard about what she wanted to do with her life and consider carefully whether having a baby at a very young age figured into that plan.

For what it's worth, I know several girls who had abortions in college, and I don't know a single one who's haunted by that decision. And, since we've heard from several teen parents, I'll be brave enough to jump in as well. I had an abortion myself my junior year in college, and I've never regretted it a bit. I was seeing a very nice guy, but I knew we were headed in different directions and there was no way we were getting married. I was planning on moving across the country for graduate school and starting the rest of my life. There was no way I could have followed through on all those plans with a baby. I made the decision that I felt was right at the time, and I still feel it was right 10 years later.

And, no my mother never knew. I knew that the idea of an abortion would have bothered her, and there was no way I was doing anything else. I didn't want to strain our relationship or upset her, so I just didn't tell her anything about it. If I have a daughter, I will make sure that she knows that one mistake (even a big one) doesn't have to set the course for her whole life.

Oh, and, I'll also try my hardest to keep the communication about sex open and frequent from a very, very early age. And, at the first hint that she may be considering becoming sexually active I will get her to a doctor for a birth control prescription AND I will make sure she knows in no uncertain terms that condoms are an ABSOLUTE necessity - even with the pill. There are certainly things out there that are worse than getting pregnant.

I actually like your plan. And being one of those teen moms myself I feel I must comment, I didn't marry my DH until last June (DD was already six) I had graduated college and was in every sense of the word an adult. Had we gone and gotten married as soon as I found out I was pregnant, something tells me things wouldn't have worked out the way they did. So I certainly don't encourage getting married in HS either. Although, I know a few circumstances where things did in deed work out, but as you said this is the exception and not the norm.

 

[Goobergal99]

I respect your stance. I was lucky that my parents were eager to be "co-parents" once the pregnancy was in progress. If they had NOT been there for me....I would have still had the baby and who knows where my life would have led me.

My parents are now "grandparents"....they share a special bond with my oldest son but they in no way are taking him to karate and baseball, ect.

It is very hard to crack down on sexuality in teens. I couldn't take BC because my blood pressure skyrockets....I am glad I couldn't, my son is my heart, soul and reason for being.

I experienced the same thing, my mom didn't mind being a co-parent. but recently when I took her out to the theater for her birthday, she told me over dinner how proud she was of the mother I had become and she was so glad that she knew we were ok and happy. She also told me that she is very glad that she gets the chance to be "grandmom" now. She can spoil my daughter rotten and not feel as though she is over stepping any parental boundries because thats what grandparents are supposed to do

If I didn't have my mom, I don't know what I would have done. As far as having my daughter when I did, well I often think about what college might have been like had I not been a mom throughout the whole experience. You know what I discovered? I would have probably partied away like crazy and barely passed my classes, having a lil person at home that depended on me really made me work hard for every grade I achieved, thats probabaly why I gradutaed with honors and landed an awesome job and most of my friends my age are still working at the mall. I am not in any way encouraging having a child, it's just an example of the positive things that happened in my life as a result of her existence

 

[Sylvester McBean]

And I'd still plead against it. They could keep the baby and live with me, or just give me the baby.

There is no easy answer, but nobody's changing their minds here, I don't think.

the only reference point is my own experiences. in both cases my girlfriend was adament she was going to go on to college and move on with her life. marriage nor adoption was a viable alternative. everyone's different.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

the only reference point is my own experiences. in both cases my girlfriend was adament she was going to go on to college and move on with her life. marriage nor adoption was a viable alternative. everyone's different.

Abortion is one place where I don't pick a side. I can argue both sides of that...which, come to think of it, makes me right TWICE! Usually, I'm only able to be right once.

I have complete faith that you made the right decision.

