What is it with destination weddings? (bit of a rant!)

[CynJ]

Destination weddings are not high on my list.....some things that folks don't always consider about them:

1) not everyone flies (can't get DH on a plane)
2) not everyone has passports
3) the resort may be beautiful but not everyone can afford to shell out $250.00 a night for a room

I'm all for folks having "dream weddings" - but although the day is all about you - having an iota of consideration for your guests is recommended.

 

[MELSMICE]

I agree that a bride & groom can do whatever they want for their wedding, but they should expect that people be there to share the day with them if it is cost prohibitive for the guests.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

I figure it's their wedding, they can do it anywhere they want, and there are some GREAT reasons as to why to do a destination wedding.

I am basically old fashioned so would really like to hear some of these GREAT reasons. (This is not meant to be sarcastic, I really am curious.)

 

[CRB#33]

I have no problem with a destination wedding. My DH and I did this (second time around for each of us.) We had a blessing an a small (family) party when we got home that we paid for.

I do have a problem with expecting guests to foot their own bill and show up for a destination wedding.

I think if a couple chooses to make the ceremony completely about themselves in a beautiful setting, that's wonderful! No performance, no stress, just between them.

If they want someone else to be there, they should pay for it IMO.

 

[canwegosoon]

Personally, I don't think they "expect" too many people to come, since the vast majority of the expense will be paid by the people attending. They must know that people can't always change their lives for this type of thing. And I think it is a way to keep wedding costs at a minumum.

Hmmn... pay the freight of 10 -50 people for dinner at an exotic location, or pay the freight of 250 people in your hometown for dinner. Seems like a no brainer to me....

or maybe I am just cynical.

ITA I think it is frequently a way for people to get away from an expensive wedding and reception (and I don't get that either?). But if they don't want anyone to attend their wedding they are certainly going about it in the right way! So many people only have 2 weeks vacation, and it is really hard to give up a block of time for a wedding. Sorry I do not do destnation weddings..

 

[MELSMICE]

If they want someone else to be there, they should pay for it IMO.

I couldn't agree more!

 

[Muffin]

We had a destination wedding (2nd time around for both of us).

I don't really understand inviting people to a destination wedding. We didn't want anybody at ours because it was also our honeymoon.

 

[Amberle3]

We're having a "destination" wedding, if you call Las Vegas a destination.

I don't expect everyone to be there. In fact I expect a lot of people we invite will NOT be there. I also don't particularly feel that I'm responsible to pay for people's travel arrangements. Why?

My entire family, including aunts, cousins and their kids, comes to 15 people. Adding friends who live here we're talking 20 people in total. DFi's family lives in California, and comes to about 40 people that have to be invited. We have DFi's friends to invite from where he lives now (since we're in different cities) and that's about 30 people, and then the friends that we have that live all over the US and that's about 30 people.

If we have the wedding in my city then only 20 of 120 invited guests would NOT have to travel. If we have the wedding where DFi lives then 90 people would have to travel. If we have the wedding in California then 80 people would have to travel. No matter how we planned it, large numbers of people had to travel. Also because of DFi's culture if we had the wedding in Canada then we'd still have to do another reception in LA, adding to the cost. If we had the wedding in LA the prices would be astronomical.

So we finally figured that we would get married in Las Vegas. The wedding itself is 1/3 of what it would cost here. The reception is probably a little less than it would be here, but definitely less than LA and since Vegas is only 4 hours from LA it negates needing a second reception there. I already know that there are members of my family that won't be able to make it, and I'm sad about that. But if we had it here there would be members of his family that wouldn't be able to make it because they can't travel that far (like his grandmother), and he'd be sad about that. Generally flights to Vegas are cheaper than flights to Winnipeg. Hotels in the summer usually have specials on, so the cost of travel for folks would actually be LESS than if they travelled to a wedding here.

Most of our friends are also Disney fans, so we're making sure they know that Vegas is only 4 hours away from Anaheim and that Disneyland will be turning 50 the week after the wedding.

As for exotic destination weddings, they're generally much more cost efficient for the couple. The wedding and limited reception will usually cost about $800 if they charge for it at all - some companies (like Sandals) include the wedding but their prices are generally a little higher. Most couples who do a destination wedding don't do a separate honeymoon, so they have a "weddingmoon" which cuts down on expenses even more.

I have a group doing a destination wedding next week, there's about 25 people in total going. I'm sure they'd have a much higher turnout if they had the wedding here, but that wasn't their choice. Hmm, have a wedding in Winnipeg in the middle of January when it's -25C and there's always the risk of heavy snow, or have it on the beach in the DR.... The guests who are going along are paying $1600 a person (CAD) and that includes airfare, hotel, and all food & drinks for a week.

In October DFi and I went to a wedding in Maine. Although we combined it with a few other things, had we gone just for the wedding it would have cost about $2500 just for airfare, rental car, hotel & meals for the two of us, for a weekend. The bride's immediate family lives in Maine. The happy couple actually lives in Seattle. The groom is from someplace else altogether. Their wedding guests were from all over the continent. So since most people had to travel to that one, even through it was in her hometown would it be considered a destination wedding?

