What do you think of this party invitation? It ticks me off/PARTY UPDATE post 152

[MerissaAndMomLoveDis]

I got stuck on the joint party idea. What the heck is that about?

First of all, I cannot believe that invitation!! That mom needs some etiquette lessons.

But I'd like to offer a different perspective (other than parents trying to save money) that sometimes joint birthday parties are a good thing. My 7 year old (about to be eight) has had a joint party with her best friend for the last 3 years. Their birthdays are on the exact same day, they are in the same class at school, and they are on the same competitive gymnastics team. They invite all their classmates and all their gym teammates, plus each invite their first cousins and maybe one other friend who is not a mutual friend, but these girls are together all the time (including 11 to 14 hours a week in the gym) so pretty much they would be inviting the same kids if there were two separate parties. When they were in pre-K, before we knew this child well and before we knew they shared a birthday, both ended up with a birthday party scheduled for the same day, and lots of the kids had to leave one party to run to the next. So...we decided from then on we would just have their party together, and the classmates parents have really appreciated it!

And actually, we HAVE been able to have a nicer (more expensive) party than if each family had sponsored a separate party, so everyone wins.

But I am sure to call the parents of any child who is just my child's friend and not the other child's and as tactfully as possible explain that yes this is a joint party, but the girls understand that each of them invited a few friends or relatives that the other child does not know and they understand that they will not be getting presents from those attendees, so please please please do not feel that they should bring a present for the other child.

Just my two cents. But again, I am aghast at the invite OP received. I cannot even fathom putting that in writing on an invitation!!!!! I cannot even fathom thinking it!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate confrontation, but I abhor rudeness even more, so honestly OP, I would still take my child to the party so that my child's friend does not suffer due to his mother's gaffe, I would take the amount you would have spent on him and spend that amount on a small gift for the child you do not know and spend the rest on the child who is you cihld's friend, and if this mother was my friend, I think I would have to explain that you cannot dictate to people how they can and cannot gift, and while it may have been well-intentioned on her part, it came off very badly.

 

[MrsMork]

Print out a copy of this thread and give it to her and let her see that everyone who has responded thinks she rude.

 

[SilverL]

Get them each a $1 card.

 

[Skywalker]

Sort of an update...

I was talking to one of the "birthday moms", and she was complaining to me about one of the "other" moms. Apparently this other mom called to rsvp and said that she was not going to buy two equal gifts since she only knows one of the boys. She went on to to say that she will not even buy a gift for the second boy, never mind an equal gift. This other mom also said she was "embarassed" for the birthday moms for putting such a thing on an invitation. Both birthday moms were livid!

So when the birthday moms said that they are concerned about fairness and about the boys feelings being hurt by unequal gifts, this other mom said, "If you are so concerned about that then maybe a joint party was not the way to go."

All I could think was, you go other mom! Tell it like it is! I don't even know this woman but I like her already.

So then my friend finished telling me this story and asked me didn't I think this woman was out of line. Instead I told her that I tended to agree that it was a little in bad taste and that I felt awkward about it too.

So now birthday mom is saying that me and this other mom are the only ones with a problem and that EVERYONE else told her what a great idea it was to be clear on the invites.

Anyway, just wanted to give this small update.

I'm still going to go ahead and buy the "good" gift for my son's friend and some nice little random something for the other boy, probably a gift card in a much smaller amount.

I'm hoping I can meet Tell-it-like-it-is Mom during drop-off at the party, lol.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Sort of an update...

I was talking to one of the "birthday moms", and she was complaining to me about one of the "other" moms. Apparently this other mom called to rsvp and said that she was not going to buy two equal gifts since she only knows one of the boys. She went on to to say that she will not even buy a gift for the second boy, never mind an equal gift. This other mom also said she was "embarassed" for the birthday moms for putting such a thing on an invitation. Both birthday moms were livid!

So when the birthday moms said that they are concerned about fairness and about the boys feelings being hurt by unequal gifts, this other mom said, "If you are so concerned about that then maybe a joint party was not the way to go."

All I could think was, you go other mom! Tell it like it is! I don't even know this woman but I like her already.

So then my friend finished telling me this story and asked me didn't I think this woman was out of line. Instead I told her that I tended to agree that it was a little in bad taste and that I felt awkward about it too.

So now birthday mom is saying that me and this other mom are the only ones with a problem and that EVERYONE else told her what a great idea it was to be clear on the invites.

Anyway, just wanted to give this small update.

I'm still going to go ahead and buy the "good" gift for my son's friend and some nice little random something for the other boy, probably a gift card in a much smaller amount.

I'm hoping I can meet Tell-it-like-it-is Mom during drop-off at the party, lol.

I like "tell it like it is" mom too. I'm surprised the "friend" would put it off on you two having a problem and not re-thinking the issue.

A joint party is fine. It would've been fair with 5 presents each. The decree of two presents per customer makes it sound like a gift grab to me. Greedy. Not pleasant.

 

[DawnCt1]

Sort of an update...

