What is it with destination weddings? (bit of a rant!)

[katerkat]

My cousin finally got engaged and announced she will be getting married in the Dominican Republic in July. And my aunt is unhappy because no one from our family particularly wants to go. (Luckily, I have the ironclad excuse of BR being far too young!) Well, considering how much my aunt complained about going from New Jersey to Virginia for my wedding... It's a nice resort, but we don't have unlimited vacation time to go to weddings like this.

Plus, my SIL decided she wants to get married on a cruise ship...in April. Wonderful. BR will be around four weeks old. Guess who can't go? Guess who's going to be thrilled that DH's limited vacation time may be used for a cruise without his wife and newborn son, so he can see his sister get married?

Argh! I guess I'm just annoyed at the people who plan these things, then EXPECT others to be there. Yes, I wanted a Disney wedding. I would have had one, but I decided having my family at the wedding was more important, and I knew they wouldn't travel that far. Hence, my wedding was not at Disney.

 

[Dan Murphy]

We had to go to a Vegas one about a year ago, and I HATE Vegas. If I was making the decison on whether we went or not, I would have send a card and a check, wished them well. I thought it was ridiculous.

 

[Jasminesmommy]

I look at it as an excuse to go somewhere you normally would have not gone. I am going to a wedding in California and i will use it to work for my self and go to Disneyland as well.

 

[mrsv98]

I am so right there with you! DS and her SO are finally getting married. Initially, they were getting married at their home in Denver and then giong to Mexico for the honeymoon and a bunch of friends were going with them. Ok, no problem, we go to Denver every year anyway. Well then they decided to have the ceremony in Mexico too! ARGH! Thus now we are not going, even tho I was supposed to stand up and DD was all excited to be the flower girl. I do not understand their decision as at this point no one from our family can go. It really makes me feel like she is choosing her group of friends over her family. Oh well, I guess it is her decision but it breaks my heart.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

On the one hand, it's their wedding and they should have it however they choose.

On the other hand, they can't expect everyone to drop their lives and fly to the Dominican Republic to join them.

My best friend got married in May on St. John. It's what she had always dreamed of and I was thrilled for her. But I did not attend. She understood why, and was fine with it. In fact, her own mom did not go. It was her, him and a handful of friends who didn't have full time jobs or families.

So my basic feeling on destination weddings is, if it's what the couple wants, that's terrific. But don't expect me to use my limited vacation time, spend hundreds of dollars on airfare, and still show up with a gift.

 

[Aimeedyan]

I figure it's their wedding, they can do it anywhere they want, and there are some GREAT reasons as to why to do a destination wedding. I have had a few friends do them, and were thrilled with their decision, and they are growing in popularity.

I don't think it's fair to expect people to attend, though. I can understand why you're frustrated that it's going to become a guilt trip thing. I've yet to be able to attend a destination wedding, but I've never been expected to (they all understood) and loved seeing the pictures later =)

 

[katerkat]

On the one hand, it's their wedding and they should have it however they choose.

On the other hand, they can't expect everyone to drop their lives and fly to the Dominican Republic to join them.

Yeah, that's mainly my point. Sure, they can do whatever they want - but to get upset when people can't/won't travel that much for their wedding? I guess I don't understand why people would get pissed when they plan these weddings that people aren't likely to attend.

 

[Laura]

Yeah, it's one thing to want to have your wedding on a beautiful tropical island. That's fine and dandy; I would have liked to have gotten married on a beautiful beach somewhere. But to get pouty because the family can't/won't go that far to see you get married is unrealistic.

Edited to add: I just realized it was the same aunt complaining about going to VA for your wedding and now complaining that people won't go to the Dominican Republic! Sheesh!

 

[Winka]

Destination weddings are becoming way too common and I wish they'd stop, myself.

I'm sure they didn't expect you to go in your current state (or the projected state) but then WTH does THAT say? Sure you can't please everyone but it's a little sad, isn't it?

So many bridal couples have this entitled, egocentric mentality, completely fed by the industry that they are completely within their rights to demand the absurd for their special day. Whatever. If their friends and families aren't behind the DW then they should be prepared for low turnout and maybe even some glum expressions on those who couldn't weasel their way out of going.

 

[Dan Murphy]

On the one hand, it's their wedding and they should have it however they choose.

On the other hand, they can't expect everyone to drop their lives and fly to the Dominican Republic to join them......

