What responsibilities do the groom's family have?

[MontanaZoo]

My brother just showed me the ring last night and is popping the question on Thursday to his girlfriend.

My mom and I were wondering, what responsibilities do the groom's family have?

My brother is 31, his girlfriend is late 20's, first marriage for both. She has been planning the wedding since they started dating, my sister and I aren't in the wedding party so no worries there.

I'm thinking the rehearsal dinner and day after present opening party??

Engagement party?? We're local and the bride's family is out of state.

We don't want to do any missteps with her, we like her, haven't really met her family yet, they've been dating for a couple of years.

Also, she's graduating from college and the ceremony is about 150 miles away - should we be going to that?

We're confused

 

[minniecarousel]

Go to: www.theknot.com to see the responsibilities of the groom's family. You're on the right track in regards to the rehearsal dinner. Not sure about a present-opening party though. If you can go to her graduation, it would be nice to be supportive and go, but it isn't necessary.

When one of our sons got married, we helped pay for some of the reception. Among other things, we took responsibility for buying the wine.

 

[barkley]

i think the families need to discuss it because the expectations and what one persons perceives as what is entailed in a "party" or "dinner" can be a whole lot different than the other.

case in point-family member had a son get married recently and he knew he was supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner. he figured it would be the same as the one he did for his other son (married a couple years earlier) but he was heck a surprised to turn up at the venue (he did the deposits, figured the number of people attended sounded right based on previous son's/future new dil's family size) and found that NONE of the groom's family (save father of the groom, mother of the groom, brother of the groom/his wife who were in wedding party) had been invited (and several went to great expense to attend from out of the area and he presumed they had been invited cuz they had some level of participation in the wedding but not such they were needed for the rehearsal). it was all the people that the bride/groom invited to attend the rehearsal (including just observers-read ALL the out of town family from the bride's side and people they were staying with). he ended up picking up the tab for several thousands of dollars of a meal and was mortified because he had presumed his family would be there and told several of them "see you at the rehearsal dinner" (they did'nt respond that they had'nt received an invitation as yet because they assumed one was forthcoming).

talk about it.

 

[SSAVL]

.....i was told to show up, say I DO, and thats it!!!

 

[MontanaZoo]

i think the families need to discuss it because the expectations and what one persons perceives as what is entailed in a "party" or "dinner" can be a whole lot different than the other.

case in point-family member had a son get married recently and he knew he was supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner. he figured it would be the same as the one he did for his other son (married a couple years earlier) but he was heck a surprised to turn up at the venue (he did the deposits, figured the number of people attended sounded right based on previous son's/future new dil's family size) and found that NONE of the groom's family (save father of the groom, mother of the groom, brother of the groom/his wife who were in wedding party) had been invited (and several went to great expense to attend from out of the area and he presumed they had been invited cuz they had some level of participation in the wedding but not such they were needed for the rehearsal). it was all the people that the bride/groom invited to attend the rehearsal (including just observers-read ALL the out of town family from the bride's side and people they were staying with). he ended up picking up the tab for several thousands of dollars of a meal and was mortified because he had presumed his family would be there and told several of them "see you at the rehearsal dinner" (they did'nt respond that they had'nt received an invitation as yet because they assumed one was forthcoming).

talk about it.

Yikes! Thanks for the warning!

 

[MontanaZoo]

Go to: www.theknot.com to see the responsibilities of the groom's family. You're on the right track in regards to the rehearsal dinner. Not sure about a present-opening party though. If you can go to her graduation, it would be nice to be supportive and go, but it isn't necessary.

When one of our sons got married, we helped pay for some of the reception. Among other things, we took responsibility for buying the wine.

Thanks for that, I just sent my mom a list of mother of the groom duties.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

She shouldn't be "expected" to do anything. She should do what she feels she wants to.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You have to sit down and talk with them. Find out their expectations.

I know there was another poster here who said that the brides parents were wealthy and she had 12 bridesmaids and it was out of town. Oh and the rehearsal dinner was going to be 100 people +.

That is a wedding reception to me.

Don't say anything until you get numbers!

 

[MontanaZoo]

So far, it sounds like my sister and I are off the hook for any expectations since we're not in the wedding party. My brother said that they'll each have two attendants, his best friend, her brother, and she'll have her best friend and her brother's wife.

Hmm, so far my plan is to run for the hills since my dad's family will be in town until I need to be around. I reminded my mom that they'll be in town (really his sister I wouldn't wish on anyone) and probably expect to be entertained.

Since I'm a photographer, I'll also be taking candid photo shots of all the events, not the posed wedding stuff since I'm not a wedding photographer.

 

[barkley]

My brother just showed me the ring last night and is popping the question on Thursday to his girlfriend.

My mom and I were wondering, what responsibilities do the groom's family have?

My brother is 31, his girlfriend is late 20's, first marriage for both. She has been planning the wedding since they started dating, my sister and I aren't in the wedding party so no worries there.

I'm thinking the rehearsal dinner and day after present opening party??

Engagement party?? We're local and the bride's family is out of state.

We don't want to do any missteps with her, we like her, haven't really met her family yet, they've been dating for a couple of years.

Also, she's graduating from college and the ceremony is about 150 miles away - should we be going to that?

We're confused

maybe you'll luck out like mine/dh's parents.

i was hitting 30, dh was in his mid 20's but since we had both been out on our own we did'nt see it as anyones responsibility to pay for any aspect of the wedding but us. we had some offers on the part of our family but we just planned what we could afford and went that route.

we were lucky that all our family was pretty much local but i think esp. in the case where the groom's family has to incur expenses for travel and lodging some consideration needs to go to that "contribution" (is she planning the wedding local to you? local to her family? local to her college?-i know this sounds odd but we got invited to 2 in the last few years that were'nt near anyone's family, both the b/g wanted to have the wedding in their college towns because they somehow thought that if a "fianancial burden" to attend had to be put on anyone, their college buddies should'nt be the ones needless to say there were low family turnouts at both those weddings).

