What is it with destination weddings? (bit of a rant!)

[katerkat]

KK I agree with the poster who said your husband needs to tell her that he's not going to spend his precious vacation time on a cruise without you and the new baby.

Oh, I haven't told DH yet. He's deployed and I think this cruise is a bump in the whole planning thing, so I'm not going to worry him until it becomes official.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

A friend of a friend got married and Hawaii and paid for all their guests to go. Of course, not everyone is that well off.

 

[Lisa F]

Ditto, I REALLY wanted a Disney wedding but then 2 of the 3 grandmas could not have attended. One of those grandmas has since passed away and I would not trade the pictures we have of her and with her for a million pictures of us with the castle. IMO, destination weddings are perfectly fine if you plan to elope but you can't have your cake and eat it too... you can't have it in some wonderful, far away location AND expect everyone to drop what they are doing and follow you there. If having family and friends at your wedding is important to you, have the wedding somewhere that people can easily attend and then have a destination honeymoon.

 

[princess pooh]

Oh, I haven't told DH yet. He's deployed and I think this cruise is a bump in the whole planning thing, so I'm not going to worry him until it becomes official.

It could very well be just a bump in the planning thing. When we started our planning we were going for a wedding in Banff, then a Disney wedding, then a wedding in Jamaica. I'm sure we'll toss in a Vegas or cruise ship wedding before settling on a ceremony and reception at a local hotel . We might be a bit more fickle then most though.

You might want to casually mention to her that the baby would be to young to travel. People who don't have babies usually don't know a lot about travelling with them.

 

[Duchie]

Traveling to a wedding on US soil (or local country soil) is a lot differet that traveling to the carribbean, on a cruise, to Hawaii, or South America or Europe. ... Traveling to any wedding in your homestate or country can be done fairly inexpensively as you can opt to stay in Motel 6 as opposed to the $250 hotel that was booked for the wedding. Worst case scenario--they can drive if necessary if the airplane tix are too expensive.

I'm not sure I totally agree with this. If you don't live near an airport that's a major hub or major travel destination, your airfare across country could be much more expensive than flying to some exotic place. And driving instead? Now you're talking about potentially needing to take more vacation time, which was another concern voiced by the OP.

My point is that planning a destination wedding is no different than planning a domestic out-of-town wedding. You invite people and if they can come, great! Some will, others won't (for a variety of reasons). In the end it's the vows that matter.

 

[Amberle3]

Traveling to a wedding on US soil (or local country soil) is a lot differet that traveling to the carribbean, on a cruise, to Hawaii, or South America or Europe. <snip> Traveling to any wedding in your homestate or country can be done fairly inexpensively as you can opt to stay in Motel 6 as opposed to the $250 hotel that was booked for the wedding. Worst case scenario--they can drive if necessary if the airplane tix are too expensive.

First of all, I'm in Canada not the US. For the wedding we went to in Maine we flew just within Canada, those flights were about $900 each. Then we had to rent a car so that we could get to this tiny little location in Maine that did not have an airport and was something like 2 hours away from the closest airport. We had to pay for hotel and meals there, and since the flight home could not be done on the same day as the drive back from Maine due to flight times it meant we had an additional night (and meals) before we could fly out.

Contrast that with the wedding group I booked: $1300 plus some taxes and they have 7 nights in the Dominican, including hotel, airfare, and all the food and drink they want.

If I look at a per day cost, the Maine wedding cost us $2500 for 3 days, or $833 per day. If we were going to the Domincan it would cost us $2900 for 7 days, or $414 per day. For a grand total of $400 more for 2 people, I would much rather have been in the Dominican.

 

[ecuagoddess]

i thinking ranting over destination weddings is a bit overdramatic. in august, i will be moving in hawaii permanently. due to the moving costs, the wedding will be next year, in hawaii. i'm sure some people will complain about me having a "destination" wedding when it's really not, it is just happens to be the place i live. if you don't want to go, just don't and get over it.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

i dont like when people do this
there was a thread a while back about a young woman upset her mom and dad werent attending her disney wedding
they could not afford to
if you CHOOSE to have one of these types of weddings where people have to fly, get hotel rooms and such dont be surprised if they cant go
some people dont have the money to do this
if you really want every single person you invited to come then you should thenk about this unless of course you paying for your guests

 

[christinadei]

We had a destination wedding in the smokies. We did it becuase that's what we wanted to do. To us, our wedding day was about us, not making everyone else happy. I wanted my wedding to be how I wanted it and having it there, allowed it to be smaller and therefore I could afford the wedding and reception that i wanted. We did invite everyone, but didnt' expect everyone to come. We had an informal wedding reception/housewarming after we got back to allow those that couldn't make it to celebrate with us if they wanted. In no way did i expect anyone to come.

 

[LoraJ]

I plan on doing a destination wedding. Like a previous poster, I have family all over the place, so they would have to travel no matter what.

And if people don't want to come, so be it. You can never make everyone happy, but on my special day, I think it should come down to what makes me happy.

 

[Serena]

If I get married again, and if it's a destination wedding. I will be footing the bill, the entire bill, for those I want to attend. I think it's only right.
No, I'm not rich, don't expect to ever be, but my decision over where I will be married will take this into consideration.

