What do you think of this party invitation? It ticks me off/PARTY UPDATE post 152

[disneyjunkie]

HA....I've been following this thread because the tacky invite cracked me up, BUT, my DH's cousin and his fiance are having a baby this summer and we got the invite to the baby shower......IT'S POT LUCK. It asks everyone to bring a dish to share. Is it me or is this not rude too? I hosted a bridal shower along with 2 other bridesmaids, and we did it at a small tea house (w/a specialized limited menu for our event) but we picked up the tab for the entire party. I would have never invited people to a shower and then expect them to pay for their food.

Unfortunately, I can't go to shower because I'll be moving that weekend, but my MIL (and aunt to the daddy-2-b) is miffed by this too and she's the type to say something about it. Bring a gift AND food.....strange!

I don't think it's rude to ask family and close friends to bring a dish.

However, to ask the other guest to do so is rude.

 

[TB'sWidow]

I totally think its rude to ask people to bring a dish to any party and also expect a gift. We have family members that do this ALL THE TIME every birthday, wedding, showers etc.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Thanks, OP, for the update-now I don't have to create imaginary scenarios.

If you get invited to another one of her parties, I'd wear a tshirt with the words "Gratitude is an Attitude" on the front-she probably won't get the message but you know some of the other moms will...

 

[JessicaR]

I don't know whats more bizarre, the original invite, or the 'note taking' at the end of who brought what. All with actual breakdowns of each giver. Just CRAZY!

 

[Skywalker]

Thanks, OP, for the update-now I don't have to create imaginary scenarios.

Awww, but I like your imaginary scenarios!

 

[bas71873]

I'm pretty easy going so I might think it was a little odd but I would be okay with it. I generally ask if I can bring something anyway. Now I got an invitation to a 30th birthday/graduation from nursing school and was assigned a dish in that one . I brought the dish but I was a little put out. At least I was not one of the lucky ones whose invitations advised that if unable to attend it was acceptable to congratulate the honoree by sending a check to the host's address

WHAT!!!!!!!!!! The nerve.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I don't know whats more bizarre, the original invite, or the 'note taking' at the end of who brought what. All with actual breakdowns of each giver. Just CRAZY!

I took one of my children to a party and the mom must have took "mental notes" of who gave what. She had two sets of goody bags. She was hastily making the second (not so good, goody bags) and giving them out as the kids were leaving. It was obvious what she was doing. One bag was made by the facility and was overflowing. She was making these additional little skimpy plastic bags on the fly and giving them out when she noted who was coming up to her.

Petty.

 

[luvmy3]

I totally think its rude to ask people to bring a dish to any party and also expect a gift. We have family members that do this ALL THE TIME every birthday, wedding, showers etc.

ITA, I have a friend who always asks on the invitation for everyone to bring a dish to share. Its one thing for a friend or family member to offer and you take them up, or even if you call them personally and ask, but putting it on an initation is tacky and rude.

OP I honestly can't believe that Mother. The sad thing is she is going to raise her kids to be the same way

 

[EthansMom]

HA....I've been following this thread because the tacky invite cracked me up, BUT, my DH's cousin and his fiance are having a baby this summer and we got the invite to the baby shower......IT'S POT LUCK. It asks everyone to bring a dish to share. Is it me or is this not rude too? I hosted a bridal shower along with 2 other bridesmaids, and we did it at a small tea house (w/a specialized limited menu for our event) but we picked up the tab for the entire party. I would have never invited people to a shower and then expect them to pay for their food.

Unfortunately, I can't go to shower because I'll be moving that weekend, but my MIL (and aunt to the daddy-2-b) is miffed by this too and she's the type to say something about it. Bring a gift AND food.....strange!

Personally, I don't have a problem bringing a dish for something like that.... I like to eat and think potlucks are a great way to feed a lot of people and have a good time. It only costs me about $15 to throw together a nice fresh veggie tray, after all. I'd rather have my friends and family be reasonable in the scope and expense of their parties and ask me to provide a potluck item than have them spend a lot of money hosting a party they really can't afford.

I have absolutely no problem with an invitation that says, "We'd love it if you could bring a food dish to share. Please call the Hostess to let her know what you'll be bringing." But, if the wording was such that I HAD to bring a dish; or if someone TOLD me exactly what dish I HAD to bring; or if I was SCOLDED for the low cost of my dish, I'd have some serious issues.

 

[disykat]

I don't know whats more bizarre, the original invite, or the 'note taking' at the end of who brought what. All with actual breakdowns of each giver. Just CRAZY!

I've never heard of NOT taking note of who brought what. How would you do thank you notes if you didn't know that information? I agree this whole thing is rude beyond belief, but the rudest thing they could possibly do IMO is have a gift free for all where everyone opens whatever and no one gets thanked appropriately.

 

[MizTink]

I've never heard of NOT taking note of who brought what. How would you do thank you notes if you didn't know that information? I agree this whole thing is rude beyond belief, but the rudest thing they could possibly do IMO is have a gift free for all where everyone opens whatever and no one gets thanked appropriately.

yep that's how my family is too. i remember as i opened wedding and baby shower gifts my mom was writing on her list so i could give a proper thank you note later. i do the same for my kids parties for the same reason. i just think it's more personal to say thank you for the "whatever", instead of just thank you for the gift. kwim? lets them know you don't just have a stack of generic cards, but actually know and care what they gave!
and it has nothing to do with the value of the gift either. i had kids bring "recycled" gifts and my kids thanked them just as if they had spent a fortune at toys r us!!

