Weird wedding celebration

[leebee]

I don't think everyone will be camping, but the option is there for those who can't find/afford a hotel. TBH we rented a cottage in the area for the last week of July and first week of August. I tried to find a hotel for DD/SIL to come down for the middle weekend and the cheapest I could find was the Microtel at $285 a night, two night minimum, so I guess the opportunity to camp out is good, if you are good with it. I also suspect that the Wednesday and Thursday festivities are more for friends who live in the area, but everyone is welcomed to join in. I just... I guess what I can't get around is the "help us set up tents and tables, and bring your own place settings but no disposables allowed" part. That's what's really doing me in, hahaha!

BY THE WAY.. My trip ticker is wrong, it's not counting down. DD and I leave for WDW in 9 days!!! POFQ, 3 day park hoppers, F&W, here we come!

 

[barkley]

Perhaps they really don’t want many people there. Just their mailed-in gifts.

in the case of the similar wedding i just posted of-apparently there were not mailed in gifts to the level one set of parents felt was appropriate so about a month after the wedding people started getting phone calls from that dad saying 'hey, how are you doing? great, any plans for the weekend? no-AWESOME b/c we are having a bbq-can you make it?' when the person replied 'sure' the dad would immediately say 'wonderful-x and y (newlyweds) will be there so you can bring your wedding gift since you couldn't make it to the wedding' . these were people that socialized with allot of people who all knew each other so after about the dozenth call people who had already been called started calling others so word spread and people were caller id'ing and avoiding the dad's calls like the plague (they had no issue with the newlyweds but many had already been down the road of gifting for their engagement party, bridal shower and other events so they were OVER it).

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

Woodstock wedding?

Are they going to charge $9 for a bottle of water, and have leaking port-a-potties, like the '99 fest???

 

[HopperFan]

in the case of the similar wedding i just posted of-apparently there were not mailed in gifts to the level one set of parents felt was appropriate so about a month after the wedding people started getting phone calls from that dad saying 'hey, how are you doing? great, any plans for the weekend? no-AWESOME b/c we are having a bbq-can you make it?' when the person replied 'sure' the dad would immediately say 'wonderful-x and y (newlyweds) will be there so you can bring your wedding gift since you couldn't make it to the wedding' . these were people that socialized with allot of people who all knew each other so after about the dozenth call people who had already been called started calling others so word spread and people were caller id'ing and avoiding the dad's calls like the plague (they had no issue with the newlyweds but many had already been down the road of gifting for their engagement party, bridal shower and other events so they were OVER it).

WOW, like WOW!

No one invited to a wedding HAS to bring a gift, you are supposedly invited to share in their special day because you are special to them. And if you didn't attend you def don't need to do anything at all. A Bride & Groom get ONE gift from us. Not in to the whole gift grab grift.

If I were caught in that scenario I would wait until the last minute then let them know something came up and we can't make it. He'll then have leftover BBQ to chew on for awhile.

And to avoid being hounded for a gift I don't owe anyone, that family would be removed from my social list. Life is too short to be in the company of people like that. (and that goes for family too)

 

[focusondisney]

My sister & BIL had a picnic, shorts & tee shirts type wedding in a building at a county park. But, unlike this couple, they actually “hosted” their guests. They met at a professional sports game. The wedding was centered around the team & they had TVs to watch that day‘s game later in the afternoon. They had a catered buffet, provided all beverages, snacks & brought their own cake. They also had all eating utensils & yes, paper products. Our siblings helped with set up & clean up. But that was something we would do… it wasn’t expected or asked of other invited guests. Just a one day event, no camping or overnight hotel stays involved. It was a great wedding & fit them perfectly.

A camping trip with bring your own everything plus a dish to pass & work for us while you’re here would be a hard no for me. Basically you’re not a guest at their do over wedding. They’re just letting you have a weekend camping trip (with specific restrictions) on their land in exchange or doing work for them & providing food for their other “guests”.

 

[focusondisney]

I guess the landowners are lending out their land but who is providing showers and toilets for 100 people for 4 days???

I can only imagine….. no showers & probably port a potties.

 

[RedAngie]

Are they going to charge $9 for a bottle of water, and have leaking port-a-potties, like the '99 fest???

Or they can just do like some wedding that was discussed here some years back.

Buckets for toilets.

BYOB. (Bucket)

 

[AndreaDM]

Or they can just do like some wedding that was discussed here some years back.

Buckets for toilets.

