Weird wedding celebration

[focusondisney]

Well my word is not weird, it is worse.

People are not your guests when you expect them to work for you & provide for you to celebrate.

I actually love more casual events. Two of the favourite weddings over the years were just that.
So much fun. And memorable.

But I am all for a judging session when you don't respect your guests.

Right! It’s one thing if your friends know you’re having a casual affair & making your own food & they offer to bring something. It’s totally another to invite people & say “if you’re coming, here’s what you have to bring”. I’d feel like you don’t really want me there. Just my macaroni salad.

 

[ncc1701]

Personally as a guest I would be scared to eat anything for fear of food poisoning. Our family parties are a sort of semi-potluck regarding sides and desserts but there is a refrigerator , etc. to keep thing at a safe temperature. For 100 people in a field no way. Perhaps if it was inside at a hall (firehouse , church or community center) with a kitchen OK
Regarding plates, glassware and silverware , there is a lot of stuff you can buy that is "washable" but can also be disposable ( plastic plates and glasses) . I would just buy that , put in a bag after then throw it out at the first opportunity. Really excepting people to take dirty plates home is unreal IMHO.

 

[BayouQueen]

Maybe the bride was bummed out that she didn't get a shower. Aren't those the events where the guests do all the work and bring gifts, too?

I guess all possible wedding festivities are being smooshed into this big event. I'd give it a hard pass. But only because I'm lazy.

 

[Marionnette]

Maybe the bride was bummed out that she didn't get a shower. Aren't those the events where the guests do all the work and bring gifts, too?

I guess all possible wedding festivities are being smooshed into this big event. I'd give it a hard pass. But only because I'm lazy.

Traditionally, the shower is hosted by the bridesmaids (although the MOB and MOG often help). Guests usually do not do all of the work.

 

[LYSE]

No thanks, I'lld send a card but why kill the tree.

 

[mom2rtk]

I still can't get over

Really excepting people to take dirty plates home is unreal IMHO.

It really is something. I hope they aren’t too shocked when they find out a bunch of people are too busy to attend.

 

[mjkacmom]

Maybe the bride was bummed out that she didn't get a shower. Aren't those the events where the guests do all the work and bring gifts, too?

I guess all possible wedding festivities are being smooshed into this big event. I'd give it a hard pass. But only because I'm lazy.

No, guests just show up with gifts, the hosts pay for the event and do the work.

 

[Micca]

Singalong: It’s a nice day for a weird wedding…

 

[leeniewdw]

No way! Hosting guests at a wedding is the job of the bride/groom and families. If they want to have a picnic type wedding that's fine, but they do the work or hire someone to do it. I know not everyone can afford a wedding, however that is just in poor taste.

This isn't a wedding. It's a party. Is it different? Sure. Does anyone have to go or even have to camp? Nope. We've been invited to Birthday gatherings for people hitting 'special' ages. We normally bring a dish, at least some BYOB, and sometimes a gift. We don't have to any of those things or even go. Depends on how you feel about the person and the party.

I found the extravagance of my son's recent wedding wasteful and excessive. I just don't see the point of spending 80K for a single party so I think the wedding in question isn't that bad.

I wouldn't be interested in attending the camping portion or decorating, but I'd be up for bringing my own dishes and food.

I agree. My older son had a really lovely wedding but I hate to think how much it cost. My DIL is an only daughter of successful parents and the couple is very successful, so who am I to judge. We hosted the rehearsal dinner, brunch for the bride/bridesmaids and breakfast for the groom/groomsman as well as some transportation and a grooms/groomsman outing (the rehearsal was on a Friday morning because the venue had an evening wedding, so we paid for the activities for the rest of the day essentially). It was a lot of money, imo, but nothing compared to the wedding.

My younger son is in a committed relationship that will likely turn to marriage in a few years. His gf has spent SO MUCH MONEY in the last few years attending out of state and out of COUNTRY bachelorette weekends for a number of her friends and out of state weddings (they head to one on Nantucket tomorrow!). I'm dumbfounded how people expect other people to spend so much money to be in their weddings. Recently they had a double header of "showers" where they were both attending. I have no idea what their celebration will look like, but I suspect it'll be more of the same (turnabout is fair play I guess), but they are really weary about all of this stuff.