True on both accounts. Their wedding, go where they want, but don't expect me to go there too. This couple/parents (our very good friends) expected us to go. Much mental pressure. Again, if my decision, a check and a card, good wishes.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I agree...go have your "destination" wedding. But if we can't make it then oh well. Lack of class to not be understanding, imho.

 

[Beth76]

We wanted to get married on a beach, but we were "bullied" into having a traditional wedding here. To this day I regret that. My wedding was not what I wanted it to be at all. All to please a handful of people.

My cousin got married a few years ago and they were planninng on Aruba. After MUCH complaining from the family, they changed the wedding to Mexico. For some reason they were just bullied into changing the location.

Let these people have the wedding of their dreams. If you can't be there, then so be it. They should understand. And there's NO WAY I would let my husband go on a cruise without me while I stayed home with my newborn. I don't care whose feelings would get hurt. A destination wedding is just like any other wedding. If you can't make it, you can't make it.

 

[minkydog]

So many bridal couples have this entitled, egocentric mentality, completely fed by the industry that they are completely within their rights to demand the absurd for their special day. Whatever. If their friends and families aren't behind the DW then they should be prepared for low turnout and maybe even some glum expressions on those who couldn't weasel their way out of going.

You hit the nail on the head! I personally have no problenm with destination weddings. It is relatively inexpensive to have a dream wedding in a Carribean or Latin American country. BUT...any bride who "goes there" needs to understand that she may be excluding people that love her. She either needs to pony up the travel expenses(thereby escalating her own costs) or be okay with her loved ones missing her important day. Any other response is rude and immature.

Cathy--wedding cost $300, married 24yrs. Got my money's worth

 

[Papa Deuce]

Personally, I don't think they "expect" too many people to come, since the vast majority of the expense will be paid by the people attending. They must know that people can't always change their lives for this type of thing. And I think it is a way to keep wedding costs at a minumum.

Hmmn... pay the freight of 10 -50 people for dinner at an exotic location, or pay the freight of 250 people in your hometown for dinner. Seems like a no brainer to me....

or maybe I am just cynical.

 

[Poohnatic]

Got invited to our first this past December-it was in Hawaii. The groom, however, contacted us as soon as the date was set. They knew they'd have a low turnout, but ended up having 40-her family is from the Phillipines and his extended family from Ireland could not resist the opportunity to go to Hawaii.

It ended up being just relatives at their event. They are having a vow renewal/reception in California in the spring. Still a ways for all the friends to travel, but not during the holidays. Yes, this time, we'll be there.

Suzanne

 

[minkydog]

My brother and his fiance are planning their wedding for this summer--in Venezuela! Her family all lives there and it's her first wedding(she's 48), so Bro wants to make sure its nice. Besides you can buy a heckuva wedding in Venezuela.

Unfortunately, most of our family will not be able to attend due to cost. Venezuela is not a particularly safe country and most of us would be travelling solo(my widowed mother, my sis and me). My DH has forbidden me to take my 11yo DD. Frankly, if didnt' love my brother so much, I wouldn't go. Maybe the three of us women can go together--safety in numbers.

 

[DisnyMama]

When I meet Mr. Right it is my dream to get married at WDW. It will be small and intimate and plan to be able to somehow pay for the family to come. It wouldn't be fair to make them pay for it and expect them to be their.

 

[poohandwendy]

I'm right there with you. My SIL (and I love her to death) got married in the beginning of last January on a carribean cruise.

My FIL paid our (me, my DH and our 3 kids) cruise tix as a Christmas gift. As nice as that is (and it IS really generous), it really put us on the spot.

Because we had to fly all of us down to Fort Lauderdale, a week of no income, airport parking fees, airport transfers, hotel for the night before, wedding gift, cruise gratuities ($$), drinks and souveniers, the bachelor and bachelorette extravaganza the night before we disembarked, not to mention the excursions they expected us to join them in.......pretty much put us back around $3000. (and I am rounding down)

It was a blast and I am glad we went, but not everyone has an extra couple grand to blow right after Christmas...

To say we could not go (especially since the 'cruise' was ''paid'' for)...well, they would have taken it as a big insult.

 

[becka]

I think I agree with pretty much everyone else. If the couple wants a destination wedding then more power to them but they really should expect that not everyone will be able to attend. If it is that important for family, etc.. to attend the wedding then perhaps they should question where their priorities for the wedding lie.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Over the years, DH and I have been invited to destination weddings. Sometimes we attend, sometimes not, depending on finances at the time. But every couple , did not expect a big turnout and most had the wedding at a tropical destination, then came "home" and had a big reception for the family.