 

[barkley]

So far, it sounds like my sister and I are off the hook for any expectations since we're not in the wedding party. My brother said that they'll each have two attendants, his best friend, her brother, and she'll have her best friend and her brother's wife.

Hmm, so far my plan is to run for the hills since my dad's family will be in town until I need to be around. I reminded my mom that they'll be in town (really his sister I wouldn't wish on anyone) and probably expect to be entertained.

Since I'm a photographer, I'll also be taking candid photo shots of all the events, not the posed wedding stuff since I'm not a wedding photographer.

if your paternal aunt is a [edited] threaten your brother that if he is'nt nice to you you'll make sure to tell her how much he and his bride to be are looking forward to her PERSONALY helping them run all the last minute wedding errands and attend to the last minute preparations

 

[MontanaZoo]

maybe you'll luck out like mine/dh's parents.

i was hitting 30, dh was in his mid 20's but since we had both been out on our own we did'nt see it as anyones responsibility to pay for any aspect of the wedding but us. we had some offers on the part of our family but we just planned what we could afford and went that route.

we were lucky that all our family was pretty much local but i think esp. in the case where the groom's family has to incur expenses for travel and lodging some consideration needs to go to that "contribution" (is she planning the wedding local to you? local to her family? local to her college?-i know this sounds odd but we got invited to 2 in the last few years that were'nt near anyone's family, both the b/g wanted to have the wedding in their college towns because they somehow thought that if a "fianancial burden" to attend had to be put on anyone, their college buddies should'nt be the ones needless to say there were low family turnouts at both those weddings).

She's planning the wedding to be here I believe. I also told him I could get a discount at the zoo I bet since we do weddings in the sensory garden and receptions in a massive tent on grounds (I volunteer there and after 5 years of a free photographer, webmaster, graphic artist, I'm sure they'd at least discount it). But, that probably wouldn't be the bride's style I'm betting.

My dad is retired and my mom is retiring this summer so they won't have a lot of $$ to contribute.

My mom is more stressed about the wedding dance. My dad is really arthritic and can't dance and my mom has no sense of rhythm and two left feet (I told her I knew I got it from somewhere).

We're in Montana and her family is in Colorado.

 

[MontanaZoo]

if your paternal aunt is a p.i.t.a. threaten your brother that if he is'nt nice to you you'll make sure to tell her how much he and his bride to be are looking forward to her PERSONALY helping them run all the last minute wedding errands and attend to the last minute preparations

OMG - that would be hilarious! She is the epitomy of [edited]. She's coming here this summer for another visit and we're already all scrambling trying to get out of town but she won't tell us precisely when she's coming. She's belittling, mean, and a pro at it.

My brother's girlfriend already said that she supposes she should bite the bullet and meet her this summer. I told her good luck but she'll be on her own since the rest of us will be hiding.

 

[WDWMom]

She's planning the wedding to be here I believe. I also told him I could get a discount at the zoo I bet since we do weddings in the sensory garden and receptions in a massive tent on grounds (I volunteer there and after 5 years of a free photographer, webmaster, graphic artist, I'm sure they'd at least discount it). But, that probably wouldn't be the bride's style I'm betting.

My dad is retired and my mom is retiring this summer so they won't have a lot of $$ to contribute.

My mom is more stressed about the wedding dance. My dad is really arthritic and can't dance and my mom has no sense of rhythm and two left feet (I told her I knew I got it from somewhere).

We're in Montana and her family is in Colorado.

My in-laws didn't dance but we have a picture of them looking like they are dancing. No need to really do it.

 

[minniecarousel]

My mom is more stressed about the wedding dance. My dad is really arthritic and can't dance and my mom has no sense of rhythm and two left feet (I told her I knew I got it from somewhere).

We took a dance lesson before the wedding (parents of the groom, the bride & groom). I didn't want to look like a fool dancing with my first-born son. DH & I didn't dance at our own wedding, so we just needed a little guidance for the very short time that we needed to be out there. The bride & groom took several lessons, and the bride and her father took a few. The bride's father has Parkinson's, but used to be quite the dancer. He did fine.

For second son's wedding, it had only been 18 months since the first son's wedding, and son & I were dancing at the same time as the bride and her father, so I didn't feel a lot of pressure.

 

[LaraK]

My MIL and BIL did the hokie pokie...make it fun, not stressful.

 

[mjkacmom]

My IL's paid for the rehearsal dinner - not the restaurant I would've chosen, but it was their dinner, their choice. They also paid for all of the flowers.

 

[MontanaZoo]

My IL's paid for the rehearsal dinner - not the restaurant I would've chosen, but it was their dinner, their choice. They also paid for all of the flowers.

Hmm, interesting, my sister works at a florist shop and gets a discount so that could be a natural thing to do. Thanks!

 

[Angelhalo]

Not that its a rule or anything but I'm surprised you're not in the wedding party. My DH has two brothers and they were both groomsmen along with some friends of his.

His family paid for the rehearsal dinner.

His dad provided us with the classis car to leave in at the end of the evening because he owns one.

His brother's wives helped set up the reception hall and ran small errands to help out here and there.

His dad also paid the bar tab at the recption as his gift to us. He gave the countryclub $2500 and told them to keep the drinks flowing until the cash ran out.

 

[Disney Doll]

Historically I believe the groom pays for the officiant, the rehearsal dinner and the flowers.

However, things change.

My recommendation would be for your parents to decide what they can afford and make that offer.