Can you imagine "having" to go to Costa Rica, Puerto Rico, Ft Lauderdale, Napa for bachelorette weekends??? She was able to bow out of one of those because of a job change and they missed a Key West Wedding because they had COVID.

Oh -- we head to a wedding over Labor Day Weekend. We are friends of the bride's parents (but given how far apart we live, we don't really know the bride herself). We've been invited to the rehearsal dinner (which okay, maybe nice because we're traveling, but the "welcome party" following the dinner would have been fine). We got an invite to select if we wanted FILET MIGNON or Salmon for....the rehearsal dinner! I just can't imagine the costs involved here. Rehearsal and Welcome party at a Museum of Fine Art and Wedding at gigantic Country Club.

 

[HopperFan]

This isn't a wedding. It's a party. Is it different? Sure. Does anyone have to go or even have to camp? Nope. We've been invited to Birthday gatherings for people hitting 'special' ages. We normally bring a dish, at least some BYOB, and sometimes a gift. We don't have to any of those things or even go. Depends on how you feel about the person and the party.

OP is calling it a wedding, and sounds like her DD is as well.

There is a set day specific for the wedding celebration, there are bouquets, there is wedding cake, there is a wedding website ... all sounds like a wedding to me.

If it were just a celebration camping vacation I don't think there would be all the parameters and rules that are in play. This doesn't sound like a camping party, this sounds like, as OP says, a weird wedding.

 

[leeniewdw]

..OP is calling it a wedding, and sounds like her DD is as well.

There is a set day specific for the wedding celebration, there are bouquets, there is wedding cake, there is a wedding website ... all sounds like a wedding to me.

If it were just a celebration camping vacation I don't think there would be all the parameters and rules that are in play. This doesn't sound like a camping party, this sounds like, as OP says, a weird wedding.

You're right. There is a lot of "Wedding" in that first post! It's unusual for sure, but no one is required to attend. I've read the posts in this thread, but was there confirmation that guests were asked to bring gifts. Or more specifically, did the couple express their desire that NO ONE bring gifts! That would seem appropriate in this case.

 

[barkley]

Traditionally, the shower is hosted by the bridesmaids (although the MOB and MOG often help). Guests usually do not do all of the work.

i'm guessing you've not had the 'privilege' of attending a shower wherein one of the activities is to address the envelopes for the invitations to the wedding (the 'save the dates' were already done by the bridesmaids months ago) along with the envelope your own thank you note will be sent in.

been invited to a couple of those-including one where the shower invite included a printed copy of the wedding registry which had an item highlighted on it with the sentence 'you will bring this gift' written in bold print. yeah, did'nt choose to attend that one.

 

[leeniewdw]

It's just an immense list of "things" to be done now. Engagement parties, showers, bachelorette/bachelor trips, welcome parties, rehearsal dinners, wedding, brunch -- the MONEY!

been invited to a couple of those-including one where the shower invite included a printed copy of the wedding registry which had an item highlighted on it with the sentence 'you will bring this gift' written in bold print. yeah, did'nt choose to attend that one.

Insanity!

Here's a question. Obviously, newlyweds always enjoy receiving cash for their wedding gifts (that's what we do). How do you feel about their "registries" saying things like "we're moving to Utah after the wedding, help us buy our season ski passes!". I mean, money is money but I was taken aback by that!

 

[TwoMisfits]

It's just an immense list of "things" to be done now. Engagement parties, showers, bachelorette/bachelor trips, welcome parties, rehearsal dinners, wedding, brunch -- the MONEY!



Insanity!

Here's a question. Obviously, newlyweds always enjoy receiving cash for their wedding gifts (that's what we do). How do you feel about their "registries" saying things like "we're moving to Utah after the wedding, help us buy our season ski passes!". I mean, money is money but I was taken aback by that!

I'm totally fine with that. I had a registry, but I was making a military move after my wedding, so my mom told folks who specifically called and asked what I "really wanted" that cash, check, or money order would be awesome b/c my spouse had acres of college debt and I was gonna have a 2LT salary (with his salary actually less). And letting the Air Force move a bunch of nice new stuff would be a recipe for disaster.