 

[Amberle3]

I didn't want to add to the other post, since it was so long!

In 1998 DFi went to a friend's wedding in Iowa (he lived in Georgia at the time). In 2000 I went to a friend's wedding in North Carolina. In April we'll likely be going to DFi's cousin's wedding in LA. In December we'll be going to BIL's wedding in Sydney (both bride & groom now live in London, but bride's family is from Sydney). Sometime next year we'll likely be going to DFi's best friend's wedding (he hasn't asked her yet, but I think he will very soon). Not sure where it will be, I'm suspecting San Francisco. All of these weddings required time, money and effort to get to. But that's what happens when you have this kind of global community.

I can't think of any wedding that I've gone to in the last 15 years where I haven't had to travel for it! And none of those was an exotic location.

 

[mom2boys]

Some people fail to realize that the marriage is more important than the wedding. That is sad.

 

[mom2boys]

I am basically old fashioned so would really like to hear some of these GREAT reasons. (This is not meant to be sarcastic, I really am curious.)

There are a couple of situations where I would consider a destination wedding for myself. Mainly it would be if I wanted it to be a private affair. A friend married on a crusie ship because neiter family approved of their union. If I were to marry a second time (still in this one & have no intention of changing that), I might consider it.

 

[piglet too]

I will add my "agree" to those who said that get married hwere you want, just understand not everyone will be able to make it.

My wedding was a destination wedding, at least to DH's family who could not drive 3 hours to come to it, as Chicago is just too dangerous! LOL

 

[jipsy]

When I went to Jamaica, I met an English couple there. They had just been married at the resort; they wanted a tropical wedding. They did not expect their family to come at all. Instead, they were married at the resort, spent two weeks there on their honeymoon and when they got home, their family gave them a large reception.

Personally I wouldn't want my whole family on a cruise ship with me. That's basically taking them all along for the honeymoon. Who wants that????

 

[DMickey28]

I am basically old fashioned so would really like to hear some of these GREAT reasons. (This is not meant to be sarcastic, I really am curious.)

I am not sure what old fashion has to do with it. We had a minister do traditional vows that we tweaked a little to fit us. We could have had it in a historical church, however being out in nature was better for us. My father gave me away. My DH didn't see me the day of the wedding. I walked down an isle. I had a traditional dress with a semi-cathedral train and elbow lenth veil. We had our first dance. I danced with my father. We cut the cake and toasted each other and our future.

I am honestly quite shocked at the opinions on this board. Every person we have talked with either was thrilled with the idea or said "Hey Man, that's the way I should have done it."

It depends on the couple, friends and family. Many people do destination weddings because they are cheaper. I don't want to be insulting and I apologize if this is but usually couples that are going the "cheaper" route have lower incomes and usually your friends and families are in the same economic arena as you, there for making it much more difficult for the friends and family to attend. I am not sure if that came out as I wanted it too but I didn't mean it to be insulting...

Putting on guilt and making your guests feel bad about not being able to attend is wrong. Equally wrong, in my opinion, is being able to be guilted into going when it's not feasible for you.

I had a destination wedding. Dh and I were married on St. Thomas while in port on a week long cruise this past October. We had 11 people with us. All our immediate family and our best friends. It was plenty more expensive than having a wedding back home on Cape Cod. We didn't do it because it was cheaper. We invited 30 people to come with us. We told them all about our plans a year in advance and sent out Save the Date booklets. We actually came up with the idea over dinner with my parents, brother and his mother. They were all for it. We discussed it with his other brother and our best friends before making a decision. We knew that many people would not be able to come. Before we made that decision we wanted to make sure that the people closest to us, that we needed to be there, would be able to do it. Everyone else would have icing on the cake. We approached the Save the Dates and invitations as wanting our guests to attend our wedding and reception dinner on the boat on one day of their own vacation. We wanted to make sure this was their vacation, it just happened to be during the time of our wedding.

Our reasons:

1. We moved away from home a year ago and planning a wedding at home would have been very difficult. The wedding coordinator on St. Thomas did it all for us.
~I am very much a control freak. I like to know when, where, how, why for everything. Less details for the destination wedding, less for me to stress over in the end.~
2. We spend all our time alone now that we moved. Having a cruise allowed us to spend a week long vacation with our family and friends that we hadn't seen in a while.
2a. All of our family had never been on a cruise and always wanted to go to the Caribbean. Most needed a good excuse to do so... my parents are the type that travel with a reason (work).
3. I grew up on the ocean and always wanted to get married on the beach. I could have done it at home but the other reasons made getting married on the beach in St. Thomas a better alternative.
4. Neither one of us has a lot of family or close friends. DH has a gazillion aquintances. We didn't want to spend our day trying to greet and talk with 200 people when really 50 mattered to us. We had a reception on the ship with dinner and than dancing in a club. Honestly the dancing in the club was like a reception back home. Dancing with your 11 closest family and friends with 200 people around you that you never met or only knew socially.
5. It was simply what DH and I wanted.... it was our dream spot.