 

[OceanAnnie]

I took JessicaR's post as she noted the commentary from the parents on the note taking. Keeping score so to speak. That is not a common occurrence. That's what was sad to me. Not taking lists for thank you purposes.

 

[luvsJack]

Personally, I don't have a problem bringing a dish for something like that.... I like to eat and think potlucks are a great way to feed a lot of people and have a good time. It only costs me about $15 to throw together a nice fresh veggie tray, after all. I'd rather have my friends and family be reasonable in the scope and expense of their parties and ask me to provide a potluck item than have them spend a lot of money hosting a party they really can't afford.

I have absolutely no problem with an invitation that says, "We'd love it if you could bring a food dish to share. Please call the Hostess to let her know what you'll be bringing." But, if the wording was such that I HAD to bring a dish; or if someone TOLD me exactly what dish I HAD to bring; or if I was SCOLDED for the low cost of my dish, I'd have some serious issues.

ITA!! Most all "events" around here are pot luck with the exception of kid's birthday parties (unless they include a lot of adults). That way we get to have more parties and get togethers. For most the hosts still end up with the bulk of the spending but each dish certainly helps and I think it makes everyone feel more at home in a way. Got two showers to go to the weekend; we weren't asked to bring anything but I know that all of the mother-to-be's family members are bringing covered dishes.

 

[themilesfamily]

Now, get this, one party mom was COMPLAINING about some of the people who brought two equal gifts! They followed orders, so what could they possibly have done to anger party mom, you ask? Well, in their effort to be equal, they failed to make sure that both boys liked the same thing...so one person brought some sort of Lego set for their friend, so they bought the exact same Lego set for the other boy. Except the other boy doesn't like Lego so they were whining that he got that!!!

Oh. My. Goodness. You know, I was in the minority as someone who didn't really mind the initial invitation -- I would have blown off the tackiness of it and taken the amount of money I planned to spend on the one child, and used it to buy something smaller for both kids.

But this. This! Complaining about what someone's gift was. That is beyond the pale.

On a side note, I don't get parents who do the gift-grab thing. What parent wants MORE toys lying around their house? I'm making donations to toy drives every chance I get, just to get some of the toys OUT of my house!

 

[BeenHereB4]

On a side note, I don't get parents who do the gift-grab thing. What parent wants MORE toys lying around their house? I'm making donations to toy drives every chance I get, just to get some of the toys OUT of my house!

Amen!!! I dread my kids' bday parties and typically try to persuade them to choose another way to celebrate for this exact reason!

 

[MizTink]

I took JessicaR's post as she noted the commentary from the parents on the note taking. Keeping score so to speak. That is not a common occurrence. That's what was sad to me. Not taking lists for thank you purposes.

yeah, i don't see these 2 as the type to be keeping track for thank you notes....they're too tacky for that!!! definitely keeping score

 

[Disney Doll]

I have to tell you that my kid would not be going to next year's party with these people. Basically, because that is not the type of behavior that I would want my child exposed to and have him think was appropriate.

As far as bringing a dish to a party...generally, I always offer to bring something. Some people say yes, some say no. If I am throwing a party and a close friend or family member says "let me make the salad" I won't say no to them. If I had a group of friends and we all decided to hold a "potluck supper" party at my house, then I would probably say "bring a dish" or "let me know what you're bringing".

A party such as a bridal or baby shower that I am hosting, for the average guest (ie-not close friends or immediate family)....well, they are already bringing something...a gift. To "require" them to bring something else like food is deplorable. To dictate the type of gift to bring is even more deplorable.

It goes back to this...have the kind of party you can afford to have and invite people you want there because you want them there, not because they are going to bring something.

I & my 2 SILs (bride's aunts) are having a bridal shower for DNiece in July. It is a brunch at my home. We looked at places, they are all too expensive, doing it at my home can be done much more reasonably. My DSIL (bride's mother) & my cousin have offered to bring breads and fruit salad (respectively), and I have accepted their kind offer. However, had no one offered anything, we, "the aunts", would have been prepared to do it all and would never consider putting on an invitation "Please bring a dish".

 

[BeenHereB4]

OK - we're going to need another future update:

Will they send thank you notes?? Joint thank yous? will those of you who only purchased one gift be chastized (spelling?) in said thank you note?

 

[Skywalker]

OK - we're going to need another future update:

Will they send thank you notes?? Joint thank yous? will those of you who only purchased one gift be chastized (spelling?) in said thank you note?

At this point, nothing would surprise me!

 

[JessicaR]

I took one of my children to a party and the mom must have took "mental notes" of who gave what. She had two sets of goody bags. She was hastily making the second (not so good, goody bags) and giving them out as the kids were leaving. It was obvious what she was doing. One bag was made by the facility and was overflowing. She was making these additional little skimpy plastic bags on the fly and giving them out when she noted who was coming up to her.

Petty.

That is so tacky and so MEAN! Can you imagine if the kids noticed! You meet all kinds.

I've never heard of NOT taking note of who brought what. How would you do thank you notes if you didn't know that information? I agree this whole thing is rude beyond belief, but the rudest thing they could possibly do IMO is have a gift free for all where everyone opens whatever and no one gets thanked appropriately.

I took JessicaR's post as she noted the commentary from the parents on the note taking. Keeping score so to speak. That is not a common occurrence. That's what was sad to me. Not taking lists for thank you purposes.

Exactly what I meant. I doubt the note takers were worrying about their thank you responses when they were jotting down who gave what.

yeah, i don't see these 2 as the type to be keeping track for thank you notes....they're too tacky for that!!! definitely keeping score

I think so also.