That said, a few folks did buy nice stuff for the wedding - and it was a small enough amount I put it in my car and drove it 500 miles in my move.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

How do you feel about their "registries" saying things like "we're moving to Utah after the wedding, help us buy our season ski passes!". I mean, money is money but I was taken aback by that!

For the example you gave fine by me. They aren't under an obligation to tell anyone what they do with the cash but in that example sounds like they are sharing what the next adventure in their life brings so I doubt it was intended to be a grabby thing.

For weddings if you're going to give cash you sorta have to relinquish the complete judgement on what they spend it on.

 

[dizneegirl]

Oh yay, another thread saying if people don’t do things my way, it’s weird.

I don't think that's the case here. It's a pretty weird/strange/different way to have/host a wedding...

 

[Sinder]

Here's a question. Obviously, newlyweds always enjoy receiving cash for their wedding gifts (that's what we do). How do you feel about their "registries" saying things like "we're moving to Utah after the wedding, help us buy our season ski passes!". I mean, money is money but I was taken aback by that!

I normally give cash as a wedding gift so I don't care how the couple spends it. If they want to let everyone know what they are using it for I don't have an issue with that.
I think when couples marry later or they live together first it's always hard to come up with things to register for that they won't be judged for. Why do they need this- don't they already have that stuff, or why do they household stuff if they live together etc. Letting people know they are hoping to get something they can enjoy as a couple, like ski passes IMO is no different than asking for a set of wine glasses or dishes that they would both use.

 

[leeniewdw]

For the example you gave fine by me. They aren't under an obligation to tell anyone what they do with the cash but in that example sounds like they are sharing what the next adventure in their life brings so I doubt it was intended to be a grabby thing.

For weddings if you're going to give cash you sorta have to relinquish the complete judgement on what they spend it on.

Oh, I think cash is the best way and it's what we ALWAYS give these days. I just thought it was unusual to spell out one of the options (there were multiple "cash" options with more traditional things). I guess it was the first time I saw something that wasn't either wedding/honeymoon/home establishing on a registry.

Again -- I realize they could take the cash and head to Vegas for all I know, I realize that.

I normally give cash as a wedding gift so I don't care how the couple spends it. If they want to let everyone know what they are using it for I don't have an issue with that.
I think when couples marry later or they live together first it's always hard to come up with things to register for that they won't be judged for. Why do they need this- don't they already have that stuff, or why do they household stuff if they live together etc. Letting people know they are hoping to get something they can enjoy as a couple, like ski passes IMO is no different than asking for a set of wine glasses or dishes that they would both use.

I guess I get it. It was just the first time I saw it spelled out that someone wanted something other than home items (or upgraded home items) or savings for a house down payment or honeymoon (which also kinda was odd the first time I saw it).

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Oh, I think cash is the best way and it's what we ALWAYS give these days. I just thought it was unusual to spell out one of the options (there were multiple "cash" options with more traditional things). I guess it was the first time I saw something that wasn't either wedding/honeymoon/home establishing on a registry.

Again -- I realize they could take the cash and head to Vegas for all I know, I realize that.



I guess I get it. It was just the first time I saw it spelled out that someone wanted something other than home items (or upgraded home items) or savings for a house down payment or honeymoon (which also kinda was odd the first time I saw it).

In some ways I'd say that's refreshing, perhaps reflecting a shift in what couples view as must haves although I can understand how it conflicts how we normally assuming someone is using wedding gifts (be it physical or cash) for.

 

[leeniewdw]

In some ways I'd say that's refreshing, perhaps reflecting a shift in what couples view as must haves although I can understand how it conflicts how we normally assuming someone is using wedding gifts (be it physical or cash) for.

That's a good way to look at it. They did have what I'd consider a modest wedding, thought it was lovely, food was great, DJ was fun -- it was just simple in a fun place (a brewery in an old historic building that had like 3 floors devoted to event spaces). I'm sure it wasn't "cheap" but at the same time a fraction of what some weddings are. So your thoughts make perfect sense.