What responsibilities do the groom's family have?

[PamOKW]

Since the families haven't met, I believe it's usually the groom's family that makes a first move to try and get together. As sister's you might also consider hosting a bridal shower for your new SIL with your local family and friends. Most likely you'll also be invited to any showers held in her family's area and you all should try to attend. It's not necessary to buy multiple gifts.

 

[PatsGirl]

Are there still rules to weddings? In this day and age, it should be discussed and determined who can pay for what and how much. I really hate thinking that the grooms' parents are responsible for this... and the bride's parents are responsible for that... and what exactly are the bride and groom responsible for?

I'm not much for huge, $thousands of dollars weddings and, depending on the finances of each family, think that brides and grooms need to talk to their families and see what everyone is WILLING (not necessarily able) to pay and go from there.

FWIW, I always heard that the grooms' family was responsible for the rehearsal dinner for the immediate wedding party and out of town guests. Now, that's fine if there are only 20 people involved and everyone's happy with a backyard BBQ but what if there are 50 people involved and the bride wants a lobster/rib sit-down at the country club?

 

[MontanaZoo]

Not that its a rule or anything but I'm surprised you're not in the wedding party. My DH has two brothers and they were both groomsmen along with some friends of his.

His family paid for the rehearsal dinner.

His dad provided us with the classis car to leave in at the end of the evening because he owns one.

His brother's wives helped set up the reception hall and ran small errands to help out here and there.

His dad also paid the bar tab at the recption as his gift to us. He gave the countryclub $2500 and told them to keep the drinks flowing until the cash ran out.

Yeah, I'm a little surprised too, but that's ok. My brother will give her whatever she wants which is fine by me. And apparently that's how she wanted it.

I'm sure we'll still be at the rehearsal dinner anyway (ok, I'm not sure, but I"m guessing?). I'll need to be there to take pics if they want them.

I'll probably weasel out of guest book duty, cutting cake or serving punch if they want me to be an extra photographer. I have plenty of aunts though.

 

[MontanaZoo]

Are there still rules to weddings? In this day and age, it should be discussed and determined who can pay for what and how much. I really hate thinking that the grooms' parents are responsible for this... and the bride's parents are responsible for that... and what exactly are the bride and groom responsible for?

I'm not much for huge, $thousands of dollars weddings and, depending on the finances of each family, think that brides and grooms need to talk to their families and see what everyone is WILLING (not necessarily able) to pay and go from there.

FWIW, I always heard that the grooms' family was responsible for the rehearsal dinner for the immediate wedding party and out of town guests. Now, that's fine if there are only 20 people involved and everyone's happy with a backyard BBQ but what if there are 50 people involved and the bride wants a lobster/rib sit-down at the country club?

I'm kind of worried my parents will try to overextend for him. I'll do what I can but it won't be more than I can afford. I have let him (and his 100 lb dog) live with me for free for the past 3 years (will be 4 by the time they get married).

Yeah, I think that's a good idea to say this is what we'll contribute a certain amount for the rehearsal dinner and we'll host it but if they want something bigger or fancier they'll have to track down additional funds.

 

[ireland_nicole]

I will say, that having only 2 attendants is a good sign. Generally, if there are a bunch, the wedding will be bigger, too. Not always the case, but two (and family at that) is positive. I'd mention the zoo venue option. Might not be her cup of tea, but ya never know. FWIW, when DH and I got married, He was 32, I was 26 and we paid for it completely by ourselves.

 

[MontanaZoo]

I will say, that having only 2 attendants is a good sign. Generally, if there are a bunch, the wedding will be bigger, too. Not always the case, but two (and family at that) is positive. I'd mention the zoo venue option. Might not be her cup of tea, but ya never know. FWIW, when DH and I got married, He was 32, I was 26 and we paid for it completely by ourselves.

I'm hoping for that actually. I'm pretty worried about them financially. He's been living with me to clean up his debt. Her parents pay for her apartment. He just bought a ring. I don't know how big of a wedding they're planning but we have massive amounts of family (my mom is one of 8, my dad is one of 6) locally and apparently her mom is one of 8 as well.

And he told me they're planning on a cruise for their honeymoon.

 

[ireland_nicole]

Hopefully, if he's cleaning up his debt, he's learning fiscal responsibility. And that makes a difference when you're planning a wedding. We had a beautiful wedding for under $8000 which meant we didn't borrow any money, and were able to save enough for a great honeymoon in Paris and a down payment on a house 6 months later. Weddings are wonderful, special parties, but not worth years of debt for.

 

[Aisling]

I was at a wedding recently, on the grooms side, and the bride's mother told the groom's mother that the groom's parents are just honored guests, that it's the bride's family doing the reception, and that if the groom's parents would like to host the rehearsal dinner, that would be traditional. The groom pays the officients (priest, organist, altar servers etc).


This is why I'm glad I have 2 sons and no daughters; I get to sit back and be an honored guest...no having to be a part of the stressful maddness of planning a wedding.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Well they could be like my in-laws and do very little if anything at all (honored guests, my behind). Dh has 4 parents, I had 1 and she and I paid for most of the wedding. Dh has ALOT of family, but thankfully most couldn't come, only the immediate, especially when I moved our wedding from April back to Dec. I almost lost my life for that one

My FIL and SMIL did pay for the rehearsal dinner, but only those in the wedding party and our parents, the pastor and his wife, and the wedding coordinator as she called herself. Maybe 20 people and at the restaurant of their choice. I was mad about that because they were coming from out of town and didn't know anything about where we live. Dh's mom paid for a room ($100) at the notel motel, until I convinced Dh she had to change it, because I wouldn't let my worst enemy stay there.

Our entire wedding probably cost $3,000 (minus rehearsal dinner, of course, don't know how much that cost), if that much. Dh and I did pay for most , with my mom chipping in as much as possible. We did everything as inexpensive as possible and because we got married in Dec, the church was already decorated. There is just no need in spending $10,000 or more for a wedding, but to each his own.

I think traditionally the grooms family pays for the rehearsal dinner, bride's flowers, bride's ring (wedding band), and officiant.

Suzanne