What is your favorite Jungle Cruise joke?

[teacher100]

As we were gettomg off our skipper said to not step over the middle crates because they were a fire hazzard. You'll fall, I'll laugh and then I'll get fired.

My son got to "steer" the boat. When he told everyone to duck my son did and he said "Not you Andrew your driving this thing!"

 

[Robo]

Uh oh, we're now entering into headhunter territory.
Not a good place to be headed.

Remove your jewelry please. The natives have been complaining of indigestion.

 

[Sawx04]

While in que:

Knock, Knock... Who's there? ... Toucan. ... Toucan Who? ... Toucan not fit through the turnstiles at the same time.

 

[KorieDWnut]

On our last ride, a passenger tried making a call on her cell phone. The skipper was aghast. "You...are on...the world-famous Jungle Cruise...and YOU...ARE...TALKING...ON THE PHONE??! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!"

The poor lady didn't get it and her attitude was like: "Yeah, so what? Mind your own business!" She didn't "get" the ride at all!

Meanwhile, we were hysterical.

wow..thats really rude to be on the phone on any ride, but especially JC where you are like, part of an audience. some people have no class.

 

[Boo Mc]

OK, forgive me if this has already been posted. We were there last week and as we were going through the dark tunnel, I heard a quiet little voice. At first I couldn't quite make it out but then I realized the driver was singing a song from The Little Mermaid. "Look at this stuff, isn't it neat,.......wouldn't you think I'm a skipper, a skipper who has everything". He got louder as the song went on and it was hysterical! Not exactly a joke, but by far the funniest thing I've ever heard on JC.

 

[CheshireSmile]

wow..thats really rude to be on the phone on any ride, but especially JC where you are like, part of an audience. some people have no class.

It happens a lot....
As does map reading, texting, and carrying on your own conversations.
Poor skippers.

Over there's old Smiley and his girlfriend Ginger.....be careful, Ginger SNAPS!!!
Don't worry, just stick out your left hand.......that way you're guaranteed to come out all right!

 

[Disnsyncey]

OK, forgive me if this has already been posted. We were there last week and as we were going through the dark tunnel, I heard a quiet little voice. At first I couldn't quite make it out but then I realized the driver was singing a song from The Little Mermaid. "Look at this stuff, isn't it neat,.......wouldn't you think I'm a skipper, a skipper who has everything". He got louder as the song went on and it was hysterical! Not exactly a joke, but by far the funniest thing I've ever heard on JC.

WOW that is GREAT!!! I want my skipper to bust that out!!!!

 

[Buzz Litebeer]

It happens a lot....
As does map reading, texting, and carrying on your own conversations.
Poor skippers.

I've seen all that and more -- not just at the Jungle Cruise, but also during other live performances. Folks, the actors/performers are working -- but they're not blind to your actions or deaf to your words while they're working, either.

Now, to keep OT:

"Over here is a sandstone formation. I like to point that out because a lot of people take that for granite."

My personal fave:

"Over here we have beautiful Schweitzer Falls. Named, of course, for that famous African explorer, Dr. Albert..." (Obnoxious Guest yells out "Falls!") "No, Dr. Albert Schweitzer. If it were named after Dr. Falls, we'd have to call it Falls Falls, and that's just a silly name."

(On another tip the Guest yelled out "Schweitzer!" to which the skipper replied, "No, Dr. Albert Falls. If it were named after Dr. Schweitzer, we'd have to call it Schweitzer Schweitzer, and that's just a silly name." )

 

[Disnsyncey]

My personal fave:

"Over here we have beautiful Schweitzer Falls. Named, of course, for that famous African explorer, Dr. Albert..." (Obnoxious Guest yells out "Falls!") "No, Dr. Albert Schweitzer. If it were named after Dr. Falls, we'd have to call it Falls Falls, and that's just a silly name."

(On another tip the Guest yelled out "Schweitzer!" to which the skipper replied, "No, Dr. Albert Falls. If it were named after Dr. Schweitzer, we'd have to call it Schweitzer Schweitzer, and that's just a silly name." )

WOOOOOW....SO FUNNY......Ok, apparently I need to make a "fantasy jungle cruise" script.....I think if all of these awesome moments were in it, I would die of laughter

 

[Robo]

At night, going behind the falls.

