What do you think of this party invitation? It ticks me off/PARTY UPDATE post 152

[Mouse House Mama]

Im sure a young kid would be able to understand how fairness and justice works

Honestly, if you were throwing a joint party for a young kid, wouldnt you get mad if they other kid got a really expensive gift and your kid didnt. Honestly, think about it

Yes, bellieve it or not young children can understand quite a lot. I also would not care if someone else got a better gift than my child especially if they are not even friends with that guest! I don't have parties to get gifts. We have parties to celebrate.

If a parent is shallow enough to get mad about something like that, then there's no hope for his/her poor child.

To be honest, I wouldn't want my child to be friends with that kid.

I agree. The parent is the slacker here. Man up and teach your child something. The whole world is not going to cater to them. Maybe they could even learn to, I don't know, be happy for someone else or maybe not expect a gift but be happy when they get one. Odd concept right?

Parties arent just expensive their time consuming. Just because you throw a joint party doesn mean you cheap, maybe the moms are busy and it'll be a lot less stressful throwing a party with another mom.

If the party is too stressful and time consuming then don't throw one. It really is very simple.

I think this is alittle extreme/harsh. Just because a parent is trying to be fair to a young kid doesnt make them shallow and it doesn make their child hopeless

No, it just makes the parent a slacker. They don't want to be bothered teaching their child anything so they want everyone else to compensate for that.

As a side note- Saratogadreaming09 aren't you still in high school? Not trying to be rude but I seem to remember you as being very young.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

For every joint party my dd has been invited to, we had no idea it was a joint party until we got there. That's how to do a joint party. The invitee is invited by one child, he attends one party, he brings one gift.

The invitation is rude, and I would bet a million bucks those other moms who supposedly think it's a great idea are either lying to be polite, or are now making their own greedy plans to host joint parties to save money and get double gifts.

 

[laurie31]

Honestly, if you were throwing a joint party for a young kid, wouldnt you get mad if they other kid got a really expensive gift and your kid didnt. Honestly, think about it

Okay, I hope this isn't what you meant...(bolding mine) that you were trying to say the CHILD would be upset, not that the moms would be off on the sidelines, comparing notes about who bought what for whom.

Because wow...I can't imagine watching my child open her presents and bother thinking about what they cost. My kids have some friends who will give a $20 gift card and others who will give a $5 toy. It depends on the family's situation. DD doesn't differentiate between the gifts (because she has been taught that the COST of a gift is not the important thing) she is just happy that her friend came to the party.

The idea that the MOTHER would be worried about who spent what is horrible. As I said, I'm hoping that isn't what you meant.

If a parent is shallow enough to get mad about something like that, then there's no hope for his/her poor child.

To be honest, I wouldn't want my child to be friends with that kid.

I think this is alittle extreme/harsh. Just because a parent is trying to be fair to a young kid doesnt make them shallow and it doesn make their child hopeless

Disneyjunkie was responding to the idea that the MOTHER would get upset, not the child. And yes, if the MOTHER is that shallow, there is no hope for the child.

And I think the children in question are plenty old enough to understand that they would get gifts from the kids THEY invited and not the kids they don't know.

I don't know that the mothers are cheap (they may each be spending the amount they normally would, but by combining, they can have a more elaborate party) but the gift thing on the invite makes it look like a money grab.

 

[saratogadreamin09]

Try to explain to the child that wants the party that you cant have one. Thats a hcallenge


Yes im still in high school but that has nothing to do with anything. Age doesn mean everything. I babysit a lot and have to put up with a lot of parents and kids and Ive learned some things about how parents are

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Try to explain to the child that wants the party that you cant have one. Thats a hcallenge


Yes im still in high school but that has nothing to do with anything. Age doesn mean everything. I babysit a lot and have to put up with a lot of parents and kids and Ive learned some things about how parents are

Not to be rude but babysitting is not the same as being a parent. Also, as a babysitter saying that you have to "put up with" parents and kids is a little concerning. Perhaps it isn't the right job for you. On that note, plenty of children do not have parties and they are just fine. They have cake with their family and no party with friends. They are not scarred for life.

