What does RSVP mean to you?

[dzneelvr]

This is a piece of etiquette that has unfortunately, lost it's meaning. RSVP means respond either way--yes or no. I can't tell you how frustrating it is when you ask, but nothing comes back. That generates the follow up phone call to each individual.

Hope we can get back to rsvp'ing correctly!

 

[Lewski709]

I call when I am going. I always thought it meant to tell them you'd be there, then they would know who wouldn't.

I always mark my invitations Regrets Only, but don't get calls either way.

 

[Mary Ellen]

I am glad that you all feel that way! But apparently there are quite a few people who don't.

About 8 years ago we threw a 50th Anniversary party for the in-laws. They LOVE to go dancing, so we hired their favorite band and had them pick their favorite restaurant to handle the catering at the Elk's Club for the dance. We're talking small town Colorado (pop. 700) and it was held at the Elk's Club, not too much to choose from, but we live 6 hrs away, they had to help with the choices.

Since I’m the wife of their eldest son (no daughters) - and we’re the only ones to live in state, the party planning fell on me (DH was a great help though).

First of all, I had to fight with FIL (he's more the party person of the two) to send out invitations. HELLO - how was I to tell the caterers how much food to have on hand. I gave him several choices - they ALL included "Please let us know if you can attend - Call (the in-law's number)". I didn't even use RSVP as it is a small town. FIL changed it to RSVP (he's a retired Army officer). I let it go - it was his party.

We had a 108 reply they would be attending. We told the caterer 150, he said they could handle 175.

TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY EIGHT signed the guest book. Since there were 2 entrances, I'm sure we didn't get everyone counted. It was body to body.

Yep, we ran out of food. None of the family ate - DH's parents did get some of the cake, but the rest of the family didn't.

The next day FIL told us that, even the day before the party, people were stopping him to ask what RSVP meant. WHY didn't they CALL and ask!!!!

It did turn out to be a great party. FIL had such a wonderful time, that he threw another party for their 55th - BUT he limited the number he invited and he kept track of who hadn't responded. The entire town was invited the first time (and some from neighboring towns).

After living through all this, I told DH that I was really glad my parents are divorced - we weren't going through that again.

You can bet we RSVP.

 

[helenabear]

Respondez s'il vous plait = Please reply

I reply either way when I see RSVP since that is what it means

 

[powellrj]

I stopped using RSVP on kids parties after my middle DS's 6th birthday at McD. We invited the whole kindergarten class (I think there were around 25) and only a few called. We had been through this before so I figured about 1/2 would be there. WRONG, the whole class showed up!! When we got home there were about 10 messages RSVPing on the way to the party. Now we just plan easy parties that the number isn't important. We are having a pool party for DD this month at our gym and we are just going to have enough of everything, but keep it cheap enough that if we have extras it will be no big deal.

 

[shelbyjosh]

I know RSVP means you let them know if you are going or not. I cannot believe I invited 23 kids to DS birthday bowling party. Out of all those invites, I got 9 responses. Most of the idiots that did not respond were the jerks that I stand in line with every morning and afternoon. They know I am the birthday boy's mom. Why can't they just say if their brat is going or not? Are they that ignorant?? It erks me to no end when people do this. We had jerks that did this to us for our wedding invited. We had 10-15 people unaccounted for. Thank goodness they didn't come so we didn't have to waste our money on those dummies. Can you tell I am bitter about this subject???

 

[Micca]

Maybe we should include on the invitations: "call to confirm that you'll be dropping by the party to pick up your gift bag"

 

[shortbun]

On DS's invites, I always write"Can you come? Please call to let
us know either way!"
Even then-people neglect to call. geesh!

 

[buzzlady]

Reply if you are or are not attending.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I agree with Shelbyjosh. I'm inviting your kid because my kid wants me to. I don't care if he comes. Less food, less cake and 1 less treat bag I have to buy. But at least have the courtesy to tell me your kid isn't coming. I RSVP as soon as I get the invite or I forget.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Marie does all the RSVP'ing, but I know it is either way, and know how it is incorrect, not proper, discourtious and impolite not to.