Ladies and gentlemen, Walt Disney proudly presents, Fantasmic! [The guide sings part of the song while shining his flashlight on the back of the water and at the ends says in a squeaky voice:] Some imagination, huh hehee!

 

[lcasa]

Ron Nesson, Nixon's Press Secretary, was a JC skipper in the late 50's. While he didn't set out to be a stand up comic, the last year of Nixon's term made many of the things he said hilarious.


The movie is Disneyland -- The First 50 Magical Years. The movie is on the history of Disneyland and stars Walt Disney, Steve Martin, and Donald Duck. They touch on his work at The Magic Shop.
BTW I rode JC at DL in 1961, and there were few jokes and more adventure. It was great anyway.

Here's a web site with tons of JC jokes and stuff.

http://www.csua.berkeley.edu/~yoda/jungle.htm

In the First 50 Magical Years film Steve Martin actually wears a skipper uniform and gets soaked by the baby elephant after the bathing pool with a little help from Donald - the one that is supposed to miss the boat ( latest joke at Dland when they pretend he's about to squirt us and doesn't: "That's dry humor"). I think he does say in the film he was a skipper back in the day -but his autobiography doesn't mention that. He does talk a lot about the magic shop and watching Wally Boag to learn comedy at the Golden Horseshoe. He actually went from Disney to Knott's to work at the Bird Cage Theater in their melodramas...

 

[LadyGracey]

I had a skipper once who, upon encountering any animal, said it "could run up to 50 miles per hour and jump a whopping 25 feet. The only animal in the jungle that can do that." Off-script, but

In the temple, I had a skipper once who sang the Indiana Jones music, then said upon seeing the cobras: "Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?"

I also like, at the end: "Get out. Oh, I'm sorry, we're at Disney! Get out, PLEASE. And have a magical day."

 

[Buzz Litebeer]

In the temple, I had a skipper once who sang the Indiana Jones music, then said upon seeing the cobras: "Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?"

A dear friend of mine -- she's a former skipper -- liked to use the line, "Plates. Why did it have to be plates?"

 

[Robo]

I had a skipper once who, upon encountering any animal, said it "could run up to 50 miles per hour and jump a whopping 25 feet. The only animal in the jungle that can do that." Off-script, but

The tiger can jump an amazing 35,000 feet!

(From a plane...)

 

[cerilene]

Can anyone tell me the canoe joke? I can't remember how it goes. TIA

 

[Amanda_the_awesome]

Im sure that is Skipper got fired for saying this but I thought that he had a lot of guts to say it.
There were no young children on our boat so his jokes were a little more risque for Disney but the one that I remember is when we went into the part with the elephants and he said the usual its ok to stare they all have their trunks on then he continues to say to a man taking a picture "I'm sorry sir no pornographic photo opps for you." I'm like 15 at the time so I found that to be the best thing that ever happened in Disney.

 

[Disnsyncey]

I had a skipper once who, upon encountering any animal, said it "could run up to 50 miles per hour and jump a whopping 25 feet. The only animal in the jungle that can do that." Off-script, but

I remember that one! I think when I heard it, they added "Isn't that amazing??" and by the end of the ride the whole boat was hamming it up

 

[Atchley]

I always liked when they would say "who knows where our journey will end? Come'on folks, its Disney, your gonna end up in a gift shop."

I'm sure someone has already posted it, but it still make me laugh.

 

[praline3001]

This is my DD's FAVORITE RIDE!!! OMG we have to do it about 5 times a trip
She loves hamming it all up for the animals too ~ she points/gasps and really gets into the whole thing!
Here she is hiding from the headhunters~ of course those same headhunters are there EVERY time but she must duck! I swear she treats this ride like a college kid going to a rocky horror picture show the skippers always crack up at her

 

[praline3001]

I remember that one! I think when I heard it, they added "Isn't that amazing??" and by the end of the ride the whole boat was hamming it up

Thats how to make this ride SOOO GREAT! The skipper can only do so much~ and if your a bunch of deadbeat riders its harder for him to make it a great ride!
We are Disney dorks but we LOVE hamming up this ride and being silly. My DD is the best at this but our whole family gets a kick out of it!!!

When we were there in Feb, the entire family dropped to the bottom of the boat when he told us to duck~ I mean we HIT The bottom faster than you could blink
the skipper cracked up laughing!