 

[Mom2Nick]

Try to explain to the child that wants the party that you cant have one. Thats a hcallenge


Yes im still in high school but that has nothing to do with anything. Age doesn mean everything. I babysit a lot and have to put up with a lot of parents and kids and Ive learned some things about how parents are

No age doesn't mean much but experience does. Being a babysitter does not give you the same experience as a parent or as an adult in general.

It's rude for a host to do something that makes a party cheaper for them but more expensive for their guests - period.

 

[saratogadreamin09]

Not to be rude but babysitting is not the same as being a parent. Also, as a babysitter saying that you have to "put up with" parents and kids is a little concerning. Perhaps it isn't the right job for you. On that note, plenty of children do not have parties and they are just fine. They have cake with their family and no party with friends. They are not scarred for life.

I know that babysitting and parenting are different but you do pick up some skills babysitting.

As for "putting up with the kids and parents" a) its more putting up with parents then kids, the kids are great most of the time and b) its just some parents that have really hard to deal with, I have a few people I babysit for all the time that I love but sometimes Ill babysit for people and I just wont again

 

[EMom]

Throwing a smaller party for 1/2 the people is half the stress. So the parents are just being tightwads. Just look at the invite. They want more gifts for less effort and cost. Rude and cheap.

Blunt.....to the point.....and the gospel truth. Another poster summarized it as the b-day parents wanting to spend HALF the money and get TWICE the presents. Also an accurate description. It seems to me these mommies can do the math quite well. They have just never bothered to read an etiquette book.

DD had a "home" b-day party for her 1st and 2nd b-day. Her 1st was friends and family. (Actually, we'd just brought her home from Russia and I swear, I think she had about three 1st b-day parties. ) For her 2nd, we invited our friends and 7 of their toddler children to play at our home. Once she hit age 3, we've had a "BIG" b-day party every year, save the year we took her to WDW and even then she had a smaller b-day party when we got home.

In other words, I've done the venue b-day parties to death so I know how expensive, stressful and time-consuming they are. Yet I would NEVER in a million years "share" the party expense with another parent and expect....excuse me, DEMAND....that the guests my child didn't even have a hand in inviting bring equal gifts for BOTH b-day children. That's rude, tacky, cheap, and makes me look as if I was raised in a barn or at best, by wolves.

If I cannot afford to give DD a party without lowering myself to such a level, then I would simplify her party and have it at a less expensive venue or God forbid, at home. At first, even though we had the party at a party place, I still knocked myself out. There was a lot to do. As time has passed, I have gotten better at finding places where I pretty much have to send out invitiations, bring the cake and prepare goody bags. And I could buy premade goody bags if I was really in a bind. DD's last party was a movie party and at the end of it, I handed over a Visa card to the party coordinator and was DONE. Lord love him......I know I did. Stress? Not really. Cost? $15.00 per kid, plus cake, invitations, thank yous, goody bags and a few other goodies I kicked in. It didn't break the bank. Invite 5 kids to something like that and you're out $120 or so. DD invited a decent amount of kids, but that was completely within our control. My point is, venue parties don't have to be stressful, ungodly costly or terribly time-consuming. And never so much so that we ignore common sense and manners.

If the b-day mommies are sooooooo concerned that everything be "fair," then how about this? Let the guests bring a gift for only the child they actually know. If Child A gets $100 worth of gifts and Child B gets $150 worth of gifts, the b-day mommies sort it out BETWEEN THEM and those two run to Walmart or Target after the party and let Child B pick out $50 worth of extra crap on THEIR dime? That way, they have not demanded that their guests buy a gift for a kid they don't know from Adam and they get to make sure their little angels continue to believe the big lie that everything is fair and even in life.......except it will be at THEIR expense instead of their guests' and that is how it should be. Or how about using some brain power and just not opening the gifts at the party at all, but instead waiting until each kid gets home? Then neither knows "how much" the other one got. (Although you know those two moms are keeping a tally. )

I stick by what I said earlier. Just because this tacky mother ordered/demanded I bring two gifts does not mean I have to FOLLOW her order/demand. Someone has to stand up and say, (or make clear by their actions) "I don't think so, sister." I'd have brought ONE gift for the child we knew and that's it. Let the b-day moms stew. Who cares if you offend a person who clearly did not care if she offended you?

 

[luvsJack]

If my child received this invitation and really wanted to attend the party; I would just take the money I was going to spend on one gift and split it. I normally spend $20, so $10 per gift. Yes, the invitation rude. But you can't fix everyone else and going around being insulted isn't going to help the feelings of your child if you make him miss something he really, really wants to attend.