BYOB. (Bucket)

That popped into my mind too, I believe the port-a-potties were assembled with pvc pipe, shower curtains, and home depot buckets. I would just wear a depends and call it a day.

 

[RedAngie]

They’re just letting you have a weekend camping trip (with specific restrictions) on their land in exchange or doing work for them & providing food for their other “guests”.

Sounds like some of the Air B&B’s I’ve read about.

The hosts give you a list of chores you must do, and charge you for the privilege of doing them.

Plus there is a $200 “cleaning fee” after you have to leave the place Shiny and Sparkling.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Basically you’re not a guest at their do over wedding.

I think this is more or less the issue.

To me it sounds more like a get together to celebrate the wedding not a do over wedding not a grandeur wedding that was a replacement for the small one they had as a result of the pandemic, but really just a celebration and well there's going to be an invite regardless you would think so is it truly a wedding invite or a "celebrate our marriage" invite.

IDK if gifts are being expected or not but during the pandemic a lot of people were like "just get married and do a celebration afterwards" but now that people have been doing that there's still all sorts of "but that's not the way you should be doing it". I distinctly remember a lot of talk about informal celebrations after the fact and just having the ability to see people and back then people were just grateful to see their friends and family members..I suppose that time has passed . I remember I would have done anything (within health precaution-wise) during the height of the pandemic just to see loved ones. I went 1 1/2 years without seeing my family save my mom, if they wanted us to bring a bunch of stuff for a get together works for me. If when we celebrated finally my aunt's 70th birthday and we had a get together if they wanted us to bring stuff that's fine.

I don't know this couple whatsoever but just reading what the OP says this sounds more like a "you have to know the couple" to understand it. To many here this sounds like an imposition. The OP's daughter would know more, if it's truly considered a do-over wedding or just a means to get together but it doesn't sound like the OP's daughter has issues with it.

 

[elaine amj]

Bring your own plates is what is throwing me off lol. I guess I get the idea - but what would I do with a set of dirty plates and utensils?

Around here, Jack and Jill’s are a thing. Basically a pre-wedding event to raise funds to pay for the wedding. You buy tickets to attend, there are raffles, pay to play games, and all your fundraising classics. Really threw me off for a long time. I’ve been invited to a couple of them but haven’t attended. I don’t remember anymore but looking back, I really hope I gave my niece something for her Jack & Jill even though we couldn’t attend. I did give her a decent sized cash gift at her wedding so maybe I should stop feeling guilty? Lol.

In my family, all cash gifts are used to pay for the wedding costs. So at my wedding, the parents kept all the cash gifts to pay for the dinner,etc. A big chunk of the wedding costs were covered this way.

 

[RedAngie]

Well, at least they don’t expect you to “cover your plate,” just bring your own.

 

[Genie+]

If someone goes on Wednesday, but has to bring food for Saturday... from a campsite... how does that work? How will it be heated, or would you prepare it Saturday morning over a fire?
I want the post-game report, too.

This is what I was wondering. Overall I’m not opposed to the invitation. We could decide whether or not to go, whether or not to gift the couple, and how much depending on our relationship. Not sure I’d want to risk eating at that pot luck though

 

[tzolkin]

It's definitely weird from a traditional wedding standpoint, but I have become less of a fan of the traditional wedding as I have gotten older. I would be happy if my kids decide to just do something fun and less formal.

I see the event OP described as more of a fun get together to celebrate rather than a usual wedding. Camping and potluck are definitely not everyone's cup of tea, but if that's something that's fun and normal for the couple and their close friends/family then I don't see anything wrong with it. Even the bring your own reusable dishes doesn't seem that odd depending on their circle.

My wedding was a multi-day event with a formal evening reception, formal brunch, etc. But the most fun part was the informal barbecue we had at my parents' farm with fireworks and music and everyone relaxing and having a good time. If we had to do it over, my husband and I would have been perfectly satisfied with just that for our celebration. The rest was really just an unnecessary extravagance because it was expected by my family. It was nice, but it didn't suit either of our personalities and the money could have been spent in a more practical way.

Bring your own plates is what is throwing me off lol. I guess I get the idea - but what would I do with a set of dirty plates and utensils?

I was assuming that since it's at someone's home they would likely have the kitchen open for you to wash your things before you leave. That said, we have been to picnics and gatherings with a more "hippie" crowd where reusable was the norm. People had a picnic basket or a reusable bag that they used to transport their dishes/utensils/etc in.

Sounds like some of the Air B&B’s I’ve read about.