I was talking to one of the "birthday moms", and she was complaining to me about one of the "other" moms. Apparently this other mom called to rsvp and said that she was not going to buy two equal gifts since she only knows one of the boys. She went on to to say that she will not even buy a gift for the second boy, never mind an equal gift. This other mom also said she was "embarassed" for the birthday moms for putting such a thing on an invitation. Both birthday moms were livid!

So when the birthday moms said that they are concerned about fairness and about the boys feelings being hurt by unequal gifts, this other mom said, "If you are so concerned about that then maybe a joint party was not the way to go."

All I could think was, you go other mom! Tell it like it is! I don't even know this woman but I like her already.

So then my friend finished telling me this story and asked me didn't I think this woman was out of line. Instead I told her that I tended to agree that it was a little in bad taste and that I felt awkward about it too.

So now birthday mom is saying that me and this other mom are the only ones with a problem and that EVERYONE else told her what a great idea it was to be clear on the invites.

Anyway, just wanted to give this small update.

I'm still going to go ahead and buy the "good" gift for my son's friend and some nice little random something for the other boy, probably a gift card in a much smaller amount.

I'm hoping I can meet Tell-it-like-it-is Mom during drop-off at the party, lol.

Good for you and the other mom. It is so much easier to go along with the flow than to nicely tell the truth.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

My DS11 was invited to a birthday party for twins-he only knew one of them, but both twins were named on the invite. What I did since it seemed like I was supposed to buy two gifts, was to take the amount I was going to spend on DS's friend, and split that amount to spend between the two kids. I am not as generous as the OP-not $50 for a bday present to a classmate, so each kid got a gift that was valued at around $10. $20 would have been spent on DS';s friend. Didn't feel bad at all about it.

 

[Lisa_M]

Thanks for the update OP. Since EVERYONE else told her it was a good idea, EVERYONE else was wrong, IMO.

Just show up to the party early and wait outside. When you see someone with only 1 gift you'll know it's "Tell it like it is mom"

 

[richmond282]

I definitely wouldn't worry about it. Buy what you want for the "friend" and get a token gift for the other kid. What are the mothers going to do about it? Really.

My DD4 was invited to a twins party this past weekend. She does know both boys. They were both in her class at school. I still wasn't sure what gift etiquette was. Do you buy 2 of the same present or 2 similar presents? Do you buy something for them to share? I had no idea. I ended up buying them a race track thing with 2 cars for them to share. I figured they could race each other. Needless to say, the boys loved the gift and were playing with it when we left.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Sort of an update...

I was talking to one of the "birthday moms", and she was complaining to me about one of the "other" moms. Apparently this other mom called to rsvp and said that she was not going to buy two equal gifts since she only knows one of the boys. She went on to to say that she will not even buy a gift for the second boy, never mind an equal gift. This other mom also said she was "embarassed" for the birthday moms for putting such a thing on an invitation. Both birthday moms were livid!

So when the birthday moms said that they are concerned about fairness and about the boys feelings being hurt by unequal gifts, this other mom said, "If you are so concerned about that then maybe a joint party was not the way to go."

All I could think was, you go other mom! Tell it like it is! I don't even know this woman but I like her already.

So then my friend finished telling me this story and asked me didn't I think this woman was out of line. Instead I told her that I tended to agree that it was a little in bad taste and that I felt awkward about it too.

So now birthday mom is saying that me and this other mom are the only ones with a problem and that EVERYONE else told her what a great idea it was to be clear on the invites.

Anyway, just wanted to give this small update.

I'm still going to go ahead and buy the "good" gift for my son's friend and some nice little random something for the other boy, probably a gift card in a much smaller amount.

I'm hoping I can meet Tell-it-like-it-is Mom during drop-off at the party, lol.

The rest of the moms are either too chicken to speak up (probably) or you're actually marooned on a planet of maroons...

You'll be able to tell who the brave mom is-she'll be the one tarred and feathered in the front yard by the geraniums .

 

[PaDisney02]

First of all....who would want a joint b-day party for their kids! Unless they r twins, i dont see y any1 (even if related) would have a joint party. These 2 moms r ridiculous (sp?), its in poor taste to even imply anything about gifts on the invite. Obviously every1 brings gifts to parties but no one should expect gifts or demand them.

Good for u and "other mom" being honest, I'm not that brave! I would have just acted like i was ok with it and then vented to my husband


Oh, the joys of motherhood!
Take care

 

[MsLeFever]

My daughter is friends with quads (2 boys, 2 girls) and has been in the same class with all of them (2 in kindergarten and 2 in first grade).

When it was her birthday last year - we only invited one girl and one boy - mostly because I didn't know that there were 2 other siblings! Still, the two came and it didn't seem to be a big deal - hopefully the mom would have called if it was.

This year the girls had one party for their birthdays and the boys had one. But since the girls are in 2 different classes - the girls from one class were invited to "Betty's" party and the other class was invited to "Veronica's". (These aren't their real names but wouldn't it be cool if it were and the boys were Archie and Reggie???)