 

[delilah]

My sister had a destination wedding, and none of her family was invited, as a matter of fact. She was married in Las Vegas. None of us three sibs were invited. She originally was going to get married about four years before, in October of the year in which our mom died. She actually had invited me to be matron of honor. Since mom died, she cancelled the wedding, which I can understand. She was living with her fiance at the time, and had been since shortly after our dad died, which was about 18 mos before the wedding was originally scheduled. Fine, if I'm not going to the wedding, I'm not sending a gift. I sent her a small gift, actually, a wedding clock from Lenox.

Some people are really obnoxious about weddings, though. One of my husband's coworkers, his boss at the time, got married at Las Vegas. Then, a few months later, they had a big reception at a hall in their hometown. We were invited, and my husband felt compelled to attend, and bring a gift. They showed a video of the ceremony. The problem was that it was the middle of winter, there was ice covering the roads, and, it was my birthday, besides. I would have been fine with delaying my birthday dinner for better road conditions, but, actually, all things being equal, I would have wanted to skip the reception, also. There is just something not nice about not inviting people to the ceremony and then throwing a big shindig later, to get gifts from coworkers, etc. Having a party at home for family and close friends, that's OK. Even then, if I were a family member, I would feel a little left out about not being invited to the ceremony. Makes me feel like an afterthought.

 

[scrump]

Most people I've known who've had destination weddings don't expect the turnout. They've done it because they want to simplify the planning process, and the location means a great deal to them. Many I've known are perhaps a bit older, who are paying for the entire thing themselves, and frankly are "over" the whole wedding drama involving family and vendors and bride-, groom-, and guest-zillas.

I'm sorry that the OP has to deal with a somewhat unrealistic Aunt. That's the tradeoff when you do the destination wedding, not even family will always want to spend the $$$ and the vaca time to attend if those are the hurdles that you're putting up. I sympathize, I wouldn't always go either. That said, I'm all for destination weddings. It's the bride and groom's day, let them do what they want. I know people disagree with that, but what can you do? If they really wanted all the family members to be there, they wouldn't have a destination wedding, especially with ailing or very elderly relatives involved. It's their day, and they're willing to not have everybody there, and they're prepared to live with that.

 

[RC Fan]

I think destination weddings are great. Keep in mind it is not everyone's dream to have a big, fancy wedding with hundreds of guests. I have found in the last couple of years that it is like a competition for some to see how expensive their wedding is, and how many people were invited.

Also keep in mind not everyone is so close with their extended family. I personally feel weddings are for very close friends and family only. I do not think you should feel obligated to invite anyone. You should be able to invite ONLY those who you would really like to come.

I do believe the couple should get married wherever and however they like, as long as it is feasible economically (getting into a huge debt for a wedding is nuts IMHO). I don't believe that they should expect people to be able to attend. I also don't believe that the couple getting married should be expected to pay for anyone's expenses, unless of course they want to.

Finally, if you get a wedding invitation(destination or otherwise), go if you want to go(if you are able). If you don't want to go, don't go. Why is it some people seem to need to get something in return?

 

[amyup]

I love destination weddings! My cousin and his DF are getting married in the Bahamas next June. I do feel pressure to go but I know they would be totally understanding if we can't. I'm looking at it as a vacation for us! We're going for a week and going to have fun. I did have to cancel my Disney cruise (4 day) to afford it but that's ok we're excited!


I wish I would have gotten married in Hawaii like I had planned but in order to have my father (who refuses to go to Hawaii) attend, I chose Lake Tahoe instead (Its only about an hour away). I feel like the others, destination weddings are great but if you are having one expect a small turn out.

 

[NJHOO]

Well all, the wedding that katerkat first mentioned is this friday, guess who gets to be the unofficial maid of honor - Emily!

 

[Keggy]

I was married in a Destination Wedding and didn't expect anyone to be there. Have any of these brides said anything to make you think they expected you to be there or are you just assuming that.

Why should I have my wedding at home where I don't want to have it just to accomodate someone I could care less was at my wedding?

Kelly

 

[AllyandJack]

I had a Destination Wedding at WDW and had a close friend of family not come because it would be hot (I want to point out this person is a wealthy physician, so it wasn't an issue of money - he thought it would be too hot in FL in August). Did it ruin my time? Uh....no....contrary to what a lot of weddings guests might think, the wedding does not live and die by who shows up and who doesn't. We had 25 people there and we all had a blast and I didn't miss this person at all.

Although, on my wedding night, it was 95 in MA at 8pm and only 74 in FL. I made sure to point that out when I got back.

I had a good friend cancel at the last minute because of unexpected financial issues. No problem. Again, not that I don't love my friend....but, me and the rest of my guests had a GREAT time.

 

[katerkat]

I was married in a Destination Wedding and didn't expect anyone to be there. Have any of these brides said anything to make you think they expected you to be there or are you just assuming that.

Why should I have my wedding at home where I don't want to have it just to accomodate someone I could care less was at my wedding?

Oh, trust me, PLENTY of comments were made by my aunt and cousin. Now my father and uncle, who felt guilt tripped into it in the first place, are leaving to go to a beach wedding in the middle of Tropical Storm Emily. (Yes, NJHOO is my dad!)