What do you think of this party invitation? It ticks me off/PARTY UPDATE post 152

[saratogadreamin09]

But why should a guest be expected to buy an equal gift for a kid that they either don't know or aren't friends with?!?!

Each kid would have gotten 5 gifts if they had 5 friends at the party, which is equal enough for me.

Life isn't fair however, and the friends of one child would give that child a better gift, and visa versa. Its the mother's job to explain "fairness and justice", not to equalize the world.

Im sure a young kid would be able to understand how fairness and justice works

Honestly, if you were throwing a joint party for a young kid, wouldnt you get mad if they other kid got a really expensive gift and your kid didnt. Honestly, think about it

 

[Gammaresource]

Im sure a young kid would be able to understand how fairness and justice works

Honestly, if you were throwing a joint party for a young kid, wouldnt you get mad if they other kid got a really expensive gift and your kid didnt. Honestly, think about it

After I explained to my child why I was too cheap to throw them a party alone, I'd explain that no kid needs 10 birthday gifts, 5 being from people they barely know.

 

[mjkacmom]

Im sure a young kid would be able to understand how fairness and justice works

Honestly, if you were throwing a joint party for a young kid, wouldnt you get mad if they other kid got a really expensive gift and your kid didnt. Honestly, think about it

Hmm, let me think.....NO! If another child got a motorized scooter, and my child got some bubbles, it wouldn't bother me in the least. However, we don't even open gifts here at birthday parties, so it would never be an issue. My twins are in the same class this year, so they have the same friends. Next year they'll be in different classes, and if they have a joint party (which they probably will, since their birthday is in January, we'll have it out, and it will cost about $18 a head), I will only put one child's name on the invitation if the child isn't a mutual friend. I don't expect a gift for my child if my child isn't friends with someone.

 

[Tinijocaro]

Im ready to get slammed here BUT I dont think the invite was bad.

Parties can be really stressful to throw and sometimes its A LOT easier to throw it with someone else so you get half the work and cost. Kids can get jealous very easily so I can see why the mothers wanted them to get equal gifts.

True that kids get jealous easily, but my thought is, so what? They will get over it if things aren't exactly perfect. I have four kids and there is no way to keep things exactly even. I think it's insane to go to such lengths, to the point of embarassing yourself.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Im sure a young kid would be able to understand how fairness and justice works

Honestly, if you were throwing a joint party for a young kid, wouldnt you get mad if they other kid got a really expensive gift and your kid didnt. Honestly, think about it

If a parent is shallow enough to get mad about something like that, then there's no hope for his/her poor child.

To be honest, I wouldn't want my child to be friends with that kid.

 

[saratogadreamin09]

After I explained to my child why I was too cheap to throw them a party alone, I'd explain that no kid needs 10 birthday gifts, 5 being from people they barely know.

Parties arent just expensive their time consuming. Just because you throw a joint party doesn mean you cheap, maybe the moms are busy and it'll be a lot less stressful throwing a party with another mom.

 

[saratogadreamin09]

If a parent is shallow enough to get mad about something like that, then there's no hope for his/her poor child.

To be honest, I wouldn't want my child to be friends with that kid.

I think this is alittle extreme/harsh. Just because a parent is trying to be fair to a young kid doesnt make them shallow and it doesn make their child hopeless

 

[Gammaresource]

Throwing a smaller party for 1/2 the people is half the stress. So the parents are just being tightwads. Just look at the invite. They want more gifts for less effort and cost. Rude and cheap.

 

[Tinijocaro]

Parties arent just expensive their time consuming. Just because you throw a joint party doesn mean you cheap, maybe the moms are busy and it'll be a lot less stressful throwing a party with another mom.

I have zero problem with a joint party, but don't tell me I have to buy for both kids when my kid isn't even friends with the one.

 

[Gammaresource]

I think this is alittle extreme/harsh. Just because a parent is trying to be fair to a young kid doesnt make them shallow and it doesn make their child hopeless

What is UNFAIR about each child receiving a gift from the children they invited?

 

[saratogadreamin09]

What is UNFAIR about each child receiving a gift from the children they invited?

I never said that was unfair.