Anyway - my daughter wanted to take 2 presents since she knew both girls and that's what we did. But I know that she sent another family scrambling when she mentioned that she had 2 presents!

 

[bumbershoot]

And if he doesn't go?? He misses the fun and gets to hear all about it at school. It's really a no win situation.

Well...the party is in June, so there probably isn't school after the party. And there's only 5 friends invited for each kid, so it's not like it's the happening party...

For my friends with June parties, by the time school rolled around again, it was long since forgotten.

 

[laurie31]

First of all....who would want a joint b-day party for their kids! Unless they r twins, i dont see y any1 (even if related) would have a joint party. These 2 moms r ridiculous (sp?), its in poor taste to even imply anything about gifts on the invite. Obviously every1 brings gifts to parties but no one should expect gifts or demand them.

Good for u and "other mom" being honest, I'm not that brave! I would have just acted like i was ok with it and then vented to my husband


Oh, the joys of motherhood!
Take care

I just have to say that your post makes me feel VERY old! I seriously had to sound some of it out! (I am laughing at ME, not you)

I don't know why anyone would want a joint party for small kids either. I did have a joint party with my best friend for our Sweet Sixteen. We are only 13 days apart, and so it made sense to have one party. We would have both invited the same people anyway. To be perfectly honest, I don't remember if we even GOT gifts. I think we told people it wasn't a "gift" thing, we just wanted a party with lots of people - lol. That's all I remember - lots of people, lots of food, and loud music - lol. However, we would never have tried to dictate to the guests that they would need to spend the same on each of us. Very tacky.

As for the OP, kids have no idea what things cost. At Christmas, sometimes they love the cheap "stocking stuffer" item more than the big-ticket thing that Santa brought. Whatever happened to teaching kids that it's the thought that counts! How rude to think that someone's going to be there tallying up who spent what on whom!

(and OP - good luck meeting up with "tell it like it is Mom!" She sounds cool )

 

[saratogadreamin09]

Im ready to get slammed here BUT I dont think the invite was bad.

Parties can be really stressful to throw and sometimes its A LOT easier to throw it with someone else so you get half the work and cost. Kids can get jealous very easily so I can see why the mothers wanted them to get equal gifts.

 

[ICF]

Kids can get jealous very easily so I can see why the mothers wanted them to get equal gifts.

But why should a guest be expected to buy an equal gift for a kid that they either don't know or aren't friends with?!?!

Each kid would have gotten 5 gifts if they had 5 friends at the party, which is equal enough for me.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Sort of an update...

I was talking to one of the "birthday moms", and she was complaining to me about one of the "other" moms. Apparently this other mom called to rsvp and said that she was not going to buy two equal gifts since she only knows one of the boys. She went on to to say that she will not even buy a gift for the second boy, never mind an equal gift. This other mom also said she was "embarassed" for the birthday moms for putting such a thing on an invitation. Both birthday moms were livid!

So when the birthday moms said that they are concerned about fairness and about the boys feelings being hurt by unequal gifts, this other mom said, "If you are so concerned about that then maybe a joint party was not the way to go."

All I could think was, you go other mom! Tell it like it is! I don't even know this woman but I like her already.

So then my friend finished telling me this story and asked me didn't I think this woman was out of line. Instead I told her that I tended to agree that it was a little in bad taste and that I felt awkward about it too.

So now birthday mom is saying that me and this other mom are the only ones with a problem and that EVERYONE else told her what a great idea it was to be clear on the invites.

Anyway, just wanted to give this small update.

I'm still going to go ahead and buy the "good" gift for my son's friend and some nice little random something for the other boy, probably a gift card in a much smaller amount.

I'm hoping I can meet Tell-it-like-it-is Mom during drop-off at the party, lol.

If what the mother said is true, then sadly you may see a new trend among your son's friends.


I would not buy two gifts.

Im ready to get slammed here BUT I dont think the invite was bad.

Parties can be really stressful to throw and sometimes its A LOT easier to throw it with someone else so you get half the work and cost. Kids can get jealous very easily so I can see why the mothers wanted them to get equal gifts.

If it's too stressful or expensive to have a party without begging/dictating how guest spend their money, then the parents should just tell the kids "Sorry but we're not having a party this year."

 

[Gammaresource]

Or just say, "no gifts, please." You don't ask for double! It never killed a kid to deal with jealousy.

 

[DawnCt1]

Im ready to get slammed here BUT I dont think the invite was bad.

Parties can be really stressful to throw and sometimes its A LOT easier to throw it with someone else so you get half the work and cost. Kids can get jealous very easily so I can see why the mothers wanted them to get equal gifts.

Life isn't fair however, and the friends of one child would give that child a better gift, and visa versa. Its the mother's job to explain "fairness and justice", not to equalize the world.

 

[TaraPA]

Sort of an update...


So now birthday mom is saying that me and this other mom are the only ones with a problem and that EVERYONE else told her what a great idea it was to be clear on the invites.

Obviously EVERYONE else was lying to save face.....if you ask me!