 

[RichNKatHolly]

I am VERY curious to hear how the party went and how many people actually bought along a second gift. I would've RSVP'd and never said anything, just show up with a gift for the child we knew. There is just no way someone is going to tell me what is fair.

And for the record, any mention of gifts on an invitation is RUDE other than saying "no presents please". But to go on and on about monetary value - beyond RUDE!! They really should be ashamed of themselves.

 

[saratogadreamin09]

If my child received this invitation and really wanted to attend the party; I would just take the money I was going to spend on one gift and split it. I normally spend $20, so $10 per gift. Yes, the invitation rude. But you can't fix everyone else and going around being insulted isn't going to help the feelings of your child if you make him miss something he really, really wants to attend.

 

[EMom]

If my child received this invitation and really wanted to attend the party; I would just take the money I was going to spend on one gift and split it. I normally spend $20, so $10 per gift. Yes, the invitation rude. But you can't fix everyone else and going around being insulted isn't going to help the feelings of your child if you make him miss something he really, really wants to attend.

This is the path of least resistance and is probably what most guests (excuse me....forced gift givers) will do. I'm not even saying there's anything wrong with the decision to do this, but here's why I would never take this route. IMHO, the "invitation" as it was worded is essentially bullying. It orders the guest to buy a gift for a child they don't even know and worse yet, demands the two gifts be of equal value. That is bullying and bad behavior, plain and simple.

I make it my policy to NOT give in to bullying. So as a matter of principle, I would refuse to bring that second, equal "gift" that I was ordered to bring by the gestapo mom. And if she called me on it, I'd explain to her clueless and/or bullying self exactly WHY I had not brought the second, equal, demanded "gift." I always tell DD that the only way to stop a bully is to stand up to them. That is just as true for more subtle adult bullying, such as is happening in this instance. It's just part of my personality that if I went along with the demand and bought two gifts, I'd clench my teeth the whole time. No, better to do what I believe is right.....And make friends with the other mom who took the same stand as I.

ETA: And I wouldn't sit around waiting for a thank you note from the b-day mom either. Something tells me she's not too familiar with Emily Post.

 

[RichNKatHolly]

This is the path of least resistance and is probably what most guests (excuse me....forced gift givers) will do. I'm not even saying there's anything wrong with the decision to do this, but here's why I would never take this route. IMHO, the "invitation" as it was worded is essentially bullying. It orders the guest to buy a gift for a child they don't even know and worse yet, demands the two gifts be of equal value. That is bullying and bad behavior, plain and simple.

I make it my policy to NOT give in to bullying. So as a matter of principle, I would refuse to bring that second, equal "gift" that I was ordered to bring by the gestapo mom. And if she called me on it, I'd explain to her clueless and/or bullying self exactly WHY I had not brought the second, equal, demanded "gift." I always tell DD that the only way to stop a bully is to stand up to them. That is just as true for more subtle adult bullying, such as is happening in this instance. It's just part of my personality that if I went along with the demand and bought two gifts, I'd clench my teeth the whole time. No, better to do what I believe is right.....And make friends with the other mom who took the same stand as I.

ETA: And I wouldn't sit around waiting for a thank you note from the b-day mom either. Something tells me she's not too familiar with Emily Post.

- looks like you and I would be sitting together at the party.

 

[luvsJack]

This is the path of least resistance and is probably what most guests (excuse me....forced gift givers) will do. I'm not even saying there's anything wrong with the decision to do this, but here's why I would never take this route. IMHO, the "invitation" as it was worded is essentially bullying. It orders the guest to buy a gift for a child they don't even know and worse yet, demands the two gifts be of equal value. That is bullying and bad behavior, plain and simple.

I make it my policy to NOT give in to bullying. So as a matter of principle, I would refuse to bring that second, equal "gift" that I was ordered to bring by the gestapo mom. And if she called me on it, I'd explain to her clueless and/or bullying self exactly WHY I had not brought the second, equal, demanded "gift." I always tell DD that the only way to stop a bully is to stand up to them. That is just as true for more subtle adult bullying, such as is happening in this instance. It's just part of my personality that if I went along with the demand and bought two gifts, I'd clench my teeth the whole time. No, better to do what I believe is right.....And make friends with the other mom who took the same stand as I.