I think it comes down to if your going to a party that two mothers pay for, its respectful to get both of their kids a gift or dont go to the party

 

[Gammaresource]

I never said that was unfair.

I think it comes down to if your going to a party that two mothers pay for, its respectful to get both of their kids a gift or dont go to the party

Respectful to whom? Was it respectful to say "bring my kid a gift even if you don't know him?"

 

[scottishduffy]

I think this is alittle extreme/harsh. Just because a parent is trying to be fair to a young kid doesnt make them shallow and it doesn make their child hopeless

But things are NOT fair. It is the job of the parent to help the child deal with this.

If you are throwing a joint party you tell you child, "You and Timmy will have a party together, that is fun! But just so you know, timmy's friends will only give presents to him and your friends will only give presents to you." If the child gets upset, you remind him of the previous statement and help him DEAL.

It should be easy for a school age child to grasp the idea that only the people who you invited will give you gifts. Trying to make things "fair' is impossible, gives the children involved unrealistic expectations, and is rude to the guests.

I think parents who always try to make everything between their children 'fair' are only setting them up for future dissapointments.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I think this is alittle extreme/harsh. Just because a parent is trying to be fair to a young kid doesnt make them shallow and it doesn make their child hopeless

It does appear that they are shallow, IMO. Asking for a present for a child that the family doesn't even know is misguided at best, greedy and a host of other words too. The mothers were not thinking about their guests. That's a serious breach in etiquette.

I have no problem with a joint party. The request for a.) a gift for a child that is unknown and b.) gift should be equal in value, is crass to me.

That's a party we most likely wouldn't attend. I'd try to find a way for the birthday boy to share time and a gift with my child without further obligation.

 

[scottishduffy]

I never said that was unfair.

I think it comes down to if your going to a party that two mothers pay for, its respectful to get both of their kids a gift or dont go to the party

The request made of the guests was horribly rude. If the mother's could not handle unequal gifts they should never have thrown a joint party.

The parents should have explained to children ahead of time what expectations were, Instead of putting it on the guests to try to keep things 'equal'. It sounds like the Mom's chickened out on teaching kids this lesson.

 

[mjkacmom]

I never said that was unfair.

I think it comes down to if your going to a party that two mothers pay for, its respectful to get both of their kids a gift or dont go to the party

The parents are splitting the cost of the party! It's costing each of them half of what it would cost if they hosted an individual party. Why should it cost the guests twice as much to attend?

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

I know I have some tar and a bag of feathers around here somewhere...

 

[jrmasm]

I never said that was unfair.

I think it comes down to if your going to a party that two mothers pay for, its respectful to get both of their kids a gift or dont go to the party

And that expectation is exactly why I think a joint party is a terrible idea.

 

[ICF]

I think it comes down to if your going to a party that two mothers pay for, its respectful to get both of their kids a gift or dont go to the party

So because 2 parents decide to split the cost of a party, it is RESPECTFUL of those 2 parents to ask their GUESTS to spend twice as much money on bday presents...1/2 for a kid they potentially don't even know or are not friends with?!?!?!

That makes no sense to me.....it's not the fault of the guests that the 2 bday parents decided to have a joint party and expect you to provide a gift for both kids.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Im ready to get slammed here BUT I dont think the invite was bad.

Parties can be really stressful to throw and sometimes its A LOT easier to throw it with someone else so you get half the work and cost. Kids can get jealous very easily so I can see why the mothers wanted them to get equal gifts.

Then she should buy them. One of my children got invited to a birthday party for twins. They are only friends with one of them. That was the one we got the present for. The other twin is not in their class and they didn't really know them. If your child is school age and still can't get the concept that everything isn't always equal and you as a parent don't ever teach it to them then good luck with that. It is completely ridiculous. We have 4 kids. Should we tell everyone that we invite to one party that they have to get our other children something because they will be jealous because it isn't their birthday? I am sorry but that is just plain silly.

OP- good for you for saying something. I would high five the other Mom too! I can guarantee you that you two are not the only ones who feel that way. The other Moms just don't want to say anything to party Mom. I bet at the party you will find more than one Mom who will say it quietly to you that they too agree that it was rude.