 

[KimRaye]

Oooh, so many good 'quotes' I could've used from these great "RSVP's'!

RSVP = call either way and, as soon as you possibly can. Common courtesy.

Regrets only = call if you CAN'T come. So simple.

And yet, so many 'busy' people are unable to commit to a 2-3 hour BD party/event/whatever. I'm not sympathetic...as the party planner, I'm busier than they are right at that moment.

Debbi, I hope your DS enjoys his party, no matter who or HOW MANY can make it.

 

[ilovepcot]

This conjures up memories from Christmas 1993. DH and I had just finished restoring our home. Many of his co-workers had seen the place and urged us to have their department Christmas party here. Insisted it was plenty big for it, etc. We gave in and sent out approximately 200 invitations with RSVP on them and a deadline for responding. I was sooo upset when only a handful bothered to reply. DH had to finally take a list with the names and go from person to person asking if they were attending or not. People had the nerve to keep changing their minds, too. People NOT even in his department heard about the party and asked if they could attend. DH always replied, "sure"!

We'll never really know how many people were here, but it turned out to be a fabulous time and thankfully many people brought platters of food and many bottles of liquor and mixers. People flooded the house, spilled out onto a terrace and a huge deck. This went on from 7 p.m. til 4 a.m.!!!!! Believe it or not, we hosted the department's Christmas party for the next 4 years. Only stopped then because DH changed jobs. Oh, and we never bothered sending invitations out again with RSVP on them.....just didn't work!!!

 

[Nutsy]

I RSVP whether attending or not

 

[tiggerlover]

This has got to be one of my top 5 pet peeves! Now my next questions, since I do need a head count. Is it pushy to call these folks on the deadline date and ask if their child is coming or not or ask them face to face? All of those invited I see their parents either daily or weekly so it wouldn't take much to say "Little Johnny is coming to the party."

Thanks for the replies!

 

[mickeyfan1]

As far as headcount, you can ask. You could say "I sorry I haven't heard back from you about the party. WIll you child be attending?" Maybe it will make some of the mothers think.

For an adult function, I would be angry enough to stand at the door and those that show up, tell them "Oh I am so sorry, but as I did not hear from you, I assumed you were not coming. I am afraid that I don't have the ability to accomodate you" and send them on their way. RUde, I don't think it's any ruder than not RSVPing, if it's on the invite, it means respond. Period.

 

[eeyoreforever]

Some people just don't get it, and they probably never will. It is just plain common courtesy to call and say if you will be attending or not. Takes all of 30 seconds. At my dd's last b'day party, I wrote on each invitation something like -"Please call and let me know if you will or will not be able to attend, as I will be ordering pizza ahead of time and need to know how much to order". Wasn't exactly that, but something like it. I got a few more responses than usual, but not a lot.

It is soooo frustrating. Then you run into these people and they say something like "Oh, I meant to call you, but I've been so busy, little susie is looking forward to the party"

One thing I've learned is that the "rule" of about half the kids showing up for b'day parties is off. More than usual, it is at least 3/4 of the kids, and sometimes even more.

I think if you send an invite to the people of the dis and invite us to Disney, you will receive a 100% response!

 

[tkd lisa]

DD's party is this Saturday. It's actually a re-schedule, because the original party was when she was in the hospital. She invited 6 girls and we're going to a Chuckie Cheese type place. I have had one person call to RSVP (they are coming). One mom told me verbally they were coming. I asked one other parent who said "of course she's coming". The other girls are ones I don't know well. DD says that all but one says she's coming, so I'm sure hoping it works out. I pay for 8 regardless of how many come (DD and DS are the other 2), and it's an expensive party so I'll probably get bent out of shape if only 3 kids are there!

No one seems to get it! Maybe we should have a DIS only party, then we know people would RSVP!

 

[cinmell]

I respond whether I'm going or not, unless the invitation says RSVP regrets only.