However just as there are bridezilla's for tradtional weddings there are bridezilla's for destination weddings. Those are the ones that assume you should go to THEIR wedding and make you feel bad if you don't. DH and I weren't not like that and we would do our wedding over again the same way in a heartbeat. Please don't bash the destination wedding in it's self...selfish bride and grooms are all over the place!!! I'll try to post a picture or two for you!

 

[Chicago526]

DFi and I considered going to Las Vegas for our wedding. It just would have been so much cheaper, and the chapels at the larger hotels are actually very nice! But his mom and my grandma wouldn't have been able to go because they won't fly. So, we are having a much more expensive wedding here in Chicago. All my relatives can drive, and his mom and grandparents can take the train in from PA (his family is just his mom and grandparents).

But my cousin is having her wedding in Key West (on the same date as DFi and I!!!) and is only having her parents and her brother, and her DFi's parents there. Our grandmother won't be there (even if my wedding was on a differant date, she can't fly from IL to FL). Not only does she not expect people to travel to FL, she doesn't WANT them to. They just want a small wedding. She did offer to move her date when she found out mine was the same day, but since the only people who would miss it that I care about are her parents (my aunt and uncle) I told her that she can keep it if she wants, I don't mind at all! I'll miss my aunt and uncle, but we aren't that close, so it isn't a huge deal!

 

[RadioNate]

We got married at WDW so it was a destination weddding.

I'm a little insulted by some of the things said about people having destination weddings but hopefully by sharing our situation people will realize we aren't all selfish bridezillas who value a wedding more than a marriage.

When we got married DH and I lived in Portland Oregon.
My parents lived in Chicago - where I grew up.
DH's parents lived about 2 hours away from us in Oregon.
DH grew up in Austin TX
DH's grandparents lived in Nebraska
My grandparents lived in Florida
My "close" extended family lived in Indiana and Michigan
DH's extended family lived in Colorado, Virgina, Maryland, Washington, Minnisota and Iowa.

So with that in mind EVERYONE would have to travel to our wedding. Even DH's parents in Oregon since thier house was easily 2 ours from ours.

If I got married in Chicago my parents and a few friends could stay at their homes but frankly we'd likely have to go downtown for the reception which would mean people would need hotels too. The other downside for Chicago is that my father is a public figure and my wedding would have been an "event" where there would have to be political invites.

So we choose to get married at WDW. DH and I met in Orlando while working at WDW so it is a special place for us.

We invited people close to us (about 150) but totally understood when people couldn't come. Frankly most of our guests were excited to come. We had about 100 people there. We did help with hotel costs for our wedding party which were really the only "friends" that attended. The rest was family or "family friends."

Like someone else stated in the last 5 years I've been all over the country for weddings. Believe me since I'm already traveling I'd rather spend my vacation time going to a "destination" where I can also vacation than some of the places we've been.

 

[Cebhfhionn]

I can't believe that people decide to have weddings in these places and expect that people actually attend!

We relocated here to Florida in 2003 and decided that we're getting married(its only going on 9 yrs for us!) Anyway, we were originally thinking about going back up to NJ to have our wedding but then decided that we live here now. We are inviting our family and friends from up North but really don't expect that many will attend. Who are we to decide where and when people should take their hard earned vacations? If they want to come, we'll be so happy. If they don't we completely understand!

 

[sweet angel]

I thought if you were planning an exotic location for a wedding, it was proper etiquette to PAY for those people you absolutely HAD to have attend? Seems logical, if not practical, to me.

 

[danacara]

I think that so long as the bride and groom make some effort to make a destination wedding mildly affordable for guests, they can be really and truly wonderful. You can make Vegas or WDW relatively inexpensive for guests, at least relative to the NY area. You can offer to subsidize hotel rooms (and to be honest, if I had a destination wedding, I would offer to do that).

I find that I have mental limits with it. If the plane ticket is more than $400 round trip from my furthest immediate-family-or-close-friend guest - that's tacky. If the destination is so far that it really requires missing more than one day of work in addition to a weekend - that's tacky. If the hotel rooms are over $200/night - that's tacky. If there's no effort made to subsidize food for attendees - that's tacky. If you ask people to pay a premium to stay at a resort and you still expect a gift - that's tacky.

Dana

 

[minkydog]

When we got married DH and I lived in Portland Oregon.
My parents lived in Chicago - where I grew up.
DH's parents lived about 2 hours away from us in Oregon.
DH grew up in Austin TX
DH's grandparents lived in Nebraska
My grandparents lived in Florida
My "close" extended family lived in Indiana and Michigan
DH's extended family lived in Colorado, Virgina, Maryland, Washington, Minnisota and Iowa.


So we choose to get married at WDW.

This is the perfect reason to have a destination wedding.