I just wouldn't want my kids to do it. That's 1/4 me! I'd want the baby.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

I did have a post on here, I guess when I unsubscibed from it, my post left also, I do have a daughter, so here is the basic post I put on here, if she were mine, I would support her and here decision, but right now she is only 11 and because of where we live the age group she hangs out with is 14 & 15 year olds, her only other choice is 8 & 9 year olds, so when she is not in school....,

This sounded familiar to me, so I searched and found it here, post #88.

Chuck, I'll pm you the address where you can send me a thank you gift. I prefer cash.

(j/k)

 

[Shel]

First of all I think I'd be shocked. My DH & I have raised our DD13 to save herself for her husband; that her virginity is something to be treasured, and that she can only give that gift to someone once.

Right now the "furthest" she's ever gone is holding hands with a boy. So while I'm not so naive to think that it would never happen to her, I have had long conversations with her regarding sex, stds & unwanted pregnancy.

I would discourage marriage, and not support the option of abortion. We would have to decide between adoption & raising the baby as a family until she was able to raise it on her own.

 

[KimRaye]

Re. marriages not lasting... there probably is statistics to back this up. But I was born to parents who were 18 and 19 when I was born. 43 years of marriage and they are still doing great. Go figure

I haven't read the WHOLE thread, but this reply struck me, due to a previous comment ......I so agree with ZDD. My parents were both 18 (pregnant with me) when they married, and just celebrated 44 years on Friday, while Dad was in the hospital after hip replacement surgery. Gee, go figure? Me? I'm on my 2nd marriage, currently separated, and pregnancy didn't force either marriage. Go figure that!

IF DD, now 8yo, comes to me in that situation in the future, I would hope and pray that I handle it as good as my grandparents handled it when my parents went to them with the same news. Same goes for my 18yo DS. Love and support. Worked for me and my parents!

My very best wishes to all those that may be IN this situation.

 

[DizznyChick]

i dont understand the pressures some parents put on their children
letting your kids know you strongly oppose or are strongly against something puts extreme stress on them
of course drugs- and skipping school is a different story
but i had alot of problems in high school and was to afraid to tell
and i was very close to my mother - and i still didnt tell
teens dont want to disappoint their parents so i think the parents need to be open how they too had made mistakes
this isnt just about sex-i know adults who still wont persue what they want due to how their parents will react
its a big topic in my life right now and i think of it everyday
i hope when my son is ready i will find the courage and acceptance to be able to deal with whatever he brings to me

 

[chobie]

Abortion is one place where I don't pick a side. I can argue both sides of that...which, come to think of it, makes me right TWICE! Usually, I'm only able to be right once.

I have complete faith that you made the right decision.

I just wouldn't want my kids to do it. That's 1/4 me! I'd want the baby.

If your daughter chose to abort, would you support her decision? Or if you do live in a parental consent state, would you not give your consent?

 

[chobie]

I don't have a daughter, I have a son, but if he were to become a teenage father, I know that I would love him unconditionally no matter what. I believe I would react the same way if I had a daughter. I have no qualms admitting that I am pro-life and would do whatever I could do prevent an abortion. I honestly think it is wrong to think someone's life is over because they have a child at 16. I guess I just don't think a career, money, traveling, etc is more important than a child's life (talking about the baby here). Not to mention, having a baby DOES NOT guarantee that all of the rest of that stuff is impossible. That being said, if my son's girlfriend/hypothetical daughter chose that option, I would still love and support them.

I really would, however, encourage either keeping the child or putting it up for adoption. Even if that meant that I had to do much of the "raising" of the child, I would do it.

I myself became pregnant out of wedlock, and though not a teen, have actually been told on these boards that I should have aborted him because he was not "planned" and I was not 100% sure I even wanted children. Sometimes I think we are much too quick to jump on the easy-way-out abortion choice. To me, abortion was never an option. And I honestly cannot imagine my life without this little boy:

You are obviously doing a great job with your son. There are many teenage girls that choose to keep their babies, then realize they made a mistake and put the kid in foster care.

I don't see abortion as the easy way out. And I think the best option is providing your kids with information and access to prevention.