The hosts give you a list of chores you must do, and charge you for the privilege of doing them.

Plus there is a $200 “cleaning fee” after you have to leave the place Shiny and Sparkling.

I keep reading articles like this online, but I have never actually stayed anywhere that asked you to do anything other than maybe running the dishwasher before you left. I have an AirBnB and we do charge a cleaning fee ($75), but I don't expect the guests to do anything. Quite a few will do things like strip the beds (maybe because they stayed somewhere else that required it), but I actually find it annoying and causes more work than if they would have just left it.

 

[Disneybuckeye]

We went to a wedding on a farm about 10 years ago. It was the place where the couple met, so was special to them. Someone advised me the facilities might not be the best from a similar wedding they had attended in the past. DH and I stopped in the nearest town on the way in just in case. It was a 2 1/2 hour drive for us. No overnight. Bride's parents went to college with my husband and we are good friends with the whole family.

It was 95 degrees. The wedding was on top of the hill in full sun. There was a ten and 6 chairs for the grandparents only. At least the attire was casual. During the brief 10 minute ceremony a cicada flew down the front of my halter top. Reached down, pulled it out, and it was all I could do to refrain from screaming. The bride's mom (who was not thrilled with the whole wedding concept anyway) gave me huge props for handling it so well.

Food was provided, burgers and dogs prepared by friends of her parents. It was in a covered shelter with plastic cloths on the tables, but the seats were pretty filthy. I had on a white shirt so sat on napkins.

There were only port-o-lets with sisters and brothers on the doors. I drank and ate minimally. Good thing as they ran out of adult beverages and water pretty quickly.

We also helped clean up soon after as there was no dancing.

We left as soon as we could and stopped on the way home to have a nice meal in the air conditioning with real facilities.

The concept was good, but it was a pretty miserable experience.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I keep reading articles like this online, but I have never actually stayed anywhere that asked you to do anything other than maybe running the dishwasher before you left. I have an AirBnB and we do charge a cleaning fee ($75), but I don't expect the guests to do anything. Quite a few will do things like strip the beds (maybe because they stayed somewhere else that required it), but I actually find it annoying and causes more work than if they would have just left it.

Generally it's take out the trash and start the dishwasher if you used dishes. The airbnb we stayed at several weeks ago was like that.

But we've also had one that was start the towels in addition to the stuff above (that was in the Lake of the Ozarks). In the Hawaii one it was put things back the way they were mostly meaning the murphy bed and furniture in that "room" (the area had a sliding partition for separation) back as well as dishes if used them but we did ask about leftover stuff in the fridge by means of messaging the owner and she was fine with us leaving that for the cleaning crew as well as our towels we used (there was no washer and dryer in the unit). We did sweep the place because while the cleaning fee would take care of some stuff sand was pretty prevalent. The owner of course in a beach condo would expect sand but we wanted to make it less so.

I do think there are varying levels where there are airbnb, vrbo, flip key, etc places where it feel less like you're paying for a cleaning fee and more like you're cleaning the place yourself. It's an issue that has more or less just gotten worse as these alternatives to hotels have become more and more prevalent. It didn't used to be that airbnb was about to do lists and more like someone hosting people (bed n breakfast style) and sorta morphed into something else.

 

[MICKIMINI]

No way! Hosting guests at a wedding is the job of the bride/groom and families. If they want to have a picnic type wedding that's fine, but they do the work or hire someone to do it. I know not everyone can afford a wedding, however that is just in poor taste.

 

[Praying Colonel]

Unless it was immediate family or a best friend, I think I'd be washing my hair all week and unable to attend.

 

[tasha99]

No way! Hosting guests at a wedding is the job of the bride/groom and families. If they want to have a picnic type wedding that's fine, but they do the work or hire someone to do it. I know not everyone can afford a wedding, however that is just in poor taste.

Agreed. I got married 5 years ago, and we did a lot of what these people are asking guests to do. Guests shouldn't be making bouquets, but it would be easy enough for the bridal party to. My MoH and I made up all the bouquets and floral arrangements the day before and saved a fortune. Same with the food. We made the food ourselves and chose a menu that would make that easy (roast beef--ours wasn't a fancy wedding and no vegetarians in the family. Your choice was roast beef or roast beef, along with a variety of sides that didn't need to be piping hot.) I get not wanting to spend too much money on a wedding, but having guests camp and do all the work is not the way.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

I’d pass on that in a heartbeat. I’d mail a card with a check in it and that would be it.