ETA: And I wouldn't sit around waiting for a thank you note from the b-day mom either. Something tells me she's not too familiar with Emily Post.

I agree that the invitation is rude and the moms are clueless and I agree that it is almost a form of bullying. All that is true.

But, the three kids (mine and the two having birthdays) are what is important to me. And, in my experience, the important thing to the birthday kid is for the other kids to show up. So not going would hurt the feelings of the birthday child and my child (if it is, in fact, important to my child)--I can't see doing that just because the mom is an idiot.

I am all for the "you've got to stand for something or you will fall for anything" way of life; and stand up for my rights and beliefs quite regularly. I just don't see this woman's stupidity as being something that is necessary for me to stand up against. I tend to pick my battles; and this one isn't important to me. What is it Ron White says? "you can't fix stupid". Standing up for this one is not going to fix this woman's stupidity.

If I was planning to spend $50 on a gift, spending $25 on two gifts would not be affecting me in the least; so why stress over or cause my kid stress over it?

 

[JPN4265]

My son has been invited to a party coming up in June. It is for two boys from school whose parents are close so they are holding a "joint" birthday for both boys since the birthdays are on the same day.

So, the invitation says, and I quote, "Each boy has been allowed to invite 5 guests, but just to keep everything fair we request that the guests bring a gift for each of the boys, regardless of who invited them. It would also be kind if you could keep the gifts of a similar price range so there are no hurt feelings. Thank you!"

Okay, this is where they lose me. My son was invited by one of the boys to be one of his five guests. The other boy and my son are not friends. So now I have to buy two presents "of equal value" and give one to this other boy who probably won't even say so much as hello to my son at the party! Ugh.

How is this fair? I think either it should be acceptable to just bring a gift for the person that invited you (if they each invited 5 guests they will each get 5 gifts so how is that not fair?). Then, if you want to I could see getting a token gift for the other child but not expecting the same thing.

The one child is my son's closest friend and I might spend $50 on his gift, but no way am I spending that on this other boy.

The one mom mentioned to me that do a joint party to save money...well gee thanks your saving money is going to cost me double, lol.

Thanks for letting me "vent."

What do you think about this invitation??

Yea, its a pain in the butt, but have your son buy his best friend the gift he wants to buy, and just buy a nice gift for the other boy. It won't hurt anything, and the other boy just might become a new friend of your son's.

 

[luvsJack]

Wanted to add: I would have been planning to buy two gifts anyway, as soon as I found out it was a party for two kids. So, maybe that's why I wouldn't have been too bothered by the invite

 

[luvmy3]

Im sure a young kid would be able to understand how fairness and justice works

Honestly, if you were throwing a joint party for a young kid, wouldnt you get mad if they other kid got a really expensive gift and your kid didnt. Honestly, think about it

I think this is alittle extreme/harsh. Just because a parent is trying to be fair to a young kid doesnt make them shallow and it doesn make their child hopeless

The bolded part in the your first post is what makes those parents shallow.

Throwing a joint party is fine, letting guests bring one gift for the child that invited them is fine. Putting on the invitation to please bring 2 gifts to make it fair (when it already was) is not fine, it's rude, shallow, greedy, or whatever else you'd like to call it.

 

[tonilea]

But things are NOT fair. It is the job of the parent to help the child deal with this.

I think parents who always try to make everything between their children 'fair' are only setting them up for future dissapointments.

Truer words were never spoken. As parents it is our job to prepare our child for the bumps and rough spots in life, no run out and try to smooth the way.

 

[luvsJack]

Let me ask a question. If your child is invited to a party that is for two kids and the invite doesn't mention gifts, what do you do? I have never thought about NOT bringing two gifts and I would just automatically make them close to equal.

 

[KandD]

I know I read it on this thread but I can't find it to quote...someone said that most parties they go to that the kids don't even open the presents at the party and that is what I have been thinking....if the parents are SO worried about the kids having their feelings hurt then why even open the presents at the party? Just do it when they get home.

And yes I agree with the majority that the invitation was rude and tacky. I certainly hope that the kids realize (since the parents obviously don't) that the celebration is NOT about presents and that they should feel lucky just to have a party and friends to come to it.